MissSCD
Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hersaloneforever Just before the summer began a year ago, a good friend of ours who is also a dominant was the victim of a brutal, violent gang rape. Even though it's been over a year now, the authorities still have no leads. We could be wrong and this horrible incident could have been a completely random act of violence, but we have suspected all along that she was targeted as a domme, as she is fairly open about her kink. Although she never really flaunted it in public, she was not shy about speaking about it openly and it would have been clear to anyone that she was sexual dominant from her conduct and speech at times. We love her as a friend and even after a year still trying to help her, but feel so confused as to what to do for her. She has spoken intimately with my wife, who was very close to her before this incident. Now the friendship is strained, as wife's friend is a very changed woman. It is sad to see the once energetic, outgoing, fearless woman, now sullen, withdrawn, and at times clearly visibly in fear, especially in public settings. She has lost two jobs in the past years, has been hospitalized after a severe episode of depression, and my wife recently told me that she fears that she might be suicidal. What is more, is that whereas she was very active in the lifestyle and lived for dating and clubbing, she has seemingly completely given up her kink, has not dated since, nor is active socially any more. My wife feels that we as a couple need to be more pro-active with her and thinks that I as a male would be more helpful in showing her such care and reaching out to her. I have of course but have felt that in the past she was too ashamed and pulled away from me because of my gender. I disagree with my wife that at this point a male should really come on too strongly with his "help" given what happened to her and that at this stage it is best dealt with by other women and any man be invited to help in that ciricle of trust when she feels such a need is need. Hence, the disagreement between by wife and I, who although I love and respect dearly, I feel strongly in this instance is not the best approach. I am therefore reaching out to the community in hopes that someone who has any experience with such a horrible thing could extend their wisdom as to what worked--and equally imporant what didn't. She has always been a good friend and is the person that first introduced my wife and I together. And while I certaintly cannot fathom the agony she has gone through and is still suffering emotionally and psychologically, my wife and I have been depressed over this ourselves in our feeling of powerlessness to help her effectively. Unfortunately there is little resources for those of the lifestyle who have been the victims of sexual abuse. Even the special victims unit that was assigned to our friend's case apparently was less than empathetic and ended up causing, and I can personally attest to one investigator's overt hostile, even disgusted attitude at what were clearly her preconceived notions. Even for the limited recourses and support groups that are out there for those in the lifestyle, she is not pursuing them and gets angry when my wife has raised the issue. It has left us all feeling both sad and angry and at times has even caused our own marriage some tension. Indeed, no one is invulnberable to the cruelties of this world, and I would have never thought that such a strong, independent woman like this would be such a victim and be in this state. The last thing I want to do therefore is cause her further pain than she has gone through, especially after the ordeal she suffered, which only in its most general discussions with my wife was quite a horrible, life-altering event. I only hope that with time, love, and kindness, the former vibrant, energetic woman that we all knew and still very much love and care for will return to us--better not because of this but in spite of it. Any resources or help would be so greatly appreciated. Love and peace always. First of all, I am very sadden for your Domme friend. I know that your friend will get better in time. She may have to give up the lifestyle and move forward. That is a strong possiblity. Second of all, I strongly recommend that she work with Rape Crisis because they are specialized to work with this issue. Thirdly I urge her to seek help with counseling and a pschye to get medication to help her with depression. The thing I recommend for you and your wife is not to carry this burden. It is causing you to become depressed. She will find her way out of this. I also recommnd her to attend church at some point. Shock on that, but I feel spiritual healing will be in order. I hope they catch the jerks that did this. Thank you and God Bless. Regards, MissSCD
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