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SurrenderForMe -> RE: ~~The Online Equivalent of a Cock Block~~ (7/16/2008 8:23:45 PM)
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You may want to edit your story. Soho is in New York, not CA.
I have never trashed someone for rejecting me. I have ranted about being hurt once or twice, once online, with the cruel cruel persons identifying characteristics removed.
On the other hand, I have walked into stories, like the one you just posted and made the mistake of asking to know more details because I believe that if someone is a major jerk or worse, the advantage of the internet and sites of kinky people is to let others know so they can avoid them. I have had endless lectures about how people should not pass on stories that may damage the innocent. My response is, that I take the information and use it for a reference. I have met people I was warned about and interacted with them. I kept the supposed offense at the back of my mind to remind me of what I would and would not do or where I would or would not go.
I heard about a guy, sub, supposed to be a rapist. Actually, I have heard this about several guys, but I am going to tell only one story. I will note that in my experience two guys who proved out to be abusers, but were doms, never had any major issue with people rejecting them. The subs usually got decimated by rumors.
He wasn't popular, he was attractive but no huge fan base. He was with someone I knew and was not really close to. The side story to that is a tragicomedy all on its own. Anyway, he and his then partner were hanging out and talking to me and my partner. She wandered off, he stayed we chatted. He mentioned that he was being ostracized. Openly admitted he had a story and wanted to tell it in private. So, what am I to do. He is supposed to be a rapist, he wants to talk privately.
We weren't going for a car ride, that's for sure. lol
That was easily handled. I told my sub I was going to talk to him. I told him to watch us, we were going out of sound range but staying in plain sight on a busyish commercial street, with a large group of people in sight.
He was bi-polar. He had not taken his meds. He had a crush on a girl and had raped her. The details are depressing and he described it clearly enough that it was clearly rape. He was convicted. He went to jail. He was on probation and his meds. He was wishy washy on taking responsibility. He wanted me to tell him that it was ok, that he had the excuse of being bi-polar. What I told him was that he had hurt someone and that he was responsible for making amends and that he was undermining any sympathy from me by justifying something terrible.
He asked if he could continue talking to me in the future and I said yes. We met off and on for a few years.
He followed my advice and addressed what he had done, when he met someone new. He had a lot of rejections, but he managed to hook up with two dommes that I know of. He was barred from all of the play groups though. One of the dommes he hooked up with, he introduced me to and we acknowledged the fact that he had provided full disclosure of the past event.
He didn't get a free ride, but there were people willing to be with him with conditions set to accomodate his history. I thought that was about the best he could hope for. He had people who hung out with him and partners, but was treated by the majority (people who had no connection to him and therefore no reason to go out of their way for him) as a criminal.
He is the exception to the group of men that I have heard something negative about. He alone tried to address his mistakes. The rest, all kept on doing what they did. Had varying levels of popularity, and their staunch defenders saying that what was said was a lie. That is the hard part of being in a herd. You are not supposed to use your own judgement.
I keep a low profile now so I am not around anyone that would potentially mention any names that would raise a red flag. I live by innocent until proven guilty, but if warned will add layers of protection until I satisfy myself that I understand all the risks.
The gossip in both online and real time groups is virulent and contagious. The pettiness of people, at times seems overwhelming. All I can do is use common sense, as I suggest others do. I am sick of the conversations that start "They warned me but", if someone hears something bad, keep it in mind, keep your safety ahead of your libido or compassion, until you have enough knowledge to decide on your own that someone is ok or not.
This did not address someone who really is the victim of malicious gossip. I haven't encountered that yet. Each time some rumor came that I was curious enough to check out, there was a kernel of truth. Usually a whole corn field. The ones I did not check out are still just that to me, rumors. I don't know the person described in the post, I have no opinion on the story, except that SoHo is in New York. If the person is innocent, I wish them all the best.
I know that I have created rumors in the past. Really, I did beat someone until he passed out. Why, he passed out unexpectedly. Was that fun, not really. It is hard to get someone down when he's a foot taller than me. That was why I was happy we were in public. All the big strong men and women who help. No lasting damage, except to my ego. I don't like to make mistakes. If he was going to pass out, I wanted it to be because I planned it.
Then there was the time I was demoing fire play.....
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