RE: Going to Munches Alone =\

RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (Full Version)

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jade01 -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 1:53:51 PM)
Not everyone is a social butterfly, unfortunatly. For me, having spent several years on the practical side of learning all this and 'none' of the r/t experiences...to attend a munch...be it simply a restaurant...means meeting persons I don't know involved in things I have only read about...yes, is walking into a different world, be it within the eyes and ears of the vanilla or somewhere else. Now this of course is my personal opinion, I realize...and we 'all' have to break out of that little box sooner or later. I was talking to a Dom in 'person' actually yesterday..yes, stepped out of my box [:)]...it was suggested I try to locate a few people in my area to may be attend things 'outside' my area. I live in a no lifestyle zone, it feels like, we have nothing, and this makes it even 'harder' to locate others. So no, is not easy as you make it sound, though this is just me [:)] Sincerely jade

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 2:19:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael However, it ALL beats staying at home WISHING it were different. My reputation has been built over many years but it too started with one local munch I attended alone. Starting is the only way to finish. Aye... Funny how the bets advice is not only simple, but obvious. Thanks for the honesty =)

CruelDesires -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 2:19:45 PM)
I've been to munches alone as a single dominant male. It's NO big deal. Just flirt casually with the ladies and all will be fine. :-) CD

ultsub -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 2:53:12 PM)
You have to be a hard edged masochist to attend a munch hosted by Paula Dean -- talk about nails on a chalkboard...!

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 2:55:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ultsub You have to be a hard edged masochist to attend a munch hosted by Paula Dean -- talk about nails on a chalkboard...! backhands you "You forget yourself, sir!"

Evility -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 3:35:08 PM)
I think the munch dynamic no matter where you live is a two way street. You have to show some initiative to want to meet people and the group has to show some initiaitive to welcome you. I'm not the type to just run up to strangers and start talking so it usually takes me a few visits to start to blend in. I've never felt unwelcome at munches at the big popular local dungeon here in Atlanta but at the same time nobody ever seemed to go out of their way to make me feel at home. I think it takes time one both sides to grow together. On the occasions that my LDR submissive has had the opportunity to go with me it's a totally different situation. She's very social and is one of those people who has never met a stranger and people actually seem to be drawn to her for some reason. I took her to the same dungeon same munch last year and we had a really nice time and talked to quite a few folks. One time myself, a dominant male friend of mine and his wife at the time (also dominant) went to this same munch together. That was an interesting experience. We felt like people were sizing us up all night trying to decipher the dynamics involved in our little trio. I much preferred a little local munch I used to attend to the bigger Atlanta one. Smaller group where everyone knew everyone else and it was just a much friendlier atmosphere. We lunched at local restaurant in the afternoon and then usually gathered that evening at the home of a couple who were part of the group. Big basement set up as a play space. Much more casual and relaxing atmosphere than the proper dungeon gig.

AquaticSub -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 4:24:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper How do your local scenes respond to "newcomers" in my situation? In my experience, pretty well. I usually don't enjoy going out places by myself (anywhere, the BDSM factor isn't an issue) but when I was attending events without my owner and I had a friend with me I never ran into problems. Every group is going to be different of course but I'd say give it a shot and see what happens.

jade01 -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 4:37:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CruelDesires <snip> . Just flirt casually <snip> CD Me...flirt?! Yeah, ok, guess I can do that [:D] jade

ThundersCry -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 5:10:30 PM)
Jade... My reply was to the man that started the thread... Now...since your not a man <g> you may want to approach it differently...find another female to go...with. Don`t really know what its going to take anyone to step up and....go. Was I apprehensive the first few times I went? Yes....big time...you might even say terrified ...inside...That went away =L= I moved to that city for that purpose....to meet people like...minded. Groups are only as good as the people running them... Good luck...

jade01 -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 5:54:53 PM)
Thanks ThundersCry, Actually got similar advise yesterday, so I just finished changing the P.S. on my profile (not certain yet how to include it in the main part), hope this may help a bit. Not sure which is easier..'coming out of the closet'...or 'coming out of the closet'...smiles. Or is that cage? [:)] Simcerely jade

LordDarkPleasure -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 7:38:36 PM)
Funny that this thread got started today, I actually tried to go to such a reception yesterday. I was at a festival here in montreal and I remembered I had a message regarding such a meeting at what I estimated would be just a couple blocks away. I figured I should try seeing what the local community looks like and this seemed the perfect occasion. The activity was actually a cocktail, where people would meet before going to some fetish evening. Of course I wasn't dressed fetish since I was around for a comedy festival, but I figured I'd go there and introduce myself, see if the people are interesting, and maybe prepare better for the next such occasion if I liked the people. So I head there, only to realise that the cocktail reception is actually held in the biggest gay bar in Montreal. Now the idea of going in alone in such a bar would've made me turn around a couple years ago but I've grown past that now. Still, it doesn't help in making you comfortable in going in alone for a first time meeting. Now I get in, look around... okay, how do I find them? There was no sign or anything telling me where they were gathered, so I had to look around. I figured since there is a fetish evening after, I'd just need to look for people wearing leather and the like. By the way, did you guys notice that clothing that could be considered fetish is pretty popular with vanillas lately? I finally manage to find what I think is them, and observe them a bit. Around fifteen people, most of them in couple, almost nobody of my generation. Only 2 guys my age, sitting around looking bored as hell and when one stood up to get a beer, and gave me a look that could be loosely translated as: "my territory, go away!" just as I was about to say hi. So basically if I want to introduce myself, I have to yell under a loud bar music to people who are going to leave in less than an hour to a place with a fetish dress code... So I figured there would be better occasions than this one. I definitely didn't want to end up like those 2 bored guys as my first experience. This of course is only one experience, and I'm actually looking forward on going another time as the people there actually seemed pretty sociable. Though I probably will grab a vanilla friend, convince her to be kinky for an evening and come with me for a munch sigh then I'll have to deal with all those smirks this vanilla friend will make me whenever she hears about something kinky she didn't know about Anyway the whole point of this post besides sharing my experience is that first, people organising munches and activities like this who actually bother to advertise in such a way that newcomers might be interested should make sure that there are ways to make their insertion in the group easier. On the other side, if you're Dom, or probably just a guy and want to join such an event, take time to do a minimum of preparations, to facilitate your own immersion in the group.

SlaveSimone -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 10:16:55 PM)
quote: You have to be a hard edged masochist to attend a munch hosted by Paula Dean -- talk about nails on a chalkboard...! Pfft. Sounds like darn good night to me, hanging around a bunch of pervs chowing down on some tasty country cookin'. Heaven, I think we need to find a Paula Dean impersonator, ASAP.

chibiamorosa -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 10:23:04 PM)
Being Female & Young-ish, I can't speak to your experience specifically, as I'm usually on the receiving end of your attention. Nonetheless, my BEST experience with a single male dominant at a munch I attended a number of years ago (in the general SoFla area, as a matter of fact) started out with me dressed in all white. It was summer - do the math. Past experience had taught me that just about everyone would be dressed in black, and they were. Except one guy. He looked like he was about to go play a game of golf. He said hi, made a joke about how I would have to leave as I wasn't wearing the right color & moved on. Talked to many other folks he knew there. Was friendly with one and all. Had a terribly charming accent. And ....he.....looked.....good. Well-dressed, confident, friendly with everyone. He stood out. He stood out first though, because he didn't look like some throwback from a Grateful Dead concert. (shrug) Just my tastes. When I left (with no options pending), he happened (hah) to leave at the same time. He stopped me in the parking lot (broad daylight, busy restaurant, no creep vibes) & offered me his card. Had his name (first & last) his phone number and the name of his girl. He said she couldn't come today, but suggested we all get together sometime soon & made his exit smoothly - back inside. You're damn right I called them. I didn't go back to that particular munch though - I was wearing the wrong color clothes & didn't fit in. [:D] So, after looking at some of your previous posts & profile, it doesn't seem like your trolling the munch at the moment, bit o' luck, that, so establish yourself, show your manners, make an impression with your listening skills & when the time comes to show what you know ....wait for it, ...wait...for...it....voila! I wish you well.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/19/2008 11:39:04 PM)
I've gone to funcitons both with and without the sub or slave who happened to be in my life at the time. My identity does not come from the fact they are or are not in my life and I'm entitled to interact with peers, learn from demos and workshops and simply enjoy myself on a social level. In my relationships, I also have the right to play with others, which I have done on occassion and public events. Sometimes, that turns into private stuff, but more often not. Master Fire

LadyPact -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/20/2008 6:02:27 AM)
HK, I do understand where you're coming from. Now that clip isn't in the area anymore, I was wondering how My first outing, sans sub, would go. I admit to having a much easier time than what you're facing. Most folks know me, in both the local and semi- local area. Many have seen Me play before. Some would even say I have a pretty decent reputation, especially those who have learned about My deliciously wicked side. You know that youtube video you put up about the shark and the surfer. It was kind of like that. I can't wait to go to My next munch in SC or Atlanta!

SingleRarity -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/20/2008 7:42:10 AM)
When Daddy first entered the scene a few years ago, as a single male dominant, he never had any problems. He has said though, he was careful not to come off as 'creepy single guy'. He was quickly taken in by an awesome group of scenesters in Chicago, that we are still friends with to this day. I'm sure all will go well for you too.

Exquemelin -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/20/2008 7:52:44 AM)
I used to a munch near where I was living(I've moved it was in CT) in exactly your situation. Young, single male dominant. They were pretty welcoming but I'm not exactly what you'd call gregarious. The first munch the people running it came up and introduced themselves, they actually sat me with the guy who was running it's slave, along with one or two other people. The problem I ran into was I was I generally the youngest person there sometimes by a fair margin. The first one I went to there was a switch couple about my age who I didn't really get to speak with, and then never saw again(despite people in the group seeming to know them). There was one regular it seemed who was relatively close to my age, almost all of the rest of the group was middle aged or older. Which was fine but I don't exactly relate to. I don't have kids, when I started going I was only a couple of years out of college. I was working a crappy job looking to start my career. I generally dressed in Khakis and button up shirt, as opposed to jeans and leather. It was a very nice place and i was glad I did it, but I didn't really fit in. Eventually I met my girl(actually from here) and started spending my weekends with her rather than with other kinky people.

SaraZeal -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/20/2008 7:53:53 AM)
quote: So I head there, only to realise that the cocktail reception is actually held in the biggest gay bar in Montreal. Would this bar be "Les Foufounes Électriques"? I lived in Montreal for 17 years, and lived in Hochelaga-Maisonneuve for a year, right next to the gay district, but I've never known if this was a gay bar or not. It's right next to downtown, and I pass it when I have to go somewhere downtown (a doctor appointment on René-Lévesque street near Saint-Laurent street). I never went in, but it always seemed to be full.

winterlight -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/20/2008 10:20:34 AM)
When i went to two munches. The one i felt was cliquey. The other is smaller and i was welcomed. I went alone. I had/have no relationships and that wasn't a problem for me. I am very shy but gathered up the courage and went. The biggest group (not friendly), i only went 7 times and quit going. What amazed me was a server ( i went to a different room to eat dinner), commented to me one time that they are a rude group of people. So I guess i wasn't off the mark in being uncomfortable in their presence...

winterlight -> RE: Going to Munches Alone =\ (7/20/2008 10:41:53 AM)
I forgot to mention that they are both at family restaurants.

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