CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
which is why i'll never do poly...someone is always left out in the end once the Dom finds someone they like better.
I acknowledge fully that you aren't interested in poly, but I wanted to address something in your post that could be misleading. You mention that "someone is always left out", and that isn't true. In a healthy poly situation, nobody is "left out"... it's sort of like when a couple chooses to have offspring. The first one may feel uncomfortable when a second one is conceived, but adults typically explain that love grows.. it isn't a finite pool where if one person takes some, there is less for everyone else.
In a healthy poly relationship, everyone gives a little bit -- time may be shared more often than one-on-one, but good communication and healthy voicing of needs assures that everyone gets what they need. As long as nobody lets their selfishness or fear get the better of them (or if it only rarely rears its head), the relationship can be profoundly satisfying for everyone.
I've lived in 3 successful poly relationships. When they ended, they ended for reasons that had nothing to do with how much we loved one another -- it was outside forces (death, jobs and elderly parents who couldn't care for themselves anymore) that caused the relationship to end. In over 25 years, I've never felt "left out". I may have felt overwhelmed, or frightened, or envious... but the only times I was shut out of the love were the times when I chose to shut myself down and stop interacting... and those ended as soon as I was able/willing to open myself up to the others again.
Now... this being said, there are a lot of relationships out there that are not poly, but try to masquerade as poly so someone can justify their selfish desires... and there are a lot of people for whom the idea of maintaining a healthy, communicative, affectionate, open relationship with more than one person is just way too much to consider... knowing oneself (to avoid involvement in relationships that are not suited to one's personality) and watching how a dynamic is working at the beginning, when entering that relationship can help someone to avoid these pitfalls... while still having the opportunity to enjoy healthy, happy polyamory, if that's what they're wired for.
Firestorm
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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I think my Domme is in love - 
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For the most part I just kept quiet and stayed out of the conversation. I wanted to show them that I wouldn't interfere in their time together. After dinner I served them wine on the couch and then did the dishes. My Lady called out to me to get ready for bed. I thought she was going to just cage me for the night so they could be alone. I went to my room and got undressed and the two Ladies came in and My Lady diapered me, put me in my cutest pyjamas, bonnet, and finally my tack booties and fistmitts. This was the first time anybody else saw me like this. Her girlfriend thought it was neat that I spent every night so helpless like this. I just stayed silent the whole time. Instead of locking me in my cage I was allowed to lay on the floor under their feet while they watched movies and talked. When we went to bed they both kissed my forehead Like My Lady always does and locked me in my cage and they spent the night together. Yes they are in love and I am so happy for them! 
RE: I think my Domme is in love - 
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