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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 4:00:29 PM   
Sandyshores29718


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For me anal is pretty painful, but thats how he wants it and i have gave up my ass to him for it. He likes to take my ass raw without lube and we use condoms, so thats why its so painful. But, after i've accepted him and relaxed enough theres is HUGE feeling that ive done him proud!  Anal is not easy for me...but for him cause I want to please my play partner so much I'm willing to deal with the pain. The main thing is that I know if I can deal with the pain for the first couple moments and relax my body and get to that place in my mind then I'm good. Also, last time we had anal I found chanting helpped. I kept repeating over and over "He wants it" not loud, just like a muted whisper. It does get easier the more you do it. lol 

Why not get a small dildo and practice at home?

< Message edited by Sandyshores29718 -- 7/13/2008 4:01:38 PM >

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 4:01:46 PM   
sweetwenchie


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Threads like this are hell on my resolve to maintain celibacy ya know... especially as i have a serious weakness for ass play.  ~sigh~  

In some ways, for me there is a definite degradation factor that arouses me a great deal, then there is the sensations attributed to anal, quite different from vaginal, somehow more tingly and hot. 

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 4:04:56 PM   
Amadan


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If you felt like playing at silly buggers, by some definitions of celibacy anal play might still be allowed.

of course that's all just semantics

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 4:44:00 PM   
DarkSteven


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In addition to all that has been written before, I feel like when my woman gives me anal, she has given me another part of herself.  If I couldn't have anal, life would go on, but I would feel like she was holding back a prt of herself from me.

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 4:48:31 PM   
sweetwenchie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Amadan

If you felt like playing at silly buggers, by some definitions of celibacy anal play might still be allowed.

of course that's all just semantics



Now that is the kind of semantics i could get behind (bah dum dum)

_____________________________

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 5:44:55 PM   
CruelDesires


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Who needs lube when you have spit? That just adds to the whole overall experiance in my view.

CD

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 5:55:59 PM   
chamberqueen


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There are more concentrated nerve endings around the anus than any other part of the body.  If you've had a baby, the anus is typically much tighter than the vagina.  There is something primal in men that seems to drive them towards this hole.

If someone is asking you for it and you are afraid, ask for lube, for a finger tip first, then a slow build up.  As long as I am prepared I enjoy anal penetration a lot.  If someone enters dry it hurts like hell and chances are that it will take many minutes for me to relax enough to enjoy it.  I've had to be told by my Master to breathe since I tend to stop doing that when I am in pain. 

If someone refused to take the time to prepare you well, and you are a sub and not a slave, make it a hard limit.  If it is something that you would like to do then you might consider using WELL lubricated butt plugs to get yourself ready. 

Not all men are built for good anal penetration.  I was given away as a birthday present to a man last night, and his penis was so curved that it was impossible to get it in.

However, if it is something that you and your Dom want to try - just go slow and easy.  I'm sure that you'll find that it can be very enjoyable.  I can orgasm more easily that way than with any other type of stimulation.


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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 6:37:07 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: peacelili

i would have to agree with the 'not understanding it' part....i have expereicned it also and it caused some problems for me physically...yes a lot of lube was used ....but i wonder if some womens bodies are just not meant for it....in my case i have fibromyalgia which has a lot of smaller problems along with it including but not limited to IBS, RLS, and migraines....
peacelili



Yes, it's very possible to be physically unable, even with lots of lubrication and good personal relaxation. I've had some experience with this, since I truly enjoyed both giving and getting anal intercourse, but had to give up the 'receiving' part when multiple sclerosis began affecting my pelvic floor and the muscles of the rectum. Just so you gentlemen know -- for some of us, it's not that we -won't-... it really is that we can't (and I do miss it... but fortunately, I can still -give-, which leaves me half the fun ).

Calla Firestorm


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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 7:16:28 PM   
fungasm


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Something which may help is to use a vibrator on your clit during anal sex... along with all the lube...  Many women find that with extensive clitoral stimulation, anal sex is as pleasurable, if not more so, than vaginal sex.

*edited for grammar....

< Message edited by fungasm -- 7/13/2008 7:17:00 PM >


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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 7:24:08 PM   
bbwsubbynyc


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Tristan Taormino has a book:  A woman's guide to anal sex or something like that.  It might be helpful. 

I love anal.  I cum quicker too.  I don't think using a smaller size whatever and working up matters.  Stopping to let your sphincter muscles adjust to the size of whatever is in there worked best for me, and caused very little pain.  

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 7:44:38 PM   
fungasm


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quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwsubbynyc

Tristan Taormino has a book:  A woman's guide to anal sex or something like that.  It might be helpful. 

I love anal.  I cum quicker too.  I don't think using a smaller size whatever and working up matters.  Stopping to let your sphincter muscles adjust to the size of whatever is in there worked best for me, and caused very little pain.  


FYI- Her site www.puckerup.com is fabulous!

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 11:45:46 PM   
summersprite


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I love it because it is pleasure and pain and more pleasure and more pain.... and did I mention it's oh so submissive too :-)

But I agee that a bit of care at the beginning to 'enter slowly' does help. But after that initial 'slow entry stroke'.... all limits are off and he can do what he likes

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/13/2008 11:59:44 PM   
Nikolette


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slayergirl6985:

This isn't really what you were inquiring about precisely but: Use 3 times more lube than you imagine you could ever need.

I enjoy anal sex. First serious boyfriend and I had the best and easiest experiences. This was probably due to his long, but thin penis. Thicker guys just didn't fit well.

Which brings me to the 3X Lube thing. I've been wanting to have anal sex (me recieving) with my slave, C for a while. But his penis is thicker in the middle than the head and if it got in, it didn't fit all the way in. We tried over and over. Used lots of lube and stuff. Followed all the basic rules. Still no go. We used smaller plugs and vibs and stuff to get my bum ready and stretched... and it helped but it wasn't smooth going or terribly successful.

Then... we put a towel on the bed and I decided to say "More lube" anytime he asked if it was okay or whatever... and we used a LOT more lube than I expected us to, thank goodness for the towel. It worked great.

Anytime I do have successful anal sex its accompanied by stimulating my clit. A little bullet vibe is my favorite to use. It helps me to get relaxed and lust for penetration specifically since only my clit is getting stimulated. So clit stimulation + towels so you feel free to use an absurd amount of lube + lube + someone patient= some of the best orgasms ever!

Good luck!



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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 1:57:14 AM   
VioletAshes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Fuck 90% of the advice you read about anal sex and how to get into it.  I LOVE anal and have introduced any number of women to it who now love it, some even  crave it and orgasm far quicker with a bit of anal play.

Forget penetration for now.  Whenever you are making love and you are getting near orgasm, have your lover sensually play with the area around your anus, licking, touching, caressing it as you cum.  I love going down on a woman, sucking and eating her cunt, teasing her clit and when she is about to cum, playing with that super sensitive area is hot.  The goal is to break the negative association between your ass and pain and replace it with a positive association of pleasure.

It might take a week, it might take months, but at some point your lover is going to be doing that to you and feel your "inner slut" pressing your ass against that finger, hungry for MORE.  Now, I am a sadist and will of course give LESS, but at some point, that is when SOME penetration should happen.  You want to go slower than your greedy horny slut side wants to go.

Also, as you begin to play with penetration, when he does so, slide it in and stop or at least let the muscles adjust before going on.  That is why all the crap about "slowly use larger buttplugs" isn't going to work for someone like you. 

At some point, if you follow the above advice, your lover can wake up while you are still sleeping and rape your ass and you will come up screaming in orgasm rather than in pain, or at least pain AND orgasm...


Best advice I have heard yet

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 2:51:35 AM   
mons


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hello
anal sex is not something you just jump imto and to please the male for it is the wrong ideal. you need someone who is a skilled master at it not someone who is just an anal person there are some who only do anal and nothing else then there are other who enjoy it but enjoy oral and anal and vagainl sex . if it hurt it will here more the next time becasue. you may not be a person who is ready for anal . remember you do not have to do this if you do not want to it is your body and if you gotten no pleasure from this you need to move one

you do not have to have anal ses ( oh yes that is the oldest trick in the book a man saying oh it would show me you love me stand up dear it your body

mons good luck

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 7:11:31 AM   
slayergirl6985


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quote:

ORIGINAL: peacelili

i would have to agree with the 'not understanding it' part....i have expereicned it also and it caused some problems for me physically...yes a lot of lube was used ....but i wonder if some womens bodies are just not meant for it....in my case i have fibromyalgia which has a lot of smaller problems along with it including but not limited to IBS, RLS, and migraines....

so its a hard limit for me and i find also that men in general dont understand how i can draw that line if i am sub/slave and want to please them...to this i say ...when i find a Dom/Master who embraces the whole me and the limitations of my body...i am sure it will not be an issue and i will not cross my personal boundaries 'just to please' the many men who think i have no right to deny them anything....i am a human being first, being a sub/slave is in my nature but not the completeness of who i am.....

to those who enjoy it and want it as part of their sexual play i say 'good for you' i have heard it can be a very wonderful experince when there are two consenting adults involved....to me tho...its like needle play...i have a limit on that bc i am deathly afraid of needles...no one argues that point with me so i sometimes dont understand why they argue with me about anal play....lol

hope you All have a very blessed day
peacelili



This is one of the other fears I had when it came to anal sex. I was/am worried that even though we are careful that it will still be painful (at least more painful than I can handle).

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 8:51:10 AM   
Amaros


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The psychological componet of anal sex I think hugely outweighs the physical, there is a reason for the term "pucker factor" - it's really all about relaxation and releasing your "inner slut" as Michael suggests - to this end, definitley start with anal play, even by yourself if your partners don't have the patience or concern to coax it out of you rather than taking it.

Physically, if you think about it, it really isn't anything you aren't already used to - I took a dump the other day that I had to call a "John Holmes", and it didn't leave me weak kneed or anything - which it might have if I'd been dehydrated or something and you need to pay attention to your overall state - if you are dehydrated or prone to constipation, it's going to be more traumatic than if you aren't, so be aware of your general overall condition. You are in fact probobly more relaxed after a BM, and you might try enemas, as this is also a good way to both clean yourself out and insofar as penetration is concerned, is pretty unlikely to cause any trauma - it's also a perfectly socially acceptable thing, even though it is a common hard limit for some reason.

Which brings us back to the psychological - I think it releases a lot of buried psychological trauma in some people, Freudian potty training issues or something, and this is probobly what trigger the shame/infantilization thing, that we refer to as humiliation or submission - but it's just a head trip, and can probobly even be very cathartic if you have a lot of pent up inhibition in that area - the anus is the symbol of corruption, and the juxtaposisiton of anus and vagina represents heaven and hell symbolically: creation and destruction, the pure vs. the corrupt - these are very powerful symbols - which is why vannillas, particularly the religious ones, often react almost violently to the notion,. as they are often obsessed with the notion of "purity" and deeply, neurotically repelled by any symbol of "the world" - the imperfect physical world.

This arises from duallistic notions: the imperfect physical realm vs the "pure" realm of spiritual energy - the dualist concept is to reject the world, to withdraw from it's tempations, whereas the tantric principle seeks to reconcile matter and energy by embracing the world, in all of it's imperfection, which, try as you might, you really cannot escape anyway: the cycle of life, death and rebirth is inherent in physical reality.

The thing to remember is that in context, outside of Narcissistic dissociation, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar - there are dense and extensive nerve ganglia throughout the pelvic region including the anus, so in purely physical terms, for the less imaginative, it really is just an extention/expansion of your overall pelvic erogenous zones - for those like peacelili, there may be genuine physiological issues involved, but just take it slow, it's a journey, not a race.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 7/14/2008 9:02:30 AM >

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 9:00:34 AM   
Amaros


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If it is painful, I definitely suggest brushing up on hydration issues - sugars generally cause the colon to absorb more water and some form of sugared water is often prescibed for consiptation, as it draws water into the colon, which is going to increase tissue flexibility - if you have weight issues, there may be alternatives, try googling it and addressing this issue before you give up on enjoying it.

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 9:01:29 AM   
kittinSol


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

The thing to remember is that in contest, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar



The perfect metaphore for a thread on bumsex.

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RE: Trying to Understand Anal...please help. - 7/14/2008 9:13:58 AM   
Amaros


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A lot people react in shock and horror at fisting too, even though natural childbirth is a lot more truamatic - orders of magnitude even - unless you have genuine physiological issues, most of it is in your head.

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