|
WinsomeDefiance -> RE: How to Spot a Time Bandit on CM (7/13/2008 7:13:23 PM)
|
My original is in black, your response and questions are in red and my answer is in blue. This should be quite the colorful debate, if nothing else.
quote:
ORIGINAL: SirBitterSweet
Winsom
Once ywe place something in writing, we cannot undo what was said. It seems to me you are now backpaddling
Clarifying your fallible logic in reference to myself is not the same as back pedaling. I have never swayed from my stance, in any of my posts (on this topic).
and since you are intelligent, I will take the painstaking effort of holding you in place long enough to see your own contradictions.I am going to do this by cutting and pasting segments of your own statements.
You said:
Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I like to get a few blanks filled in before I decide if a source is reliable or not or if any prescribed method is of value to me. I think it is a good recipe for weeding out the 'undesirables' if that is what you are wanting to do. I wonder, though. How successful it really was. By your own admission, you only met a small handful of people and achieved no real long-term benefit from the approach.
Actually, you are using pretzel logic here; the only reliable source will be documented scientifically or at worse, tried in real life to see what may come. The fact that I said I met three people in person from all the years of internet experience is not a discredit -- it's actually a huge success, considering how long internet has been a means for meeting people. (Actually, it's five in total, but since these were never romantic interests, I did not count them - and both Reese and Romana are VERY close friends now.) The fact that I busted about 30 crazies and eliminated maybe 100 more people NOT suited for me -- well, that too suggests tremendous success. Because if I had been suckered by time bandits, I might NEVER have met the five I did. Again, bad logic on your part. You seem more anxious to prove me wrong than analyzing carefully.
Actually, I was interested in YOU proving your theory, because I have been re-evaluating MY approach to finding someone. I had no motivation aside from gaining enough information to determine if your recipe worked. I will refrain from defending my logic at this point in the debate.
So far, this is still following the topic and an intelligent debate, but your logic is strange. Then you go on to put your foot in your mouth by making a statement in one paragraph and then eating your words in the paragraph that follows. But there's another pretzel logic statement that sort of gets in the way.
My own personal approach is vastly different. I take people at their word, accept them at face value - unless they prove otherwise to me. Only then do I dismiss them. ... (edited out some irrelevant statements here)... My point is this. I wonder at the opportunities you have missed out on, using your prescribed method. If you are dismissing so many, and NOT finding a successful, fulfilling relationship in the ones you do opt to move forward witih, then perhaps your approach would serve you better by re-examining it.
Sorry, that ONLY makes sense if I had LIMITED opportunities.
I would think that having unlimited opportunities should exponentially increase the probability of your success, and with no success proven, in my opinion, it seems to greater disprove your theory rather than reinforce it. As you found no long-term fulfilling relationship from those you did weed out and meet, how can you say that the ones that you discounted were definitively not right? I'm not saying they weren't. I'm just saying that with no measurable success to base your conclusions on, your findings COULD be faulty. Your stating also that because you continue to have an unlimited supply to draw upon, and discard, while still not finding a relationship, continues to lead me to the conclusion that either your weeding out process is faulty or your relationship skills are. I was being generous in applying the fault to the weeding out process.
One can't worry about all the opportunities missed when other opportunities are constantly presenting themselves. Okay, so I am lucky. Whatever. And I can only meet those who appeal to my senses and interest me, so I have to narrow it down. And again, you missed the whole point of the POST. I've corresponded with these people a while now, they are telling me I am special, important, yadda yadda, they want my time in snail mail or want me to move very slowly and watch the internet. Fine, Then I need some verification that I am not wasting my time. A simple phone call with the caller ID blocked is safe enough... doesn't matter if they call me, does it? Who is now at risk for being stalked? Me! And then I must ask, do I want to be with someone who is terrified to chat on the phone when they claim I am what I seek?
This I find no fault or argument in. But, I LOVE to talk on the phone and do so, more often than I should. I have no fear in giving out my number, have done so and have made some wonderful friends. I understand you want to move forward, and that those who are not ready to do so in your time frame are discarded. It seems a reasonable limitation and expectation based on what you are looking for in the scenario you subscribed. It isn't the exact approach I would use, but we aren't discussing MY approach. We are discussing whether or not YOURS is viable and worth giving credibility to.
And then what of my non-internet social life? Yes, that life takes up 95% of my time.
I tend to trust my instincts, and base my judgemnts off of what I observe. Online and off. For example. From your posts and responses, I would say that you are intelligent and highly adaptive.
So, where is this going? Is this flattery or a lead in to what then...
I have no reason to flatter you. It was simply an observation. When you have commented on someone's inteligence was there a sneaky motive behind it, or were you merely communicating approval and moving forward with your thoughts?
While you respond seemingly too defensively, too quickly in a harsh and negative manner, you seem to recognize when you have possibly erred and fall back upon charm and good looks to re-insert yourself into other's good graces.
Oh really now. So you are saying is that I should tolerate abusive posts that are thinly disguised by the topic and that I should a) care what strangers really think of me online b) charm people when I make mistakes c) try to re insert myself into other's good graces
I'm not saying what you should or shouldn't do. I was commenting on what I had observed you doing. Should or shouldn't didn't even come into play. Should you tolerate abuse? No, but neither should you find your own quick abuse of others, who were nothing but polite and open with you, to be tolerated either.
Wow. I am glad you can tell all that from a few posts on a message board. Actually, I am known as a tongue in cheek humorist. I can joust and then alternately joke from one moment to the next because I DO NOT have a vested interest in strangers on a message board. I have no idea who these people are or what they are like. (Though odds are if they are pests online, they are not happy in life.)
However, when they come at me violating common sense and think they can be saucey or judgemental ... (because so few others are capable of handling them).... then isn't it obvious they want a joust? It's about them and their insecurities and their need to lash out. Ah.. How I get a thrill out of putting people who are out of line back in their place! Isn't that what Dom's do? Reward good behavior and admonish the bad?
I imagine this works pretty good for you, until you react negatively too often and your charisma becomes tarnished.
Again, you think I seem to be worried about a reputation on here. I am standing in this community, but I feel no ownership. I think MOST of the people on the internet need serious help. They are not my equals and many would creep me out in person.
You seem to have read into a great deal of that single observation, far more than was intended in its posting. In truth, I would be quite defunct of any common sense to have the faintest notion you cared about your reputation. When there is all evidence to the contrary. I won't even comment on your statement about most needing serious help. It is not worthy of comment.
Statistics and research proves ALL this to be a fact.
I have yet to see any statistical references to qualify this statement as realiable and so consider it to be mere speculation on your part.
Internet is the great equalizer. So, I go with the odds; look both ways before I cross a busy highway and don't bunjee jump without testing the elastic.
Finally, as that you seem to be an expert on what I am thinking, it completely contradicts the non-judgemental, logical, unbiased person you tried to come across as in your earlier posts.
With respect, Bittersweet - deferring judgement until more information is acquired, is not the same as claiming to be non-judgemental. I form opinions, bias and personal judgements all the time. Rarely, do I apologize for having done so, and it certainly won't be forthcoming in this case.
As that I don't even remotely share your ethical opinions on trusting strangers and have none of the desires to be LIKED by this community, you, my friend, "appear" to be projecting insecurities into me that never existed. For that, your credibility is shot to hell.
Taking another at their word, until they prove me wrong, is not blindly trusting. I think there comes a point where we fulfill our own prophecies, Bittersweet and therein lies the differences to our approach and the concern I have toward yours.
It reminds me of men who are angry toward women and view all of us as bitches and whores until WE prove to them otherwise, which it is pretty difficult to do not to mention exceedingly exhausting emotionially.
Assuming all are liars, is just an absolutely foreign concept to me. I would be emotionally exhausted, if I felt I had to validate the integrity of all I came into contact with. Those who do not have integrity, usually reveal it pretty quickly to me. I listen, I learn, I observe and I take notes.
[Mod Note: email removed]
|
|
|
|
