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RE: A discussion during a discussion - 7/23/2008 5:14:26 AM

Dari

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Well. How would you define "in the lifestyle?" If that, to you, means someone who plays in public, attends munches, goes to dungeons, and shows up at conventions and play parties - then no, being online-only isn't being in the lifestyle.

I don't define it like that personally. To me, "in the lifestyle" is a state of mind. It's one where you see your interactions with people and just automatically pick them as dominant or submissive (compared to you, which may or may not be what they are all the time). Where you choose your daily activities based on your internal nature as a D or s-type, and where your thoughts are focused from a D/s or BDSM perspective by nature.

A lot depends on the nature of the "online-only" too. If that's used as a way to group up cyber, webcam masturbation, and a lurid sharing of fantasies, to me that's more online-porn than being in the lifestyle. If "online-only" is a way to communicate with someone who is dominant or submissive, engage in meaningful conversation, submit or dominate in ways that extend outside of sharing wank material - then that's more indicative to me of a lifestyle mindset.

That being said, I wouldn't allow someone who had online-only experience to start on me with needles. Of course, I wouldn't let someone who had all the experience in the world start on me with needles, unless I were trying to learn it for my own sake. Anything can be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing. I'd rather have someone around with online-only experience, who was open to learning and willing to admit what they didn't know, than someone who had "years of r/t xp" who was unwilling to admit they'd never wielded that single-tail.

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RE: A discussion during a discussion - 7/23/2008 6:17:04 AM

jade01

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Joined: 7/5/2008
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quote:

Original: LadyPact
I'm wondering exactly how someone can be termed "in the lifestyle with no practical experience". While I realize that not everyone has had an opportunity yet to explore certain things with another person, each person has to decide for themselves how to live.

Using the wording above, I can apply the concept to almost anything. For example, I can read books on Buddhism. I can spend My time talking with Buddhists. I might even go to the temple. Does it make Me a Buddhist? Ummm.... No.

I'm only a Buddhist if I chose to be one. If I live My life that way. All of the reading and studying in the world doesn't 'make' Me a Buddhist. I might have extensive knowledge of Buddhism, but not the wisdom that comes from being one.

LadyPact,

A question I have is, why would a person read anything if there was no purpose to be found in it?
Meaning in relation to your life, a willingness to apply said thing to your life?
Your own example above, Buddhism...
Why would a person, and please, not being rude here, waste time in life reading something that in no way shape or form they intended to use?

Ok, let me back up before I bite my own foot, I mean in the way of 'non-fictional items', things that can or would benefit us in our everyday lives.

I am not asking directly I suppose, just tossing the thoughts out there, as this is how I personally think when applying anything in a practical nature...though I do understand 'not all' do so.

So when it comes to learning of the practical applications, knowing things about the lifestyle, this I have spent numerous hours upon.

But like you suggesting the action of physically going to see Buddhists...I am still working towards, or looking forward to applying the physical...

I am finding, in what little I do know of it presently, that the practical has 'not' prepared, and in my opinion, there is 'nothing' that can prepare 'me personally' for what I am presently experiencing.

Sincerely
jade

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Post #: 42

RE: A discussion during a discussion - 7/23/2008 7:31:09 AM

Dnomyar

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Lady Pact thanks for the great thread. This is some of the most enjoyable reading I have had on the forums. All of the contributions(post) have been great. I like that there have been points and counter points without going into flaming.

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RE: A discussion during a discussion - 7/23/2008 8:12:24 AM

pettingdragons

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RE: A discussion during a discussion - 7/23/2008 9:54:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jade01
LadyPact,

A question I have is, why would a person read anything if there was no purpose to be found in it?
Meaning in relation to your life, a willingness to apply said thing to your life?
Your own example above, Buddhism...
Why would a person, and please, not being rude here, waste time in life reading something that in no way shape or form they intended to use?

Ok, let me back up before I bite my own foot, I mean in the way of 'non-fictional items', things that can or would benefit us in our everyday lives.

I am not asking directly I suppose, just tossing the thoughts out there, as this is how I personally think when applying anything in a practical nature...though I do understand 'not all' do so.

So when it comes to learning of the practical applications, knowing things about the lifestyle, this I have spent numerous hours upon.

But like you suggesting the action of physically going to see Buddhists...I am still working towards, or looking forward to applying the physical...

I am finding, in what little I do know of it presently, that the practical has 'not' prepared, and in my opinion, there is 'nothing' that can prepare 'me personally' for what I am presently experiencing.

Sincerely
jade

Hello jade,

To answer your first question, I would have to say for information or education's sake. People read on a variety of non-fiction subjects just because they want to learn about them. I actually did have a friend a few years back who wasn't from this country who was Buddhist, and I did some reading on the subject in order to learn more about his culture. I had no intention of converting or anything like that, but it helped to give Me a better understanding. So in a sense, I used it, but I didn't use it.

I admit to having more fiction books on My shelf than non fiction. Of those that are non fiction, some are lifestyle, some are not. Of those that are not, I can't say I've had a practical application for all of the subjects. Some were just things I wanted to learn about.

From what I've gathered from those that I know that primarily did the 'reading first' approach to the lifestyle, I think most, if not all have told Me that it didn't really "prepare" them for their first experience. It's a lot different to read about being hit with a crop (or hitting someone else with a crop), and actually being hit by a crop. Even right here on the boards, there are quite a few threads on sub and top drop, but even with that information at hand, a lot of people still say, wow, I didn't know it was going to feel like this.

I'm not saying don't do your research by any means. The more information on different aspects the better. However, don't be surprised when reading about some things, and then moving on to experiencing them for yourself is a little bit different. The doing it part is a heck of a lot more fun!

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Post #: 45