RE: I am not ok.

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RE: I am not ok. - 7/17/2008 1:46:05 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
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Hello twilight,

Have you thought of assembling a memorial for her?
You could start with some photos and flowers and add momentos, music, the eulogy, and cards from other friends and family members.

Keep living day by day and remember to take care of your own needs. Lockit has good advice about having someone monitor your eating and sleeping.

Sending you prayers and good thoughts.

Regards,

Vendaval

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

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RE: I am not ok. - 7/17/2008 2:01:55 PM

lronitulstahp

Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps making a living tribute in your friend's honor to an eating disroder organization, or another worthy cause. Maybe you'd benefit from mentoring young people dealing with eating disorder by sharing your story. Sometimes, helping others makes one realize how good life is... even in our lowest and saddest moments.
http://cart.nationaleatingdisorders.org/donate.aspx
i wish you blessings and heart healing.

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: I am not ok. - 7/17/2008 3:47:28 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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Ill tell you a story.

When I was a freshmen in highschool. Like many bennies I was teased by the upperclassmen. So to avoid them, I started to cut thru a cemetary so as to catch a bus when they would not bump into me. The cemetary is huge. With trees and tall head stones.

One day, my plan was about to be discovered. The students were where they could see me if I exited the cemetary. So I loitterred there about 15 minutes. So there I am all scared over these jock upperclassment. Finally an old man came up to me- to give me some words of encouragement.

He said:

"weather you live 1 day or 50 years, it is better to live- then to have never lived at all".

And " the sun will still shine. It may not be as bright- but one day the sun WILL shine again".

So there I am 1/2 revved by avoiding the teasers and 1/2 contemplating the meaning of life and death---

Then the students left. I was relieved.

The old man must have thought his words eased my mind. I did not have the courage to say, "mister, I am avoiding my clasmates who harrass me". I let him think he gave me this insight. I polited thanked him, and headed home.

true story.

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RE: I am not ok. - 7/19/2008 4:55:57 PM

opposingtwilight

Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
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When I wrote the OP, I did not expect to recieve so much support both here and on the other side in emails. Thank you to everyone.

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RE: I am not ok. - 7/19/2008 6:18:04 PM

MarieMauvoisin

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

I am sorry for your loss. One suggestion I have - I lost my best friend several years ago to a chronic disease. Even though it was nearly four years ago, I still miss her terribly and think about her almost every day. One way in which I cope is to write her letters. I tell her how much I miss her and let her know what's going on in my life, like I used to when she was still here. Sometimes I'll even ask for advice in the letters. Some people will tell you to burn the letters when you're done writing them, but I find them too valuable a record to do that. I just squirrel them away, or leave them at her grave. I also have a blog, and every year on the anniversary of her passing and her birthday, I write something inspired by her - either a eulogy, or my thoughts on friendship.

Take everything one day at a time. Today is painful, and tomorrow will also be painful. So will the day after that. Eventually, though, the pain will start to abate. Let yourself grieve. Give yourself three days to just feel everything, as intensely as you can. Call out of work and school and scream and cry and play loud music and cry some more and let yourself hate her and hate the world. Get drunk if you really want to. Then, when your three days are up, stop. Not necessarily stop missing her, but work on moving on with your life and returning to a certain level of emotional normalcy. In my own life, I find that allowing myself a set period of time in which I may be as sad as I wish to be helps me pick the pieces back up when my allotted time is done.

When her next birthday comes, get all your friends together for a remembrance dinner. That really helps. Even (and especially) if it's months down the road, being able to come together and remember your friend and acknowledge everything really helps.

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Post #: 45