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I need help with a safe word - 11/14/2005 11:42:22 PM   
inneedoflez


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline 		I am going to be moving in and living with my Master 24/7 at the begning of the year.

on the occasion that I feel I need a safe word....well I don't have one. I cannot think of a single "good" one.

Would you be willing to help me. So far I have come up with, Purple Oranges( makes you stop and think), and coahuila ( also makes me stop to think).

What makes a safe word a safe word, and how do you pick one thats right for you?

I will only be allowed to use this word for 3 months untill I am completly comfortable with Master.
Thanks for your help,
In Need
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 1:50:11 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		Make it something simple. We use the good old traffic light colour system - yellow for "this is getting a little too intense please back off a little" and red for "STOP NOW". If the word is too complicated you may forget it in the heat of the moment.

Master always allows the use of a safe word. They are not used often, but if we are trying something new it is useful to have them there as a backup - I am still a relatively new sub (not quite 2 years experience) and we have not done too much extreme play due to Master's health problems.

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 3:06:37 AM   
Synocense


Posts: 255
Joined: 8/8/2004
Status: offline 		I too recommend the traffic light system. Particularly Yellow and Red.

Syn

_____________________________

Before you speak, ask yourself..
Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?
Does it improve upon the silence?

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 4:30:31 AM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		I actually don't use the traffic light system. My dominant believes that words as simple and as "rhyming" as red and green could potentially be mistaken for other things. So, if we're using a safeword, we use "Orange". He figures, it rhymes with nothing, so it can't be potentially mistaken for something else.

(However, we don't use safewords unless it's dire. We usually just communicate with our words, as in: Stop now, please.)

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 5:06:41 AM   
pandoravampire


Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: inneedoflez

I am going to be moving in and living with my Master 24/7 at the begning of the year.

on the occasion that I feel I need a safe word....well I don't have one. I cannot think of a single "good" one.

Would you be willing to help me. So far I have come up with, Purple Oranges( makes you stop and think), and coahuila ( also makes me stop to think).

What makes a safe word a safe word, and how do you pick one thats right for you?

I will only be allowed to use this word for 3 months untill I am completly comfortable with Master.
Thanks for your help,
In Need


What makes a safe word a safe word is this: its any word you BOTH know is a safe word, and will respond accordingly to.
The traffic light system is a good one, coz sometimes, its not that you want to stop play, but maybe your hand is going numb from a restraint, and just needs a minor adjustment before play can continue. A numb hand is a indication that the blood supply is obstructed. Now your new Dom, hows he gonna know that? He cant feel your obstructed blood flow for you.

A 3 month window of being able to use a safeword, suggests a delusion of his, that after just 3 months, he's gonna know your body so well you'll never need it, he's gonna be telepathic too eh?
A safe word is only necessary when 'no' may mean 'yes' from you, otherwise you'd be able to say, stop there's a problem.

There are many indicators for a dom that all is not well, and the better you get to know someone, the less likely you are to need a safeword. But i hope that 10 to 20 years from now, he'd still stop if you used it. He's only human, and we all make mistakes or sometimes miss cue's that all is not well. Maybe the problem is psychological that cannot be 'seen' by him.

My Dom got all upset when we first got together and i used my safe word, turned out it was his ego that was hurt. In my opinion, he'd missed his opportunity to 'notice himself' something was wrong, Hey, shit happens, leave the ego at the door and learn the slow way. 3 months, is not the slow way.


(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 6:12:01 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire
A 3 month window of being able to use a safeword, suggests a delusion of his, that after just 3 months, he's gonna know your body so well you'll never need it, he's gonna be telepathic too eh?
A safe word is only necessary when 'no' may mean 'yes' from you, otherwise you'd be able to say, stop there's a problem.


I was thinking about that too. Imagine after four months, they are doing a scene and she calls the safeword they had agreed upon. Does he really think he'll just keep going?



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 7:28:39 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		We use yellow and red, as well. I explain the need for safewords and safe symbols as this: Who is gonna know if I have a Charley Horse first, me or him?

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 7:38:44 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

We use yellow and red, as well. I explain the need for safewords and safe symbols as this: Who is gonna know if I have a Charley Horse first, me or him?


Bobbi,
Great answer...life happens, and that includes charley horses, numbness, and a host of other things.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 7:54:25 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Classic example:

First time Master and I ever played for real was at a public space in LA. Master knows I love gags so he popped the ball gag in and restrained me to the post. He's getting the toys out while I'm standing there.......and I sneeze. When I sneezed I whacked my forehead on the post with a pretty loud crack and my lips went "bbbbbbbbbbbbbft" around the ball gag, which made me crack up laughing. Well, with the ballgag in it sounded like crying to him. So, him being the ultra protective guy that he is, he got me off that post so fast it made my head spin. He lays me on the floor and takes out the ballgag.......and I'm laughing hysterically. I had a bruise between my eyes that looked like a bindi dot for about two weeks. After this, we started playing with safe symbols when the gags are in. It would have prevented the scene being stopped before it started.

I guess what people don't realize is that safe words and symbols are also a good indicator of when a scene is going good, as well as when something is wrong.



_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 8:35:19 AM   
HeavenlyCeleste


Posts: 82
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		I'm of the belief that your Master should know you well enough to know when you need things to slow down and when they should stop. I never use safe words with slave.

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 8:55:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavenlyCeleste
I'm of the belief that your Master should know you well enough to know when you need things to slow down and when they should stop. I never use safe words with slave.

Nice idea...but knowing your slave has nothing to do with a sudden leg cramp, a burst of a migraine, or a strap slipping and biting someplace not fun.

I'm not saying you need safewords to deal with that situation either. I only advocate safewords in extreme role playing situations where "no" isn't good enough.

But a) good scening is the responsibility of everyone in the scene and b) dangers come from unexpected places that have nothing to do with knowing a person over time.

(in reply to HeavenlyCeleste)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 8:59:30 AM   
KittenWithaTwist


Posts: 490
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The traffic light system is a good one, coz sometimes, its not that you want to stop play, but maybe your hand is going numb from a restraint, and just needs a minor adjustment before play can continue. A numb hand is a indication that the blood supply is obstructed. Now your new Dom, hows he gonna know that? He cant feel your obstructed blood flow for you.


See, when this happens to me, I don't use a safeword. Instead I'll say, "Master, could you please adjust my straps? My hands are going all funny." And, being the fantastic dom that he is, he'll stop and adjust me so that my hand stops being weird. Then, we'll resume play.

_____________________________

"Time travel: It's a cornocopia of disturbing concepts." ~Ron Stoppable

(in reply to pandoravampire)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 9:27:01 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KittenWithaTwist


quote:

The traffic light system is a good one, coz sometimes, its not that you want to stop play, but maybe your hand is going numb from a restraint, and just needs a minor adjustment before play can continue. A numb hand is a indication that the blood supply is obstructed. Now your new Dom, hows he gonna know that? He cant feel your obstructed blood flow for you.


See, when this happens to me, I don't use a safeword. Instead I'll say, "Master, could you please adjust my straps? My hands are going all funny." And, being the fantastic dom that he is, he'll stop and adjust me so that my hand stops being weird. Then, we'll resume play.


When we play, I get so far out there that coherency isn't always possible. RED and YELLOW are two words that my brain can grasp and I can speak clearly.

In the case of playing with gags, what you're talking about isn't possible without removing the gag.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to KittenWithaTwist)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 9:59:45 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
My Safe Word is Santa Clause. I figure it's not something that would come up in scenes except in role play. I personally don't think Santa's too hot so I wouldn't role play like that.
I hope you find one that works for you.
Good Luck,
sub suzanne

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 10:34:05 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

What makes a safe word a safe word, and how do you pick one thats right for you?


it is this slave's opinion that it depends on the circumstances. this slave thinks that it would make sense to have a word you wouldn't be using under normal circumstances, something distinctive like STOP. However, if you are engaging in a rape scene where you screaming stop is part of the scene it doesn't make much sense. this slave stopped a scene with "Master, I'm SCARED" but then, the intention of the scene was not to scare. or, if you are going to be gagged, you will need some sort of hand signal, perhaps snapping your fingers?

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 11:38:25 AM   
inneedoflez


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your wonderful replys.

Master and I both set the time table of 3 months. I of course can still use the safe word when its dier. I guess I should have been more clear in saying that Yes I know 3 months is not a long time spand but Master knows alot of my limits and how far I can go. The safe word would be used for rape scenes, when Im blindfolded and I get to scared or the pain is to intense. If a strap is to tight or maybe I feel like I might pass out I simply just tell him. If I am gagged( we dont do often ) I snap my fingers and then moan and He knows to take the gag out and ask me whats wrong.

Communication is key. I also know that even after 3 months Master cannot feel my pain or if something is going wrong. Which is why W/we agreed for a safe word to be present. However I also hope that during that 3 months period He learns my limits a little better, how to tell if I have 'something wrong' and when to much is way to much. I enjoy my limits being pushed and I know in time He will learn how much is to much or not enough. I trust Master which is why I agreed to 3 months being enough. W/we will both continue to learn after those 3 months are up. And W/we left the idea that if W/we needed to continue more then 3 months W/we would.


So with all of that being said... Thank you again.
InNeed

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 12:06:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Forcing your sub to safeword?

Now that's just one of the biggest problems WITH using a safeword. There's no pride in using one versus not using one. Safewords are tools, you should be proud to use them as they should be used if you have it.

It's such a bunch of falsehoods to make people feel good about something- somehow making the sub safeword proves a connection, somehow NOT making the sub safeword proves a trust or understanding.

That's NOT what safewords are meant to be for and it's NOT why they are so shouted about here in the scene. Safewords are a mode of communication. Making it a GOAL to use it or not use it completely foregoes the entire reasoning behind it to begin with. Safewords or lack thereof is not a prize or a medal to put on your chest.

Whatever way you choose to play, for whatever reasoning, fine. Pretty much anything can be done in a reasonable and good way, and in an unreasonable sucky way. But making safewords into some sort of symbol of pride completely misses the point.

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 12:37:55 PM   
inneedoflez


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/9/2005
Status: offline 		My Master has not 'forced' a safe word on me. I requested it.

which brings me to a whole diffrent discussion. Trust.

But thats for another time I suppose.
InNeed

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 1:20:45 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		As i call Master, Master all of the time, our safeword is his birthname. Its something i dont have to think about to remember. Ive only ever used it once and it wasnt during play. It was on a day when i was feeling very emotional and scared (long story there..but short and curlies of it is...my history before Master was that i had lost a husband..and his death had left me with forms of separation anxiety..something which was very werid for me not having felt anything like that before in my life...anyways when i dropped into that...it was a very scary place to be in)...anyways...on this particular day i was feeling very emotional and Master was gonna go for a walk and let me sort it out...i panicked...went straight into separation anguish and i said his name.

Well that was a long time ago now..and i can smile and say ive come a long way in regards to dealing with my grief and the residue i was left with emotionally and mentally.
have never had to do that since..

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I need help with a safe word - 11/15/2005 3:03:24 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		i don't have one myself ...but the words at the club are green, yellow , and red

(in reply to inneedoflez)
Profile   Post #: 20
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