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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Half a degree "off" (7/20/2008 12:43:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Actually I think I'm as normal as anyone else. I don't think of what I do as "dark/evil/perverted/twisted" etc. I do believe that people who view their sex lives in that way have internal conflicts. Bleached hair. tattoos, piercings, etc are normal here in a college town. Although purple hair tends to get you noticed more.
I hear what you're saying. I don't think of what I do as "evil"... as someone in another post mentioned, I have the same issue with a "moral compass" that doesn't seem to point in the same direction as many parts of society, but it rarely wavers (thank you sujuguete!), so for me, the whole idea of 'evil' is a moot point. However, I don't have the same issue with dark, perverted, and twisted... I actually -like- using those terms, since they implay an action taken that profoundly re-shapes a thing in relation to its perceived environment. I like to shape my universe, and re-shape behaviors and actions, and flesh, and minds... to darken or lighten, to pervert or revert, to twist, bend, fold, spindle, and even (by some folks definitions) mutliate. I like the people who come to spend time with me -knowing- that this is how I am, and particularly wanting to share that perversion.
I am completely "normal" for me... but I am not on the same frequency as the mainstream population. I don't -want- to be. I like being "off". I like having tie-died hair at a job where everyone else is "pinstripe suit, perm, or buzz-cut". I like having tats that you can't cover up -- and I -love- that, since I've come to this company, at least the people that I work with have become so comfortable with seeing a "freak" in their midst that they don't notice, sometimes, when another person has off-edge elements... They actually hired a woman just a couple of weeks ago with eyebrow piercings -- something that would never have happened when I first started with them.
Sometimes, I choose to be closer to "true north". I deal with people who are struggling, and families who are hurting. Sometimes, I go out of my way to cover up the "scary" things about me, to make sure that the people that I'm talking to are as comfortable as they can possibly be. I wear a surgical cap to cover my hair, or I put bandages over my ink... I know I'm not fooling them -- but they seem to appreciate the extra concern, and for me, it is a choice -- I get to choose whether to scare Grandma and Grandpa P, who are dealing with Grandpa P's impending death by waltzing in like Joseph's Technicolor Dreamcoat... or I can still know who I am, but choose to let Grandma and Grandpa P have at least the illusion of normalcy in a time when they're hurting so much.
I have no choices that I've made that I regret. I'm not sure I even believe in regret. I have made choices that I won't repeat, but I appreciate the opportunity to have the experiences that came with making the choice the first time. I am twisted and dark. I am balanced and light. I am perverted and re-directed and on-track. I am kinky and razor sharp. I am dignified. I am playful. I am the Firestorm and the rainStorm. What I need to be to shape my universe is exactly what I become.
Calla Firestorm
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