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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 7:35:50 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		I tell people my first name fairly quickly (after an email or two).  I have met people locally for coffee without knowing more than their first names and vice versa).  If I have continued seeing them we have shared surnames and addresses. 

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(in reply to Asmodeus)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 9:30:52 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Depends on the vibe I get from the person.  Some people, never.  Others well as they prove they are more trustworthy. 
When I was looking for a dominant...maybe 2 out of literally thousands got my name. 


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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 9:51:49 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't give people my full name unless I meet/know them face to face and in the situation it is important.  Mostly I don't find it important.  I am also in that camp of people who do not ask for full names before meeting.  I meet in public.  If it goes further than that I want more of an ID.  But honestly, I once dated a guy for 2 weeks before knowing his first name.  I met him after a robbery and was sort of distracted.  He asked me out during the next meeting and he was cute, a cop, and had a nice face so I said yes. 
I used every non descript name when talking to him, hon, sweetie, ect.. but never his name.  When it became obvious we were going to keep going out I was too embarrassed to ask him what his name was so I got my sister to introduce herself to him by saying "hello, I am her older sister margie, and what is your name?"
His name was Jim, btw. 
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/17/2008 9:54:01 AM >

(in reply to Asmodeus)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 10:16:53 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		lol Kyst...


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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 12:11:16 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

should I go google magizine editors with daughters, and guess?
(that would really be way too much trouble)

good luck

this is why i don't use my real name on the forums/sites i frequent. i use a variation of my interests or radio name as screen names.

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RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 12:44:43 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

Usually first name is enough for most ... although if asked for the last I take into consideration the events prior that may have lead up to the question.  ....  On the flip side of all this is, if I give mine I expect to know yours. 

I cant imagine investing in a relationship real time only to learn later that the name given wasnt actual! 




i think in my case it was different because i did present it as "this is the name i prefer to go by, simply because i cannot stand my given name."  he knew from the begining that i was married at the time, that i had kids, that my husband knew that i was with him.  we were openly poly, there were no secrets...i just hated my given name.

kitten

(in reply to Quivver)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/17/2008 3:28:33 PM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Asmodeus

I wasn't actually referring to just randomly telling people in the scene your name ( I don't know if anyone I know strictly in the scene actually knows my real name and I've been active for about 30 years). I was thinking more along the lines of when you are planning on meeting someone that you actually know only from online and are looking to develop a real life relationship.

For me depends on the situation ....but most Doms when they agree to meet will provide their full name ...partly for my own security and safety when meeting ......
but when it comes to a local meet where the expectation is just to meet for coffee....  meeting with just first names known it enough for me  .....as there is no real expectation beyond that unless the meet is successful


The problem lies for me in long distance relationship   where is there is more expectations... 
I spent several months getting to know one Dom online and an online D/s relationship took place  with an  agreed meet in the future I require surgery  which would have prevented play  until after it and the recovery from  so for 5 months we carried on a relationship online .. then came the time when I was recovering from surgery  and I stilll knew very little about him and only had a pseudo name.....   he was planning to visit  and wanted to meet for dinner and proceed to play after this would not be in my home town but I would have to travel a couple hours to a large city for the meet, so I am not on my familiar home turf for the meet.   ..... for me he was still a stranger despite all the online time and with him withholding who he was for so long I found myself getting fearful that maybe that he was not what he claim and that possibly there was something he was trying to hide.... I had been in an abusive relationship in the past, had I checked into his background first I could have avoided  ... I want to know that who I am about to get involved does not have a history of violence, that they are not sexual offenders/predators.... so as the meet loomed and I still was given no personal info and my trust for meeting him started to crumple because kept worrying that possibly he was not telling me who he was because he had something to hide  so I became scared especially when he started talking about wanting to consent to  a no limits slave relationship even though the meet was planned as a meet and then some consentual play no to no consent  ....that just put it over the edge for me so close to the meet date  being I was already fretting about who he was and whether he had something to hide  was afraid he would during the meet remind me that I consented to no limits slavery...so I found myself panicking with that discussion just before the agreed meet   ... and everything went downhill from there.   and the relationship ended.....

Even with a safe call   should something go wrong without a known name and the sub or slave disappears or is found severely abused or dead , the police have very little  to work with to bring a person to justice ...an  IP address which could be from a public library somewhere  and possibly a disposible cell phone number, so you are  at increased odds of running into predators  who can claim they need to protect their identities as a con into meeting by agreeing to meet without establishing who they are. Just before the  meeting with him  after reading in the newspaper about another person disappearing and turning up dead found in their car on a back rural road ..it added another element of fear of meeting since  it would leave very little info to provide in my package to give to my safe call person.
I did have a chat with him sometime later and agreed that mistakes were made on both side, I know that he did not want his indentity known because of his career, but at the same time it did not allow me to check him out and know that he is safe, sane etc prior to a meet  for my own safety but he still had troubles understanding that 5 months online was not enough to prove to me  he was trustworthy and not possibly some sociopath without knowing more about him, he still felt I was being ridiculous in my fears of meeting and playing right away, so the impasse remained  . 




The next Dom  I met  was also long distance but unlike the first when it came time to agree to a meet .. he provided me with internet links to prove who he was ..provided home, business and cell phone numbers and encouranged me to check him out, made his arrangements to meet with no pressure and went out his way to ensure  that I would feel very safe and secure meeting with him, he had hopes of play during his stay but would not pressure me... he wanted me to feel secure and comfortable with him first  that visit went over very successfully and did include some play and we have remained friends since, careers and border issues  pretty much prevents more that that relationship wise.  


So you may have to decide whether the situation of the meet and the trust needed  for that meet will warrant disclosure.   





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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/18/2008 5:05:28 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		I'm already listed in the phone book. Literally billions of people already have access to my name, address and phone number. I see no more liklihood someone on the net with nefarious intentions is going to zero in on me than I do any of those billions. So, I give my name, etc., out to anyone I'm having regular correpsondence with. Besides, I keep plenty of "home protection" devices around. Social and bank account numbers is another matter.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/19/2008 6:32:07 PM   
shiazn03


Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		very rarely does someone know my full name.  i tell everybody my first name though because thousands of other people have that same name but not my last name.  i doubt many of my friends even know my last name.  it's not that i have anything to hide or that i have a professional life i need to keep a bar on but i just don't think they care much to know anyway, lol!

peace out, all!

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/19/2008 9:36:15 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Jeffrey Thomas Urban

So what, you don't have my SSN, CC number or even my phone number. You can't do a thing to me with just that.

I could even give you my date of birth and I bet you can't do anything. But I am not going to, because really I think I might have pushed the envelope here, just with my name.

But I am not afraid, I am not hiding. So, so what ?

Now when you give your addreass to a psycho who will then know where you are sleeping at four AM, that is a different story.

BTW Mods, don't worry about this, I am not in the phone book.

I could also tell you Jack M. Jaws, Sukim Mi Engordi or Crania B. Damage. We have gotten thousands of dollars worth of coupons in those names.It was kinda a game, and no doubt you have seen threads about telemarketers, just once please call and ask for one of these non existent people, please, just once. Talk about getting raked over the coals, now it is your turn. And I will be polite, but you need a job soon because I am going to take as much as I can.

"Is Crania there ?", "She sure is". Please call. Please. I would love this.

People can find out shit from your full name, so they find out I am a fugitive, a drunk and alot of people think I am nuts.

So what ?

T

(in reply to shiazn03)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/19/2008 9:54:27 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		-fr-

i don't have a problem giving out my full name, as i give out my blog address pretty freely and it IS my full legal name (with .blogspot.com added). i have realllllllly uncommon name (as in, i think my family is the only family in the us with my last name and i'm the only person with my legal first and last name), and i'm in the process of changing it to something even more uncommon, but i generally don't hide. i'm also not in the phone book (although googling my last name and city comes up with my dead parents, whose addresses are still in the phone book/on zaba). soo...in a nutshell, i don't really have a problem.

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 7/19/2008 9:55:40 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/20/2008 5:52:55 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline 		Well, anyone with sufficient computer skills can get his hands on my name/addres within 20 seconds or so, but actively telling someone: it depends. On casual meetings, never. Among friends: when they ask. Models for our bondage website also get to know it straight away as it's in the modelling contract.

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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/21/2008 3:53:57 AM   
JulieorSarah


Posts: 552
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		JulieorSarah, neither is my 'vanilla' name. 
(when creating the profile, julie was taken and so was sarah and i was thinking, julieorsarah and i think i pressed enter or go and it was accepted)

if the dialogue develops to a meeting with someone from CM or for BDSM related purposes ...
That's when (if the first vibes ok) i give my first name, more in case we run into someone i know, and they say hi XXXX.

After a while and if it develops ok more info will be forthcoming, anything they can track me with is not given out lightly.

in a non bdsm context, i'm far more relaxed.

(in reply to Guilty1974)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/21/2008 4:17:55 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		Well, I'm QUITE free with my first name. My loved ones are well aware of my BDSM interests, and I have no desire to hide myself or my interest in BDSM or my participation in the lifestyle. I suggest others to do likewise, since if we all came out, it would really be so much less of a taboo it wouldn't matter, just like people are open about other interests and hobbies. But, those are my own personal feelings. I understand others have their individual reasons for being private. I respect their desire for privacy.

Due to safety concerns I rarely give out my last name. My full name is exceptionally unique. There is not another person with my name. However if someone googled it, they'd find nothing. If they were smarter than that though they certainly could. I'm much more private with the town I lived in since my last name was uncommon and I'd be found easily should some one desire to stalk me or something.

I usually wait until after the first visit w/ someone before I disclose my full name, but if it comes up in conversation some way and I sense its "safe" I'll share it. No one has ever asked me for my information in a demanding way before. I have asked for other's full names and didn't volunteer mine, but would have shared it if it was requested specifically.


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"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." ---Mahatma Gandhi

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/21/2008 5:12:00 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		JorS, of late I have been starting to think that it should be the other way around. "Normal" people seem to fuck more people over than us pervs.

T

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: How quickly do you tell someone your full name? - 7/21/2008 6:25:58 AM   
greenearth21


Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Asmodeus

Just curious how people handle that.  I'm not hiding anything but due to the nature of my professional life, if you google my name you'll get about 20,000 hits, 90% of which are directly related to me.  I'm not all that comfortable telling a stranger, but once I meet someone in person I have no issues with it.


I'm rarely the first one to share my name.  If the other person shares their name then i feel like they trust me enough to do so and i do the same, as I feel comfortable doing.  Most times (in teh getting to know you phase) I just avoid dealing/using names untill I get a good vibe.

(in reply to Asmodeus)
Profile   Post #: 56
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