Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape

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hersaloneforever -> Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 1:03:03 PM)
Just before the summer began a year ago, a good friend of ours who is also a dominant was the victim of a brutal, violent gang rape. Even though it's been over a year now, the authorities still have no leads. We could be wrong and this horrible incident could have been a completely random act of violence, but we have suspected all along that she was targeted as a domme, as she is fairly open about her kink. Although she never really flaunted it in public, she was not shy about speaking about it openly and it would have been clear to anyone that she was sexual dominant from her conduct and speech at times. We love her as a friend and even after a year still trying to help her, but feel so confused as to what to do for her. She has spoken intimately with my wife, who was very close to her before this incident. Now the friendship is strained, as wife's friend is a very changed woman. It is sad to see the once energetic, outgoing, fearless woman, now sullen, withdrawn, and at times clearly visibly in fear, especially in public settings. She has lost two jobs in the past years, has been hospitalized after a severe episode of depression, and my wife recently told me that she fears that she might be suicidal. What is more, is that whereas she was very active in the lifestyle and lived for dating and clubbing, she has seemingly completely given up her kink, has not dated since, nor is active socially any more. My wife feels that we as a couple need to be more pro-active with her and thinks that I as a male would be more helpful in showing her such care and reaching out to her. I have of course but have felt that in the past she was too ashamed and pulled away from me because of my gender. I disagree with my wife that at this point a male should really come on too strongly with his "help" given what happened to her and that at this stage it is best dealt with by other women and any man be invited to help in that ciricle of trust when she feels such a need is need. Hence, the disagreement between by wife and I, who although I love and respect dearly, I feel strongly in this instance is not the best approach. I am therefore reaching out to the community in hopes that someone who has any experience with such a horrible thing could extend their wisdom as to what worked--and equally imporant what didn't. She has always been a good friend and is the person that first introduced my wife and I together. And while I certaintly cannot fathom the agony she has gone through and is still suffering emotionally and psychologically, my wife and I have been depressed over this ourselves in our feeling of powerlessness to help her effectively. Unfortunately there is little resources for those of the lifestyle who have been the victims of sexual abuse. Even the special victims unit that was assigned to our friend's case apparently was less than empathetic and ended up causing, and I can personally attest to one investigator's overt hostile, even disgusted attitude at what were clearly her preconceived notions. Even for the limited recourses and support groups that are out there for those in the lifestyle, she is not pursuing them and gets angry when my wife has raised the issue. It has left us all feeling both sad and angry and at times has even caused our own marriage some tension. Indeed, no one is invulnberable to the cruelties of this world, and I would have never thought that such a strong, independent woman like this would be such a victim and be in this state. The last thing I want to do therefore is cause her further pain than she has gone through, especially after the ordeal she suffered, which only in its most general discussions with my wife was quite a horrible, life-altering event. I only hope that with time, love, and kindness, the former vibrant, energetic woman that we all knew and still very much love and care for will return to us--better not because of this but in spite of it. Any resources or help would be so greatly appreciated. Love and peace always.

WaywardFilly -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 2:28:13 PM)
LaRed is a USA group that counsels victims of violence and is specific for those who are into bdsm. please help this woman find a therapist as soon as possible.Friends are great but she needs much much morem she needs professional help from someone trained in sexual abuse counseling .If not La red get her to any local rape crisis center, they exist in every state .Regardless that she is a member of the bdsm community she needs therapy.Rape is Rape no matter the reason the national coalition for sexual freedom might know of resources and I suspect that community leaders of munches and such might have a list of therapists that are lifestyle friendly http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75

Termyn8or -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 4:17:10 PM)
Tell her this. _________________________________ I was beaten by three, stomped and kicked until I bled out the mouth. They thought they had killed me but had not and subsequently shot me in the face, with a .38 about an inch under my left eye. That bullet is still in my neck and causes problems from time to time. I also no longer have a left frontal sinus cavity. For months afterward, I could not open my mouth more than maybe ¾", and I was over a friends house who offered me a hotdog, well several. I could not eat them. I could not brush my teeth properly and basically was on a diet of very small things and liquid for close to six months. This was over twenty years ago, and even though I still feel the tension in the left side of my neck, I am whole. I am also hole, they made a new hole in me. Because of the nerve damage I also sounded like a little kid when I spoke, a young strapping Man of 22 or so and I sounded like lil bo peep could kick the shit out of me with both hands tied behind her back. I spoke in higher pitch than I can actually sing, at a party I was a joke, people could not hear me. This condition lasted six to eight months after I got shot. I do not belittle the injury done to you, but I am well qualified to say GET OVER IT. You want to know hurt ? How about stabbing you and fucking the new hole ? Your injury differs in type than mine, but it is of no less magnitude, but there is one thing going for you, if you didn't catch a disease or get pregnant, it is really all in your mind. I am not saying it is not formidable, but if you cannot control your mind, who do you expect to control. I got shot in the face, think I am gunshy ? Hell no, in fact I wish I had one that night. I would have settled the score right then and there, but that's the breaks. I have accepted this, and time marches on. I love guns, they are the ultimate portable killing machine, while many fear this, it is not a threat to me. Never was, and never will be. Such as it is with a penis. Only you can help yourself. Getting into therapy might be good, but the effective therapists simply guide you to help yourself, not pump you full of drugs. You don't need to forget the experience, nor forgive the attackers. Indeed if I found those who tried to kill me they would have a very bad day. Forgetting and forgiving is a crock of shit, and I will tell you just like I would tell a relative who got raped ; "You gonna let that piece of shit ruin your whole fucking life ?". Look down at what they did. It is still there. It is still there. Yes they stole it, and that is not good, but you and you alone decide when you are over it. I know it is hard. But you have to get past it. Like I said it has nothing to do with forgetting or forgiving, it has to do with getting your life back on track, the track that YOU set it upon many years ago. The perps, their Karma is toast, and they will get theirs whether by bad luck or stupidity. And rapists are stupid. They are animals who cannot control their desires. What are you, are you like that ? From this day forward, if you are not, you have the chance to use your intellect and rebuild your life, and by that I mean yourself. Obviously they did not take your table and chairs, your fridge, your car, your couch. That is not what you rebuild, but rebuilding is easier than building from scratch. So you do have a few things going for you. And it seems you have a friend, a REAL friend. Maybe she can't help you enough, not everybody can. But you came out of this with all your body parts intact, possibly worn, but intact. It is now all in your mind, and your mind can destroy you. You must manage that, you have to get past this and go on about your business. There are Women in other countries who get raped periodically, and they are expected to just take it and say nothing. At least here someone can feel you and you might get your side of it out. What happens to you now does not depend on if they get caught, or anything else, it depends on you. So if you are really a Domme, show it. Get a subbie, chain his ass up and make him cry, and realize that is what a predator feels. Use this chance to make it real for yourself. Understand your enemies, that helps you to understand your friends. They are the same, it's just that different shit happened. Don't want sex right now ? Left a bad taste in your hoo hoo ? Put all them boys in chastity devices. Derive even a perverse pleasure from that, if that is to your liking. You think about you. But you must again learn to enjoy. If you don't do that, you have let these animals destroy you, and I will not tolerate that in family or friends. I don't even tolerate that in acquaintences. You can't let them do that. You were in hell for now many minutes ? Don't let it last the rest of your life. _________________________________ If that doesn't work she needs a shrink. T

CalifChick -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 5:15:01 PM)
I wouldn't recommend telling her to "get over it because it could have been worse". If anyone had said that to me, I would have taken a baseball bat to their head and not stopped until their head bounced down the street. Minimizing someone else's experience because yours was "worse" according to your own scale and perception is rarely, if ever, helpful. When I was hurt, I was found/rescued by a male friend, and he and/or his male roommate never left my side. I found comfort in their physical strength, and I needed that. However, some women find the exact opposite is true; they don't want to be touched by a man. It does sound like your friend is not on a good path, and does need some serious professional help. Unfortunately, until she is ready for it, or wants it, it is not going to help. I wish I had the magic answer, but unfortunately, I don't. Cali

NeedingMore220 -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 6:12:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hersaloneforever Indeed, no one is invulnberable to the cruelties of this world, and I would have never thought that such a strong, independent woman like this would be such a victim and be in this state. It could very well be her former strength and feelings of independence which have led her to this state. She used to feel strong and now feels vulnerable. That contrast is stark. It's 'only' been a year since her attack. I hope in time she will be able to reach out and get some help to restore her to something of her former self. Nevermind her kink and her dominance ... she probably has trouble just getting out of bed some mornings. I really think this is a situation where you can only be there if and when she needs you, but kudos to you and your wife for wanting to help.

JulieorSarah -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 7:00:24 PM)
my experience is no where near as traumatic as those above ... the short story is my father suddenly died of a heartattack, shortly after my mother diagnosed with stomach cancer followed, then there was the fraud that commenced a week after my father died, long protracted court cases, then my husband left me for someone less complicated, after abusing me with 'toys' (a term that still makes me tense), then our daughter became involved in drugs, moved in with an ex-con drug-dealer and i attempted suicide. You have to hit rock bottom to rise up. I'll never seek to end my life again ... no matter how bad it is, there's always tomorrow a trite but truthful comment. No matter how hard it is now, it does get better. What worked for me is that i saw a berevement councillor (for mum and dad) then a relationship councillor for the rest ... at various points it was suggested to take medication, i refused. it took longer but it worked for me. i have kept in touch with very few people who were close to me pre or during this time in my life ... they always look at me with pity. I don't need pity. Neither does your female friend. She needs professional help to process this dreadful experience. From what you say, neither your or your wife are professionals. That she was/is a Domme has nothing to do with her recovery. Your support yes, but you can't drive this. Possibly she may need to take sex/bdsm out of the problem and seek help for Post Traumatic Stress, the sooner she seeks real professional help the better. They will give her the tools to be able to get on with her life, to trust herself and her environment again, then possibly to trust men. For sometime i'd not purchase something because a man was serving, such can be the fear of exposong you to that 'risk' again. Yes she needs to get over it, and she probably wants to, but hasn't the first idea of how to do it and doesn't want to fail. If it's left too long, how she is living now (in fear) will become the 'norm'. If there is another in your circle who has been raped, physically attacked, or has attempted suicide, and now leads a normal life, place the two of them alone in a room ... for your friend to see that it's possible to overcome the fear, the distrust, that life can be safe again ... and there's a lead for a successful professional! She can't control what happens to the perpetrators, she can't control what happened, she can control what happens next!

DomAviator -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 7:07:21 PM)
I think that unless you are a psychiatrist, psychologist, or social worker ; in which case you wouldnt be here asking for advice on how handle this, you and your wife both should steer clear of it and not touch the situation with a 10 foot pole. If she needs a friend, someone to talk to, whatever she will reach out. Im not miniimzing what happened to her, but neither you nor your wife are qualified to "fix her". You will do more harm than good. Be a friend, be there for her if she needs something or wants to talk, but under no circumstances should you try messing around in her head. A potentially suicidal patient is a big enough project for a professional therapist - anything you say or do is likely to fuck things up further. What happened is tragic but it is out of your league and outside the normal parameters of "friendship" and well into the dept of major trauma. If she blows her head off following one of your well intentioned counselling sessions, you will be the next one in therapy and your wife will divorce you for killing her friend. Remember no good deed ever goes unpunished and the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

fungasm -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 7:27:27 PM)
Check out the Rape Crisis Center in your area, and ask what resources they have. Here is more information from my site, Erotikey: http://www.erotikey.com/sub/rape.html RAPE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE FOR IMMEDIATE HELP In the United States: If you are a victim of domestic violence, please call National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) If you are a victim of sexual assault, please call: Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) 1-877-739-3895 If you are a victim of stalking, please call:Center for Victims of Crime, Stalking Resource Center 1-800-394-2255 1-800-211-7996 (TTY) The Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project Hotline 1-800-832-1901 If you have been raped or assaulted, seek help. Please. Some things you might not have thought of: It's okay to make notes. If there are things you need to remember, write it down. Don't bathe. I know that the first thing that you are going to want to do is scrub yourself down and stand in a shower for hours, but baby you can't. You have to get the rape kit done first. This is so the police can gather evidence. Even if you don't think you can testify- have the evidence collected. Just in case something changes. It's not your fault. Everyone reacts differently to being assaulted. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you have. Give yourself time to heal. Be good to yourself. A common thread among rape victims is to punish their body further. Give yourself whatever it is YOU need. Seek out help. Rape Crisis, Hotlines, reach out. Sometimes the first line of responders will let you down. It's tragic but there are a lot of people who are supposed to be in the helping business who only make it worse. If you find yourself with an advocate who makes you feel violated a second time- get another advocate. They are there to help you, and if they aren't helping you- don't let that stop you from finding what YOU need. RESOURCES \| LINKS AARDVARC An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection: http://www.aardvarc.org/ This a site is for victims of violence, their families and friends, and the agencies and programs which serve them, both public and private. Includes domestic violence, stalking, and sexual assault. Advocate Web: http://www.advocateweb.org/hope/default.asp When professionals abuse their trust. After Silence: http://www.aftersilence.org/ This is an amazing non-profit organization with Message Boards and Chat Rooms for Survivors. I LOVE their mantra "You are not alone, you are NOT broken, and you CAN heal." Breaking the Cycle: http://www.breakingthecycleinc.com/ This looks like another site set up with links... but many of these links really give great information. CUAV: Community United Against Violence: http://www.cuav.org/index.php "A multicultural organization working to end violence against and within our lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQQ) communities. We believe that in order for homophobia and heterosexism to end, we must fight all forms of oppression, including racism, sexism, ageism, classism, and ableism. CUAV offers a 24-hour confidential, multilingual crisis line, free counseling, legal advocacy, and emergency assistance (hotel, food, and transportation) to survivors of hate and domestic violence." Date Safe Project: http://www.thedatesafeproject.org/index.html This organization is teaching how "asking first" makes all the difference in creating safer intimacy and in decreasing occurrences of sexual assault. They are breaking new ground when it comes to consent. Department of Justice (US) Office on Violence Against Women: http://www.usdoj.gov/ovw/ This is the site primarily for those in the United States- but there is a great deal of information. Gay Man's Domestic Violence Project: http://www.gmdvp.org/ One in 4 gay men will experience domestic violence. This site has amazing resources to end this. Generation Five: http://www.generationfive.org/ Ending Child Sexual Abuse in 5 Generations Girl Thrive: http://www.girlthrive.com/ For Survivors of Abuse. This site is intended for teens girls who have experienced Sexual Abuse or Incest. Male Survivor: http://www.malesurvivor.org/ For male victims of Sexual Abuse Men Against Sexual Violence: http://menagainstsexualviolence.org/ Men Can Stop Rape: http://www.mencanstoprape.org/ National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence: http://www.ncdsv.org/ National Center for Victims of Crime: http://www.ncvc.org/ National Domestic Violence Fatality Review Iniative: http://www.ndvfri.org/ National Sexual Violence Resource Center: http://www.nsvrc.org/ Pandora's Aquarium: http://www.pandys.org/ Online Support Group for the Survivors of Sexual Violence RAINN Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network: http://www.rainn.org/ Rape Victim Advocates: http://www.rapevictimadvocates.org/ SARA- Sexual Assault Resource Agency: http://www.sexualassaultresources.org/index.html Silent Witness: http://www.silentwitness.net/ Women who die from domestic violence SOAR Speaking Out About Rape: http://www.soar99.org/ Take back the news: http://www.takebackthenews.org/ Truth About Rape: http://www.truthaboutrape.com/ Voices and Faces: http://www.voicesandfaces.org/ White Ribbon Campaign: http://www.whiteribbon.ca/ Men stopping violence

Termyn8or -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 7:38:10 PM)
So you all think that people who get attacked have to pay a hundred bucks an hour to get fucking over it. Puleeze. Good friends, a good laugh and possibly some other things. Like the realization that it is fucking over. Paranoid ? Buy a gun. Getting over fear is difficult because fear is not rational. Fear that it is going to happen again ? not likely. But I would not tell someone to pay another a hundred bucks an hour to write prescriptions. You act like people never got over anything bad in the old days, before we had these hundred buck an hour drug pushers. If that were true, we would not be here would we ? T

patwi -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 7:49:52 PM)
I do have to toss my hat into the ring (unqualified, I assure you) and agree with Term. Why must everything be solved with a therapist, someone paid to care about you, and medication? Granted, i've never been raped, though I've had my share of trauma, ongoing even now. I prefer to get over it myself or with the help of a few friends. I'd like to think i'm strong enough to get on without paying someone to do it for me.

fungasm -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 7:56:52 PM)
DA has a valid point: if it's been a year, and if this woman pulls away from male contact, and if she is suicidal, than it is important to be there as a friend- but not try an intervention that you do not have experience for. Those resources do NOT have to cost. Rape Crisis Counseling is free. They don't prescribe medications. Trauma after a violent act isn't something to be fixed with medication... it's something to worked through. If someone pulls away from you, and they have endured such a violent act, your responsible action is to give that person resources, but not to press yourself upon them. They have already had unwanted attention pressed upon them, they do not need more....

PanthersMom -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 8:20:41 PM)
as a rape survivor i can understand the powerlessness your friend may feel. the first step towards recovery is to decide to take that power back. a private therapist, the rape crisis center, talking it over in a support group, whatever, the first step is to say "yes it happened, but dammit it's over, i'm still here and i'm not going to let this ruin my life." my rape was almost seven years ago and it's taken me alot of talking about it, writing about it and even therapy off and on for me to get to a place where i can feel i've taken back what was stolen from me. rape is a crime of power, not passion or desire, it's using a penis to rob a person of one of the most basic feelings, that is security. they stole her sense of self, her security of knowing she was a strong and independent woman and many other things she is going to have to work to take back. your friend needs help for her depression and possible suicidal tendencies, but you and your wife are not qualified to do what needs to be done. offer your support when she asks for it, help her find resources to help her recover and stand behind her as she begins to take back her life. i wish her all the best. PM

mistoferin -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 9:49:12 PM)
Wow. First of all, whatever it is you do, do not treat her in the way that Termyn8or suggested. With all due respect that is the worst advice on the subject of rape that I have ever seen. I have been both a victim of rape and spent a large portion of my life counseling victims of rape. This was a rape, it was not a gunshot or getting beat up. NO ONE who has not actually been there can ever possibly understand what it is like and what it does to your mind. Furthermore, this was a violent, blitz attack, stranger rape...with multiple perpetrators. That differentiates it in some very significant ways from being sexually abused, date raped or raped by someone you trust. The emotions and reactions that come as a result are also very different. I am not just saying this, I saw it many times over in my clients and I have also been down both of those roads myself. To compound that, not all women react in the same ways or have the same feelings. I know you said that it's been a year but I must caution you that one year is not really very much time in such cases. This event will likely effect the rest of her entire life in some ways. That is not to say that she will live out her days in victim mode. Yes, that is possible...some never get beyond that stage. Most likely though she will make progress, especially if and when she realizes that she needs help and reaches out for it. But rape is something that leaves a permanent mark. Some women come out on the other side of it strengthened...and some come out of it mere shells of what they once were. However, no one comes out of it the same as they went in. You said your friend was a very strong, independent woman...a Domme even. That is a woman who values having and being in control. That image of herself that she had before has now been shattered into a billion pieces and she is staring at a pile of shards. Although I can't say that I can fully understand where she is at because I am not her, I can relate to it on some levels. At the time of my own blitz attack, multiple perpetrator stranger assault....I was a fighter who was making pretty fair money at it. I felt very competent about my ability to take care of myself if need be. After the assault I had to face for the first time that I wasn't invincible...I was even OMG...vulnerable. That realization was devastating and crippling. I am sure that your friend is likely experiencing some similar reactions. Things that you as a friend CAN do... Be supportive. Be understanding. Don't turn away from her. Let her know that you don't judge her. Many people say things that are well meaning like " I would have" or "you should have" or "if it was me". Well, it wasn't you and you really have no idea what you "would have". Don't make her feel like she has to get better on some time schedule. She has to go at her own pace. Encourage her. Let her know that your desire is to help but you don't know what to do...so let her know it's ok to tell you what she needs from you. Don't treat her like she's broken. Don't smother her with sympathy and pity. Suggest she get help from people who understand. Tell her that it's ok to need help...and it's ok to reach out for it. Those are not signs of weakness...they are signs of strength. Find out what is available in your area. Don't give her the information with an expectation that she will immediately pick up the phone...but make sure she has the information. In the middle of a sleepless and fearful night, she may decide she wants to make that call. Another thing you may wish to consider is that most of the services that are available are geared to those who have been victims of sexual abuse, date rape or rape by a known assailant. See if you can find someone who specializes in stranger rape or support groups that are geared more toward that type of rape. Victims of stranger rapes often find a difficult time relating to the feelings and emotions that are expressed in support groups that are composed primarily of those other types of assaults. Yes, some things are very much the same...but some things are very, very different. Sometimes, that distinction is more harmful than helpful. If there is anything that you wish to discuss in more depth or ask questions on that you feel I may be able to assist you with, please feel free to contact me.

mistoferin -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 9:53:40 PM)
You should probably be aware that most Rape Crisis centers don't charge a hundred bucks an hour, nor do they dispense prescriptions. They are usually run by women (and men, although less frequently) who have themselves been raped at an earlier time in their lives, who understand what victims go through and offer their help and assistance (often volunteer it) to help others who find themselves in the unfortunate position of being a victim.

Monkeyontuesday -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 10:43:32 PM)
I'm gonna throw in my two cents, although it prolly won't be of much help... [8\|] I agree with mistoferin. A year is not a long time; I, like many others, was raped last May by my boss. However, I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder before that and was undiagnosed. Eventually this turned into full-blown Bi-Polar Disorder and I must take medication as a result. Like what everyone else is saying -- Be there for her. Reassure her it is not her fault, because it ISN'T. There are still times when I feel like it's my fault or I somehow could have done something had my faculties not been so very disabled. And I also agree that the therapy route should be taken if you are concerned about suicide. She may be prescribed anti-depressants, but maybe it'll turn out something like my case: You take them so you can get your footing back again. It sounds like she's kind of lost herself... And many psychiatric problems do, in fact, have a physical cause -- there is something out of balance somewhere. Perhaps the medication could provide a way for her to think clearly and see out of the fog a little bit and realize what it was she needs to do to help herself. Also -- seeing as how it was so very violent, perhaps purely vanilla activities should be pursued for a while? I know for quite a while I was wary of any kind of BDSM activity, and even now I am reluctant to take my interests to a munch or play party, mainly because of my intense fear. idk... Just a few random thoughts before bed. Keep us (or at least myself) updated. <33 I do feel for her. I'm sure I'm just spouting what everyone else has already said, but I highly commend you for being there for her. It's hard -- God knows I had people on their last legs for a while ;-) But it'll be worth it, and once she gets better -- which she will, if she's as strong as she is -- she will thank you and the relationship will be even stronger than it was previously. It just takes a little time.

RuheMaus -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/13/2008 10:56:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Termyn8or snip People, please don't feed this troll. Let him live in his own world of hate. Move along, nothing to see here.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/14/2008 12:16:13 AM)
Great posts, Erin, thanks for taking the time to write them. One who has been severely traumatized needs help. Period. And help from those qualified to give it. Typically the people who cry out "Oh just get over it" don't realize that they themselves have not "gotten over it" - whatever the "it" may be in their lives. My father-in-law used to say that a lot. Then he witnessed what his son did to me. He doesn't say that anymore. Thanks again for putting it out there, Erin.

popeye1250 -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/14/2008 12:17:49 AM)
I'd tell her time to go gun shopping. Hunt them down and kill them before they do it to someone else. Use a knife, less forensics and more personal.

JulieorSarah -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/14/2008 3:33:10 AM)
If your car breaks down, you may try to fix it yourself, but if it doesn't go within a reasonable amount of time you need professional help. Some of us have acquired a mechanics know how, and some have not. If i'm one that has not, i should see a 'mechanic' to fix the problem or i'll be isolated. If it costs me $x it's my money to spend as i see fit. Others may say hey it's not that hard to fix, and it probably isn't but if I don't have a clue about mechanics, it's money well spent! Why is it when the problem is mental health, caused by genetics, drug or other abuse - there are still those that say ... Just say No. These situations are never easy, and to say just get over it, is over simplifying what is for most a very complex situation. Seek professional help

pahunkboy -> RE: Helping her deal with the aftermath of a violent rape (7/14/2008 5:19:25 AM)
DUDE! Term is not a troll. His history of posts - while he may not tell you what you want to hear- or may be ?crude? at times... he isnt a troll. I [tho] think it points out that men and woman deal with fights differently. Term, so the massive beat up, is that why you dont have a photo displayed on profile?? Now to the OP, In earlier age- I wanted to talk about all my injustices.... but now in my 40s- it is a rant- with less of a personal attachment. A buddy of mine had a one night stand- die in his bed during sex. The dead man, had no ID on him. So how do you explain this in red-necked bible area?? -- what I do- is I only talk about my dark parts- if I choose to. And not to solely be the entertainment of the moment. woman get all upset over rapists...[and rightfully so] well then- some woman gave birth to the rapist...some parent somewhere did not teach the boy to be a gentleman. shame on the parents shame on the aggressor. Even in 2008 some men STILL view woman as property..oh sure they talk about treating the lady like a queen, and go thru the motions to win the lady...but once he has her, he thinks it/she is a possession like a truck, a coleman lantern, a fishing rod. Woman, Ill dusk as I say this... wait no. how do a select words... men have a different thought pattern. men tend to think black and white- woman in shades of gray. so IN means IN to the guy, and IN means "if" "and" but"" to the lady. flash now to what I consider comfort. Own you. own this minute. To those who commit suicide. How selfish!! It leaves no consideration for those left behind. I learned this week that a cousin in Delaware committed suicide. what a shame. meanhwile there are folks who are dying of disease that would love to live, but wont. it mocks them. and leaves loved ones holding the bag. I would hate to be a female. one thing about thugs- even when the last one walking is locked away in prison, we will make more! of course no one wants to be violated. we also dont want to eat shtt, but we all do.

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