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MaamJay -> RE: Reassuring subs (7/15/2008 6:47:54 PM)
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Well as a Domme, I have also found that male subs are less likely to arrange a safe call than are female subs. And I am sure it's part of their whole "i may be a male sub but i'm still macho" thing. That plus, as petdave said, unless they have a bdsm friend, it's going to be a bit tricky arranging a safe call. It's not the done thing for internet dating with guys whereas it may be more acceptable for a woman to arrange something. I explain what a safe call is, and say that I would prefer for them to have one for the first play meeting, it's up to them if they have one for the first coffee meeting that precedes any play. I tell them that if they say what time they have promised to call, I will make sure any play is over and they are grounded in time to make the call as I wouldn't want someone to worry unnecessarily. I also explain that Master is My safe call, in that He usually accompanies Me to the initial coffee meet, (and if He doesn't get good vibes about the person then play isn't going to happen) and is usually somewhere in the vicinity during the first play meet. Given that We are now in a semirural area where the only play parties could be at Our place, public play isn't really an option. I also explain that unless a sub knows he is a real bondage junkie I generally do not restrain someone at the first play, or will do so in a way that they could easily get away eg hands behind back but not bound TO anything. If they get off on the feel of rope I will happily do a rope harness around the torso which means they could still escape if they needed to. They'd startle the neighbours a bit though! I recognise with this plan I am possibly at more risk than the sub in that if they got nasty, I couldn't do much about it Myself. I'm OK with that as Master who is a large 6'4" is My back-up! Besides, I don't see that the sub should take ALL the risk.
OK I know all this probably wouldn't stop an out and out murderer ... but then I know I'm not one of those! And generally speaking here in Aus, there's not a whole lot of them waiting around every corner, so I wouldn't expect most subs, male or female, to be paranoid about that. More would be concerned about possible sexual assault (and that could go both genders), or about things escalating and having safe words not respected. For them, knowing that I know that someone else has My contact details gives them some assurance that I wouldn't deliberately stir up trouble for Myself. They also know that I work in a sensitive field so they know they could do Me real damage if I did them damage. I don't consider it a false sense of security either, more a sense of personal responsibility that shows that You consider their safety important and shouldn't they value themselves that much too? I've never had a sub be creeped out by the fact that I've mentioned it (as one poster mentioned) ... most have either not heard of it before, been interested but then decided not to bother, and some have said that as I have brought this up, it gives them confidence that I am not the kind they need to worry too much about anyway! They see it as an indicator of My sense of responsibility and trustworthiness and respond to that.
So for Me it's not about how well it could work in the face of a nutjob, it's about a possible deterrent and taking responsibility for yourself ... and that's a quality I want to see in any sub.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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