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It is not easy. All too often life comes and turns Master and slave into boyfriend and girlfriend, or even just roommates. Kat and I have a number of things built into her latest contract (which we just signed last night!) to keep the dynamic in good working order.

First, we have twelve mini-contracts that we will negotiate and execute over the next year. These contracts will focus on edgier play, for short durations. (We might have a 24 hour contract where she is treated just like a cat...made to be naked with a cat tail butt plug and sleep in her crate...no talking, no human interaction).

Next, we have a checklist that she has to complete each week. The list gives her duties and responsibilities. Each Sunday we review the list and for each item not checked off, she gets a stroke with a doubled up belt (something she does not like at all.

There are other things that keep us firmly in our dynamic, but they are fairly trivial. When added up they make a difference, but individually they seem insignificant. For instance, if I detect a tone or an attitude, sometimes I will let it go...but if it gets to be too much, I come down on her hard and fast. This re-establishes our relationship, even if it does "freak her out" (her words).

You have to find what works for you, but it is important that you do establish boundaries and rituals to keep them in place.

Taggard

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For me it's a process of remembering and recreating what made it great to start with, and finding new ways to explore together.

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Sir and I are really in this just moving in stage together. He just moved here in March but somedays it is a struggle to even find time to see each other,, but we do little things like sending naughty texts, making sure we at least get to cuddle at bed time, and making sure that we always get some alone time together each week. but as for the D/s dynamic, sometimes it gets a little lost but we always seem to find it again without to much trouble, little reminders are all it takes.

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Your post has great timing for me. Three years ago, almost to the very day, Gary and I met at the event we just showed up for this afternoon...In The Woods although the year was 2005 back then instead of 2008. We actually met first before doing the phone and internet thing for the next 6 months which is a bit unusual.

To keep our dynamic fresh, we play in some ways every day. Of course the play may only last a minute at a time, but it's a minute that means that we both remember what brought us together. When we can we enjoy attending events or going to a dungeon. What makes those times so very special is that they are also so very rare. We often go 5 months without a dungeon trip because the nearest one is 250 miles away when we're in Arizona, but we do make sure we go each and every winter. We also welcome the chances we get to meet new people in new places. As we travel we search for munches that might be meeting while we are passing through. We've always been welcome and it's great to share some time with other kinky folk.

I believe what makes us do so well together and what keeps the magic is that we both work at our relationship. Yes, there are times when we both get irritated with the other as we are both very human, however, in the end he is the Dom, i am the sub...and we like it that way.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
The cyber interactions are in the past, phone sex is also history. The real time meetings with her/him kneeling at their Master/Sir's Ma'am's feet is still fresh in the mind the pledge to please always still upon the "s"'s lips. Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

CP

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ORIGINAL:  SoulPiercer
However for some reason the transition is difficult for many people. I know people who have 2 computers in their home and they actually cyber with each other, just to keep that "excitement" alive. Personally, I don't get it. Afterall .. role play can be done anywhere .. not just in a chatroom.

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The question itself seems defeatist. It tough to put nicely, but it is the type of question that should be asked and answered during the contemplation stage not after the fact.

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First off, unless you are literally together 24/7, no one says phone sex has to be "history". It's just that instead of not expecting the other person to be titillated by it for months on end, now you just have to wait until you both get home. <http://www.collarchat.com/image/s3.gif>

Seriously, if you want your D/s or M/s structure to remain in tact, even though real life is now part of the picture (that's the money earning, cleaning, bill paying, grocery shopping part of life), it's up to you as a D or M to make it that way. It's your dynamic. That means, it's also your responsibility.

The easiest way that I have ever found to prevent a D/s dynamic from becoming something else, is to instill rituals. I know a lot of people frown when I say that, but I'm not talking about long, drawn out, impractical things. T


hat's not the idea behind it. In My view, rituals which keep a dynamic focused are those that are practical, fit your situation and your needs, and can be done without interrupting those other parts of life that all of us have to deal with.

Here's what I would be looking at if I were in the process of changing My online based dynamic, to a real life one. If you're worried about the 'magic' of the online parts slipping away, find a way to translate those things into your physical world. No, it's probably not realistic to think your s will kneel each and every time you walk into a room, but what about instilling a ritual that she will do it, minimally, as her morning and evening greeting to you? Did you have a particular online greeting and way of saying good-bye? Why not keep them when you are at home together? Does she have a specific title for you? Instruct her to keep it in place. Figure out the small things, such as how you want your coffee, tea, whatever, served to you, and have that adhered to. Of course, you might have to come up with alternate things while you're in public, but when at home, structure your house as you want it. That will help you keep that spark.

If you are basing this, and a prior question that I noticed, on the positive things that might be happening in your life, I would like to wish you the best of luck and happiness.

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I would tell you that the magic and never wears off if you do it right. The magic never wears off if you both always put the relationship ahead of yourself. Your responsibility to each other as lovers must never take a back seat to your personal needs. Your duty as Master and her duty as slave or Dom/sub must always be in place. If one of you thinks that there is an issue, a personal need, a desire that is more important than the survival and health of the collective unit, it will be the beginning of the end of the relationship. You don’t always get what you work for in this life but you rarely get what you don’t work for. You must both always work for the relationship.

I have friends and ex lovers in my life that the magic has never faded from. One started in 1970, another in 1979 and one from 1993.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

The cyber interactions are in the past, phone sex is also history. The real time meetings with her/him kneeling at their Master/Sir's Ma'am's feet is still fresh in the mind the pledge to please always still upon the "s"'s lips. Now life's reality set in, how do you clinge to that magic or do you, and if not how long does it take for the majic to wear off in the face of life's pressures?

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The magic only fades when we stop performing it.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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I couldn't tell you... seeing as though I only had one online relationship that went real life and all other relationships were in person. But that relationship magic turned off when I turned on his computer!

Lockit,

Nods, [the old computer probe] gets so many, but you left us hanging!

CP

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You combat those by coming up with means - physical, spiritual, mental, verbal, material, use variety here - to stay connected to the Ds or Ms dynamic. Make a mutual commitment to hold up your end of the dynamic.

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Your responsibility to each other as lovers must never take a back seat to your personal needs. 

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

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The question itself seems defeatist. It tough to put nicely, but it is the type of question that should be asked and answered during the contemplation stage not after the fact.

Mercs,

It was not a defeatist question but one that is reflective of a common problem for path walkers. For you to have natureally solved the problem is a "good on ya" kind of thing but few are that successful.

CP

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Have that triple scoop ice cream without hesitation.

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If the dynamic is incorporated into your daily lives, then it won't fight with real life. It'll BE real life. This is just the very beginning.

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I know people who have 2 computers in their home and they actually cyber with each other, just to keep that "excitement" alive. Personally, I don't get it. Afterall .. role play can be done anywhere .. not just in a chatroom.