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Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 6:53:09 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I recently ran across an interesting situation and wanted others' input.  A submissive married to a vanilla, but obscenely understanding man, agreed along with the knowledge of her husband to become pregnant by her dominant.  This had been something the dominant and she had wanted for some time.  The dominant also wanted the full financial responsibility to fall on him.  Her husband has medical insurance on her, but the dominant wants her to be dropped from that plan for the duration of the pregnancy and placed on his insurance, which does cover domestic partners of both genders.  She has pre existing conditions, so the new insurance would likely not cover these items.  Further, she would start from square one when she returned to her husband's plan.

My question lies in how they could recify this situation and still meet the burden of obligation her dominant wishes to carry.  I have given some ideas, but would like input.  Kind input only please.  I know this arrangement would not be everyone's cup of tea.  I have my own misgivings.  Have fun!

lovingpet   
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 6:59:02 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Don't change insurance.  Don't change insurance.  Don't change insurance.

Don't put up any blip on institutional radar.

The dom covers the insurance payments/premiums during the nine months, and if he doesn't think that's enough of a burden, he throws in extra toward a college fund that's locked into an escrow account of some sort.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:00:10 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		The Dom apparently wants full responsibility. In our life, in our kinks, responsibility can almost be one of our kinks, so sometimes we have to sort out the difference between kinky responsible and the real world, just like with any other kink we have.
The responsible thing to do is get the young woman, and her child, the best insurance and the best medical care. with the pre-existing conditions, that probably means staying on her current insurance.
Also, the husbands tolerance level must be measured. How is he supposed to tell His boss He wants His pregnant wife dropped from His insurance for the duration of the pregnancy, only, but, no, really, they are not having problems.....
We have to consider jobs and careers, and best medical care, in the real world.
They are going to have to deal with many simular issues during the next 40 years - child raising, school chosing, ect. I have no problem with alternative families, i'm just saying when 2 or more people raise a child together, they have to compromise wherever they might not agree. Simple as that.
Depending on what state they live in, the child may be legeally fathered by husband, which is something for them to consider. There are no states yet recognizing three parents, ect; although I think Canada had a court case a few years ago that set up the precident.
I would suggest that Dom make 100% of co-pays, ect, and, if He feels that is not enough, make more payments to husband. Hell, make the damn mortege if you want.
Why isn't this in Poly?

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:00:20 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		What Red said.

DO NOT CHANGE INSURANCE!!!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:00:43 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		  In the case of the obscenely understanding husband, I must assume that the dominant is similarly understanding. As such, he should offer instead to pay whatever slice of the family insurance covers the wife and foot her out-of-pocket bills himself. Although financially covering her during the pregnancy is a noble notion, he needs to understand that the intricacies of medical billing is not so understanding. By keeping her on her husband's insurance but paying her part, he still is financially covering her without screwing her out of loads of benefits that would again fall to the husband/wife to pay when she's done being knocked up.

Congrats to all involved (except those damned insurance agents).

_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:01:57 PM   
TermsConditions


Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		Knee-jerk reaction: This is Ass-Hattery and don't fuck with kids for your kink-fun.  If the Dom wants to be financially responsible, he can get his checkbook out. Shut up and start adding zeros.

Dear Dom can pay some of the Understanding Hubby's premiums and pay to have the nursurey redone, and fund a college fund to the tune of 8-10k right now or wait till little Dom Jr. gets an SSN and setup an irrivocble trust.

Dropping subby from that plan, adding to another, blah blah. That's just self-inflicted stupid. Chances are when Dear Dom is done dear sub and child will have no insurance at all and will be effectively uninsurable.

_____________________________

TnC
Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:02:08 PM   
sinstech


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/25/2008
Status: offline 		lovingpet,

The dominate can carry insurance on her which can be used for baby, and for the care of the mother while she is pregnant. The husband can still carry insurance on his wife, but it would not be used by her for items regarding the pregnacy. Once the baby is born, the dominant would carry insurance on the baby and the lady would go back to using her husband's insurance.

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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:02:12 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Agreed and what I have suggested.  Could you elaborate on any other potential dangers that could come with putting up such a blip besides the obvious pre-existing conditions issue?

Thanks,
lovingpet

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:06:04 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		http://www.diabetes.org/advocacy-and-legalresources/healthcare/healthinsurance/individual.jsp

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:09:07 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		Don't have her drop from the insurance. Since her husband's insurance will cover the pregnancy, perhaps the Dominant could pay the premiums for the duration of the pregnancy, as well as any extra expenses related to medical care....but whatever they do, they should NOT jeopardize her future insurability by dropping her from her husband's plan.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:09:31 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
quote:

Could you elaborate on any other potential dangers that could come with putting up such a blip besides the obvious pre-existing conditions issue?


It has to do with the 'real world'. Each of us has to decide how much of the 'good fight' we want to fight - how out we want to be.
I know there is no law against being poly - unless you are milatary - but there is no law protecting us either.
People don't have to figure out which pigeon hole you belong into for you to see consequences, they just have to decide you are 'not our kind of people.'
You can lose your job. CPS, and/or APS, can show up at your door. If there are other kids, you can wind up in court fighting for your share of parenting. and on and on.
Making your decisions obvious is okay, but you may have to fight, when you do so.


_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:09:31 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		This is not in poly first of all because I didn't think of it and second because oddly enough they do not consider themselves poly. 

Thanks for all the input thus far.  I agreed TC that this is a very strange situation from where I sit.

Regards,
lovingpet

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:13:32 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for the link... Most informative.

lovingpet

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:15:37 PM   
sinstech


Posts: 8
Joined: 5/25/2008
Status: offline 		One thing that can become an issue is if her husband drops coverage...a lot of companies have only one time that you can change coverage with the exception of being married or having a baby. If he dropped her while married, then he may not be able to re-instate her once the baby was born. As far as the dominate, since covering the baby in pregnacy is normal do not think that it would raise any flags if the mother is only being seen for pregnacy related issues and is using her husbands insurance for all other issues.

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:16:48 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		LOL I like how the dom "wants" to become financially responsible.  How sweet- he CHOOSES to have a child and then feels it's a choice whether he actually takes full responsibility for it. 

I think changing insurance is actually unnecessary, but of course he should pay for the financial burden of the child, either voluntarily or through court order.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:23:25 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		As a point of clarification, they have discussed the financial arrangements, but are stuck on this issue of insurance.  They have not started this process yet because they are still getting their proverbial ducks in a row.  My fault for not being clearer.

I personally think they have tipped over the edge, but my jumping off point is not someone else's.  I just like to see what folks think when I hear things like this. 

Oh, and as part of the issue, her conditions are likely going to be aggravated by the pregnancy.  Curious of the divvy of the finances on those bills.

lovingpet

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:29:25 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Seriously, changing plans is just a nightmare of paperwork and tracking- with most systems already hopelessly overwhelmed, why make it harder?

And why worry about the bills?  Everyone here is an adult, consenting to bring this new person into the world- add up all the costs and divide by three.

Frankly if they can't do this in a simple happy way, I don't think they should consider getting pregnant for a very long time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:29:58 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sinstech

One thing that can become an issue is if her husband drops coverage...a lot of companies have only one time that you can change coverage with the exception of being married or having a baby. If he dropped her while married, then he may not be able to re-instate her once the baby was born. As far as the dominate, since covering the baby in pregnacy is normal do not think that it would raise any flags if the mother is only being seen for pregnacy related issues and is using her husbands insurance for all other issues.

Dude.  What are your qualifications here?  I've done consumer insurance advocacy.  It took me 60 seconds to find that link.  At least one other poster -- and maybe more -- on this thread has more qualifications than I do to give financial advice.  However, your posts are giving me the WTF.  And this has nothing to do with your spelling the word dominant as "dominate."  We're talking about human lives here.  Where do you get your information?


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to sinstech)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:33:50 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i do not know something about this feels totally fucked up  

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Pregnant Sub.... Responsible Dom - 7/22/2008 7:35:51 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Unequivocally agreed!  But this isn't my relationship.

lovingpet

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 20
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