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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 3:54:05 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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BTW here are the forum rankings: Forum Rankings

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proudsub

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(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 21

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 4:03:12 PM

Plezurdom1

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

proudsub

She has taken antidepressants ever since we have known each other.

We pruchased this property based on there being two working adults income. The property is a renovated precivil war home with 10 acres. Great place for lifestyle and the plan originally was to convert the 3 car garage to a dungeon. I could manage to make the payments on my own but it would be extremely difficult.

The toy bag has been closed for three years and is covered with dust. Emotionally we both know its over and just don't see a way out.

At this point I am trying to find my way back to the lifestyle as this is where I should be.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 22

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 4:09:39 PM

Plezurdom1

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

proudsub

In regards to your daughters plans. Thats how we began. I was paying 60% and she paid 40% based on income. Utility bills were shared based on number adults we brought to the home. After she realized that when we sold the home we would split the profit weighted in the same manner 60/40 she wanted to change it to 50/50.

This is not something I would do again without a formal written agreement that covers everything.

(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 23

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 4:14:39 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

This is soooooo not a BDSM issue.

(1) See a counselor.
(2) See a lawyer.
(3) DO SOMETHING based on the professional advice you receive.

For me, it would be worth lost equity to get out of a loveless three-year prison sentence. Sounds like a cheap escape. But then, I don't do the stagnation thing.

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(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 24

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 4:31:16 PM

Plezurdom1

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/23/2004
Status: offline

Now that I have given the broad details of my situation, I want know from a submissive/slave perspective if I should move on in finding a submissive/slave to share my life with now or continue to wait until all is settled whcih could take over a year?

(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 25

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 4:42:34 PM

subsong

Posts: 77
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

Sounds like you have a bigger problem than just trying to renew your Domliness , or find another sub . Also sounds like you've been taken big time , and you'll be taken further without some sound legal advice !

(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 26

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 4:44:07 PM

Level

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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1

The change occurred the first night we moved into the new house. That was two years into the relationship and three years ago from today. No pregnancy in fact she moved in with her 3 adult childeren and I have an adult son going to college who lives with us.

Not only did the submissive behavior change. She also went from working as a nurse to pursuing a workmans comp suit and hasn't been employed since. She sleeps till 2PM and spends most days watching reality shows and playing games on the internet.

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(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 27

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 5:14:23 PM

Maya2001

Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline

Has she maintained her 40% of the payment ???.. If not the agreement is invalid ... what percentage did the house value decline since the purchase ???? how much would 50% of the costs amount to if you sold the house.... add those up out plus any outstanding utilities that she agreed to pay and did not and subtract from the total amount she paid into the house.. you may have enough equity in a vehicle or other asset to take a loan against and then pay her out and boot her useless ass to the curb.. maybe you may need to take in a boarder for a while to make ends meet but at least with a boarder you will not have a growing IOU

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RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 5:25:48 PM

naughtysubK

Posts: 62
Joined: 5/2/2004
Status: offline

So have the two of you agreed that the relationship is over? Your original post sounds as if she is still expecting you to marry her.

From a submissive perspective, i would have a hard time getting involved with a Dom with 'she still lives here, but we are no longer involved' sort of baggage. i would advise getting her out of your residence before pursuing any new relationships.

(in reply to Maya2001)

Post #: 29

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 5:38:14 PM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
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You poor man.

candystripper

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Post #: 30

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:22:45 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
Status: offline

Something ain't right in Denmark here. I'd be far less worried with "buying" her out and trying to figure out how I let her get me to this point in the past 3 years. If she's been going downhill since the night you moved in that house, then by the 2nd night I would have been finding out what the hell went wrong. I certainly would be wondering 3 years down the right.

Sounds to me like she's taking you and you're letting her.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 31

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:34:40 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Wait until you have this worked out.

Oh, and she might be interested to know you're posting this stuff to the internet.

You *have* told her it's over, right?

If not, do you really think this is a good time to go to the sub-shop?

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Post #: 32

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:39:03 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1

Now that I have given the broad details of my situation, I want know from a submissive/slave perspective if I should move on in finding a submissive/slave to share my life with now or continue to wait until all is settled whcih could take over a year?

OK, I'm a slave. I am a slave who lost my house and nearly everything I owned in my divorce. I would look at your situation and think your house and money are more important to you than your independence and doing the right thing for yourself. I wouldn't go much further after that.

Contact a lawyer. Get rid of the not-a-sub. Figure out why you have been ok with submitting to a submissive all this time. When you get all that sorted, then you might be ready to pursue another Dom/sub relationship.

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Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 33

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:44:54 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

How old is this woman? Could she be going through menopause?

(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 34

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:46:37 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

She sleeps all day and has no energy. And you haven't gotten her to a doctor for a diagnosis of depression because?
This isn't a d/s thing, she's got problems. Get her help. meds and a group therapy. Then have her get a job. Once she's gainfully employed she might feel better about herself. Certainly she'll be able to support herself and her ums. At which point she moves out and you rent out rooms to pay the mortgage. Or turn half the house into a rental apartment.

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Post #: 35

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:47:49 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Now that I have given the broad details of my situation, I want know from a submissive/slave perspective if I should move on in finding a submissive/slave to share my life with now or continue to wait until all is settled whcih could take over a year?

Are you serious? You have an unstable situation going on and need to find a resolution before you start another relationship.

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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
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(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 36

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:50:12 PM

TheBanshee

Posts: 403
Joined: 7/19/2007
Status: offline

just a wild thought here....

   Did you ever think to ask HER, I mean like she was a person, if something was wrong?

There's more to the story here I'm sure. Why is she on workman's comp?  Is she injured, ill? Are you considerate about play if she
has some limitations?   Where did the idea come from to buy the house in the first place?  Nurse's make a decent wage most places and she likely (especially with adult children) wasn't going to be homeless.

I'm sure you'll have plenty getting on the "she's taking you for a ride" bandwagon -  and maybe she is - but maybe you just really need to talk to her (which may well be far too late if 3 years have passed since things started).

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 37

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:57:01 PM

NeedingMore220

Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Plezurdom1
At this point I am trying to find my way back to the lifestyle as this is where I should be.

At this point, you need to be figuring out a way to straighten out your life so that you have something to offer a submissive if and when you are free from this situation.

(in reply to Plezurdom1)

Post #: 38

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 6:57:35 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
OK, I'm a slave. I am a slave who lost my house and nearly everything I owned in my divorce. I would look at your situation and think your house and money are more important to you than your independence and doing the right thing for yourself. I wouldn't go much further after that.

Contact a lawyer. Get rid of the not-a-sub. Figure out why you have been ok with submitting to a submissive all this time. When you get all that sorted, then you might be ready to pursue another Dom/sub relationship.

I partly agree with ownedgirlie here. I too lost a home and everything. The safety of my children and my own well being was far more important to me, than mere possessions.

However, my one regret in my life (surprisingly) is that I lost my house. It was more than just a house..it was home. It had belonged to my parents and when my father died, I sort of inherited it. More or less. The thing is. Giving it up was like abandoning a part of my history. I can see how hard it would be to just risk it all and walk away (or server the agreement), and respect that it may not be all that easy.

Whether he's just advertising for his next pain slut/submissive/live-in or not, I still think there can't be much equity built up in a home in just a few years, with the real-estate market being what it is currenty. Add that to what seems to be her failure to uphold her end of the verbal contract as well as the other financial and lifestyle commitments she made, and I think he'd be in a good bargaining position. All the leverage being on his side - according to him that is.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 39

RE: Submissives who are not submissive - 7/12/2008 7:02:29 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

quote:

Contact a lawyer. Get rid of the not-a-sub. Figure out why you have been ok with submitting to a submissive all this time. When you get all that sorted, then you might be ready to pursue another Dom/sub relationship.

plezurdom,

read this. then reread it. make it your mantra. this should be your guide to get through this before you do anything else.

i don't know enough about the legal issues involved to advise on that, but speaking from the perspective of a slave who's currently dealing with the marry-or-not issue, if you made it clear from the get go that that wouldn't happen, there's not much else you can do. it concerns me that from your posts it sounds as though she is still under the impression that you're willing to enter into a loveless marriage.

if you do care about her and want to help her with the depression, being on anti-depressants isn't enough. she needs to be thoroughly evaluated, physically and mentally, by a qualified doctor and psychiatrist. but ultimately, if you care about YOU, you need to go through the legal channels to put this to an end - and then do some soul-searching. as others have mentioned, i certainly wouldn't get involved with a dominant who had this kind of baggage, although i know some submissives who have. it's more trouble than it's worth to me. i'd also be concerned because your profile makes it sound as though you are unattached and in a condition to be seeking a submissive. your posts here make it clear that you are neither.

respectfully,
a'ishah.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 7/12/2008 7:03:58 PM >

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(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 40

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