MASTER"S SELF CONTROL

MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (Full Version)

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Bubblicious -> MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 2:14:47 AM)
I have been going through much and many growing pains this past year. A questions born out of these past experiences as I seek my ONE. How much control should a MASTER have over himself and in what areas. In the past I have found many do not in their normal every day life areas and issues. Yet want complete control over and for me to have myself under complete control. So how much and in what areas is the Dominate to have his own self control? Please would appreciate those with knowledge giving their views I am serious not into games or idleness. I want this to be a lasting relationship and done with eyes wide open no fairy tail ideas know real life is more than sex and play. dishes, making beds, running the sweeper, errands, work, reality

sweetpettjenny -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 2:49:08 AM)
Well for me I am a slave and expect that my owner can control himself and be able to manage his own life before inviting me into it. It really varies relationship to relationship as people in Bdsm are in it for different reasons. i kept a journal and reflect on it here and there . One entry was qualities i seek in a owner. It really is a individual want/need of what you find acceptable for you.

Padriag -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 4:16:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bubblicious So how much and in what areas is the Dominate to have his own self control? That's a very good question. I think the first key area would be control over his emotions... particularly his temper / anger, his lust (roving eye), and his passions (not letting his affections so rule him that he can no longer dominate or discipline). Angry doms never make good doms, and it is never a good idea to punish in anger (whether that be a slave or a child for that matter). Some relationships are monogamous, other poly, but if he can't control his lusts and desires, they'll control him no matter how open the relationship is and that's not going to come to a good end. His passions, including love and affection, are part of who he are and need to find healthy expression... but here again, if they control him, he'll lose control in the relationship. The second key area would be self-discipline... the ability to keep his own behavior relatively consistent. Nobody is perfect, we all have bad days... but they should just be that... one bad day in a hundred. Most of the time he should work to be reliable, consistent and dependable in what he does, what he expects, what his rules are, what his behavior is. He'll need that same self-discipline in creating a structured environment for her as well. Third would be financial responsibility... getting his spending under control and keeping it that way. Dominants don't have to be rich, he can be a blue collar guy who drives a beat up old truck and lives in an apartment... but if he can keep the bills paid, hold down a steady job, put a little money in savings, and have enough left over for a dinner out and a movie on a saturday night I guarantee there are women out there who will find that stability attractive. I think self control in those three areas are probably the main ones. Add some good communication skills, a little charm, some good manners, and some clear goals and you've got the makings of a good dominant.

KatyLied -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 4:29:26 AM)
Padriag, all of the things you've mentioned are important. I couldn't have stated it better.

Cloudz -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 5:07:46 AM)
Padriag, You covered the key points beautifully. Although you mentioned communication, I would include that as a VERY key point. The ability to listen to your sub, sometimes including understanding what is 'between the lines.' The ability to communicate your needs and desires as a sub...and most importantly the abiiity to ENCOURAGE open communication at all times.

LordODiscipline -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 5:11:15 AM)
I believe that bladder control should be in here somewhere... ~J

Padriag -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 5:22:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline I believe that bladder control should be in here somewhere... ~J :: falls over laughing hysterically :: Oh now that was bad...

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 5:37:30 AM)
I think a person should be reasonably independent in terms of day to day life and financial status. They should be able to interact in normal social environments with a reasonable level of comfort and agility. They should be able to maintain relationships such as with friends and co-workers (and ideally their biologically family) over the long term in a positive way. They should be competent in handling everyday life hassles such as car maintenence, doctors visits, weather troubles, etc without having it become a huge storm.

IronBear -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 5:40:04 AM)
Not unusually, Padriag has conevered practically all the bases with LoD covering the final one. However, with regards to the financial aspect, there are a number of Dominants out there who are either unemployed for no reason of their own or are on either age, war service or disability pensions. Whilst it is better to have a stable income and ideally own your own home, such things are not always the case. This I would suggest that a Dominant in that position need to be able to have as much control over the accounting and expenditure as he/she is able and to be up front about his/her financial areas whan courting a new sub/slave. The finances is of less importance if the couple don't plan to live together. For us ancient ones, as Lod mentioned there can be a problem with bladder control.... [:-] Those who which may now learn a new command to issue in times of bladder distress... [;)] Take a deep breath and repeat after me in your best ancient cackling voice: "Potty trik (girl), potty!" [:D][sm=lol.gif]

candystripper -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 5:47:29 AM)
i completely agree with Padriag. However, i would make a distinction amoung Doms and Masters based on their age. If, at 21, you have a DUI and the aggravation or even jail time associated with it are wrecking havoc with your life, well, we have all probably driven with under the influence and not gotten caught at 21 years old. At 40 yrs old, a DUI is a different kettle of fish. For one thing, someone that age should have shed the irresponsibility/sense of immunity associated with the late teens and early 20's. For another, a 40 yr old risks a career he has built; if he is discharged from his work due to a prolonged absence brought on by jail time, he may not be able to replace that position. In speaking with Men, i am sometimes asked for legal advice on matters they are embroiled in. i can understand that anyone might be a plaintiff or defendant in a civil matter; i cannot accept that they have 4 or 5 lawsuits going plus criminal charges against them for stupid things like failing to pay parking tickets. Financial responsibility does not equate with wealth; all it means is that income slightly exceeds outgo and the Man has a track record of paying His bills, etc. candystripper

slavejali -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 6:20:45 AM)
i really liked Padriag's reply..i hesitate to write anything further as i will probably just be repeating what He said. Well i can add this... I think its important, naturally for a Dominant/Master to have good self control in all of those areas mentioned...but if they dont have it or they know it needs work..how can this happen for them? My Master has a 4th degree black belt and i think its been through the years of his training within that discipline that he has developed some amazing qualities of self control. Martial arts just isnt about training and fighting, its about establishing a good system of living within your everyday life, improving qualities such as self control. Well..thats all i have to add.

LordODiscipline -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 7:35:45 AM)
Now that a pretty good list is made, this comes down to - Why dominants? Why not anyone who is a potential partner in no matter what type of relationship someone desires? I find it interesting that we (as a sub-culture and perverts in general) tend to believe that this is something that a "dominant" should be capable of doing.. Why not the submissive? Why not anyone involved in a vanilla relationship? One of the problems I have with the lists that people make about us (those romantic self serving "A Dominant/Submissive must..." lists) is that that are traits that anyone would like to see in their partner - not to mention ourselves. We are definitvely not 'magical' and the people who decide they desire to be part and parcel of WIITWD are not suddenly imbued with any miraculous epiphany of character that cures them of their ills and/or makes them better people. That takes work on their part first. ~J

MstrssPassion -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 7:57:04 AM)
I'm not sure what you are attempting to clarify here... you seem to have already summed it up & discovered that you are not willing to hand over control to 'One' if they do not have control of self. Good for you! Only you can define the areas where control is a must for a potential partner. for example: If a person is independently wealthy, their potential partner being financially secure may not be such a big issue. You see where I am going with this? Bladder control.... Good one!! Good luck with your search

Kasia -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 10:46:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I think a person should be reasonably independent in terms of day to day life and financial status. They should be able to interact in normal social environments with a reasonable level of comfort and agility. They should be able to maintain relationships such as with friends and co-workers (and ideally their biologically family) over the long term in a positive way. They should be competent in handling everyday life hassles such as car maintenence, doctors visits, weather troubles, etc without having it become a huge storm. Now imagine a person who is exactly opposite from quoted - isnt that what is LordODiscipline saying? It would be someone hardly accepted in any relationship, not to mention at any job or other social contacts/situations. I would too say that all mentioned as dominant traits should apply to any selfrespectful, well balanced adult human being.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 11:04:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kasia quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I think a person should be reasonably independent in terms of day to day life and financial status. They should be able to interact in normal social environments with a reasonable level of comfort and agility. They should be able to maintain relationships such as with friends and co-workers (and ideally their biologically family) over the long term in a positive way. They should be competent in handling everyday life hassles such as car maintenence, doctors visits, weather troubles, etc without having it become a huge storm. Now imagine a person who is exactly opposite from quoted - isnt that what is LordODiscipline saying? It would be someone hardly accepted in any relationship, not to mention at any job or other social contacts/situations. I would too say that all mentioned as dominant traits should apply to any selfrespectful, well balanced adult human being. And what's the fourth word in my post?

fyreredsub -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 4:30:23 PM)
this is very true for DOms seeking subs i would think....why would one want a sub that couldn't handle her day to day affairs or practice self-discipline in certain areas of her life.not only does it show the submissives character but also how trainable they may or may not be. quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline Now that a pretty good list is made, this comes down to - Why dominants? Why not anyone who is a potential partner in no matter what type of relationship someone desires? I find it interesting that we (as a sub-culture and perverts in general) tend to believe that this is something that a "dominant" should be capable of doing.. Why not the submissive? Why not anyone involved in a vanilla relationship? One of the problems I have with the lists that people make about us (those romantic self serving "A Dominant/Submissive must..." lists) is that that are traits that anyone would like to see in their partner - not to mention ourselves. We are definitvely not 'magical' and the people who decide they desire to be part and parcel of WIITWD are not suddenly imbued with any miraculous epiphany of character that cures them of their ills and/or makes them better people. That takes work on their part first. ~J

ImpGrrl -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 7:27:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline Now that a pretty good list is made, this comes down to - Why dominants? Why not anyone who is a potential partner in no matter what type of relationship someone desires? I find it interesting that we (as a sub-culture and perverts in general) tend to believe that this is something that a "dominant" should be capable of doing.. Why not the submissive? Why not anyone involved in a vanilla relationship? One of the problems I have with the lists that people make about us (those romantic self serving "A Dominant/Submissive must..." lists) is that that are traits that anyone would like to see in their partner - not to mention ourselves. We are definitvely not 'magical' and the people who decide they desire to be part and parcel of WIITWD are not suddenly imbued with any miraculous epiphany of character that cures them of their ills and/or makes them better people. That takes work on their part first. ~J YES!!

darkslife -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/14/2005 7:36:40 PM)
quote: i completely agree with Padriag. However, i would make a distinction amoung Doms and Masters based on their age. If, at 21, you have a DUI and the aggravation or even jail time associated with it are wrecking havoc with your life, well, we have all probably driven with under the influence and not gotten caught at 21 years old. At 40 yrs old, a DUI is a different kettle of fish. For one thing, someone that age should have shed the irresponsibility/sense of immunity associated with the late teens and early 20's. For another, a 40 yr old risks a career he has built; if he is discharged from his work due to a prolonged absence brought on by jail time, he may not be able to replace that position. Personally I have never had a drink then driven within 2 hours of that drink. Never will. We have a fairly liberal alcohol limit compared to some countries, but Im not taking the risk. I know many others my age who are the same. I also know several 40+ year olds who drink and drive. Honestly I think if you took a true cross section of the community, you'd find the numbers fairly even. To the OP - I found that I needed to control over my own life before I even began looking for a partner. Not for any reason other than it annoyed me to have things in my life outside of my control. Be goodish David

Kasia -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/15/2005 6:48:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross And what's the fourth word in my post? Gorgeous, I didnt quote you to argue with you but only to make a point - sorry for stealing bit of your smartness :)

HeavenlyCeleste -> RE: MASTER"S SELF CONTROL (11/15/2005 7:01:42 AM)
I'm a strong believer in the saying "A Domina must have control over Herself before She can have control over another." The question of "How much" controlis difficult to answer and has a different answer for each sub/slave. It's a matter of what you will tolerate. If a Domina?dom seems immature and lackignin control it would be up to you to say "Thanks, but no thanks." and move on to someone else. Hopefully everyone is striving constantly to improve themselves, whether they are Female, Male, Domina or slave.

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