Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

finding my 'style'


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> finding my 'style' Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 7:30:14 PM   
nhite


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		ok so style isnt the word but its all i've got to work with for right now :)

so the first question that seems to come up is "what do you want?"   i met someone i would describe as a daddy dom, very protective and nurturing etc.    i responded very strongly to him and figured that was what i wanted in bdsm - someone on the nurturing side.

then i got to experience rope and found its far more interesting than i ever expected and i'd like to go play in suspension and shibari etc.

very recently i played with someone who actually implemented control of more than just the play action.  it was a first for me to have someone do this -- basically he said the only thing i did during our time without his permission was breathe.   it was the most intense time i've EVER ever ever had.  things i knew in my soul i'd never want well... let's just say there must be six feet of ice in florida about now :)

so obviously i'm interested in trying a lot of different things, exploring - i knew that.   but i'm getting worried i don't seem to have a "style"   a   "flavor" if you will of a dom that i want and it seems thats the first thing anyone/everyone asks.   i've learned a lot from these experiences but i dont want to keep having a new partner every time.  i think there's a lot to be gained with someone that knows me well - and i know them.  

< Message edited by nhite -- 7/17/2008 7:31:06 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 7:39:12 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Tell potential partners exactly what you've just posted here.

(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 7:41:04 PM   
nhite


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		i guess i'm gettign worried i'll never be any flavor of anything...   :(    i wont be all that interesting

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 7:42:07 PM   
opposingtwilight


Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline 		Or maybe you're like a Sundae with fruit swirls ... LOTS of flavors.

_____________________________


(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 7:43:43 PM   
nhite


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		are there doms that might like lots of flavors? 

seems like what i have to offer so far is curiosity and that doesnt seem all that exciting

< Message edited by nhite -- 7/17/2008 7:44:49 PM >

(in reply to opposingtwilight)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 7:45:32 PM   
opposingtwilight


Posts: 684
Joined: 6/13/2008
Status: offline 		Yes there are. I have lots of flavors too. 

_____________________________


(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 8:08:20 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		Many people expand their interests as they get more involved in BDSM.

Sometimes hard limits in your first year end up as a list of things to try ten years later.

Don't live in a mental box - try new things.  Explore.  Life is FUN.

Forget about flavor and style if they are limiting you.



(in reply to opposingtwilight)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 8:25:32 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*agrees with the above posts*

enjoy your journey, hon.. :)


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to StrongSpirit)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 8:32:12 PM   
forestrangergrrl


Posts: 4
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		sounds a bit like me... i have many interests and most doms i've met are fine w/ that and often have many interests themselves. just have fun w/ it and enjoy figuring out what you like w/out worrying about 'flavors' or 'styles'...

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 8:33:17 PM   
nhite


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2007
Status: offline 		i guess i'm feeling that "what do you want" is in some ways a dom asking "what do you offer" --- i know i'm curious (too much so) and beyond that its kinda murky what my 'value' as a sub could be

with so many things unknown for me - likes, limits etc -- i take more time than people want to give

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 8:39:24 PM   
DragonLadysFire


Posts: 167
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline 		Taking time is fine, and being curious and willing to try is your "value".
Don't let other peoples limits limit you while you explore.
Stay safe and have fun.


_____________________________

A dragon may breathe fire, but that doesn't mean you will be burned.



(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 9:05:07 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Parents come in all kinds of styles; strict, laidback and all stops inbetween.

Where could you compromise? Do you really want that level of control everyday? Want to call and interrupt his and your day everytime you need to go to the bathroom. Really want to have to get permission to join a friend for coffee afterwork?

Or would you prefer someone more laid back on a day to day level, who also enjoys the occasional micromanagement session?

And nothing says a top can't be both a nurturing Daddy type and a rope freak.

Personally I couldn't live like that, but for a night? Ooh, baby, yes please.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DragonLadysFire)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 9:12:03 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nhite

i guess i'm feeling that "what do you want" is in some ways a dom asking "what do you offer" --- i know i'm curious (too much so) and beyond that its kinda murky what my 'value' as a sub could be


What is your value as a person in general?

Besides that, it seems like you might be surprised at how many Doms salivate over a "clean slate." Just as with any relationship, be yourself, be honest with potential partners, and have fun.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nhite
with so many things unknown for me - likes, limits etc -- i take more time than people want to give


This will help you weed out all the people who aren't a good fit for you. The right one will consider you worth the wait. He will help you explore your limits, explore your new-found submission. You don't have to know everything right now - part of the fun is finding out.

(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 9:34:56 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have always found that relationships are a unique blend of the people involved.

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 9:39:15 PM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		how can one answer the what do you want  question until the themselves know what they want and have had the like and  dislike  exchanges .It all comes in time and yes  variety and all the different "flavors " is a great thing . Soak up all the info and experience you can after that the question s seem to answer themselves  . I have yet to see an ice cream  shop sell just one item as there are many people with vast tastes , same applies  here . 

(in reply to batshalom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 9:56:27 PM   
Thadius


Posts: 5091
Joined: 10/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nhite

i guess i'm feeling that "what do you want" is in some ways a dom asking "what do you offer" --- i know i'm curious (too much so) and beyond that its kinda murky what my 'value' as a sub could be

with so many things unknown for me - likes, limits etc -- i take more time than people want to give


It seems that your answer to the "what do you want" question, would be "I want to explore different things because I am very curious".  Many dom types will find that to be a very attractive quality, and see the value in being able to experience your journey along those lines.

Good luck in your travels, don't forget to enjoy the scenery (pun intended).
Thadius

_____________________________

When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends." ~ Japanese Proverb

(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 10:06:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thing is, even if you chose a flavor, it wouldn't make things easier on you.  Trust me. 

Stop worrying about the label or the flavor or the style.  Just be you and enjoy the heck out of it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Thadius)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/17/2008 11:08:56 PM   
DominantXY


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/1/2008
Status: offline 		The more you  meet people in the lifestyle and just talk with them- (friends, tops, Doms, Masters, Daddies, whatever you want to call them) the more comfortable you will be with the realization that you are still just learning about what this lifestyle choice means to you.  It's perfectly OK to not know exactly what you want..  It's perfectly OK to falter when you are asked what you are.  You're answer may very well be "I have no earthly idea, I'm learning as I go." 
I would be surprised if there was a Dominant, submissive or slave on collarme who could (or would even want to) say, "That's it.  I'm done learning about myself.  There is no new kink, perversion, fantasy, or whatever left for me to learn and nothing new that can make my cock hard (or pussy wet)."

So much of the joy of exploring a new relationship for me is learning all about what makes the other person tick.. and when she touches on something that makes my ears perk  up (along with other parts of me) it's like, "Ooh.. I've never gone to that dark, nasty place before.. Now that is working for me!  Give me more of that!"

Above all, don't be embarrassed  to admit that you don't know.  If someone is going to make you feel crappy because of something like that, then they are probably not someone you would want to be involved with anyway.

Just my opinion...

(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/18/2008 1:16:40 AM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Don't worry about having a set in stone style.   I think too many people make the mistake of trying to form a specific style, that they fall into a BDSM rut.

I'm pretty eclectic when it comes to BDSM and styles.  I've made posts about this in the past.   BDSM can be a bit like art or music.  Different Textures, Colors, Tones, moods and etc..  A wide range of things to explore.

You just need to find a Dom that is diverse and creative.  Somebody who hates falling into a rut.  The beautiful thing about BDSM is that there is no one set way for doing anything.   There is diversity for the taking.  Some people are diverse and others are not.

Simply toss set in stone styles out the window, look for somebody diverse and creative and has a mind.


(in reply to nhite)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: finding my 'style' - 7/18/2008 5:24:22 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		What's the problem?  You're learning and growing.

If you really want to have a relationship while exploring, you may want to try an HMO model.  You have one Primary Care Dom who oversees you going to specialist Doms.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> finding my 'style' Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094