RE: new sub - how to be a good one??

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:05:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Ask him for now. If he occasionally enjoys resistance play, you'll learn the cues in time. But doesn't hurt to ask him to explain them.

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:27:35 PM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good evening!
I can only offer the greatest piece of advice Daddy has given me-"forget what you know and learn what I teach you. Listen to me and no one else. What we do is right for us. " When I started out last year, rules and protocols and "real/true/good slaves/subs ......" really had me confused. I came to Daddy not knowing which way was up or who I was ro what I wanted b/c I was trying to "do it right". Takes lots of time and work to undo that so know what to keep in your head and what to discard.
I am allowed to be a brat but only up to a certain point and with certain things. When Daddy decides to play rough-and we have once- I was allowed to fight back a bit just so i can be overwhelmed and he could be a bit meaner. My safeword was always an option though. Maybe you and your Master will set a scene like that someday ::smiles:: Just make sure you get lots of aftercare.
Love,
Zechriel
-Daddy's baby girl

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 7:51:05 PM

gordie452000

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/2/2008
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It's amazing to me (though not really I guess) that the answers to many of the questions about D/s relationships are the same thing you would get for a vanilla one. I think that tells you all you need to know. This is really no different than communicating in the vanilla world. With a spouse, boy/girlfriend, child, boss, employee, and on and on.

Communication is the key. I think we sometimes get caught up in the differences about this lifestyle to the vanilla world and forget about the similarities.

just sayin'.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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Post #: 23

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/12/2008 9:43:31 PM

theq

Posts: 85
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pvdsub

Hi,
I'm new to all this and want to be good at it. Any advice on how to serve my dom? It's a new relationship, and he's experienced with this and I'm not.
I've been wondering, in particular, how to tell if he wants me to put up a little bit of a fight, or give in and be obedient right off the bat? Any advice?
I just want to be able to please him because he pleases me so much...

Just this morning, waking up in bed, my lass and I were messing around a bit. I told her (as I was on top of her) to resist me. I wanted her to see that she couldn't even if she tried (thus helping her to feel helpess).

Ergo, I'm going to stick with the first poster:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne

Ohhhh trust me. He will tell you. Have fun.

(in reply to pvdsub)

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Post #: 24

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 1:23:57 AM

clzs112

Posts: 13
Joined: 7/13/2008
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haha,u may ask your master about it...:)

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 2:07:27 AM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

greetings to all,

OP, my advice is to, first and foremost, ask your Dom (he is the one you've consented to please, after all).

The skills for being a "good sub" take years to develop, so don't think that you are a "bad sub" for struggling with basics. God knows, I struggled like nothing else when I began my service to my Owner. I still struggle with things occasionally, but no where near the amount I used to.

Realise that you will have up and down days, and that they are all part of the process.

Remember to always communicate with your Dom, even if you've got only "bad" things to say. He won't know where you're at if you don't tell him.

Another thing that I found helped me in the initial slavery journey was my Master's permission to seek a mentee relationship with a Man experienced in the dynamics of service and enslavement. I found one, suggested Him to my Master, and my Master consented to this arrangement straight away after talking with my Mentor (Master said that my Mentor was the only Dom I'd ever met online who wanted to help me and didn't want to cyber sex my brains out in some way).

My Mentor helped me like no one else ever has, to understand myself, how I worked as a slave and how my long term enslavement was likely to feel to me. We had a Mentor/mentee relationship for over a year. He is still very precious to me. I am so very blessed.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I hope it helps!

well wishes,

(in reply to clzs112)

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Post #: 26

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 6:13:30 AM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: XaviersXian

greetings to all,

OP, my advice is to, first and foremost, ask your Dom (he is the one you've consented to please, after all).

The skills for being a "good sub" take years to develop, so don't think that you are a "bad sub" for struggling with basics. God knows, I struggled like nothing else when I began my service to my Owner. I still struggle with things occasionally, but no where near the amount I used to.

Realise that you will have up and down days, and that they are all part of the process.

Remember to always communicate with your Dom, even if you've got only "bad" things to say. He won't know where you're at if you don't tell him.

Another thing that I found helped me in the initial slavery journey was my Master's permission to seek a mentee relationship with a Man experienced in the dynamics of service and enslavement. I found one, suggested Him to my Master, and my Master consented to this arrangement straight away after talking with my Mentor (Master said that my Mentor was the only Dom I'd ever met online who wanted to help me and didn't want to cyber sex my brains out in some way).

My Mentor helped me like no one else ever has, to understand myself, how I worked as a slave and how my long term enslavement was likely to feel to me. We had a Mentor/mentee relationship for over a year. He is still very precious to me. I am so very blessed.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. I hope it helps!

well wishes,

[highlighted for accuracy]

OP: No such creature as a perfect Dom, sub, or postal worker for that matter. Be yourself. Like most here have said, ask and ye shall receive [and receive again later if you're good, in all likelihood]...

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Post #: 27

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 6:42:42 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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What the hell is so wrong with being vanilla?

The only way to know is ask him. We can't tell you what he wants, only he can.

If you were serving my Lord, the answer to how to serve would be "with grace". But that answer may not mean anything in respect to someone else.

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 10:40:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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The other thing about trying to be the perfect sub right away is that you're assuming he wants that and therefore are taking the control of the teaching process away from him. He chose someone with no experience for a reason, it may well be because he very much enjoys the teaching process. If you became perfect you would be depriving him of the fun of the heavy training sessions.

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 5:33:52 PM

KnightofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
If you were serving my Lord, the answer to how to serve would be "with grace".

and don't forget about be naked... like naked.. it gets me all hot and bothered.. yeah naked... serve naked and oh yeah that grace thing too! *G*

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/13/2008 5:54:05 PM

XaviersXian

Posts: 525
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
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greetings to all,

(please forgive the slight hijack here, but...)

Lumus, you are a baad baad man *grins*

well wishes,

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Post #: 31

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/14/2008 7:56:15 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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my 2 bits worth is be honest. ask questions and pay attention to the things he likes, what kind of drink he likes how he likes his drink. etc. it was this kind of things that made the most impression for my M'Lady. it took me some focus to keep my attention on these kind of things. it was very much worth the effort.

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/14/2008 8:15:07 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

and don't forget about be naked... like naked.. it gets me all hot and bothered.. yeah naked... serve naked and oh yeah that grace thing too! *G*

Must be something we D types have in common.

Yeah, naked is good.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/14/2008 8:18:46 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

my 2 bits worth is be honest. ask questions and pay attention to the things he likes, what kind of drink he likes how he likes his drink. etc. it was this kind of things that made the most impression for my M'Lady. it took me some focus to keep my attention on these kind of things. it was very much worth the effort.

What he said, too. Naked really is just a bonus.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 34

RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/14/2008 8:29:53 PM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
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The best advice I can give, as a Dom myself, is, be who you are. You are coming into this because of the desire, and possibly even true need to serve. But that is not entirely who you are, most likely. Most good Doms will be able to see immediately if you're being untrue to yourself, something that you're not. If it is in you to submit in a situation, then you will do so naturally. If it's not, then surely it follows that you will not obey quite so readily in that particular situation. Just be you, and be willing to learn and grow (which it seems like you are), and things should work out well.

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/15/2008 8:31:01 PM

pazyamor

Posts: 29
Joined: 6/17/2008
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let me be the 50th person in this thread to say ASK HIM.

seriously these relationships don't work without honesty and communication. i mean, what other choice do i have but to tell a guy to degrade me and all that fun stuff? Gotta say the hard stuff! (or maybe only hard for me???) talking to dominant people for the first time ever has been an insane experience for me. i'm having to learn to say things i never thought were suppossed to be said! so maybe you think you're not suppossed to ask him what he wants. personally, i think you are.

oh, and yeah, get naked. have a sexy g-string on underneath.
more importantly, let go of your fearrrr!!!! gosh if i wasn't able to let go all of my fears and insecurities about making a dom happy i would go insane!! failure is like hell to me. the thought could make me cry. he doesn't want you to be so insecure!! if he's a good one, at least. just talk to him, let go of your fear, and he will respect you more for your honesty and courage. last thing HAVE FUN

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RE: new sub - how to be a good one?? - 7/16/2008 5:47:24 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
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Take out the papers and the trash
Or you won't get it on the ass
If you don't scrub that kitchen floor
You ain't gonna be a submissive no more
Yakety yak
Just like that

Just finish cleaning up the rooms
You don't see a Master with a broom
Get all that garbage out of sight
Or you ain't gonna be playing tonight
Yakety yak
Just like that

Make sure you know where it's at
When you walk yourself to the Laundromat
And when you've finished doing that
Take your nails and scratch his back
Yakety yak
Just like that

Don't ask others or read books
Your Master's hip he knows what cooks
You tell your other girlfriends outside
This is the way you prefer to ride
Yakety yak
Just like that

apologies to The Coasters

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