How to deal with obnoxious Doms

How to deal with obnoxious Doms (Full Version)

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johntom571 -> How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 11:00:50 AM)
a submissive friend of mine (new to the scene and very much getting her feet wet) has been receiving messages from a few "doms" (I use the term in its widest possible interpretation, including an abbreviation for "dom and dommer"). I advised her to put on her profile that she is under consideration (which she is, by me) as an attempt to somewhat quell the flow of obnoxious semi-literate messages, but to no avail. recently, some of them have queried as to who was considering her, and upon viewing my profile, have volunteered various opinions to the effect that I was "not real", "married", "not a real dom", etc. I cannot possibly envision a genuine dom, well connected with the local community, making this sort of comment, even if they thought it was the case. on the other hand, I can easily see someone lacking in manners or experience in approaching a submissive, but making it up with obnoxious opinions hastily gathered from late night internet sessions, attempting to shoe in on someone else's turf for the thrill of the chase. I could also see some HNG's getting their kicks from messing with an unexperienced sub's brain. I have (hopefully) reassured my confused friend that after meeting and playing as often as we did, she needs not doubt my being "real", and is welcome to formulate her own view from discussion the matter with other subs. yet I wonder: could there be anything about my profile that lends this unfortunate impression? I am considering approaching the "gentlemen" in question, and asking them directly. But would direct confrontation be considered "undomly"? Should a "real" confident Dom be asking himself all these gripping questions? ;) Thoughts and suggestions greatly appreciated. JohnTom

RedMagic1 -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 11:09:23 AM)
Block and delete the jackasses. Your profile looks fine. If you want to attract women with it, though, I'd suggest putting more vanilla first, instead of just kink on top of kink. As a footnote, I -- and I think a lot of guys who are not just wanking -- will not write someone "under consideration" because I think the phrase and idea is lame 99% of the time. If she is actively interested in getting mail from real-time doms, that phrase might be effectively screening them out. The email vultures won't care what she writes. They're going to send their stuff anyway.

candystripper -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 11:09:50 AM)
I enjoyed your profile and thought it was amusing and revealing; I love wit. You certainly seemed real to me; I wouldn't worry about the second hand opinion of anyone else. candystripper

Maya2001 -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 11:10:42 AM)
Believe me it won't make any difference they will just move on to the next sub, they are more into scoring than domming .....best to just block and delete them and forget they existed

califsue -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 12:11:47 PM)
I think your profile is nice and I don't care whether one has written under consideration, owned, don't play or anything else in their profile that indicates they are not interested and have found someone. Some folks are just jerks or looking for wanking material as some call it here. I wouldn't give them the satisfication of who she is under consideration by. Just use the generic 'involved' button and be done. I have D's write to me although my profile clearly states I am owned. A couple times I have responded saying thank you but a couple I have had to block as they would not leave me alone. It isn't relative to BDSM it just the way people at times. Works this way on regular vanilla sites as well.

CalifChick -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 12:45:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: johntom571 I cannot possibly envision a genuine dom, well connected with the local community, making this sort of comment, even if they thought it was the case. A "genuine" dom? What special qualities, exactly, do you attribute to the big 'D' side of the slash? Are they more honest, more trustworthy, more polite, more respectful... than any other person? I think not. Perhaps some of these people are writing her because they believe the phrase "under consideration" means "I don't know if I want her, but until I make up my mind, I've got her locked in so she won't talk to anybody else." Just something to consider. Cali

mbes -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 12:46:09 PM)
If she doesn't yet know that some people will say anything for a shot, it's probably something she should go ahead and learn. Learning to laugh about it as well can lead to a lot of laughter! [:D] You say that she's inexperienced, is she inexperienced at life in general? If not, just tell her that the experience she has in general life will serve her well here. If she is, now's as good a time to get some (experience) as any.

AMaster -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 12:47:00 PM)
There are obnoxious DOM's?????? It can't be.

PanthersMom -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 12:49:25 PM)
1-ignore 2-block 3-delete see, it's simple! PM

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 12:59:28 PM)
Giving responses only encourages further interaction and shows that they have some power or effect over you. Teach her to ignore them and you follow suit.

DarkSteven -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 1:17:06 PM)
If you're willing to ask clueless fake Doms for advice, you have more patience than I do.

Thadius -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 1:23:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven If you're willing to ask clueless fake Doms for advice, you have more patience than I do. I do hope this was stated sarcasticly, even with the hint of underlying truth to it.

subsong -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 1:28:12 PM)
Read your profile - enjoyed it very much . My advice ; stay your course , and worry not about the mindless ones , as they will do what they do regardless of any sane input !

Quivver -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 1:41:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: johntom571 yet I wonder: could there be anything about my profile that lends this unfortunate impression? I am considering approaching the "gentlemen" in question, and asking them directly. But would direct confrontation be considered "undomly"? Should a "real" confident Dom be asking himself all these gripping questions? ;) Thoughts and suggestions greatly appreciated. JohnTom Well JohnTom, I see nothing wrong with your profile although your response to outside influences in reguard to this Sub causes Me consern. These `boys` have you questioning yourself or you wouldnt be here asking Us these questions. I would suggest to stop assuming every other Male (Dom or not) acts or thinks like You do. There are a ton of `boys` out there playing on the net for their entertainment and it seems this Sub has drawn some of them her direction. What I believe I'm reading between the lines here is a hesitancy on the part of this Sub in her trust of You, it's clear that she questions something, possibly only due to the seeds the boys have planted but possibly not. (please understand I am calling them `boys` due to a lack of maturity, not age) IMHO, I think your best bet is communication with this Sub. Find out where her insecurities lie and try to gain her trust to quell the demons that might be eating at her. Forget calling these boys out, it's a waste of time and effort.

KatyLied -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 3:10:41 PM)
Yeah, respond to the other dominants and show them who's in control.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 3:17:00 PM)
The fact of the matter is, if someone is taken they become more attractive. When I collared Fox, he got MORE amil from dominants, not less. It does not serve as a deterent, rther confirmation that the sub in question is worth pursuing at least in someone elses eyes. Rather than concern yourself with those who think you are fake, inform your friend to reply politely "I am sorry you feel that way, but good luck in your search" and then block and ignore the poachers. Angel left becasue of them, and Fox deals with them often. DV

chiaThePet -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 3:17:11 PM)
A poison apple. I learned that from Walt Disney when I was a kid. chia* (the pet)

Nikolette -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 3:31:32 PM)
Rather hasty reply: 1- If she has any pics, take them down. This is one of the best ways to ensure decline of empty-headed mail. (note I say decline, rather then "end abruptly" because some people will just do what they want regardless of reality. I'm an "apple" and all they see is a tasty "orange".) 2- If she is under consideration, why don't you just tell her to respond with a polite "No thank you" and ignore further correspondance with them? Its not a stranger's business who she's being considered by, she doesn't owe them an answer. 3- If she has met you several times and still she is so easily confused about you being real as the result of talking to some random strangers... ... ... ... wow. Aren't you concerned by that? (Btw, I'm just curious, I know this isn't my business, I'm aware you could have whatever reason for over looking this, but.... Its hard for me to relate to and now I'm curious.) What I do: I respond politely to those that have interacted with me respectfully. OR I view the state they are in, take 30 seconds to find a state wide advocate for literacy group and forward them a link to that page with a suggestion that they seek aid and assistance with their literacy issues. (Totally bitchy and such, I know.) I have only received one reply back, thanking me. So for me thats worked wonders.

DarkSteven -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 3:39:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thadius quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven If you're willing to ask clueless fake Doms for advice, you have more patience than I do. I do hope this was stated sarcasticly, even with the hint of underlying truth to it. Thadius, thanks for pointing out my error. I did not intend to refer to the Doms here in the forum. I referred to the idiots who approached his sub. JohnTom specifically mentioned the possibility of asking them in what way he fell short of their standards.

Aileen1968 -> RE: How to deal with obnoxious Doms (7/12/2008 3:40:35 PM)
Two things... 1. Your submissive friend needs to grow up and learn how to deal with anonymous emails on a personals site by hitting the delete button. 2. You should also put on your big boy pants instead of becoming riled by all of the 'bad, fake" doms. And I lied... 3. You taking that weak submissive under your wing like that seems a bit sneaky. edited to add...damn I'm in a pissy mood.

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