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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 7:40:55 PM

Missokyst

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LOL YES it has!
People expecting immediate submission, people believing you have to have feelings for someone and a real "connection" before they meet. Sheesh. The internet is full of craploads of that baggage.
The real men I meet in my group are real. They do this, they don't expect people to submit simply because they are dominant, they are people just like me. Although some of them started out influenced by this internet baggage, most have come to see this can be done in a real life relationship way, and find success.
Which is fabulous! LOL but they are all hooked up with other people.
I meet people all the time as a result of running my munch list, but here in nor cal, we get way more male subs than females, and surprisingly, there are more female dominants here than males.
Apart from my group activities which includes going to parties, the only men I meet lately are work related. And I don't mix work and sex.
This has left me the option of the internet. Which I have now recognized is unlikely for me.
I miss the old days when if a guy wanted you, you knew it. You either welcomed it or you knocked him flat. Now things are so PC, people are afraid to be assertive.
I am very fortunate that I have had some of the best relationships ever in my life. I can live on that, and the vicarious thrills I get from watching people have fun.
Oh.. and if I can get pulled over now and then.. there is always hope.
Otherwise I will need a spatula to gather up my brains.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

Has the internet polluted every single guy on the planet and filled his head with mush?

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 7:52:06 PM

LATEXBABY64

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main stream main stream main stream bs kinky as you can be or want what ever lol the i do not know how to be kinky so i have get a book not like all the porn all the years have not helped lol shrugs I just think people are lost do not know what they want in life they are either driven by the fashion nazis or by some stupid concepts that drive blog net poser posters post

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:04:33 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
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Hi CallaFirestormBW,

I enjoyed reading what you had to say. I need to clarify for anyone interested, because you brought up a point that I may not have been clear on. I knew the terms. I knew I was kinky. In the wonderful world of the Boston scene when it popped up, I hung out with people and used (with my absolute lack of reverence) the casual terms top and bottom. I was corrected by everyone. After all, what does a twentysomething know. I was told top and bottom referred to gay sex. I said yes it did, and it applies to bdsm. A few years later everyone caught up and was using the term (only in the appropriate pc context of course).

It was trying to let myself be ascimilated that screwed with my head. All the desparate people who came out of the woodwork because instead of living their lives they waited for some group to be a part of. I was drowned in men who felt that reading some crap meant they could instruct me on what I could and couldn't think and feel. What I was and wasn't allowed to wear. Having women (mostly domme) quoting protocol to me when they had six months experience with their new hobby. Note, not talking about technique, that is just an annoyance. Having completely inexperienced people telling me how to feel and what to believe when I had 5 years of experience of taking my own risks and making my own way. I let it undermine my confidence in myself for a while.

Note: This is not dissing the groups you have found and enjoyed. I am only referring to the groups I encountered, kinky not poly. I tried polyamory, it does not fit for me.

I think it was either a post of yours or one you replied to, I have always been several degrees off of north. If I say the sky is blue, the rest of the world seems to agree that no, it is teal until one of the proper types tells them it is blue. Then they all tell me how it is blue and how could I have misunderstood them enough to think they had ever said it was anything else.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:08:55 PM

Missokyst

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LOL we must have met some of the same people. <g> I just switch colors.. keep them dazzled, eventually they believe.
Heh
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: SurrenderForMe

If I say the sky is blue, the rest of the world seems to agree that no, it is teal until one of the proper types tells them it is blue. Then they all tell me how it is blue and how could I have misunderstood them enough to think they had ever said it was anything else.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:17:40 PM

SurrenderForMe

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Joined: 3/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility
To the OP: It all depends what you want to do to people. Back in the day when my forays into fetish were little more than really kinky foreplay I seemed to do pretty well finding willing partners on a fairly regular basis. Nothing I ever suggested was really over the top. Now that my tastes and desires have evolved a bit I think I probably would reach a boundary or two in my pursuit of sadism where it would become difficult to cultivate it in another person from the ground up.

Hi Evility,

I didn't encounter that. As I expanded my interests, each new relationship got an introduction higher up in the levels. I started with someone, did the rope stuff, introduced spanking, cbt, then moved on to playing with knives. Same for the d/s items. It just worked. Maybe its because I talk, a lot. When a new idea occurs to me, I start talking about it. Time to assimilate what I am thinking. Raise objections. Discuss fears. It worked, what can I say. I didn't have problems with people rejecting what I wanted to do until the scene and all the rules told people they weren't supposed to trust me and our relationship. Then I had to comply with peer pressure or not do anything, because that was all I saw at the time. I slid into the trap without being aware of the walls closing in and I didn't have the references to understand and take the choice that did exist. Leave the scene before I had changed too much.

I don't know about now. I never expected to be with another partner. The discomfort of potentially going back to starting with someone new is distasteful in general.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:23:31 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I entered into things the standard way these days- online, with all the terminology and baggage that goes with it,

However, I've never seen an article in IE or The Loving Dominant, or CastleRealm, or any common link that gets sent in those newbie packets about anything close to what my relationship and dynamics ended up being- nor what a great majority of ones that make it work in the long term.

It's just like the vanilla world- there isn't a guidebooke, no matter how most people want there to be. I am glad we have a general jargonistic frame of reference and a place I can go do kinky stuff in public with others- but I don't try to turn that into a set of standards or rules for my own life, no more than I would if I were just vanilla.

Hi LuckyAlbatross,

I wasn't as centered as you appear to be. It hurt and I let it interfere in my life. I shouldn't have, but I didn't have the frame of reference that I now have.

I can go to a party or event and just enjoy it for what I want to take from it now (actually for many years now). You are right, there is no guide book, no bdsm police. Each person needs to see to their own psyche and needs, take what helps and discard the rest.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:25:22 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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I hear you -- that's been my experience for my entire life, about so many things I've stopped counting. It took me a lot of years, and a lover whose extremely sensitive sense-organs caused her to be picky to the N-th detail about color, flavor, tactile state, which musical note... just about everything, to finally figure out that it wasn't just me -- that we -all- see the world through our own sensory and descriptive filters, and none of us see the same thing. It was then that I figured out that we're -all- freaks... some of us just gather together and commiserate so we don't have to admit it!

Me... I'm not really a joiner. I like the -idea- of groups... but mostly for the 'scavenging value', and the perverse interest in watching them implode...I'd rather hang out on the fringes and see what falls in my direction -- 'cause the stuff the main bunch usually tosses -- mostly because they can't agree on it -- is usually the stuff I like best.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:29:17 PM

SurrenderForMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

mainstream...............................................................................................................extreme.

Where do you fall on the scale?

If that is for me to answer, I don't mean it that way. My title sucked. It was what I came up with.

If you mean mainstream in terms of no kink and extreme in terms of hook suspension, beating until someone bleeds, brands, sewing a pussy closed, fire, water, air play, slaves, edge play of all kinds. I'm damn near the extreme end of the spectrum at this point in what I can do and enjoy. I can also take an absolute beginner and have them come back for more. I even have fun there, just not for long. Anyone new would get a crash course.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:37:47 PM

SurrenderForMe

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Missokyst,

I don't remember where Chico is in relation to the south bay, but in and around SF, if you make the hike, there are lots of little domly boys running around. For any males offended by that descriptive, I call females like myself domly dommes. I am not just irreverent to guys. lol

The Citadel in SF has parties all the time. If you are up for going down to, I think, San Jose or around there, the other club which I can't remember the name of is running along with all the groups and parties.

I know, it still leaves it all open, but I wanted to help if I could.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:40:05 PM

SurrenderForMe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

main stream main stream main stream bs kinky as you can be or want what ever lol the i do not know how to be kinky so i have get a book not like all the porn all the years have not helped lol shrugs I just think people are lost do not know what they want in life they are either driven by the fashion nazis or by some stupid concepts that drive blog net poser posters post

I think people are driven by a need to find the acceptance of someone special to them, and make a lot of bad choices. Those choices hurt others, so it pisses me off, but I still feel bad for the pain of loneliness whether mine or someone elses.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:46:47 PM

edgeofdavid

Posts: 25
Joined: 7/21/2008
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Oh, yes! I had no clue what BDSM was about. I knew some peolpe where into pain for pleasure and some people liked that. That was about the extent of it. Then i was fortunate enough to meet a loving, patient Mistress. We became friends at first, just discussing things like our sex lives, personal experiences, and fears. You know, the kinds of topics young men in their 20's aren't very good at discussing?

The bonds of trust grew and all the while She would subtlely manipulate me, getting me to try things i wouldn't ordinarilly do, or perform some mundane task for her. I noticed this rather quickly and asked if She knew She was doing it. Of course, She did, but she asked if it was a problem. I decided i actually enjoyed it quite a bit, and so i spent the next two months learning what She enjoyed, what i enjoyed, and what we shared. I gave myself to Her, and was fortunate enough to be collared, at which point She began educating me on "the lifestyle." The rest is history.

-david

< Message edited by edgeofdavid -- 7/22/2008 8:49:46 PM >

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 8:47:18 PM

SurrenderForMe

Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

I hear you -- that's been my experience for my entire life, about so many things I've stopped counting. It took me a lot of years, and a lover whose extremely sensitive sense-organs caused her to be picky to the N-th detail about color, flavor, tactile state, which musical note... just about everything, to finally figure out that it wasn't just me -- that we -all- see the world through our own sensory and descriptive filters, and none of us see the same thing. It was then that I figured out that we're -all- freaks... some of us just gather together and commiserate so we don't have to admit it!

Me... I'm not really a joiner. I like the -idea- of groups... but mostly for the 'scavenging value', and the perverse interest in watching them implode...I'd rather hang out on the fringes and see what falls in my direction -- 'cause the stuff the main bunch usually tosses -- mostly because they can't agree on it -- is usually the stuff I like best.

Calla Firestorm

Too funny. Most of my little pets from the scene were firmly entrenched in all the groups and munches. I still can't figure out how they reconcile me and that, but it worked. I'll have to consider looking for the discards at the munches if I ever go back to one, which I probably will. I'm curious what has happened here since I left. And there is a domme who gave me the best kiss I have ever had, when I was leaving for CA. That's saying alot, I'm a great kisser, but her mouth was made for kissing.

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/22/2008 10:02:48 PM

Missokyst

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Thanks! I try to get to the bay at least for folsom, though I usually only go down for the flea market. I have a domly guy friend in the bay that lets me hang my hat there if I do stay overnight.
The bay is a good 3 hr drive from here. If I was just looking for play it would be an option. A meet and beat might take the edge off now and again, but casual play isnt really my thing. In a pinch if might do though. Here in my area, sub males are the norm. I think it is our water. It must be soft.
Would love to meet you if I ever get down there again.
Kyst

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RE: Are you mainstream kinky? - 7/24/2008 4:04:59 PM

SlaveSubtoserve

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Having been doing this since my high school dating years to a greater or lesser degree, way before the Net, it just seems i gravitated to a couple of more dominant girls who willingly took me up on my suggestions to tie me up, do what they wished, etc., have me obey them---- seems like a male sub has to be in touch with his genuine sub side to attract the right type of woman to match him- completely aside from any of the BDSM stuff and detail... i have always thought there are a number of latent Dommes in the non-scene world who just haven't met the right male sub to bring that out of them in a relationship that they feel secure and supported in- and for many valid reasons they do not plow the scene world or sites like CM.

Also met some wonderful Dommes at San Francico's Chateau, Backdrop, and Janus back in the day who tutored me on the life more than just my male fantasies, so that was all invaluable...

j.

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