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RCdc -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/14/2008 4:30:35 AM)
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ORIGINAL: SirBitterSweet
Time bandits are mostly harmless, but they steal a valuable commodity - YOUR TIME. This review will explain a little how they operate and how you can stop them in their tracks.
I would disagree that people who steal time are harmless.
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Who is the Time Bandit? These are people who do NOT stand a chance with their 'target' prey in a real, live social situation. They might lack social skills, have an unattractive appearance, disabilities that are mental or physical, fears of intimacy, fears of rejection, they might be hiding a spouse or partner -- I'm sure I've missed a few other types, but you get the general idea. What all Bandits have in common is that they generally lack a real life and/or do not lead a positive/rewarding existancee. They are despondant about their situation and they prefer a fantasy world over their current reality.
I would disagree as all the above will have some attraction to someone. After all, attractiveness is subjective, as is disability. Fears of intimacy isn't purely a time bandit thing.
Fear of rejection can be a terrible disability, but not necessarily meant to cause time wasting. And fantasy worlds can be healthy if properly maintained - you are an obvious example if you believe your fantasies are positive(Ren). It is very simplistic to see anyones fantasy as negative.
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How do they work? Time Bandits use eye-candy photos or well written profiles to attract whom they feel is worthy of their game. Some Time Bandits control with negativity and insult and argue. Some use games of sympathy, so you feel sorry for them, some are super sweet. Time Bandits usually like to find a 'perfect' mark, so it is better that many people compete for their attentions than just a few. After all, this a power game, one about controling another person -- though from a distance. Time Bandits always win the game by keeping the game going. A real life meeting with this person, a live phone chat or verification of their identity means 'game over.'
[font="Times New Roman"]Whilst this is one version, there are those that would do all that and still be a stealer of anothers time. So I would not count on simply these.
How do I bust the Time Bandit 'red' handed? Anyone on this site who does not want to go to phone chat fairly early, is most probably a Time Bandit. Don't get your panties in a bunch over this statement. We're going with the presumption that the Bandit has expressed internest in you, that you are special and so forth. The reality is that a Bandit will run from all attempts to verify them- and phone chat is one of the fastest ways to spot inconsistencies in their game. The easiest way is bust the phyiscal identify of a Time Bandit is to ask the person to "pose" next to your CM photo on their pc screen and take a photo of themselves side by side of the pc screen. This verifies their current appearance and when YOUR photo is in the snapshot, you KNOW it was taken quite recently.
Again, not a bad idea, but no guarentee.
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What excuses does the Time Bandit uses to twart exposure? Unfortunately, most of us are perfect prey to predators because anyone on the internet is instantly redisposed to surrender common sense to be a member of these communities. The key to preventing the abuse is awareness -- to apply common sense. It is common sense that we can talk by phone and hide our identies with caller block, ID block and use calling cards to completely randomize our originating phone numbers. It is common sense that we are on this site to meet people, unless it clearly states we are not, then you must assume that if the person says they are very interested in you - no other behavior is acceptable other than what might happen if you met this person out in public. We all know what the protocols might be when we meet an exciting stranger in public, don't we?
Not everyone works to the same protocols, again subjective. But it's a starting point.
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What other busting tools are at my disposal? When communicating with members on this site, ask as many personal questions as humanly possible. Record and save the answers, go back re-read the emails and conversations. Look for clues like inconsistencies and excuses. More importantly, if this person frustrates you early onward, it will surely be worse later on. And finally, remember that Doms and submissives use desire to control. You should always know WHO you allow to exert that power of you.
It is very important when you do this to notify the applicant/person that this is your intention.
Apart from copyright issues, it should be made very clear your intentions on what you will do with anothers words from the start. If you do not, then that would be incredibly presuming and an invasion of the right to privacy.
Whilst the concept you are providing is pretty basic and standard, it should not be totally relied on. It's an ok starting point but that is assuming people see it as a starting point and not as a be and end all.
the.dark.
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