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teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 6:53:53 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		i have a question, but first a little background...

i had a roommate for about 8 months, during this time, he worked rarely and never had money to live on or pay bills, i took care of most of his expenses. He was always sick and when he left was at the point where he could barely take the dog for a walk, he was so weak. 2 days after he left and started living at his Domme's, he got a job and was working (according to him) 50-60 hours a week. He left the house owing over $1000 in bills alone, this does not count food, cigarettes, pot, or going out money, just rent, electric and cable. Now he is working under the table and collecting full disability. i have tried to contact him and have been ignored for about 3 months now. i was told by his Domme that i have been a bitch and he is not allowed to have contact with him. i asked how i had been a bitch and was told it was because i was trying to get money from him.

My question is...isn't a Domme supposed to guide her submissive to be honorable....isn't she supposed to encourage him to do the right thing and take care of his responsibilites?

It has been suggested that i take him to court, but i really hate to do that....Does anyone have any suggestions on how to collect money from someone like this? Normally, i would ask his Domme for help, but it appears, she doesn't think he should pay his bills, not sure why, but hopefully someone will have a better idea that court
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 7:26:41 AM   
Kyami


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		The possibility is there that maybe? he is lying to her about why you are so insistant in contacting him? Though the possibility of court is not a good one, that is the route I would take.

_____________________________

"You may be suffering; but you are suffering with love"

(in reply to orfunboi)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 7:28:14 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		No, she knows he owes me money, he owes her quite a chunk of change also....

(in reply to Kyami)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 7:32:44 AM   
Kyami


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		Then it sounds as if neither one are very ethical. Gather all your receipts, and such, and go file in small claims court. That would be my advice.

_____________________________

"You may be suffering; but you are suffering with love"

(in reply to orfunboi)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 7:34:28 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Your probibly right, although i know he told her the truth about owing the money, i also know he has lied to her numerous times, when he was living with me. As much as i hate the court system, its probibly my only hope.

(in reply to Kyami)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 7:40:21 AM   
Kyami


Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		/comfort hugs

I know it stinks, but if you seriously want a chance to recover any of the loss, that is really the only way

_____________________________

"You may be suffering; but you are suffering with love"

(in reply to orfunboi)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 7:46:19 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I agree, take him to court.

I will also be so bold as to say, learn from this & assume your own responsibility for the situation that you helped to create. You were the kind soul that forked out the cash. You in effect enabled this man to live without assuming responsibility for his own expences.

Many people have been taken advantage of when it comes to money. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses & move on.

I hope that you can receive compensation for the money lost.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to orfunboi)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 8:43:20 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Wow, Calli, what a lousy situation. Since I know all the parties involved, and a tiny bit of the story, I am hesitant to say HEY run with going to court.

I am guessing that the ex roomie is working back in his old line of work? If so, that is a major issue for disability fraud. Major.

I have known you for awhile now, and I just can't picture you as being a bitch, or unreasonable. However, we also know the domme in question......and my mom tells me that "water seeks its own level".

Your choices are, learn and move on, or be fierce. Feel free to email me if you want to talk about it more.

Francine

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 9:00:09 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		and the flip side of life.....

"I" gave MY 1st Domme,.......$50k

the world is a strange place, is it not?

take care, ya'all

wolf


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 9:02:15 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

and my mom tells me that "water seeks its own level".

=======

yes.........the immortal words of Master Bruce Lee...

be like the water,.......ever moving and always flowing smoothly. nothing hurts water.


wolf

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 9:09:10 AM   
sudja


Posts: 155
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:


My question is...isn't a Domme supposed to guide her submissive to be honorable....isn't she supposed to encourage him to do the right thing and take care of his responsibilites?


If that's the type of person she is, sure - but she's obviously not, nor is there any reason she would be merely because she is a "Domme."

quote:



It has been suggested that i take him to court, but i really hate to do that....Does anyone have any suggestions on how to collect money from someone like this? Normally, i would ask his Domme for help, but it appears, she doesn't think he should pay his bills, not sure why, but hopefully someone will have a better idea that court


Court is probably your best bet. Try whatever the "small claims" route is in your jurisdiction. Maybe you'll make it onto Judge Judy and not have to deal with the actual court system. ;)

sudja


(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 9:38:44 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Take him to court and know by yourself that neither him nor his Dominant is anything to look twise at.

(in reply to sudja)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 10:35:29 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have known you for awhile now, and I just can't picture you as being a bitch, or unreasonable.


Gotta agree wholeheartedly on that! I've never seen the OP as anything but warm and friendly. "Bitch" and "unreasonable" are not synonymous with Orfunboi.

I'd kinda look at the money as a loss, and a hard learned lesson. Perhaps you might take some comfort in knowing that he will do the same to his "Domme," and since she's sounding very closed minded to the situation, I'd say she probably deserves what she'll get. It's only a matter of time.

K

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 10:45:39 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		i would tend to agree, but then it is alot of meony we are talking aboute, perhaps taking it as a loss is somthing the OP just can not aford.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 10:47:37 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kyami

The possibility is there that maybe? he is lying to her about why you are so insistant in contacting him? Though the possibility of court is not a good one, that is the route I would take.


I agree.

If you were roommate and you have documentation, go to court. Probably small claims.

If you don't have documentation however you are well out of luck.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Kyami)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 2:41:00 PM   
pandora29


Posts: 22
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kyami

The possibility is there that maybe? he is lying to her about why you are so insistant in contacting him? Though the possibility of court is not a good one, that is the route I would take.


I agree.

If you were roommate and you have documentation, go to court. Probably small claims.

If you don't have documentation however you are well out of luck.



I would definatly have to agree,if his name is on none of the bills you may be stuck,but you may have a slim chance if you have his name on the lease.I won't even comment on the fact of the Domme...*shake my head and frown*

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 3:10:14 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline 		This isn't a BDSM thing. It's a relationship thing. Rewind to zero and play "My ex roommate took off without paying his bills. What should I do?"

Oh, one other thing, if you live in the US and you have pot on the premises I'd recommend against trying to get tough. If he feels pressure one of the best ways to get you off his back is to drop a dime on you as a "dealer." Cops show up find any amount of drugs and you are in a world of hurt even if you can eventually beat the rap.

It might sound that anyone should know this, but I recall a story about a guy who called the cops because his roommate's girlfriend was stealing leaves off his pot plants.



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www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 3:27:41 PM   
msangel4u


Posts: 14
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		My only question is why wouldnt you want to go to court? And why tie up a debt owed by a roommate with the fact that he is submissive to another?


This isnt a lifestyle issue. Its a deadbeat friend gone bad situation. Nail his rear hon.

(in reply to orfunboi)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 5:49:37 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi

My question is...isn't a Domme supposed to guide her submissive to be honorable....isn't she supposed to encourage him to do the right thing and take care of his responsibilites?

It has been suggested that i take him to court, but i really hate to do that....Does anyone have any suggestions on how to collect money from someone like this? Normally, i would ask his Domme for help, but it appears, she doesn't think he should pay his bills, not sure why, but hopefully someone will have a better idea that court


While it is true that this not a lifestyle thing, your question is about lifestyle ethics of a Dominant. One would hope that all good Dominants teach their submissives/slaves to be responsible and honorable. If the sub/slave is a flake and he meets up with a Dom/me who is also a flake, it is probably a match made in heaven for them! *W*
It seems you have already tried the reasonable route of personal appeal. It has been refused. You have gone a step further, as a participant in this lifestyle, and made the same appeal to the Dominant. And you have been refused again.
I am hoping you have some sort of paperwork showing that he owes the money, fair and square. You could try an attorney who will write a letter for you for a reasonable fee, and see if that gets any attention. (Send the letter as a certified with return receipt requested. This way someone in the house has to sign for it and you have proof it was received.) The letter should also state your intent to proceed to court if a signed agreement for payment is not worked out. After that, it is time for small claims court. If you can win, and he has been lying to his Dominant, that will probably cause him more grief than the payment plan. If the Dominant doesn't care either, then at least you can get the judgement and go from there.
Good luck!




_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to orfunboi)
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RE: teaching your sub to be responsible? - 11/14/2005 6:31:37 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Court is probably your best bet. Try whatever the "small claims" route is in your jurisdiction. Maybe you'll make it onto Judge Judy and not have to deal with the actual court system. ;)

\

As I was reading this thread, I was thinking what a field day Judge Judy would have with this one! lol You beat me to it!

chymes

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 20
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