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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 5:21:15 PM

kiwisub12

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Heck i was living with my Sir for several weeks before we told each other our last names. It didn't seem very important. He had my work number and i had his cell number and what more could a modern couple want.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 5:54:02 PM

petdave

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i have an unusual last name, so i rarely use it on the internet for anything unless i'm buying something. My first name, obviously, i use pretty freely... i just can't see talking to people in real-time using a screen name. Oh, hi, Jane, nice to meet you. i'm lowlyslaveboy6969, but my friends just call me lowlyslaveboy

< Message edited by petdave -- 7/16/2008 5:57:53 PM >

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 5:56:53 PM

HarryVanWinkle

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<<<<<< Full name

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 5:58:47 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
As for people knowing what city I actually live in - why should it bother me for them to know? There's close to a million people living in this metro area, if not more than a million.

Some of us live in small towns with only a few thousand people, where the phone book quickly reveals you're the only one of your name. I'm one of them.

And since my town is the only one in the nation with that name, I don't reveal that.

Makes a big difference when you live in a large metro area as opposed to a small or rural area in that regard. Since I've always lived in a relatively large metro area (even if it's one where the rural portions are close to hand, and some of the rural is actually Inside city limits!) it's never been a consideration for Me Personally to worry about people being able to arbitarily locate me if I don't want them able to do so.

kiwi - I could never do that, living with someone that I didn't even know what their full name is. Hell, I couldn't even make myself Date someone I didn't know the full name of - forget any sort of deep intimacy or Living with them. Nope, nuh uh, no way, not a chance. I have to trust someone Implicitly in order to have that sort of relationship with them (ie living in the same house) - and that sort of trust would not develop, ever, on my part if I didn't know that sort of thing about them. Hell, considering how I've been burned a few times in my past by people whom I DID know things like their full legal name, their supposed history, some of their family... it'd take a lot more at this point than just knowing their full name for me to develop that sort of trust. I had an ex not to many years ago whom I ended up living with for nearly 2 years - and who was, after moving in with me, incredibly abusive. I found out, not long before the relationship ended once and for all, that everything I Thought I knew about him was fantasy. And it wasn't like I hadn't take precautions prior to dating him - hell, I'd run a background check on the social security number he gave me, to verify a few things like lack of criminal record, confirmation of military record, etc - only to find out later that the number he'd given me, the history he'd told me, even his own REAL name - were actually his Brother's! He had assumed his older brother's identity in large part, in order to keep his potential gfs from finding out the truth about his Own history.

As, in regards to what you were actually thinking about - how soon to give your real name to someone that you're planning on meeting face to face that you know strictly online - I won't meet someone face to face that won't give me that sort of information prior to expecting me to meet them face to face. If they aren't willing to let me know who they are offline prior to Meeting Offline - I have no reason to trust them sufficiently for the meet to ever take place.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 6:29:17 PM

TheHeretic

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First name, no problem at all. It was even incorporated into my original nic on this board, and part of my signature under this one for a long time (since I've dropped it, it seems to get used more often by people replying to me, too).

Full name, as in go to Zaba and get my home address and phone number? Strictly on a need to know basis.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 6:48:18 PM

afterforever

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I tell people my first name pretty much straight away if I like them, referring to me as miss forever is a bit silly. But I have yet to give out my last name, as I am very googleable, although you couldn't find me in the phone book. I would if I was planning on meeting up with them and it occurred to them to ask though.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 6:48:19 PM

GreedyTop

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first name? noproblem (and there are some here that use my first name when posting..which is fine with me). Msgrs show my last name. I determine who gets my msgr when based on my gut feelings.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 6:55:32 PM

Mandysbitch

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Then I would wait until some sort of a real relationship or bond has been established.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 8:38:51 PM

DesFIP

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Georgia, do you do the same? When you ask for their full name, phone number, address do you offer yours? Or do you expect them to take all the risk?

We exchanged names, he offered his data first. However I would have had no trouble meeting for coffee first. After all, if we decided there was no spark in person and we wouldn't be seeing each other again then why bother giving all that info out? Since I wouldn't play on the first meet it wouldn't matter if we didn't share the info until then.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 8:50:39 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I dont much care who has my whole name for one simple reason... there are several of me floating around. I have checked so unless you had some other info to cross reference, you cant tell which me is me and which me is not me.

DV

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 9:30:40 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Georgia, do you do the same? When you ask for their full name, phone number, address do you offer yours? Or do you expect them to take all the risk?

We exchanged names, he offered his data first. However I would have had no trouble meeting for coffee first. After all, if we decided there was no spark in person and we wouldn't be seeing each other again then why bother giving all that info out? Since I wouldn't play on the first meet it wouldn't matter if we didn't share the info until then.

Yes, because if I trust them enough to start setting up a Meet offline, then I probably trust them enough for them to know the things about me that I expect to know About them.

The ex that I mentioned - I didn't Ask him for things like his ss# - he offered it, supposedly as a token of good faith. Since it was offered, I utilized the information for my own (supposed) safety. At the time, I still had spawn living with me at home, so that sort of willingness on his part meant quite a bit to me at the time. I've learned Not to take such willingness, or the information gained from such, at face value - due in no small part to that particular incident.

Setting up a meeting for coffee when we're going to be in the same town anyway, not because one or the other has specifically traveled to meet the person, is one thing. There are people that I know even here on CM that, if I happen to be traveling through their area anyway for other reasons, I'll likely email and set up a brief meet for coffee. (Not surprisingly, those few people already Know my first name!) Knowing only their first name for something like that probably wouldn't bother me. Traveling out of town Specifically to meet? Dating regularly? Starting a Relationship? Moving in together? Not a chance - because those are things that require significantly more trust than showing up at a coffee shop. After all, in town it's likely a coffee shop that I regularly go to anyway - and out of town, still gotta eat while traveling. Hell, the very idea of moving in with someone who I haven't been dating for a Long time - while living in Very seperate households - makes me shudder and get slightly nauseated. I'm not saying that it Can't work - obviously you and your partner have made it work for you. It's simply something that I could never make Myself do, and I can't particularly think of any inducement that would change my mind about it.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/16/2008 10:37:29 PM

Vendaval

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Thank you, Lady Ice.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 3:45:39 AM

pixidustpet

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i've known TheEngineer for nearly 8 years now. he didnt know my actual legal first name till this past march, when we were discussing the probability of me moving here. not that i didnt trust him, because i LOATHE my actual legal first name. he knew my last name, my address and my phone number...and knew that "cat" wasnt my first name. he was ok with that.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 5:51:31 AM

Quivver

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Usually first name is enough for most ... although if asked for the last I take into consideration the events prior that may have lead up to the question. .... On the flip side of all this is, if I give mine I expect to know yours.

I cant imagine investing in a relationship real time only to learn later that the name given wasnt actual!

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 5:57:55 AM

HeavansKeeper

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<QR>

I made a post not long ago about social engineering and con artists. It's important to note the single most important piece of information is a name. I don't give my last name until it's needed for something.

Unless you're meeting, the town shouldn't matter. I know, as humans, we can't help but wanting to know names and cities, but they really don't matter until they matter a lot. I've had very intimate, private, open, deep conversations with people who's first names I didn't know... it works because names, dates, and other figures are arbitrary.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 6:10:55 AM

DarkSteven

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If you can't figure out my first name...

My last name is extremely unusual and I don't giive it out readily. If I'm meeting someone from online, I give her my full name and tell her to use a phone buddy, for her safety. Aside from that, just to people I trust.

Just an aside about zabasearch - I saw profiles on alt that gave unusual first names. In at least two instances, I was able to zabasearch that unsual first name and get a list of everyone in the state that had that first name, organized by city. Since alt lists city name, I had their address and phone number in three minutes.

Caveat subbius.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 6:18:19 AM

MySweetSubmssive

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My first name alone makes me uniquely traceable. I give it out when I feel comfortable with someone. Sometimes that's right away. Sometimes it takes a few weeks. Of course, with some folks I don't get to that point. Once I told someone my first name, I would have little hesitation to tell them my last.

Mss

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 6:19:54 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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good question.

in the 2yrs i've been with Daddy, i've never told Him my complete name. even when i meet someone in person, i keep my full name to myself. for yahoo IMs, i use my nickname.

i've googled my name before and found it's also shared with porn magazine publisher's daughter.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 6:33:10 AM

tsatske

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should I go google magizine editors with daughters, and guess?
(that would really be way too much trouble)
I am not very shy about my name. I have a very unique first name, and I use it anyway. My mail program is set up so that it uses my entire name, first and last.
The first year I was online, back when there was a real and active usenet, I had a penpal from Ireland, nice man i met on alt.recipes.international or something like that. I moved, changed emails, lost contact with him.
six months later, he wrote me. I'm like, 'Wow, how did you find me? I lost your email address.' He said, 'I did a usenet search on your real name, because you use it in your sig. BTW, you post to some very interesting groups....' See, if i hid my real name, i never would have 'refound' him, and he's a nice guy.
One of my first R/t friends from online expressed concern at how free I am with my 'real, whole' name, and my phone number, for that matter.
I told him - I'm an alkie. I give my phone number to any live, active wet drunk here in the city who asks for it at a meeting - and you are concerned about me giving it to some nice guy 500 miles away?
I am not very security concise. I am very careful about certain things - i make safe calls, and do them right, because i believe it contributes to the 'herd immunity' of the community. (If I do it, if other experienced subs do it, it is more the 'norm', and easier for new subs to insist on). But, overall, i expect people to obey the law and treat me with respect, and, if they don't, i seperate myself from them, and, if necessary, call the police. I don't spend time worrying about it.
But then, I leave my keys in my car and never lock my front door, either. what can i say?

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 6:45:11 AM

brat4fun

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I've never been too concerned about people knowing my "real" name.... since the name I go by all the time isn't my legal first name anyway. Not that I hate my name, just that it's a very common family name. I have since changed that on my profile since my Sir has said that he would prefer me to have a scene name.

Before I had my scene name I would give out my first name and my phone number to people that I was going to meet casually, for coffee or something. If I was going to play with someone then I would swap full names and hand that info, and the place we were meeting, to my safe-call.

Now, everyone will get my scene name... my Sir knows my real name, so that's all I need. :)

little Aidan

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