RE: Dealing with subs with NO lifestyle experience?

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RE: Dealing with subs with NO lifestyle experience? - 7/16/2008 2:47:33 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
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I'll adress this as Pro and Con

Being Young when I started and still being young by some peoples standards I have had to address the completely NEW in the past. In some cases it was the Girl who read a few Gor Novels and thumbed through Justine by DeSade or The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty Series by Rice and they think..... I NEED this.

On the Pro Side it does MUCH for the Ego of a Dom, If they like it then you feel that you have opened the mind of someone who will remember you and what you did to them for the rest of thier life. In Many Cases the Experimentation takes you to some very Amazing Places. I find it becomes empowering to them to request things that they are ashamed to like but find it easier each and every time. I also find that the extremely new have a desire to please that over time gets tarnished by the once bitten twice shy complex later on in life.

On the Con Side, unless you are willing to go over everything you are really only creating a place for your own desires and if those desires do not Match you can end up with a person who dislikes BDSM because of how you have presented it to them. Often times when working with a complete Noob you can find yourself repeating yourself over and over and get irritated and frustrated also things that established subs naturally do when defering to you a Noob might not fully grasp. There are so many things to go over that you end up giving them sensory overload and eventually you have to go back and address things that you thought they understood the first time. Because of the Newness and thier wanting it to work out they may not always be willing to tell you the truth about understanding something or knowing where thier own limits are and so you cannot always take them for thier word. If they are scared to try things because they are new thier Limits list looks more like a BDSM Checklist as you think they have listed just about everything there is as a Limit.

andi was totally new in this lifestyle..... I don't want to do that again. As good as we are today, there were things that just weren't fun or productive at all that we often just couldn't get away from.

Steel

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RE: Dealing with subs with NO lifestyle experience? - 7/16/2008 4:09:04 PM

PanthersMom

Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
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submissives with no experience have one plus over others, they don't have "bad habits" to unlearn they got from another dominant. they are a fresh canvas. any submissive needs patience and understanding when learning new routines or skills, in that an unskilled sub is just like anyone else. some dominants prefer to have subs with more experience. it really doesn't matter to me.
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RE: Dealing with subs with NO lifestyle experience? - 7/16/2008 6:07:38 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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It's going to depend on the person, really. I've had slaves who have no clue about relationship dynamics or BDSM, but who have approached me with their interests. In them, I've found ONE who fell into his role with very, very little instruction from me. It was like magic. But, that doesn't mean the others weren't of value. I've mentored a few and redirected quite a few.

As for how I do it, I try to understand what it bringing them to the lifestyle. If it's bottoming and there's a connection, I might give them some introductory experiences. If it's relationship dynamics, we might engage in some negotiated evenings out where they are in service. If it's sexual, I try to refer them to someone who shares their kinks.

Master Fire

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RE: Dealing with subs with NO lifestyle experience? - 7/16/2008 6:08:43 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PanthersMom

submissives with no experience have one plus over others, they don't have "bad habits" to unlearn they got from another dominant.

They often do, however, have preconceived notions about how things are done, what is expected and what will happen that aren't based on the reality of what we do.

Master Fire

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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: Dealing with subs with NO lifestyle experience? - 7/16/2008 7:37:23 PM

blackrosegoddess

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/19/2008
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I am all about levels. If someone has previous experience, I will test that experience and see where they stand on the levels I work on.
If they dont I show them what pleases me. Some of what they like ( so they dont loose interest), but most of what I like.
I start at ground zero with new subs and work them up. Simple bondage ect.

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Post #: 25