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ORIGINAL: TwoDommeDivas
I'm not sure why, though I speculate that it is because people (unjustifiably) fear women less than men.

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ORIGINAL: persephonee

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ORIGINAL: softness

Generally speaking I don't do a safe call. This is because, until I know someone very well,  I play in public, and meet in public. Joe Public offers me far more protection than a safe call does. All a safe can do for me during a public meet, is create the knowledge that something has (past tense) happened to me ... not stop something bad from (present tense) happening. Now if I was bundled into a car in a safe public place (Starbucks for instance) .. even in polite old England someone would take down the number and call the police. No safe call can help with that. If someone stabs me to death in Borders, again, someone will make a note of it I should imagine and a safe call will be less than helpful.

Maybe the subs are thinking along the lines I am ... or maybe you just pick subs who dont think

That is exactly why i avoid Borders at all costs....i cant tell you the number of bloodied chalk lines ive had to step over to get to the self-help section.

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ORIGINAL: TwoDommeDivas

One thing I'd like to add, is that sometimes we do play publicly with someone on a first play date.  And we like to ramp up the intensity by staging a "kidnap" scene, if they are willing.  Surprisingly, a LOT of men are into this.  We will meet them somewhere and blindfold and restrain them, then drive them to the play date.  In that situation, we really go out of our way to advise them as to safe calls, etc., since that is such an inherently out-of-control situation.

Of course, we are entirely trustworthy and they are completely safe at all times, but we think the ritual of advising them lets them have a comfort level, while at the same time becomes part of our psychological "ramp up" in control.  Pre-play instructions can act as a kind of foreplay, even safety instructions.  It is all part and parcel of our psychological domination of a sub.

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Bottoms, does that kind of thing reassure you and make you trust enough to let go?

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ORIGINAL: TwoDommeDivas

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ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

If someone was a killer bent on killing the submissive their meeting, safe calls won't stop that. Nor does it mean you're automatically safe, things could be going well when I call to say they're fine, and then could take a turn for the worse the minute I was off the phone.

To imply that subs who do safe calls are at any less risk to be killed than subs who don't is a bit silly.

I disagree.  Knowing that a sub has measures in place to alert authorities is a good deterrant for doms who are considering wilfull harm.  You'd have to be a real fucking nutjob to know the police would have your photo, name, whereabouts, etc., and then to go ahead and kill the sub anyway.  Chances are, if you've taken precautions, a dom bent on murder or harm will pick someone else for their victim.

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I don't understand why it's so scary to meet someone in a public place that one would need a safecall.  I suppose it's the fact that we hear in the news all the time about someone getting murdered or at the least the crap beat out of them while sitting across from their date in Starbucks.  (yes, sarcasm was intended)
If you feel the need of a safecall or a buddy for a public meet then maybe you should be questioning whether you should be meeting that person at all.
If you're meeting someone privately and they intend to harm you, they will and they're not gonna stop when you say "Hey, mind if I take five to make my safecall, and then you can continue to murder me?"  They would hurt you and be gone long before anyone would be pacing the floor waiting for that phone to ring.  Safecalls are useless except for finding your body. 

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ORIGINAL: Nikolette

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I don't understand why it's so scary to meet someone in a public place that one would need a safecall.  I suppose it's the fact that we hear in the news all the time about someone getting murdered or at the least the crap beat out of them while sitting across from their date in Starbucks.  (yes, sarcasm was intended)
If you feel the need of a safecall or a buddy for a public meet then maybe you should be questioning whether you should be meeting that person at all.
If you're meeting someone privately and they intend to harm you, they will and they're not gonna stop when you say "Hey, mind if I take five to make my safecall, and then you can continue to murder me?"  They would hurt you and be gone long before anyone would be pacing the floor waiting for that phone to ring.  Safecalls are useless except for finding your body. 

This type of logic I've seen on this thread really surprises me. It a pretty shortsighted way of viewing things.

While I don't hear about people getting murdered at Starbucks, its not unreasonable for someone to slip a "roofie" into your drink there. Or follow you home. Or seem normal and so you go with them somewhere more private.... etc etc. These things that one doesn't plan for or intend on.

When I set up safecalls: I call them when I've arrived with the stranger. And I call them at given points in the night/day to reassure them of my safety. And then when I get home and I'm secure. And/or to update them on any change of plans. At each point I have a code phrase previously agreed upon to indicate that I'm okay, not okay- but not unsafe, or the police need called ASAP. I provide them with useful and helpful information pertinant to the visit and with a specific plan of what to do in the worst case scenerio.

And if I'm being attacked, true: I can't stop and make a call....BUT.... The person I'm calling knows exactly what to do if I haven't made the next designated call. And those hours- literally could mean the difference between life and death in the search for me. It could also bring about the prosecution of the offender in the event its too late- and that is important to me for my own sake as well as others.

ALSO--- Something extremely important to add: If someone "intends" to hurt you, but they see you are implimenting self protective methods, they CAN change their mind based on not wanting to get caught. So it CAN be a deterrent. Preditors rarely have violent impulses that they can't control at all. Meaning- they aren't in a blind murderous lust and will make, sometimes, logical choices if the person is establishing strong boundaries and it seems like they will get caught/deterred.

In a nutshell: its free/extremely cheap, its easy, it can help you--- why the heck not?

I swear I want to sign you all up for self-defense classes so you all empower yourselves, rather than creating openings for victimization. I urge you all to be pro-active and aggressive in your safety methods.

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Bottoms, does that kind of thing reassure you and make you trust enough to let go?

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from going nuts

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ORIGINAL: Nikolette


Preditory people LOOK for those who aren't taking protective measures. To put it extremely simply: They look for green flags, just like "normal" people look for red flags. Enough green=choice to harm another.

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ORIGINAL: Nikolette

While I don't hear about people getting murdered at Starbucks, its not unreasonable for someone to slip a "roofie" into your drink there. Or follow you home. Or seem normal and so you go with them somewhere more private.... etc etc. These things that one doesn't plan for or intend on.