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RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 12:00:12 AM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline 		my thoughts and prayers are with you as well.  i went through something similar this time last year and it was very scary going through it. i didn't tell the one that i was collared to because we had slowly been drifting apart and i knew that he would not be capable of being a good support system for me.  somehow, i cannot believe for one moment that your Master would be as selfish as that and i have faith in him, that he will not let you down.  it is beautiful that you thought of him first, i hope he knows what a treasure he has in you.  Don't be discouraged and please keep the faith for a speedy recovery.  Surround yourself with those that love you and turn to those that you know care, like us here on the boards.  You will find a plethera of kindness, support, and understanding from those that have been in similar situations.  You are still going to remain beautiful to all of those that love you for who you are.  As for the depression, it's a part of the natural reaction, just don't let it get the best of you, for that part (the best of you) belongs to your Master.  If you ever need an ear or an e-mail of encouragement, i for one, will be here if you need me.  Peace and much love to you sister. 

edited to remove some too personal details... it's late and i typed without thinking it through...

< Message edited by OTKkindaGirl -- 7/17/2008 12:11:48 AM >

_____________________________

~~ lil darlin' ~~
hope



(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 2:18:53 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Jessica, My thoughts are with you. A year ago a fem sub that I had not long met had to have a hysterectomy and she had no one at home to care for her so I suggested she come to Me to recuperate. It didn't work out in the longer run but I don't regret having made that offer. Now, knowing that you and your Master don't live together means that maybe you don't need My advice on being gracious and allowing Him to look after you! That's something subs find incredibly difficult and it leads to them pushing their Dominants away at a time when the Dominant's instincts are to protect and nurture.

However, being of a subbie type you might also find it hard letting your friends and family care for you too! Please, swallow your pride and accept their help. All of it! Remember how good it makes you feel when you do something nice for someone ... well, don't deprive them of those same good feelings. Let them fuss over you. And obey the instructions as to what you can and can't do TO THE LETTER! The silly girl I was looking after got here (after a 6 hour journey in a car driven by her son - the hospital knew that she would be doing that so kept her in an extra day and dosed her up well with painkillers), wouldn't let Me unpack her bag the first night as she was tired so I said I'd do it next day. At 3am she wakes up ... and UNPACKS HER BAG! She knew she couldn't lift it onto the bed so she was bending down to the floor and standing up to put things in the cupboard. CRAZYY!! Not surprisingly, it didn't do her wound a lot of good and it opened, creating lots of trips to the Dr (We live 25km away from the Dr) to get it regularly dressed and examined. And it made the whole thing much more painful. So please please, do what you are told or less ... and let others do for you. Your healing and recovery will be so much better for it. This is one op that really does knock the stuffing out of you ... out of every woman I've known go through it ... even when they have bounced back quickly after other surgeries. You are not superwoman, so just be gentle on yourself.

By all means have some projects, but don't be surprised if you don't achieve as much as you hope. The first couple of weeks you may well find it hard to concentrate, depending upon what meds you are on (and yes, do take what you are advised!). So don't be working on anything too precious that you will be shattered if it doesn't work out spot on. Or anything too heavy or awkward to lift. Keep it simple and something you can easily pick up and put down without losing your place.

Good luck hon, and no, I don't think it crazy that you thought first of your Master. A very subby response I think! He has a treasure ... I hope He knows that. Also hope He can get over and see you for a while during your recovery, I am sure that will pick you up a lot too. Try to stay positive, there may be weepy times but see them as that, not depression. State of mind is so important to healing.

Hugggggggssss
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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(in reply to OTKkindaGirl)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 2:23:19 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		How he will cope with this is possibly in the same way as you are coping now, spinning on your axis not knowing which way is up, but the one thing you have to hold on to is that you will cope together.

i am sorry you have to go through this, and i know it's pulled the rug out from under you, but between you both you will learn about what's to come, what it all means in the short, medium and long terms, and you will, together, progress each stage knowing that for your future health it is inevitable that you do, but one thing you certainly aren't is alone in this.

The sooner you two talk, cry, and begin to worry in unison the better, you will need each others strengths that have kept you together so far. Focus, learn, plan, and take each step as it comes. It's all you can do.

As my health deteriorates it has been the fact that i have Andy's strength and love and concern that keeps me looking forward, and not wallowing in a mire of negativity. It's almost too easy to let yourself go there.

All of this is so fresh and new, you are worrying about the reactions of someone who doesn't even know the score yet, that someone who you have come to call Mster, to depend on for the qualities you needed in your life. Rely on those qualities now, they will help carry you both through the next few months, and on into the next few years.

My best wishes to you, for a speedy recovery, and for the growth that this adversity will bring you both.




(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 2:51:15 AM   
julietsierra


Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Every. Single. Person. is damaged goods upfront.  Only people living in a fantasy world -- which includes both Doms and subs -- are looking for perfection.  People living in the real world are looking for "closest possible to perfect for me."


You know what's really a shame? That we can't take posts like this one and just have it right there with us, whereever we are, whenever we need it, so that we can read it when we are most down - regardless of the situation.

Best wishes for you truesub.

juliet

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 3:00:12 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: raveonette

I am so, so sorry to hear about your illness and I wish you the very best of luck and the speediest recovery possible.

I've been thinking about a similar issue lately as well, I may as well "come out" here. I have lupus, and I've been wondering if I should even offer myself as a sub or a slave- worrying that no one will ever want me, no matter how great my other qualities might be. I feel I deal very well with the disease, but it's still a painful disease. The majority of Doms want perfection and I feel like I'm damaged goods upfront. I'm afraid it will be too much to ask for for a  Dom to "deal" with, even if I keep my symptoms and my pain completely to myself.



Daddy took me on knowing that i probably have MS.  (no formal diagnosis yet)  TheEngineer not only took me on, he relocated me to live with him, took my teenager with us for most of the summer, hasnt complained once at me being sick, or needing to rest more, or even flinched when i've said i couldnt play because i hurt.

not even when we discussed my occasional need to use a wheelchair. 

there *are* wonderful dominants out there who want a devoted s-type, and not just miss barbie perfect body.  oh and Daddy?  refused to release me when i moved away from him.  he said he wanted me happy and knew TheEngineer would take care of his "most prized treasure" but he wasnt going to release me.

kitten, who is sure there is someone wonderful out there for you, too.

(in reply to raveonette)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 3:07:04 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		true, i wish you the best in your recovery time!

i had to leave Daddy, about a month ago now.  my marriage didnt work out, and i relocated to texas from florida.  my *first* thought was "how is Daddy going to be??"

he knew things werent good, and he knew i wasnt quite safe where i was.  he thought more of me and my safety than his need/want for me to be near him.  if your dominant is as good as Daddy, he'll be loving and concerned about your health and put everything else aside for the recovery time.

or as TheEngineer said to me last week "i know you arent feeling right at the moment, so i'll beat you twice the next time". 

kitten

(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 5:31:04 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		First, a prayer for you and everyone in your family and circle of friends. You are all about to go on the greatest struggle of your life for your life. I'm not even going to pretend and give you a bunch of flowery words because your reality is that this will be tough.

Second, I think it's actually natural for many people with cancer or other illnesses to think first about others. If one is submissive or raised to think about others, it would be almost automatic but also by thinking about others you distance yourself from the immediacy of what is affecting your body, your mind, your very life and that can offer comfort.

Finally, I would suggest that you include your master, if you and he believe this to be a good choice for you, in every step of your struggle. Make him your support system but do not allow yourself to become his and do not make him your only support system. I highly recommend counseling either in a cancer patient/loved one group or individual plus couple's therapy. The fact is that this fight is going to be emotionally challenging at it's best and you both need to arm yourself with as much support as possible. I'd love to tell you that he'll be your rock but he's a man not a rock and he's going to feel things that might not be helpful to you or he from time to time. Set up support systems now so you both you can have others to work with through the various stages of surgery and any follow up treatments.



_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 6:13:27 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Fingers crossed for you and wishing you a speedy recovery and that you can draw on the support of your Master and those close to you at such a time. No chance of anything similar, all I can do is perhaps use my imagination and try to somehow relate. None of us are perfect, none of us, but do you know what? Though this is a traumatic time maybe it's worth taking a moment out to reflect, but not on what is lost, but on what is gained. It's important to remember that none of what is happening takes away what is important, that part of you which is the most important, that part of you which lies in the core of you, that part of you which is essentially 'you', which nothing and nobody can take away. It's worth bearing in mind that though it may take time, that 'you' at the very core is going to emerge from all this nothing if not stronger.

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(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 6:26:36 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		A while back I was told that I needed a hysterectomy for fibroid tumors.  I needed to take a business trip to England right after that, and my sister (who had been my emergency contact) called and told me that my doctor said I also had cervical cancer.  I know that feeling of shock and being blown away.  A lot of a BDSM relationship involved giving away our bodies, and any imperfection is bound to scare us.

Some depression over the fact is normal.  However, having this condition does not make you WORTHLESS.  Before you can completely come to grips with the situation there will be anger, depression, bargaining (if only I didn't have to go through this I would do x, y, z) - just like the steps someone goes through in accepting a death.  There are many good support groups available, and I know that helped me.

If your Dom is a good one he will feel compassion and be willing to stand beside you, figuratively, through no matter what you go through - from a stubbed toe to major surgery.  I know this is a hard time for you, but sometimes it takes a hard time before we can truly lean on someone else.  Who knows?  That increase in trust may end up making your relationship even better.


_____________________________



(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 7:22:49 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much for your post. I woke to them this morning and almost started crying.... thank goodness I made coffee first.....

I'm not sure when or if some of the things some said will hit me. I just hope I'm not driving down the road when it does....

As for Master..... I'm not worried he will be anything less than he is now. Loving and supporting. We were up till almost 4am my time talking of things last night. And I know there's more talking to be done.

I know my health is more important than my service to him. And it is his reminder of this that has already started his support. My family and friends here at home will taking the next few weeks getting things in order... my girls ready for school to start next month.... groceries stocked.... (Doc said I won't be able to drive for at least 2 weeks).... etc...etc.... so we're already getting the planning down here. My oldest is due to have induced labor on her pregnancy on the 25th of July..(DAMN SHE"S BIG!!!)...lol... so we're also getting her ready for motherhood... her first.  So that too will help my mind stay occupied.

Thank you again for you encouragment and supporting post.... and lots of good advice too... my list is growing longer on ideas of what to be able to do during my down time. Hugs to all of you.... and i'll keep you posted on when I become a grandmother....(OMG i'm only barely 42....)


edited for spelling... due to lack of caffine.....

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 7/17/2008 7:24:08 AM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 7:36:20 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		true, i was just turned 19 when i made my mama a gramma.  she was 37.    miss satan is going to be 26 this year and just now getting around to talking about reproducing.

kitten, giggling

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 9:39:20 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Wow, Jessica, BIG hugs for you.  I understand looking at things like this from your Master's perspective first.  I don't think anything is "wrong" with you. I think you have become so bonded to him that putting his thoughts and feelings first does mean taking care of yourself.

And I agree with Bita - the more positive you can keep your outlook, the better you serve him.  Please take care of yourself.  You are in my thoughts and prayers, hon. 

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 10:38:15 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		First, our thoughts are with you and your family.

For me, it isn't just bad news.  It doesn't matter whether it is bad, good, nuetral, funny or any other type of news, my first thoughts are usually going to be about what he will think or feel regarding it.  He will be the first person I want to talk to, the one I want to share it with. 

I also do not think that it has very much to do with submission.  I know that when he gets news of any type that will impact our family, Alandra and I are usually the first ones he thinks about and wants to share it with.  We are a family, what happens to one of us, impacts us all.

Our motivations for sharing this information and thinking about each other are different and that is what sets apart the dominant and submissive mindset. 

Best of luck to you.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 11:05:02 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I am sitting up in my hospital bed as I write this.  I'll make it brief because I have a hard time staying awake and putting words together.

Found out unexpectedly last week that I had a mass in my lower abdomen.  Doc suspected an ovarian cyst but wouldn't know until it was removed.  He had left my ovaries when he did my hysterectomy 17 months ago.

The very first thing that came to my mind was the dread of telling my Master.  I didn't want him to worry about me and I didn't want to be a burden.  I even journaled about these things in my livejournal.

He and I don't live together, and our relationship is not based solely on M/s dynamic.  But I worried about so many things, the least of which was my own health.  He set me straight about a lot of things, but mostly that I am loved and that I need to focus on myself right now.

There's more I'd like to say, but can't stay awake and I hope what I wrote makes sense.

Sending you many hugs and wishes for a speedy recovery.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 11:08:33 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

I am sitting up in my hospital bed as I write this.  I'll make it brief because I have a hard time staying awake and putting words together.

Found out unexpectedly last week that I had a mass in my lower abdomen.  Doc suspected an ovarian cyst but wouldn't know until it was removed.  He had left my ovaries when he did my hysterectomy 17 months ago.

The very first thing that came to my mind was the dread of telling my Master.  I didn't want him to worry about me and I didn't want to be a burden.  I even journaled about these things in my livejournal.

He and I don't live together, and our relationship is not based solely on M/s dynamic.  But I worried about so many things, the least of which was my own health.  He set me straight about a lot of things, but mostly that I am loved and that I need to focus on myself right now.

There's more I'd like to say, but can't stay awake and I hope what I wrote makes sense.

Sending you many hugs and wishes for a speedy recovery.




Hugs but not to tight.... speedy recovery BR.... and thank you for even take the time now to post... let us know how you're doing hun...

Jessica

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/17/2008 12:01:13 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		I empathize with you, ts. I went through this almost 5 years ago, complete with a total hysterectomy/cervectomy, and partial abdominal resection (there was some spread into the abdominal cavity on endometrial tissue... I thought I just had a really bad case of endometriosis).

On a positive note, with the new surgical techniques being used, and with excellent aftercare, I was fully functional in less than a month. The biggest complication for me was that I couldn't take any HRT for the menopausal symptoms. They were kind of annoying (especially night-sweats), but most of the challenges come from maintaining a positive mental attitude.

I work full-time for a cancer center, writing clinical research studies. I went crazy with worry when I found out my diagnosis, but I also learned that uterine and cervical cancer are the easiest cancers to treat, because once a hysterectomy is done, there is very little chance of recurrence and/or spread of the cancer.

I'll keep you in my thoughts. While you may not be able to serve directly, you might think about what you're doing as an opportunity to preserve your Master's property, through intense, but necessary care. Take time to recover, so that you can serve fully for years to come.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/22/2008 2:19:55 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your responses. You've been most helpful in allowing me to see what I MIGHT go through and how to handle it for the most part. Things have gotten a little scary around here over the past few days. Complications that were not expected. More meds, early test and now talking earliersurgery than August 14th. I'll find out Thursday when I go to DR again. Here I thought I was gonna be able to handle it ok. But these new complications have me more concerned. But I got other things to do than worry myself sicker with them.

I do not know when i'll be back. But I'll let ya know when I know and how things are.

Thank you again on giving me a heads up on how to try and handle this.

Jessica

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Bad News and BDSM - 7/22/2008 2:23:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Ok so I just found out a few hours ago that I have cancer of my uterus and cervix. So I have to under go a partial hysterectomy on August 14th.  I'm not to sure how I'm feeling about this news yet. What I do know... was while I was being told this.... all I could think was.... how will Master respond to this? How will he respond to knowing that for about six weeks after surgery.... i'll not be able to barely do more than sit around depressed. Depressed over the fact that for how ever long it takes me to recover.... i'm going to be useless to him. Hell i'll be about useless to anyone... including myself for weeks.  With each step the doctor was telling me that is about to take place over next few weeks..... all I kept thinking was.... how will Master take this news? {Yes he's been told the news}

I just find it ironic that I didn't think.... OMG What will I do??.... I felt... OMG how is Master going to feel about all this? I've told my parents... kids... boss.... and the whole time I was telling them... my thoughts remained on my owners thoughts and feelings.

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME????!!!!!

Am I so wrong for being more concerned over his feeling than the rest of my families? Or even mine at first?

I've had time to think it all over... somewhat... i'm sure over the next few days... it will sink in further.  And this post isn't a bitching post. It's an understanding post. Being able to understand the way we feel when we run across things such as this in our lives. Now I know this is NOT life threatening to me as of now. There's no worries from doctor once the surgery is over.. I'll be good to go. I do know all the afterwards I need to know... even having to possible begin hormone pills/patch. All this was explained to me. Again... I think nothing of it other than .... ok..... verbally. But the brain keeps focusing on Master.

I wonder how many other sub/slaves have felt this way..... or the shoe on the other foot... the Owners... sit and wonder about how their sub/slaves will react and feel to situations that get dropped on their lives.

It's not a matter of... will I get dumped?... We all mostly agree that all because something like this happens... is no reason to kick to the curb....{Though there are those that do... NOT ALL} It's about feelings. Thinking about the others feelings... when does it hit you... when do you start thinking of the other person and their feelings? From the start... after shock wave.... a few days... or the "oops... I forgot about (insert name here)

And no matter when you thought about them... do you feel ... "off".... because of time frame? I feel confused somewhat. I feel I really should be more concerned myself... about myself.... but i'm more worried about how he feels about all this. And how he will handle it more than i am for myself... if that makes any sense.

Thoughts?

I'm going to tell you a little something that very few people on these boards know.  Only the closest few. 

A few months ago, I had a regular check up.  The normal routine.  Physical, pap smear, etc.  A few days afterwards, I got a call, saying I needed further tests done.  Whoever made that call royally fucked up, because they said that My results indicated cervical cancer.

No, it wasn't the case, but until I went for My second procedure, I was left thinking that I had My world turned upside down.  I don't care which side of the kneel you're on, as a female, any thought of cancer related to your womanhood is a big deal.

I don't find a thing wrong with your reaction.  I have to tell you that, when I got this 'supposed' news, I had a lot of thoughts.  There are probably five people on this planet who I care for more than My own life itself.  One of those five, is My submissive.  I can tell you that I had a terrible time thinking of what this would do to him.  It broke My heart thinking of it.  Very much like you feel that you can not serve, I felt that I could not dominate.  My place, and therefore his, would be shaken.  All that I had built, would be changed.

I feel fortunate that the phone call was a mistake.  My further test revealed that I am well.  I wish it could be the same for you.

Still, having had the experience, in at least believing that false phone call was true, I have something to offer you.  I hope you will find it of value.

You do have a duty in service to your Master.  It is a great thing, and no light task.  You are to serve him by doing whatever it takes, to remain in service to him.  Even if that means a recovery.  Even if it means you will not always be in perfect condition.  Even if it means, for a time, that you will not serve in those ways that you have become accustomed.  There is a greater service than providing those menial services that most people think of that the word implies.

Your greatest service to him, dear, is you.

Please take these simple words to heart.  I wish you all that good thoughts and prayers can provide.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/22/2008 2:45:22 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 38
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