RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM

RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (Full Version)

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anguisette22 -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 7:59:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I TRULY don't think that the OP made such bad recommendations. Perhaps the title was a poor choice? Perhaps some were already upset about other things, but...I do think this was a good post, and hopefully it will help others. P.S. I think I may be a member of the top five of the reserve groups mentioned in your profile. I'm not sure there is any hope for me... It bothered me because I think he's encouraging Doms to be much more aggressive than need be, and generalizing people on the site. If Doms actually follow his advice, I'm going to get even more messages demanding that I give a phone number before someone will have an actual conversation with me. I don't want to give someone my number until I want to, and that's my choice; I don't appreciate him saying that that makes me not worth their time. My first reply to the OP was polite; his response was very rude. How am I supposed to give credence to someone like that?

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:07:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I TRULY don't think that the OP made such bad recommendations. Perhaps the title was a poor choice? Perhaps some were already upset about other things, but...I do think this was a good post, and hopefully it will help others. P.S. I think I may be a member of the top five of the reserve groups mentioned in your profile. I'm not sure there is any hope for me... On the surface, I think most have posted their support elsewhere of the - meet as quickly as possible - concept. I didn't poll them, but the overwhelming majority seem to agree that talking on the phone and/or meeting sooner rather than later is a better method of getting to know people than prolonging online discourse. As I'm as interested in making friends - online and off - as I am in finding a Dominant partner in my life, I don't really cater to the either or scenario. It just doesn't fit for me...however, I am re-evaluating my approach and agree that I need to be a bit more pro-active! That said, talking with a friend of mine, Saturday, she pointed out that my approach was actually rather vanilla and old fashioned because I told her I never approach Dominants, assuming if they had an interest they would approach me. She went on to point out that most who approach me, are probably not those I'd really be interested in because Dominant men don't need to chase after submissives. It is our job to chase after them. Since I'm re-evaluating my whole paradigm, I figured I'd look into this one as well.

xxblushesxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:13:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anguisette22 quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I TRULY don't think that the OP made such bad recommendations. Perhaps the title was a poor choice? Perhaps some were already upset about other things, but...I do think this was a good post, and hopefully it will help others. P.S. I think I may be a member of the top five of the reserve groups mentioned in your profile. I'm not sure there is any hope for me... It bothered me because I think he's encouraging Doms to be much more aggressive than need be, and generalizing people on the site. If Doms actually follow his advice, I'm going to get even more messages demanding that I give a phone number before someone will have an actual conversation with me. I don't want to give someone my number until I want to, and that's my choice; I don't appreciate him saying that that makes me not worth their time. My first reply to the OP was polite; his response was very rude. How am I supposed to give credence to someone like that? Ah...I see. I didn't give people my numbers until I wanted to, although I did talk to them. I called them and blocked my number. If I had been very paranoid (in which case I wouldn't have called) I would have bought a throw away phone and called them from that. I didn't specifically notice your first response, nor his answer, but I will look and see what I gather from it.

xxblushesxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:17:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I TRULY don't think that the OP made such bad recommendations. Perhaps the title was a poor choice? Perhaps some were already upset about other things, but...I do think this was a good post, and hopefully it will help others. P.S. I think I may be a member of the top five of the reserve groups mentioned in your profile. I'm not sure there is any hope for me... On the surface, I think most have posted their support elsewhere of the - meet as quickly as possible - concept. I didn't poll them, but the overwhelming majority seem to agree that talking on the phone and/or meeting sooner rather than later is a better method of getting to know people than prolonging online discourse. As I'm as interested in making friends - online and off - as I am in finding a Dominant partner in my life, I don't really cater to the either or scenario. It just doesn't fit for me...however, I am re-evaluating my approach and agree that I need to be a bit more pro-active! That said, talking with a friend of mine, Saturday, she pointed out that my approach was actually rather vanilla and old fashioned because I told her I never approach Dominants, assuming if they had an interest they would approach me. She went on to point out that most who approach me, are probably not those I'd really be interested in because Dominant men don't need to chase after submissives. It is our job to chase after them. Since I'm re-evaluating my whole paradigm, I figured I'd look into this one as well. Hmmm...let's see...there were probably four Doms altogether I had a real interest in, and thought we might have a chance together. Three of those I contacted first. One is still a very good friend. Two are still great people who I wish nothing but the best for, and then there is Honey Master. I turned Him down at least three times before I even considered anything else between us. You just never know...really. If you ARE attracted to someone let them know.

jinxxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:18:36 PM)
I would like to point out he was right about something. Pretty much everyone on here does have psychological problems, which is why we like to be beaten, or beat others. It is definitely a non-normative psychology wiitwd. However, I don't think one can use that as an argument when you are one of "them." Clearly he had some pain he needed to get out, probably really liked a potential sub, then she got tired of him and disappeared, and so he had to vent. Well, message boards are a good place to do that, and aren't we all wonderful masochists for letting him have all that attention and space to do what he needed to do to feel better. That's what this game is all about. Yes, I said game ooooooooo... Life is a game. It's all in how you play it.

xxblushesxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:21:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: anguisette22 quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx I TRULY don't think that the OP made such bad recommendations. Perhaps the title was a poor choice? Perhaps some were already upset about other things, but...I do think this was a good post, and hopefully it will help others. P.S. I think I may be a member of the top five of the reserve groups mentioned in your profile. I'm not sure there is any hope for me... It bothered me because I think he's encouraging Doms to be much more aggressive than need be, and generalizing people on the site. If Doms actually follow his advice, I'm going to get even more messages demanding that I give a phone number before someone will have an actual conversation with me. I don't want to give someone my number until I want to, and that's my choice; I don't appreciate him saying that that makes me not worth their time. My first reply to the OP was polite; his response was very rude. How am I supposed to give credence to someone like that? Ok, I did read both your first post to the OP, and his response. He was not rude. He explained his position. He was actually polite, just in opposition of your views. I am not his avenging angel (despite how it may seem) I just don't get all the vitriol in this thread, honestly.

xxblushesxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:23:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jinxxx Pretty much everyone on here does have psychological problems, Pardon me?

angelicbitch -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:30:51 PM)
I guess the way I see it and I think it was said before... if you don't want to give someone the time ... then don't simple as that. But simply "chatting" doesn't hurt anyone.... if they ask for other requirements in chatting with someone and you don't feel comfy then don't do it.. simple as that. We are all adults here and we make our own choice on our actions.... we are the ones that choose to speak to people, or wheither or not the chatting takes the next level... If that makes any sense.. Peace Angelic

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:34:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jinxxx I would like to point out he was right about something. Pretty much everyone on here does have psychological problems, which is why we like to be beaten, or beat others. It is definitely a non-normative psychology wiitwd. However, I don't think one can use that as an argument when you are one of "them." Clearly he had some pain he needed to get out, probably really liked a potential sub, then she got tired of him and disappeared, and so he had to vent. Well, message boards are a good place to do that, and aren't we all wonderful masochists for letting him have all that attention and space to do what he needed to do to feel better. That's what this game is all about. Yes, I said game ooooooooo... Life is a game. It's all in how you play it. Oh boy. See, I don't think that being non-normative makes one psychologically dysfunctional. To state most everyone who enjoys giving or receiving beatings has psychological problems, is simply not something I'm willing to agree with. As perceptions around this social stigma changes, I hope to see less and less of these comments from people. All that said, I will agree that my personal opinion is that Vanilla/Sane/Normal is what a person is until you REALLY get to know them. I promised to play nice, and not get into trouble so that's about all I have to say on this.

RedMagic1 -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:43:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jinxxx Pretty much everyone on here does have psychological problems, which is why we like to be beaten, or beat others. Boys like hitting other boys. Think football. Vanilla men love dominant female archetypes. Think Lara Croft. It's been a saying for thousands of years that the best aphrodisiac for a woman is Power. All of this is fundamental to mainstream vanilla culture, and very similar in both the West and the East. It is true that full-on algolagnia does demonstrate a difference in brain function -- pain is processed differently than in a non-algolagniac. However, most BDSMers -- including most masochists -- are not algolagniacs, but instead "pursue" endorphin rushes, like mountain climbers or skydivers. It's tempting to think we are somehow speshul -- recipients of a unique pervo-whacko club membership -- but we're not. Now we'll see if scalebalancer22 kicks my ass for using a psych word out of context.[;)]

ApathyRomance -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:44:29 PM)
Wow. See, now I would absolutely love to talk on the phone with prospective submissives. So, what i need to do is make myself LOOK like a "time bandit!" Then they will attempt to call me out, and I will have actually gotten what i want by being a fake time bandit. Of course, that means that REAL time bandits will want to make themselves look like fake time bandits so that they don't get called out, so now we have fake fake time bandits . . . . glad you explained what anyone who has been on this site for ten minutes has probably found out.

CruelDesires -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:45:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx Ok, I did read both your first post to the OP, and his response. He was not rude. He explained his position. He was actually polite, just in opposition of your views. I am not his avenging angel (despite how it may seem) I just don't get all the vitriol in this thread, honestly. Every website, chatroom and chat forum has its own protocols and quirks if you want to call them that. One hangs out in them for a while until one learns the "ins and outs" of the way the online communication mediums run and the way people interact upon them. A lot of what is posted is not only judged by the factuality and content of the posts, but also by the feelings one gets when one reads the "ideas" behind them. Sometimes it takes a while to be able to learn how those "protocols" work and it takes a while to learn how to post something so that the readers are more apt to accept it in a more factual way as well as to have them read the posts and not "feel" belittled or talked down to in understanding the original posters ideas and observations. Some few of the posters that I see who have problems with a lot of the other regular posters on this particular site seem to be never able to understand that concept. Not only do they post their ideas and observations in a condescending and sometimes overbearing manner, they also get all riled up when the people respond to their posts and respond in argumentative and childish ways. Maybe if the opening post was done in a more diplomatic as well as more clinically "detached" manner, then maybe he would not have received so many negative AND vitriolic responses. Edited> To answer that particular part of your post. [:)] CD

xxblushesxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 8:56:32 PM)
Well CD, this is true. But in the post you happened to respond to that I responded to ...lol Anyway...yes, his first post could have been made more diplomatically, and therefore not flamed. The person I was responding to in the particular post you answered to? Well...I think he was polite to her, and just gave her his pov. But...as you say...those of us who have been here a while learn how to couch things in much more diplomatic terms, or wear our non-flamible suits.

ALLorNuten -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:01:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 I just lost 45 seconds that I'll never get back reading the OP. HA! You read faster than me. I lost a minute and a half. I think the OP guy puts too much work in disproving who is fake and who is not. Just enjoy the ride. The fakes will fall flat eventually.

jinxxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:15:39 PM)
Blushes, if you told any psychologist what you do for fun in your bdsm life, they would call it a psychological problem. Why is that confusing?

kc692 -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:17:34 PM)
A kink friendly one wouldnt, neither would a lot of them as long as it was consensual. edited to add: so jinxxx, you think you have psychological problems? Just idle curiosity, because I dont think I do. Just wondering. Not trying to start a flame fest, truly, just an idle question, and then I'm back off the thread.

stef -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:25:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jinxxx Blushes, if you told any psychologist what you do for fun in your bdsm life, they would call it a psychological problem. Funny, this hasn't been my experience after talking with several of them. quote: Why is that confusing? She doesn't appear to be the one who is confused. ~stef

jinxxx -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:25:47 PM)
Kink friendly psychologists, do they advertise in the phone book? If you read the DSM-V, you'd see that what we do is a psychological dysfunction. Clinically speaking. I am certainly not saying it is wrong. I am saying clinically it is a dysfunction. I will of course defend it's need and it's therapeutic benefits to the moon and back. Look at the op, he got out a frustration he was having with his dating scene.

Venatrix -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:31:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jinxxx Blushes, if you told any psychologist what you do for fun in your bdsm life, they would call it a psychological problem. Why is that confusing? I think you'll find that making scientifically unsupported generalisations will not find favour with a majority of the CM readership. And that's my generalisation for the evening. Nighty night.

kc692 -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 9:31:57 PM)
Sorry, I have had friends that were not psychologists only, but psychiatrists also...and not all share your minimally informed views....even after their education......hell, anything in and of itself can be diagnosed as a psychological problem in those books, including hand washing, and numerous other activities......sorry you think you have a psychological dysfunction, personally I am glad I don't. wonders if one thinks they are fucked up, why do they feel the need to start another nick and post under it so noone knows who they are, and just admit their dysfunction opennly, instead of trying to bait other members....ahhh well....

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