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Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 7:36:00 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ok so I just found out a few hours ago that I have cancer of my uterus and cervix. So I have to under go a partial hysterectomy on August 14th.  I'm not to sure how I'm feeling about this news yet. What I do know... was while I was being told this.... all I could think was.... how will Master respond to this? How will he respond to knowing that for about six weeks after surgery.... i'll not be able to barely do more than sit around depressed. Depressed over the fact that for how ever long it takes me to recover.... i'm going to be useless to him. Hell i'll be about useless to anyone... including myself for weeks.  With each step the doctor was telling me that is about to take place over next few weeks..... all I kept thinking was.... how will Master take this news? {Yes he's been told the news}

I just find it ironic that I didn't think.... OMG What will I do??.... I felt... OMG how is Master going to feel about all this? I've told my parents... kids... boss.... and the whole time I was telling them... my thoughts remained on my owners thoughts and feelings.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME????!!!!!

Am I so wrong for being more concerned over his feeling than the rest of my families? Or even mine at first?

I've had time to think it all over... somewhat... i'm sure over the next few days... it will sink in further.  And this post isn't a bitching post. It's an understanding post. Being able to understand the way we feel when we run across things such as this in our lives. Now I know this is NOT life threatening to me as of now. There's no worries from doctor once the surgery is over.. I'll be good to go. I do know all the afterwards I need to know... even having to possible begin hormone pills/patch. All this was explained to me. Again... I think nothing of it other than .... ok..... verbally. But the brain keeps focusing on Master.

I wonder how many other sub/slaves have felt this way..... or the shoe on the other foot... the Owners... sit and wonder about how their sub/slaves will react and feel to situations that get dropped on their lives.

It's not a matter of... will I get dumped?... We all mostly agree that all because something like this happens... is no reason to kick to the curb....{Though there are those that do... NOT ALL} It's about feelings. Thinking about the others feelings... when does it hit you... when do you start thinking of the other person and their feelings? From the start... after shock wave.... a few days... or the "oops... I forgot about (insert name here)

And no matter when you thought about them... do you feel ... "off".... because of time frame? I feel confused somewhat. I feel I really should be more concerned myself... about myself.... but i'm more worried about how he feels about all this. And how he will handle it more than i am for myself... if that makes any sense.

Thoughts?

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.
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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 7:48:14 PM   
angelicbitch


Posts: 224
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline 		True I am sorry so to hear about this.. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And yes it makes sense that you worry about what He is gonna think.... I would feel the same way. But not knowing your Master I am sure he will be there to help you through this... or at least I would hope he would. I kind of know what you are going through.. had to go through those wonderful cancer tests... ( besides the fact that they hurt like hell... the news sucks in and of its self. ) I know when I had the possibility of cancer come up ... I didn't have a Master at the time. I was more worried about what I was gonna tell my mom and my brother ... then my kids. I had a very good friend that was there to help me and listen. I was more worried at the time how I was gonna tell everyone else if the tests came back with yes in fact you have cancer of the cervix..... scared the hell out of me. But my brother kept telling me everything would be fine and everyone would be there to help no matter what.
    So maybe my post isnt whast your looking for but I do kind of know what its like... and how scary and messed up it is. The friend of mine was a Dom and he always had been there and said he wouldn't leave... and he didn't. Even when the results came back negative.

Again I am sure it didn't help much ... but again just wanted to say I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts for a speedy recovery....


Peace

Angelilc

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 7:56:12 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm really sorry to hear about your health issues.  I hope that your operation and recovery go very well.

Perhaps in worrying about your owner's reactions is a way of not dealing with your own fears with what's to come shortly.  Focusing on his needs and feelings help keep your mind off of your own.  I dunno if that's just psychobabble, but it did come to mind.

Again, I wish you well.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 8:04:33 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Nice to know someone was there to lean on.

If not an owner... family... friends....

And thank you.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 8:07:05 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220


Perhaps in worrying about your owner's reactions is a way of not dealing with your own fears with what's to come shortly.  Focusing on his needs and feelings help keep your mind off of your own.  I dunno if that's just psychobabble, but it did come to mind.




You may very well be right here. Like I said... perhaps it's not all sunk in yet... and it will hit me like a ton of bricks later on too. And my worries will shift.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 8:13:16 PM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		I am very sadden to hear this.   Fortunately, there has been a lot of developments in this area.
I am sure your Master appreciates your concerns, but would be very understanding once you sit down and explain it to him.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
It is time to think all about me for a couple of months.
 
Regards, MissSCD

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 8:17:47 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Well, it's certainly a lot to take in all at once.  A very dear friend of mine experienced breast cancer almost two years ago, underwent a double mastectomy after numerous tests and chemo ... she was a mess for awhile.  I know it took her awhile before she was able to accept what was suddenly happening to her life.  She has found great help within support groups, but it took her a long while to get to that point.  

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 8:34:58 PM   
SurrenderForMe


Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Best wishes for your recovery.

I can't think of any clear way to address the question, so with regret, I abstain.

(in reply to truesub4u)
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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 8:38:21 PM   
WhisperSupremacy


Posts: 74
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		Damn.  Sorry to hear about this.  Definitly do whatever it takes to stay positive for yourself.  I can definitly understand your concern for your master, as well as concern for yourself.  It something that effects both of you,...and since you care so much for your master, I can understand feeling the way you do, but regardless of where your concerns are, the most important thing for you is to try your best to stay positive for yourself.  Never doubt yourself or what you are capable of. 

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 9:38:42 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		{{{Jessica}}} I think your reaction is completely normal but you don't have to sit around for the next couple of months in depression and attitude will have a lot to do with whether or not depression manifests as a self-fulfilling prophesy. Stress and depression are only going to serve to delay the healing process. Life has handed you an obstacle, it's true, and you may mostly be out of commission during your healing but there are ways to make things easier for him.. like making a concerted effort not to be depressed so that he doesn't have additional worry and stress on top of what he's going to face already. You have a few weeks before your surgery, so spend that time coming up with some simple projects you can take care of while resting and recovery then gather the materials together to accomplish it. I know that I've been meaning to put together the photo albums for ages, so that would be a perfect project for me in your situation. Simple things that take little physical effort that will be ready for you when you're able, like crochet or knitting or something like that while you veg in front of the tv between bouts of sleep.

I have no doubt that if your Master cares about you, his thought isn't going to be OMG, how is she going to take care of me for the next two months.. but rather .. the lady needs to take care of herself now, so two months from now we can get back to business as usual. I think keeping focused on your Master, keeping a positive attitude and not letting yourself get into a funk because of the challenge is going to serve you and him much better in the long run. It's not easy, but cancer of the uterus and cervix isn't a death sentence. You will heal and in the meantime, perhaps you can come up with some ideas on how to serve in other ways that won't put a physical strain on you.

Hang in there, kiddo.




< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 7/16/2008 9:40:14 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:01:52 PM   
MistressMiracle


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/23/2007
Status: offline 		So sorry to hear of your Illness.  I had the same thing back in 1991.  However, I had to have a total hysterectomy, and I am still here to talk about it. 

Yes..you need to be concerned about yourself, and your Master, also, needs to be concerned and caring.  My feeling has been, that a sub does need to be healthy to serve.  And..an ill sub, is unable to serve.. Therefore..treat the subs well.  Care for them.  makes for a much happier household. 

I wish you well. 

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:23:25 PM   
raveonette


Posts: 34
Joined: 7/13/2008
Status: offline 		I am so, so sorry to hear about your illness and I wish you the very best of luck and the speediest recovery possible.

I've been thinking about a similar issue lately as well, I may as well "come out" here. I have lupus, and I've been wondering if I should even offer myself as a sub or a slave- worrying that no one will ever want me, no matter how great my other qualities might be. I feel I deal very well with the disease, but it's still a painful disease. The majority of Doms want perfection and I feel like I'm damaged goods upfront. I'm afraid it will be too much to ask for for a  Dom to "deal" with, even if I keep my symptoms and my pain completely to myself.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:26:29 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for your postings....

I think I might not of made it clear...I am not worried about how to serve Master...

My worry is how he will deal emotionally with this... as well as myself. I know together we'll get through this... but it still concerns me on his well being.. as well as mine.

Bita, Loved your response. I was thinking of projects myself just a bit ago... about getting back to finishing a blanket I started with youngest daughter. It will help her get through this with me... she's so sentimental.... makes me love that much more.

I'm not worried about being abandoned... kicked to curb by Master. And I know I've not been anded a death sentance. The purpose behind this thread was to see if others have found themselves thinking like I did earlier today. How I thought of Master right off the bat. How he would feel.... worry.. stress... I thought of all his feelings before mine.

I have family and friends near that have been told.... and we're making plans now to make sure things go smoothly around here for me afterwards. That is stress thrown off me right from the start.  So I guess for the time being... my only stress is... worrying about Masters feelings... and hoping he'll be ok through this as well. While he helps me mentally... I'm hoping I can be help back to him.



_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:31:23 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Hi raveonette... thank you for opening up.  I also hope you know that not all doms need nor want total perfection. Just the closed minded ones. And when the open minded ones see you are handling... they'll actually look and think twice at your courage and willingness and strenght as well. So keep head held high and proud of yourself for not allowing this to beat you down.

Jessica

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:33:49 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		I am sorry you have to go through this true.  I'm sure your master will be very understanding. Do you live with him? Will he be the on taking care of you during recovery? If that is the case then the thread i started when i learned of my hip replacement surgery might help you, there is some good advice there.
stressing over being cared for

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:35:08 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Every. Single. Person. is damaged goods upfront.  Only people living in a fantasy world -- which includes both Doms and subs -- are looking for perfection.  People living in the real world are looking for "closest possible to perfect for me."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:41:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with Celeste- I haven't seen anything I'd consider the slightest abnormal in the circumstances you are dealing with now.  Please allow this to be a way for you to grow closer with the people in your life.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:43:05 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

Do you live with him? Will he be the on taking care of you during recovery? If that is the case then the thread i started when i learned of my hip replacement surgery might help you, there is some good advice there.
stressing over being cared for


I guess that is why I worry about Master as well as myself proud.. we do not live together. I'm in NC.. he's in CA. Him not being able to be here ...... makes me worry if it will stress him.... let alone me. We've pretty muched handled the milage thus far... been hell... but we handled it.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 10:53:27 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

Do you live with him? Will he be the on taking care of you during recovery? If that is the case then the thread i started when i learned of my hip replacement surgery might help you, there is some good advice there.
stressing over being cared for


I guess that is why I worry about Master as well as myself proud.. we do not live together. I'm in NC.. he's in CA. Him not being able to be here ...... makes me worry if it will stress him.... let alone me. We've pretty muched handled the milage thus far... been hell... but we handled it.


Sorry, i didn't realize this was a long distance relatonship.  Hopefully during recovery you can spend a lot of time online and on the phone with him, reassuring him of your progress.  Maybe  you can serve him by doing some online research for him.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/16/2008 11:10:04 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		In a way, a M/s relationship is not terribly unlike a marriage.  I can guarantee you, if something like that was told to me, my immediate thought would be, "How the... what?  What the hell am I going to tell "M" and "B"... and my pet!?"

You have a love for your Master, and in that, you want to protect him and see him happy, just as I do my partners and pet.  And frankly, if he's anything at all like me, he'll be there for you, to comfort and care for you, his beloved and dear pet/slave/sub.


_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

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