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Life?? - 7/15/2008 2:39:30 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		At this point and time and due to other obligations in my life, work and custody issues with my children, I only have a limited availability of time in pursuing a BDSM relationship. Hell this would even be true if I was just pursuing a vanilla relationship for that matters. What I would like to know though is how many others in here who consider themselves submissives, especially males due these type of issues, that when contacting a Dominant for consideration are told that you are not really a submissive, if you can’t be available anytime they desire, and that you are nothing more than just a player and a wannabe?? This is just all so confusing to me because I know what it is that I need and want within my relationships but I also know that I have to be a provider and a father first.

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 2:51:32 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It's just a case of not finding someone compatable with your needs and abilities.  Just ignore such comments and block those people and stay true to the commitments you have been honest about up front.  If they cannot see how much more commited you are because of these reasons its there loss, not yours.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to dragon2760)
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RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 3:03:42 PM   
angelwithhonor


Posts: 193
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		...that is just plain assnine that someone says that you arent submissive because you cant drop and serve them. know yourself, that you are a true servant by heart. and dont need to show someone ,who doesnt understand or care of your life dealings. submissive's slaves are servant, it's what they are and live. its your heart and soul. you know what you can offer, and will offer more when you can. dont waiste the typing back of."oh okay well dont wait on me!!" peace to you and the things you hold dear to your heart. keep being yourself, and it will lead to what is meant to be..peace

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 3:04:13 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		I have to agree with Darcyandthedark here.  No one can tell you what you are or are not.  Your heart and actions define that for you.  Are you the right sub for those Doms?  Obviously not.  But out there, some place, is one that is perfect for you, and that is looking for someone just like you.

Would I like my own pet to be there 24/7?  Of course I would, but, I also realize that he has a life of his own.  He has his family and responsibilities.  Frankly, and he knows this very well, and has known it from the start, his family and personal responsibilities come first.  To do otherwise would be inappropriate, in my eyes.

Pay no heed to what they say.  They don't know you, they can't determine that kind of thing so easily.

Shakespeare put it best, I believe, when Polonius said to his son Laertes, in Hamlet:  "This above all, to thine own self be true.  And it must follow, as night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."

(in reply to dragon2760)
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RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 3:05:49 PM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Screw that "true" crapola.  I see red every time I read that.  Don't worry about anyone else.  Do what you gotta do and be at peace with yourself.

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 4:39:13 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Taking care of your life doesn't make you less of a submissive. It can, however, affect the pool of dominants available to you. As an example, while I don't know you, a brief perusal through my profile would let you know that you probably wouldn't be a good fit for me right now. Why? Because I'm looking for someone who can come by at the drop of a hat, or can travel on short notice. You may be a perfectly good submissive, but you don't meet my needs. It has nothing to do with how submissive you are, or how dominant I am... it's a right time/right place thing.

Consider yourself fortunate that none of the dominant individuals who think so little of someone who meets their obligations wanted you -- you wouldn't have wanted to end up with someone like that anyway.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 4:56:41 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, true/fake/real/pure are all bullshit.  They are one person trying to convince the entire rest of the world to act in a way to turn that one person on.  Sorry, but the entire reason we are here is that sexuality is not a simple, straightforward thing.  Different people like different things.

It is basically the same thing as a vanilla person calling you a pervert.

Don't date a vanilla person that thinks you are a pervert and don't date a Dom/sub that thinks you are not true, real, pure, etc.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 5:01:44 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I have found that it works both ways. I was often called a fake because I wouldn't meet them on their lunch hour or take the afternoon off of my work. People have lives. Most genuine people I know understand this. But, if it gets to the point where you are constantly breaking dates or are dictating the entire schedule, I could see how some could get frustrated.

Master Fire




_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 5:36:38 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		~fast reply~~

the very first time Daddy and i got together and had in-person time (after some months of phone calls and emails and IM's) we were getting along fine, everything was good....then the phone rang.

and Daddy's girl time got pushed aside for resuming the mama mantle.  and he understood perfectly.  *that* job comes first, every single time.  and if someone cant understand that, then s/he isnt the right dominant for someone who still has yardapes/a job outside the home/elderly parent obligations/the occasional emergency.  life is what happens when you take the time to make plans on doing something fun.

the weekend of the 4th, TheEngineer and i planned on doing nothing.  what we ended up doing is a 2500 mile round trip to arizona to be there when his grandmother passed away, a side trip to see a cousin he hadnt seen in years, and back home.  that's a lotta driving.  oh and the a/c stopped working.  life happens.  we made the best of it.

kitten

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 5:45:20 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		My boys are not always available. They cannot be here at the drop of a hat, since until this year both of them were students and lived on campus. They both have families and obligations to spend time with their siblings and parents, they both had homework and study time... and then they had me.
You arent LESS submissive because your priorities are not them before you eve meet them. Anyone who is lookng for something longer term and more realistic will appreciate your honesty about your situation as well as your obvious devotion to the more important things in life.
Just keep looking until you find someone.
Anyone who tells you you arent real or true becasue you dot give them everything they want, its usually a ploy to make you feel guilty or bad about yourself in hopes you will change your mind. Dont fall for it.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to pixidustpet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 6:15:36 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your responses.  I know that I do have to be true to those things that do come first in my life, it's just so damn frustrating though.  Don't get me wrong I don't view my children as a burden.  I love them very much and I enjoying spending as much time with them as I can.  Part of the problem I guess for me too is that I work at night, 12 hour shifts.  I basically work a two day on, two day off with every other weekend type of shift.  The kids are with their mom when I work and with me when I don't other than one night a week.  When I was seeing Mistress Cathy she understood these things and actually made it a point to remind me every now and then that although she expected my total obedience and submission when I was with her that life had to come first.  It was just so unfortunate that the decision had to be made for us to stop seeing each other.  I'm really not at liberty to give too many details other than to say that an ex was involved and causing alot of problems.  We did spend time trying to work things out so it was not a decision that came quickly or lightly.  It was her suggestion that I might consider seeking out another Mistress since she did not know how long it might take to get these things resolved so she released me from my contractual agreement with her to do so.  Of course as I had found out before, and has been mentioned here before, Dominant females don't grow on trees and it seems that the really good ones are already attached.  I do try to be involved in the local community, going to munches and events, when I can but there again you don't find too many unattached Dominant females.  And then there is alot of competition for the few that aren't.  The old saying is that all good things come to those who wait.  It's just so frustrating when you know how you truly feel but others put you down because of life.  I know I should just let it roll off of me like water on a ducks back.  Thanks again for listening to me rant on like this just really didn't know whereelse to turn for a litle peace of mind.

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 6:37:39 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Wow... I think anyone who cannot be realistic and who is ignorant enough to say that you aren't really submissive because you are a dedicated mother, human being and responsible... is a 'true' idiot.  That goes beyond selfish because they point a finger at you.  Don't even let what a small person like that would say, bother you.  I wish you well in your current challenges!  It does get better!

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 6:55:41 PM   
silkncarol


Posts: 318
Status: offline 		Amen Lockit...so well said! 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Wow... I think anyone who cannot be realistic and who is ignorant enough to say that you aren't really submissive because you are a dedicated mother, human being and responsible... is a 'true' idiot.  That goes beyond selfish because they point a finger at you.  Don't even let what a small person like that would say, bother you.  I wish you well in your current challenges!  It does get better!


_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 6:57:24 PM   
AmbrosialWench


Posts: 50
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		Unfortunately many people are rude.... Some of these people who refer to you as a fake and wannabe may think that your true reason for having time limitations are lies. This could be from personal experience and what others have told them people will say who are players or trying to hide a marriage. 

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 7:06:44 PM   
mzbehavin


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		The reality is, the um's are so much more important right now, than any "lifestyle". Yes, you may put your own needs on hold, thats what parents do sometimes. Yes, its frustrating. Yet the truth is, things will be as they will be, and feeling frustrated isnt going to make the One magically appear any faster. Enjoy them, enjoy this time you have, they grow so damn fast soon you will be living alone again wondering where they all went.
Its good to vent sometimes.
And for the record, i think its cool you put your um's first. People who dont, scare me.

_____________________________

There's never really a good time for the whole Man to Beast thing...Just kind of~Whaum! and hope for the best...
ToTo from The O.Z.

(in reply to AmbrosialWench)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 7:24:43 PM   
dragon2760


Posts: 114
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mzbehavin

Enjoy them, enjoy this time you have, they grow so damn fast soon you will be living alone again wondering where they all went.

That is so true.  My daughter will be turning 15 in just a little under two weeks and sometimes it just seems like it was only yesterday that I held her in my arms for the first time.

quote:

 
And for the record, i think its cool you put your um's first. People who dont, scare me.


Thank you. 

_____________________________

"When two people are alone together, and one of them is naked and tied up, and the other is standing over them holding whips and other torture implements, this is not the time to have a serious mismatch of expectations." Jay Wiseman

(in reply to mzbehavin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Life?? - 7/15/2008 9:06:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		This is where you find a dominant who has a full life also, and who consider their ums to be as important to them as yours are to you. Honestly, nonparents don't really understand how parents can be so 'wrapped up' in their ums, so unable to schedule free time, etc. Find a dominant who is also a devoted parent and this won't be such an issue.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Life?? - 7/16/2008 12:05:24 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Well, I don't know about that, DesFIP.  I mean, I'm not saying it's a BAD idea, but, if they both have full lives, then scheduling time together can be rather difficult sometimes, at best.  There are pros and cons to every situation.

I do agree though, that the OP needs to find someone who at least understands the situation.  Perhaps one who HAS had children, but they are since grown and moved out on their own.  That way they do know and understand that the munchkins come first, period.  Just an idea though. 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Life?? - 7/16/2008 5:38:15 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		i've been called fake, wannabe to unsubmissive, etc by a few dominants because i simply stated my girls will always come before them. one even demanded i choose between him or my girls since he felt that's how a true submissive is suppose to serve her master ...putting her life, family, job, minors etc after him.

ha! he got an earful before i dumped him.

no dominant is worth his/her title if you have to put life and responsibilities on hold until their needs are met first.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Life?? - 7/16/2008 5:51:14 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree with pretty much everyone else.  I think I'd respond to these people the way they are talking to me.

"Well if you were a real dominant you'd have compassion and understand my situation, Negotiations are now over you're dismissed."

Your children should always come first.  You only have the time you have with them...and either they turn out right or they turn out screwed up.
You're going to find there are always going to be messed up in the head people out there who feel the need to label you.  Even if you aren't planning on ever being theirs in this lifetime.
You need to be ok with yourself and let it roll off of you and realize some people are ignorant and that's just how its going to be.


(in reply to dragon2760)
Profile   Post #: 20
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