RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts...

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ShySubbie2ServeU -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 1:43:17 PM)
[sm=yahoo.gif] Jade, thank you so much for your post. That is a conflict I have been trying to reconcile. It is nice to find out I'm not 'weird' lol. Have a great day. [:)]

afterforever -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 3:45:47 PM)
I'm kind of in the same boat Jade. I doubt I will ever act out any of my fantasies, that would freak me out, but I still have them, and it definitely feels very wrong to me. My fantasies are nothing like the reality though.

jade01 -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 3:57:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShySubbie2ServeU [sm=yahoo.gif] Jade, thank you so much for your post. That is a conflict I have been trying to reconcile. It is nice to find out I'm not 'weird' lol. Have a great day. [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: afterforever I'm kind of in the same boat Jade. I doubt I will ever act out any of my fantasies, that would freak me out, but I still have them, and it definitely feels very wrong to me. My fantasies are nothing like the reality though. Not sure how to double Quote here, hope this turns out well [:)] I do understand where you both are coming from, as I stated previously... It takes internal work, at least from my perspective it did, and was 'not' easy...took time, patience on my part, of myself, for I really have not had a permanant Dom/Master to guide me...most has been on my own through learning that to gain someone and let go, become uninhibited and free...you must let go of the past in which binds you... all that 'crap' per se that we have been raised with, taught, told was moral, right and wrong (to some extent, as I do not wish to get into an argument on this subject, please...hopefully some can understand and explain better) It is a forgiveness of self, not to forget, this won't happen, it will fade to somewhere else...but have to let go or we cannot be who we wish, desire, and need to be...free in our submission, or as slaves..to each their own choices. Sorry, sounding like a therapist here, and this is strictly my own outlooks and opinions as I have personally experienced over the past several years in learning of the lifestyle and where I am headed and my future goals. Thank you Sincerely, jade

pazyamor -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 5:51:55 PM)
Wait, we all didn't have the fantasies as a little girl of big bad people breaking into our room and tying us up and doing god knows what (Cause goodness knows I didn't at the time!) to us? Oh shit, I guess that was just me.. For me, it's totally the basics. Having no control, being used sexually for someone else's pleasure, not having any say or decision, all that fun stuff. Thank goodness for BDSM too, or I would've been afraid I'm a messed up girl.. I am aware that if I was really raped (non-consentual), I would be soo not okay. Not delusional here :)

TwoDommeDivas -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 6:03:16 PM)
At the risk of TMI here, I was actually and really -- not fantasy -- raped. And I'm not talking about some guy I was dating who kept going after I said no. It was one of the most horrible events of my life, and I was hospitalized from it. And yet, I still have "rape fantasies." Somehow, inside my mind, it's different. Safer. And I have thought about actually playing it out as a way to regain power over the attack that happened to me in the past. Like, somehow, if I do it now as fantasy play, I get to deal with it in a safe context where I am really in control even if it doesn't seem like it, and thereby process it and gain power from it. I don't know. I can't explain it very well. But I haven't done it because I'm afraid just the opposite would happen: that I would be further traumatized by the reinactment. And I have gang bang fantasies, too, which somehow feel like a cousin of the rape fantasies, or an extension of them. I'm usually pretty self-aware, but this area has me pretty bewildered about myself.

MizSexyVixen -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 6:14:15 PM)
I know some who use the term ravish....as in ravishment fantasies. I prefer rape...though -I- know what I mean by that.

bipolarber -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 7:08:48 PM)
Call it what you like: rape, ravishment, being forced... it all adds up to someone taking the control and the initiative. I can think of several reasons why these sorts or games are so "hot": 1. It lets you set aside all that "making love" crap, and get down to some serious *fucking.* 2. The sub gets to be objectified. And what sub doesn't enjoy that sort of thing? 3. It gets you out of the bedroom, and having sex in new and interesting places... in the kitchen, on the floor of the garage, on the hood of the car, in piles of afore-mentioned laundy, in the basement of that place you are house sitting, the steam tunnels at the university... basically anywhere that is dark, isolated and a little tawdry... 4. You can resist, and that gets the muscles working, and the adreniline pumping. 5. It lets you vent some "violent feelings toward your partner" issues in a safe way, without doing something that could net you 10 to 20 years in a pen. 6. There's that whole "physical conquest" thing that is lurking inside our skulls. Literally, it feeds that feeling to dominate that comes from prehistory. (The ol' drag 'em back to the cave by the hair" routine.) 7. As a sub, being completely out of control on things, gives you perfect lisence to do things you'd love to try, but are frankly too damn scared to. (My first strap-on scene, god knows how many years ago, was a mock rape scene.)

pazyamor -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/15/2008 8:42:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bipolarber Call it what you like: rape, ravishment, being forced... it all adds up to someone taking the control and the initiative. I can think of several reasons why these sorts or games are so "hot": 1. It lets you set aside all that "making love" crap, and get down to some serious *fucking.* 2. The sub gets to be objectified. And what sub doesn't enjoy that sort of thing? 3. It gets you out of the bedroom, and having sex in new and interesting places... in the kitchen, on the floor of the garage, on the hood of the car, in piles of afore-mentioned laundy, in the basement of that place you are house sitting, the steam tunnels at the university... basically anywhere that is dark, isolated and a little tawdry... 4. You can resist, and that gets the muscles working, and the adreniline pumping. 5. It lets you vent some "violent feelings toward your partner" issues in a safe way, without doing something that could net you 10 to 20 years in a pen. 6. There's that whole "physical conquest" thing that is lurking inside our skulls. Literally, it feeds that feeling to dominate that comes from prehistory. (The ol' drag 'em back to the cave by the hair" routine.) 7. As a sub, being completely out of control on things, gives you perfect lisence to do things you'd love to try, but are frankly too damn scared to. (My first strap-on scene, god knows how many years ago, was a mock rape scene.) uh, what he said.

shiazn03 -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/16/2008 12:48:47 AM)
"... it all adds up to someone taking the control and the initiative." ditto, bipolarber! :P it's the loss of the control, the helpless feeling of being overpowered, the emphasis of my gender and how i lack the strength to fight back. :D hehe, fun! i'd say that "rape" is too harsh a word to describe it. i agree with the "forced sex play." yes, i know there's not much of a difference, seeing how it defines the same act. it's the feeling i get when each word is said and in what context, things like that. i'm not gonna say either one is correct or incorrect, it's just the my own preference. peace out, all! :)

sodsta -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/16/2008 11:12:16 AM)
These replies have been really interesting. Thanks to everyone for sharing. :) I thought maybe I should answer my own question, too. Personally, I think it's a lot to do with that kind of primal, animal instinct. Fighting, resisting, hurting, struggling... it's about raw emotion and that adrenaline rush as your survival instinct kicks in. It's also one scenario where I am allowed to give up control, but am also allowed to 'fight' it. I think there can also be an outlet in the fight, and in submitting only after resistance. It's a very different type of giving in to your everyday submission, where you give over control without being allowed to 'argue' or 'resist'. Personally, that is definitely a big part of what makes it so appealing for me, but I don't know how common that is.

bipolarber -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/16/2008 12:40:03 PM)
Hummm... maybe we should call it "CNC". (Consentual Non-Consentuality?) Coming up with a word for this that doesn't squick people, but reflects it's attractive qualities is a bit tricky....

StrongSpirit -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/16/2008 6:25:16 PM)
I think that part of what is going on is the question is backwards. That is, don't ask why people would enjoy rape, but instead ask why most don't enjoy rape. Rape is a non-consensual sex. It is normal for humans to enjoy sex. The fact that it is non-consensual makes it a horrible mental violation, but it does not change the fact that it is still sex. All living things enjoy sex. Evolution ensures that it is a pleasurable experience (otherwise, the species dies out.) There is no exception built into our bodies to make it stop being pleasurable merely because it is non-consensual. Sex is naturally fun, even if it is non-consensual. For most people, the non-consensual part adds an unpleasant experience on top of the pleasurable one. It is sort of like getting a nice inheritance when your grandmother dies. Yeah, it's still unpleasant, but that vacation you bought with the check was still a nice thing. That fact that you enjoyed the vacation does not make you less upset that grandmother died (and vice versa). Now, throw in the fact that some of us have higher pain thresholds, and don't really mind giving up our consent. Suddenly we have a combination of sex (nice) and something that while other people hate, we really don't mind that much.

underling3 -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/18/2008 4:34:48 AM)
One of my most satisfying memories was of a switch who had the fantasy and demanded that it be carried out strictly as prelude to reversing the roles and exacting massive "revenge" for the "attack." As the object of this lengthy and imaginative revenge I am amazed still that no one heard my muffled, but still noisy screams. Damn! I wish she was still around. LOL

jade01 -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/18/2008 3:14:22 PM)
In all honesty, I have never figured out 'why' so many are insistant in refering to it as a 'rape' thing, vs calling it something else. Being that 'yes' rape in and of itself is a touchy situation and has a bad stigmatism socially. As I stated previously, I had to find a mind set to avoid my 'own' past issues with rape...to accept the ideas that the two are 'not' one and the same. Being raped 'non-consensually' has it's lasting effects. being raped 'consensually'...be it a fantacy of a persons, something someone wishes to replay thinking it will rid them of a nightmare of the above terrible act, or even if it is about still needing that control in a sexual sense having this done or not prior... For myself, my personal reasons, from my POV, please keep that in mind... I trully wish they would call it something 'other' then 'rape!' Thank you sincerely jade

kikkikat -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/18/2008 9:37:15 PM)
I think some touched on the idea. . but for some (me included) it's the abililty to enjoy aspects of sex that might be considered "wrong" or "immoral" without having to take responsibility for it. That whole "I'm a good girl, I would never. . . " is safe when you can say "I was forced". For me those fantasies include things I wouldn't actually want to do in real life (given away - true slavery - bisexual encounters - etc) but that are undeniably hot on paper.

hermione83 -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/18/2008 10:08:15 PM)
All three, definitely, I've thought that must be true for me before.. good post.. =)

WyldHrt -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/18/2008 10:30:32 PM)
I prefer the term "resistance play" personally. As for many, the turn on for me is the loss of control (#2 on the list). The fantasy is indeed a device to dump all the societally inflicted "good girls don't" BS and allow yourself to be used as a toy for someone else's pleasure.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/19/2008 4:09:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie unrestrained violence, primal bestial actions, and loss of all control. The sensation of being totally overpowered and used quote: ORIGINAL: L8bloomer I really wish there was another term for it other than "rape fantasy". I call it ravishment

lronitulstahp -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/19/2008 4:54:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy quote: ORIGINAL: sweetwenchie unrestrained violence, primal bestial actions, and loss of all control. The sensation of being totally overpowered and used quote: ORIGINAL: L8bloomer I really wish there was another term for it other than "rape fantasy". I call it ravishment mmmm...Ravishement...even better if you roll the "R"...

jade01 -> RE: Rape fantasies - some thoughts... (7/19/2008 8:39:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kikkikat For me those fantasies include things I wouldn't actually want to do in real life (given away - true slav ery (concentual 'added')- bisexual encounters - etc) but that are undeniably hot on paper. Be it that I have experienced the real thing...I will admit I do not find being given away (in a safe manner), the slavery aspects, and i added something to yours above, nor the bi encounter out of my realms. Now I personally do not know 'if' this is do to 'my' past experiences or not. This is why I had such a very hard time accepting that having been raped and still having these, as I refered to them then, strong needs to 'still' be ravished as some say here, or be taken, or any of the other ways of putting it...but what it comes down to...is be out of my own control and in someone elses, but knowing I am safe this time...yet am I? Though things are discussed, not everything is a given a known factor, then what is the point? It took a few people for me to accept myself this way, I am not crazy, nuts..and there are 'others' like me. lol...shall we start a support group now...smiles, kidding. Sincerely jade

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