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new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:06:55 AM

pvdsub

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

Hi,
I'm new to all this and want to be good at it. Any advice on how to serve my dom? It's a new relationship, and he's experienced with this and I'm not.
I've been wondering, in particular, how to tell if he wants me to put up a little bit of a fight, or give in and be obedient right off the bat? Any advice?
I just want to be able to please him because he pleases me so much...

Also, I don't know why when I post this it says I'm vanilla? (the ice cream cone on the left) - I'm not!!

< Message edited by pvdsub -- 7/12/2008 7:08:22 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:08:45 AM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

Ohhhh trust me. He will tell you. Have fun.

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 2

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:09:52 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

That's pretty much what I was thinking...he'll tell you.

(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 3

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:13:26 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

Since nobody here is your dom, nobody here is likely to know the best ways to serve him. The only one who would know the correct answers to your questions about how to serve him is him. Ask him.

Every BDSM person and relationship is unique. Communication is essential.

Now, for the question I CAN answer. It says you're vanilla because this was your first post. It will keep saying that until you've made 25 posts, then it will change to something else.

Welcome to the boards.

< Message edited by HarryVanWinkle -- 7/12/2008 7:34:00 AM >

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 4

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:16:55 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Since your Master is expereinced, simply ask him what he would like and how you can best please him. He wil understand that you have not done this yet ad you need to learn. ASking us, wont help you. What I want from the 2 boys I have isnt the same, and they are both with me. Expecting an outside to know what I might want would be asking for failure. Ther is only one person who can really answer your question for you, and that is your new Master.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 5

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:19:22 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Don't put up a fight. That's phoney, and most doms want to go bullshit-free. You're getting into this relationship because you need to be submissive--so what would be the point of fighting it?

Good luck.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvdsub

I've been wondering, in particular, how to tell if he wants me to put up a little bit of a fight, or give in and be obedient right off the bat? Any advice?

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 6

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:20:23 AM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

The ice cream cone goes away the more you post. I became corrupted today, yayayaya me

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvdsub

Hi,
I'm new to all this and want to be good at it. Any advice on how to serve my dom? It's a new relationship, and he's experienced with this and I'm not.
I've been wondering, in particular, how to tell if he wants me to put up a little bit of a fight, or give in and be obedient right off the bat? Any advice?
I just want to be able to please him because he pleases me so much...

Also, I don't know why when I post this it says I'm vanilla? (the ice cream cone on the left) - I'm not!!

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 7

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:21:19 AM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

I was born corrupted.

(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 8

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:26:40 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Congratulations on your official corruption, Aynne. How do you plan to celebrate?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 9

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:31:30 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

send me 3 easy payments of $33/a month and i'll teach you how to be good for your dominant/master.

seriously, none of us can give you advice on being a good submissive ...the only person who can do that is the person you chose as your dominant/master. it would be like asking us how to please him when you're the only person who's in that relationship with him

good luck.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 10

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 8:00:14 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

Ask your Dom specifically about his preferences towards you being a brat. It is a turn on for some because it gives them a chance to discipline the sub, a turn off for others.

It will take a while to get to know each other completely. I've been with my Master for seven months, and yesterday he said something that made me cry. When he asked me why I was crying it turns out that he never meant it the way I took it at all. I thought I was in trouble for something, and he was simply making a playful statement. It is a learning process, and will take patience. Keep in mind that no matter how talented he is as a Dom he cannot read your mind.

_____________________________

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 8:02:25 AM

pvdsub

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for the replies - I appreciate them!
I will ask him when I see him next. I'm just in the midst of some retroactive performance anxiety, I guess. I'm not used to this - I'm usually very confident about sex and at least as experienced as the people I'm involved with, so I don't worry. He just seems to know exactly what I want, need, and can take, and I wish I could just know too...

We've only played once, but I already feel like I'm hooked. Subspace is a like a drug...

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 12

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 8:52:45 AM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

I was not sure DarkSteven. Have you any ideas? I was thinking something along the lines of American Psycho meets The Devil in Miss Jones. What say you?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Congratulations on your official corruption, Aynne. How do you plan to celebrate?

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 8:52:52 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

http://www.whitelotuseast.com/LingamMassage.htm

Just sayin....

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 14

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 8:56:54 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

As I'm sure others have told you, the ice cream come icon will change when you post more.

As for pleasing your dominant, just try and stay attuned to his reactions and follow his lead; there's no substitute for knowing what pleases him in particular.

Best wishes.

candystripper

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 15

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 9:19:44 AM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

Particularly with regard to putting up a fight, resisting...

While the advice to ask your Dom is certainly good, and should absolutely be followed, if you don't feel like fighting - don't. You're not going to be happy if your inherent nature is to submit, without fight or question, and you're constantly putting on an act because you think he likes to fight. There is the ability to be a spirited, fun-loving person without fighting him on things, so if you don't feel rebellious, don't try to pretend you do.

Communication and honesty are really important, particularly in this stage of trust building. And you don't want to create a facade now just to please him, and find out a year from now it's expected, and also completely against who you are on the inside.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 16

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 9:25:09 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Having been through what you are experiencing - i think some of the fun with bdsm is the feeling of insecurity that you are experiencing. As long as it doesn't last too long - hehe. As a sub/slave, i don't think it is my place to try and anticipate my Sir. He tells me what he wants - and i don't try to read minds. There are things that i can do - such as - he always wants coffee in the morning, so i can set it up so when he wants it, the coffee pot is ready to turn on - but as far as fighting because he might want me to - no. Something like that is not who i am, and i would have to consider it acting - and we would need to discuss the scene before starting.

For me, my actions and reactions have to be real - not scripted. I am not acting, i am living my life and real is so much better than play. Be real, and just like the velveteen rabbit, you too, will be loved.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 17

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 9:57:44 AM

pvdsub

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/31/2007
Status: offline

kiwisub,
interesting point about enjoying the insecurity! I've come to be able to appreciate the "dating" part at the beginning of romantic relationships, and all the nervousness of that, whereas I used to just want to hurry up to the serious part.
that really is quite a useful idea - enjoying the sort of... panicky desire that I'm feeling.

Dari,
I like the idea of fighting, just so that I can be overpowered. But he overpowers me anyway... I guess I really am so new that I don't even know if I want to put up a fight or not! I thought i would, but then when I was actually with him, I was in such a different space that I could barely speak, didn't decide to do anything or not, was just reacting...

Ah! So nervous to speak to him. But. I'm going to enjoy the anxiety... just see it as part of the power play and mind fucking...:)

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 18

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 12:39:47 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

My advice to you is just ask him. I know it seems hard but that is the only way you will know for sure. Sometimes when my Master puts in bondage i say Master can i resist? Sometimes he says yes but most time he says no be my good girl. So you will not know unless you ask your Dom Oh and congrats on your new relationship.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to pvdsub)

Post #: 19

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 1:12:15 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I think this relationship is lacking the "informed" part of informed consent.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 20

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