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How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 6:11:09 PM

kimmypuss

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2005
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In another thread tonight I read someone saying be wary of "rushed meetings".
I'd be interested to know what others consider a "rushed meeting".
Say you've said hello to someone online through this site and are starting a dialogue and within 2 conversations they (who live hours away from you) are saying: "Come see me next Thursday" - which would be about 5 days from the time you first said hello.

Too rushed for me, I declined to meet and have a "session" with someone I don't even know yet.
What say you?

Post #: 1

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 6:18:35 PM

waterdance

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

kimmypuss... i have to agree with you it's not a good idea to do a scene with someone you hardly know. In D/s trust is such an important factor and how can you trust someone you just met on or off line?? i have heard of some horror stories of what has happened to others.. i feel when you meet someone for the first time there should be plenty of safety factors put in place. imho.

Respectfully,
waterdance aka to her Master

_____________________________

It's hard to keep a good woman down, then again maybe that would be fun.

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 2

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 6:27:37 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

A rushed meeting for me would be any inwhich I did not feel comfortable or compelled to agree to. The time between said would not be the issue. Also if someone did live that close, and they made the first request to meeting..if I felt good with it, it would be they coming to me, not I to them simply for the safety factors of remaining within my own element.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 3

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 6:46:00 PM

cltcdrd

Posts: 86
Joined: 5/31/2005
Status: offline

I would never agree to meet someone in such a short time span. In or out of the scene. Simple common sense dictates caution.

_____________________________

~~May Bright Blessings Be Bestowed Upon You and Yours~~

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 4

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 7:00:03 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I think its whatever your comfortable with.

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 5

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 7:11:52 PM

Mymantoy999

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline

rushed to me is often a "gut feeling". If it don't feel right, then it ain't right! i would also say that when first meeting, you (especially a femsub/slave), should pick the location, date and time. If he can't accept that you are safety concious, then he probably isn't right for you. He should be just as concerned for your safety as you are.

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 6

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 7:59:13 PM

kimmypuss

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for these replies.
I don't think the person is nefarious - may be he was just testing - maybe just throwing it out there to see if it would stick.
It didn't, for all of the reasons many have mentioned.

Thanks again.

< Message edited by kimmypuss -- 11/12/2005 8:00:42 PM >

(in reply to Mymantoy999)

Post #: 7

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/12/2005 8:29:56 PM

WalterRego

Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline

After three longish e-mails over several days, my Mistress and I spoke over the telephone, during which conversation She surprised me and said She did not believe in not drawing things out: let's meet tomorrow evening. Later She told me that She did not want to waste time e-mailing and talking if it would later turn out there was no physical chemistry. I live only half an hour away from Her so perhaps it wasn't as bold as situations involving greater distances. However, She was subtlely in total control of the situation at all times.

She had me wait for Her in front of an ice cream parlor on the main street of Her town. Perhaps She drove by? I don't know. After She walked up to me and introduced Herself, She suggested going to a nearby bar. Things progressed very well, and we went to several other spots as we talked and got to know eachother better. By the end of the evening I was affectionately and respectfully kissing the back of Her hand. But She had me walk Her to Her car where She said goodnight and left. No play, in fact no play for two more meetings, going out for dinner. After dinner on our third meeting, She took me to Her home and in Her bedroom told me to remove my shirt only. Then She took out and showed me her collection of canes, crops whips and other toys, but only gave me the slightest taste of a few, then sent me home. I guess that was the final test to see if I would be a good, respectful boy.

< Message edited by WalterRego -- 11/12/2005 8:34:45 PM >

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 8

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 3:07:03 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

For me rushed is when the Dominant can not take the message, i am sorry but i will not be answering mail for a few days for i am sick, and not compain, when he wants to have a session the first meeting. Ask me out for coffe or a walk to discuss things, ask me out for a horror movie and win my harth, but dont ask me to get naked before you the first time i see your face, that is my opinion.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 9

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 5:19:17 AM

kimmypuss

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2005
Status: offline

Walter - yes, that sounds more like the speed I'd prefer to go.

The distance was a factor.
If we lived in the same city, having a meet and greet for a look-see coffee would not have been any kind of trouble being easier to walk away too if the chemistry wasn't right.

Good luck to you. Sounds like you're happy.

(in reply to WalterRego)

Post #: 10

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 5:41:55 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmypuss

In another thread tonight I read someone saying be wary of "rushed meetings".
I'd be interested to know what others consider a "rushed meeting".
Say you've said hello to someone online through this site and are starting a dialogue and within 2 conversations they (who live hours away from you) are saying: "Come see me next Thursday" - which would be about 5 days from the time you first said hello.

Too rushed for me, I declined to meet and have a "session" with someone I don't even know yet.
What say you?

i would be very nervous of someone picking a time like that. granted i started a r/t relationship w my sir soon but he was not like the others.....first meeting should be in a public place and no play.IMO

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 11

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 5:44:56 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

To rushed waries from pepole to pepole, but if one of the parties feel uncofortable aboute the speed things are goin in they should say so.

(in reply to fyreredsub)

Post #: 12

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 5:50:22 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I will also agree that you must do what feels best for you. And listen carefully to your "gut", it is the best guide you have, really. If it doesn't feel right, then it is not right for you.

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 13

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 6:01:01 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

There are safety concerns which need to be addressed. One, the first time you meet in r/l should be where you live; in a resturant for coffee or dinner. You should not travel away from your area to meet a Man and most assuredly should not have sex/play with Him or stay in His home.

A Man who "rushes" you into meeting in r/l is a very dicey character. It is possible He is an abuser, looking to see how easily you can be culled from the herd. He may be looking for nothing more than a night of sex/play -- regardless of what He says He wants. A Man who is genuinely interested in a relationship will be sensitive to hesitation or other signals and He will offer to delay the r/l meeting without whining.

candystripper

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 14

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 6:13:55 AM

angelynne

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Definitely trust your gut. i met my Master one day after meeting him online. he lived a few hours away, we met in public, shortly after i felt comfortable enough with him that we "played" but it was only because he was very good about going at the pace "i" was comfortable with. with him, i was comfortable moving very fast. i also had some safety precautions such as safe calls, my friend called at regular intervals and if i didnt answer, he was to call 911.
previous to meeting him, i had talked to several doms online, each for weeks... and never felt comfortable meeting them at all.
trust your gut, set up safety precautions, and don't let them pressure you into a meeting.

good luck

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 15

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 6:31:02 AM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline

rush[2]
(verb) 1 : to move forward, progress, or act with haste or eagerness or without preparation; 2 : to advance a football by running plays < rushed for a total of 150 yards>; 1 : to push or impel on or forward with speed, impetuosity, or violence; 2 : to perform in a short time or at high speed; 3 : to urge to an unnatural or extreme speed <don't rush me>;

Rush, what is the reason to rush? Few of us do our best thinking when we are rushed. You may rush to prepare yourself for leaving the house because you overslept. You may rush to take an injured child to the emergency room. You may even rush to judgement, only to find that your thoughts were in error.

Rush to meet a potenital sub? Not my style. The delicious build up and unexpected humor and delight as you get to know someone a bit, that is my choice. I need to get to know a bit about your personality, your goals, and your interests before I choose to meet. Some will call that too drawn out, too time comsuming. I do not consider an investment of time in a potential sub too much of an effort...but these are my thoughts only, and to each his own.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to kimmypuss)

Post #: 16

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 6:44:06 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

Sometimes it's a matter of degree, that little voice inside me that says he's not going to be content to "just" meet, share a cuppa coffee and talk -- more than once if rhat's what it takes (and it usually does). When i say that not playing on a first date is a hard limit for me and they don't listen even at that early stage, it makes me wonder if they're going to listen to me later on when i'm tied up nice and tight, and i have to safeword. i admit there have been times when i've broken that limit, but those were my decisions and not because i was being pressured into it.

cheers,
jk

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to Cloudz)

Post #: 17

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 7:09:08 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

To rushed waries from pepole to pepole, but if one of the parties feel uncofortable aboute the speed things are goin in they should say so.

btw how have you been..good to see you back on the boards,n...

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 18

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 11:10:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned
A rushed meeting for me would be any inwhich I did not feel comfortable or compelled to agree to. The time between said would not be the issue. Also if someone did live that close, and they made the first request to meeting..if I felt good with it, it would be they coming to me, not I to them simply for the safety factors of remaining within my own element.

Ditto.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 19

RE: How soon is "rushed"? - 11/13/2005 11:24:47 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

fyreredsub, thank you for the welcome back, a bit up and down, i am struggeling whit depression, i will probably be a bit on an of on the forum for a while longer unthil i am well, and depending on how mutch time i have. i am trying to get back into a regular study rythem and then my time on forums go down.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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