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Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 1:25:16 PM

DesertEagle44

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/22/2008
From: Alta Loma
Status: offline

i have been on collerme off and on for 3-4 years. no women want a Quadriplegic in a wheelchair for a master, why not. if you know what a Quadriplegic is you know why. Why are wonen afferaid/ scard of masters in wheelchairs? all i really have are my words but that is not enuff for most people (women). why is this? quads are people to

thomas

Post #: 1

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 2:01:31 PM

HisHeavan

Posts: 13
Joined: 5/17/2007
Status: offline

People are always afraid of what's different. I dated a girl who needed a walker when I was younger and my family never understood. They saw it as a black mark on the family name. I am embarassed of that, in them. They were embarassed of her, in me.

Edit:

Posted by HeavansKeeper

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Devoted Servant of HeavansKeeper

(in reply to DesertEagle44)

Post #: 2

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 2:02:21 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

First of all, excuse me if I am too... honest. I will be direct, but do not mean any insult to either you or anyone else. But some things are better said without the sugar coating.

When I was young I was very idealistic. I thought people were attracted to confidence, generousity, kindness, intelligence and honesty.
As I have grown older I have realized that people are a lot shallower than that.
Submissives are attracted to power and the outward signs of it. Height, money, muscle, with a certain icy, reserved demeanor. These are generalities of course.
Being a quad, you lack height and muscle. I am not an ugly man, but I myself have had women say I have written the best email they ever read, but then refuse to meet after seeing a photo. If you have a lot of money, you might make that clear (without seeming to brag too much). Failing that, it will be difficult.

There are people out there that are less shallow. They are rare, hard to find, and often taken.

If you are willing to accept an online relationship, you might consider ... shading the truth a bit. I would not lie, but I would reveal less information. No need to tell people everything about you if you are up front about never planning on meeting them.

But I suspect you want more than just e-love. In that case, you could focus on women who are less in demand. That usually means the overweight, as men are just as shallow as women are. Or you could try and find a submissive quad. Yes, I know the odds of doing that. But I bet such a woman would have just as much trpuble meeting woman as you.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 7/20/2008 2:04:00 PM >

(in reply to DesertEagle44)

Post #: 3

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 3:23:16 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

DesertEagle, no offense meant, but have you considered an online relationship?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 4

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 3:49:02 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertEagle44
Why are wonen afferaid/ scard of masters in wheelchairs?

Why have you eliminated all other possibilities other than afraid and/or scared? Perhaps there is something about your approach, your profile, your personality, something (I'm just giving examples here, I'm not making a statement about you personally).

If I were to start a thread and say, "why are men afraid and/or scared of fat chicks like me?", I would likely get a lot of responses saying things like, "maybe it's your lack of sparking personality/your bitchy attitude/your profile/whatever."

The stated problem is not always the actual problem.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to DesertEagle44)

Post #: 5

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 4:29:24 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
I thought people were attracted to confidence, generousity, kindness, intelligence and honesty.

I'm 40 years old, and I know for a fact that women are attracted to exactly these things. I'm 5'8", normal-looking, and most of the women I've dated in real from CollarMe and Alt make more money than I do. I'm friends with my ex-gf's, and I just took a date from CM to the wedding of my former sub.

I took my photo myself, with a webcam that is now disconnected and in a closet. No professional modeling here.

Are you attracted to those things, above and beyond anything else? I am. I have a date with a lady next week. We met on CM. Her posted pics are professionally done, and she looks like a model here, though her MySpace page shows her without makeup or frills -- you know, NORMAL.

She sent me her phone number before I sent her mine. In our first phone conversation, I told her, "The fact that you look great in your pics is not a good enough reason for me to ask you out." Her response was not, "I'm offended," it was closer to, "Finally!!!"

Idealism is attractive. Bitter "worldliness" is not. I don't know you from Adam, but I guarantee this has nothing to do with your photo.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 6

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 4:30:21 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

The summer before I was a senior in high school I was in a car accident that left me in traction for almost two months. I returned to school late and in a wheelchair.

What bothered me most was that my closest friends couldn't look me in the face. They would look on the floor in front of me or over my head. I would all but beg them to look me in the face but they couldn't.

The fact is that a lot of people are uncomfortable with handicaps. Add to that the fact that few people enter the BDSM lifestyle simply for conversation and it makes it even harder. Some may be afraid that they will show pity, others have a subconscious fear that the same thing could happen to them. My wheelchair days are long gone, but oddly enough I am thankful for them. I got to see firsthand the reactions of others - not knowing whether to offer help or to simply ignore the person. It is a shame that people prejudge, but they do. I tend to agree with the others that suggest that you Dom online until you can find someone willing to see the beauty that you have to offer.

_____________________________

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 7

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 4:53:11 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

A handicap is what you make of it. Why worry about those who don't accept you and begin relishing those who do? I can not possibly be the only person in the CM/BDSM world who isn't afraid or squicked out by someone with a limitation. With that said...I agree with some of the other posts...maybe it's not your chair, or your quadriplegia. Maybe there is another avenue you need to explore within yourself.

I can't help but wonder if this is how you feel, then is this what you project to those you meet for the first time? It would certainally be offputting to me if you were negative from the get go. Your chair I can handle... your physical limitations...no problem. The attitude that you automatically assume I'm going to be put off by the aforementioned....would totally turn me off. (of course this is all based on a possibility, not facts...you may be amazingly cordial, genial and lovely for all I know)

I don't know you, I haven't a clue as to your personality...but you do. So...what do you think?

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 8

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 5:04:57 PM

DesertEagle44

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/22/2008
From: Alta Loma
Status: offline

i would love a on-line relationship but most women dont want that. the fibbing thing does not work for me, trust and truth is very importent to me. i have been a quad since i was 5 years old( hit and run).

kids are so cool cuz they will ask questions and there mom or dad just pull them away. em i smarter then them cuz i can see past the judgemental part?

i have know prob. with people asking questions on what has happend, it dose not sadden me.

maybe if they asked questions it would be a better place to live

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 9

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 5:09:03 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Being a cynic, I wonder if you aren't looking for a sub just for service stuff, things you can't do for yourself. Because we may be submissives, but we want to be more than an unpaid home health aide.

I know of a top in San Francisco who is in a wheelchair and still highly sought after.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 10

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 5:24:14 PM

winterlight

Posts: 1319
Joined: 2/18/2006
Status: offline

I am hearing impaired. I went to a Rehab hospital for my speech therapy. I was exposed to many people in wheelchairs. It doesn't daunt me. I would hope that somebody would want me for me, my personality etc. I would hope (not implying) that i am not wanted to be a home health tech which i am not. It would make me nervous to do those kinds of things. If something went wrong i would be very upset.
People unfortunately are shallow. People expect perfect people with no imperfections. Now seriously how many of us are perfect? GET REAL!
I am a big woman. I realize i would not be of interest to many. That is the reality. My feeling is if that you are NOT interested in me you have lost a chance to get to know somebody that at the very least could be a good friend. That is your loss...
Why should somebody in a Wheelchair be a turn off? I have no clue. People are shallow, bigoted and stupid. The rare ones are hard to find. You just have to keep looking for the right one to come along. I know that's easy to say but true.
The ones worth knowing will show up. If not learn to live and be comfortable with yourself. (That is what i say to myself.) I can't say that for others.

Good luck on Your search.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 11

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 6:15:17 PM

subsong

Posts: 77
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline

Awhile back , I met someone on this site who happened to be permanently in a wheelchair . He was a vibrant personality and had a completely "can-do" attitude . I was willing to make the drive to meet . We hit it off very well - but combining our work schedules and the distance between us , made for a bad situation . Had that not been the case , I would have gladly moved foward with this person . Though to be honest - basically he was fully functional - except for his legs , and is able to drive in a specially equipped van . So while the dynamics were abit different from yours - attitude remains a key factor .

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 12

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 6:24:49 PM

KCherry

Posts: 2264
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: Send Help, Fla.
Status: offline

You seemed nice enough to me. ^_^ Dont give up. :)

_____________________________

Reality and I had a fundamental differing of opinions. We're currently undergoing trial separation.

Rafters Resident ^_^v

(in reply to subsong)

Post #: 13

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 8:14:40 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I have to echo the sentiments of others who state that some of it may come from other sources than a disability. I must also agree that, in general, it is difficult for people to handle disabilities, and the more profound the harder it is. That being said, it is not impossible to meet someone who can look past all that to the person you are, but they are rare indeed.

I have my own limitations and find that the less of an issue it is for me, the less of an issue it is for others. I live my life in spite of my limitations, not controlled by them. I find my way through things that are disrupted, but do not give up on accomplishing what I desire. I have my down days, and I surround myself with those who can encourage me at those times, but this is my general attitude.

Perhaps it would be time well spent to establish your dominance in the submissive's mind and even deeper. If you already own those more elusives parts of your mate, then the body often becomes a mere formality. Honesty about your condition is fine, but before agreeing to meet, be sure that you have made such an impact and with the right person that it simply will not matter. It is possible. First the right attitude, next the right person, and finally being the dominant you know you are.

My best wishes on your search! Don't give up!

Regards,
lovingpet

(in reply to KCherry)

Post #: 14

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/20/2008 8:28:03 PM

DesertEagle44

Posts: 11
Joined: 1/22/2008
From: Alta Loma
Status: offline

i live a full life. i go out 4 day a week. i love the movies,the malland watching the women everywhere. my life is not dull. i prob have more fun then most people

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 15

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/21/2008 7:27:48 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

When I was searching for a Dominant I was contacted by two men on here who were in wheel chairs who were paralyzed. The first thing that bothered me was that neither of them were up front about it and there were several long conversations that had taken place before they disclosed that fact. I believe that is something one should make known right away as it IS a huge consideration for many people.

Nevertheless, I did give it a lot of thought. Ultimately I decided that it was not something that I would be able to handle. My number one concern was the lack of physical intimacy that could be shared. Sexual intimacy is a very important factor in a relationship for me and one that I don't believe I could permanently live without. Secondly, physical play and scening are also very important in my life. Then there was the day to day stuff that I had to consider. I am a very physically active person and I want a partner who can share in the things that I do. Hiking, hunting, fishing, camping out, walking on beaches...those are the ways that I most enjoy spending my free time and it was important to me to find someone who could also participate in all of those things.

It wasn't a question of being uncomfortable with a handicap. It wasn't even a question of being a caregiver to someone. Ultimately a "match" is someone who fits in with and compliments your lifestyle. Their handicap made that an impossibility.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to DesertEagle44)

Post #: 16

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/21/2008 11:47:00 AM

MasterAndServant

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/25/2005
From: california
Status: offline

You know what they say...

Every pot find its lid !

No matter how you look like, what vehicle you got under your ass or how much money you have, it is a long way to find the right one !

JAY

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 17

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/21/2008 1:29:29 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

This isn't going to be the feel good reply you hoped it would be.

I am not the perfect picture of a Dominant. I'm hard of hearing. I could stand to lose 20 lbs. When someone looks on a site such as this, and is looking for outward "content", I'm probably not it.

What I do instead, is focus on those things that I do offer, not My limitations. If someone wants eye candy, I figure they can go for it. If they are interested in skill, I can provide that.

The question is, rather than focus on your limitations, what do you *really* offer.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MasterAndServant)

Post #: 18

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/21/2008 4:25:28 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I took my photo myself, with a webcam that is now disconnected and in a closet. No professional modeling here.

Are you attracted to those things, above and beyond anything else? I am. I have a date with a lady next week. We met on CM. Her posted pics are professionally done, and she looks like a model here, though her MySpace page shows her without makeup or frills -- you know, NORMAL.

She sent me her phone number before I sent her mine. In our first phone conversation, I told her, "The fact that you look great in your pics is not a good enough reason for me to ask you out." Her response was not, "I'm offended," it was closer to, "Finally!!!"

Maybe I have become a bit cynical. However:

Confidence: Confidence is something you feel inside, not show outside. In fact, I have found that people are MOST confident when they appear to be least confident. Who is more confident - the 5'4" guy talking to the gorgeous woman, way out of his league, who is a bit nervous and saying "uhm, like". Or the 6' tall guy talking to the dumpy girl without a care in the world. The tall guy is being smooth, while the short man is being confident. But most people confuse the two, when they seem them in action.

Generousity. Again, this can NOT be determined by the outside observer. The man making 50k/year spending $75 a meal is being generous. The man making 150k/year spending $120 a meal is being CHEAP on a percentage basis.

Kindness: People say they want it, but then ignore it.

Intelligence: this is the one quality that people can usually accurately judge. Answer honestly - did geeks do well in high school? Who gets more dates - musicians or scientists.

Honesty: People lie. People usually can not tell when others are lie-ing, even if they think they can.

I'm not saying that no one cares about those things. But I will say that people don't pay as much attention to them as is generally believed. Worse, even when you do care about them, you don't really know if the people you are looking at have them until AFTER you have gone on several dates. In other words, they end up being secondary considerations, not primary ones.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 19

RE: Masters in WheelChairs - 7/21/2008 4:44:25 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
the 5'4" guy talking to the gorgeous woman, way out of his league,

There isn't a single woman in the world who is out of my league. You might want to seriously consider why you are looking at things this way.

Do you have any idea how lonely it is for a woman to be pretty, financially secure, and looking for a kinky relationship? It's worse than being sergeant of the wanker patrol, because she gets a bunch of emails from guys who seem nice, but upon futher interaction -- often unpleasantly in real -- it turns out the guy is looking to score because she's hott, he's looking for a sugar mommy, or he likes beating up "rich bitches."

On top of that, a lot of men have tremendous prejudices about women and sex. She can't have more sex partners than he's had. She can't have worked -- ever -- in any kind of sex or fetish industry. If she's done anything like that, she's a fun lay but she'll never be wife/mother material.

The #1 piece of advice I can give you is to genuinely care about the things that matter, and not give a flying fuck about things that don't.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 20

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