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Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 7:31:53 PM

gmsangel75

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

I know this may be a stupid question, but I am new to all of this. What is the real difference between a sub and a slave and how do you know which one is meant for you?
I am still learning how to please my Master(who is also my husband now), but he said I have to learn this one on my own or from someone else. I really need help. I make sure he is happy at all times. I question him at time because I have a lot of curiosity not because I am being disrespectful. Help me in learning the difference and what is right or wrong. I really want to make Him happy......

Post #: 1

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 7:40:04 PM

michaelMI

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

the main distinction between sub and slave is subs have more rights than slaves. depending on the relationship, a slave, generally have only two rights...the right to beg for a collar, and the right to beg release. other than that, their owner may allow a slave to use certain things, perhaps even own a few personal items. they also do not have limits. their limits are what their owner say they are, and can change at any time.

if i missed anything, i'm sorry.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 2

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 7:41:51 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

in my view..submissives and slaves are just preferences for words. The reality is, we live in a free world, we havent been born into slavery, nor have we been sold, we are not in slavery against our will..so really is there such a thing as a *real* slave within bdsm? (unless of course they are captured into some illegal activity).

Saying that, i like to call myself a slave, Master calls me slave, perhaps we have chosen this word to depict the level of surrender i give to Him. He does have the final choice in all decisions, i am the obedient one, he is the one giving the orders.

So, perhaps within this lifestyle there are submissives and their are slaves, yet they arent true to their definition in the dictionary. Playing with that idea..perhaps submissives are someone who is less surrendered, have given over less control to their Dominant...slave being somone who wants to give over as much control as possible?

Just thoughts...

Anyways...if i can offer you a friendly peice of advice, its really helpful not to get caught up in words and labels, you are who you are, and whatever works for you and your Master, is fine...there is no hard and fast rule.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 3

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 7:44:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Submissive/Slave

Different Definitions

Define Slave

slave vs submissive

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 4

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 7:49:28 PM

nonuts4thshoney

Posts: 550
Joined: 6/12/2005
From: Southern California
Status: offline

Your Master should be the one to tell you what He likes. Learning it on your own may not work unless you know what it is that he expects of you. Is your Master/Husband new to this lifestyle as well? Questioning is not a bad thing. How else are you supposed to learn? Your Master should be your teacher. If you learn from someone else then you would be learning what another Master expects of you and not your own Master. Every relationship is different. i would ask for a disscusion on this and talk about these questions that you are asking us. Communication is very important.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 5

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 7:53:49 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

The meaning of the words varis whit the pepole saying them but generaly if you are a submissive you give over control, but only so mutch control as you are willing to give, while a slave give up all control, but like i said it vaires from person to person.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 6

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 8:18:22 PM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

Submissive, lends herself to her Master, and blends as much of herself with Him as she can. The deeper the trust of the two, the deeper the submission, the stronger the union.

Slave, surrender all she is and all she will be to her Master, and accepts His love along with her place at His side. The deeper the trust of the two, the deeper the submission, the stronger the union.

A definition i have found and stuck to; however, i firmly believe you are going to have to find your own definition. i toiled over this question for over 5 years refining what it meant to me and i've found this to be the definition that fits what i believe. Don't think you were wrong the first time if you end up changing your answer. It just means you understand more now about yourself and your beliefs than you did before.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 7

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/13/2005 10:34:37 PM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

That is a wonderful definition, yes, i am a leasing computer, i am there for my Master`s use, but he have to abide by the rules put down in my lesing agrement, while a save is a computer you buy, totaly yours.

(in reply to petcerina)

Post #: 8

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 12:44:56 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

A sub is realistic. A slave is not.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 9

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 2:55:38 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Don't get stuck in the label of what you are, Discuss it with your Master. The only two people to define your role are your Owner and yourself.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 10

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:19:58 PM

gmsangel75

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

No, I think I asked the question worng. I meant, what does it take to keep a master happy. I know what makes him happy, but I want to go above that. We communicate very well, sometimes I am easily misunderstood, but we get past that. What I want to know is what are some things that sub/slaves do to make your masters happy...I am new, he is not. I love making him happy. That pleases me beyond belief. I get soo tickled when he is very happy with me. Not just happy that I obey him, I want to go above and see what that is like. I dont knwo if that makes sense or not.

(in reply to nonuts4thshoney)

Post #: 11

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:21:38 PM

gmsangel75

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

Interesting way to put it. Are subs collared too?

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 12

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:22:30 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

The only way to know that is to know your master.

Anything you can imagine- some masters will love and some will hate.

Figure out what he needs in his life to take away stress, something tangible. Ask him.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 13

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:23:12 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gmsangel75

Interesting way to put it. Are subs collared too?

Yes, a great majority of subs are collared. And some slaves do not have collars.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 14

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:33:59 PM

gmsangel75

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

He isnt home enough. He likes something I have baggage with dealing with but he is patient and understanding about those. I was raised weird. I was stuck in room all life, unable to communicate with anyone but schooling. I was abused, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and every other way you can name. Could this be a reason I like this soo much and how can I help myself get rid of baggage to surprise Master.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:36:00 PM

gmsangel75

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

Do all the collars have to be the thick black leather collar. My master gave me one of them, but changes it to one that looks like a beaded metal chain. What is the difference? Is this good or bad? Is it normal? Im learning, please be patient with me...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:40:33 PM

gmsangel75

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline

So I must be a sub then. I cant give total control yet due to baggage reasons. He knows and understands and is patient. So is it an honor to become a slave? Is this like a promotion that you can be at ease with yourself and give total control to someone else? I make him happy and am very upset when he gets upset the slightest. I almost do anything he asks of me. If I have a problem I can say I have a problem and he will ask what but he ultimately decided to keep his command. Does this make me a sub because I can do this?

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 17

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:46:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gmsangel75

He isnt home enough. He likes something I have baggage with dealing with but he is patient and understanding about those. I was raised weird. I was stuck in room all life, unable to communicate with anyone but schooling. I was abused, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and every other way you can name. Could this be a reason I like this soo much and how can I help myself get rid of baggage to surprise Master.

You don't get rid of baggage like you get rid of a dirty sock. It takes time, communication, learning new skills, training.

Your past abuse might very well have helped shape and feed into who you are now. What you have to be careful is to make sure you aren't just repeating circumstances of the past but are truly in a healthy positive relationship.

He doesn't have to be home to communicate.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 18

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:48:05 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gmsangel75

Do all the collars have to be the thick black leather collar. My master gave me one of them, but changes it to one that looks like a beaded metal chain. What is the difference? Is this good or bad? Is it normal? Im learning, please be patient with me...

The difference is whatever he says it is. A collar is just a symbol, it can be anything you want it to be and mean anything you want it to mean.

This is why you have to communicate and ask these questions of HIM. Each of us has our own way of doing and looking at things.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 19

RE: Sub or Slave - 11/14/2005 6:50:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gmsangel75

So I must be a sub then. I cant give total control yet due to baggage reasons. He knows and understands and is patient. So is it an honor to become a slave? Is this like a promotion that you can be at ease with yourself and give total control to someone else? I make him happy and am very upset when he gets upset the slightest. I almost do anything he asks of me. If I have a problem I can say I have a problem and he will ask what but he ultimately decided to keep his command. Does this make me a sub because I can do this?

It makes you who you are. Stop trying to box yourself in. Stop trying to find "the answer" because there isn't one. Half the people on this board will tell you that you are "X" and the other half will tell you that you are "Y" Who will you believe?

Stop trying to get it all laid out. It never will be. Over time you will find out what different ideas exist, you will seek what resonates to you, you will learn the language and how it flows with your orientation and eventually decide what words work for you...or not.

It really just comes down to who you are and what works best for you. The label is fairly meaningless to anyone but you. I call myself a slave. Half the people on this forum disagree with my definition of a slave. Does that mean I'm not one? I'm the lucky one who gets to decide for myself.

So are you.

(in reply to gmsangel75)

Post #: 20

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