What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (Full Version)

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lostkitten2 -> What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 1:44:51 PM)

I have heard a lot about what is expected of a sub, what is expected of a slave, but not so much of what is expected of a Dom. Surely it is not just to sit back and have a beer while his responsibilities are taken care of by others? Or ignored? What does a sub or slave get to expect from a Dom? Before, and then after being collared?




ownedgirlie -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 1:56:15 PM)

I expect him to be true to himself as a man and Master, and to manage and guide this relationship to the best of his ability.  Part of that means encouraging, allowing, and teaching me (where necessary) to be true to myself and be the best person and slave I can be.  I expect him to expect no less than my best from me, and to hold me to his standards, getting the most he reasonably can out of me.  I expect him to want to be pleased with me and what I have to offer, and to help me give that to him when I need help and when he can give it.

I expect these things based on my knowledge of him and on what he told me I could expect from him upon entering this relatioship.



chamberqueen -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 1:57:14 PM)

It will vary on the relationship.  My Master considers himself my "wolf watcher", keeping His eye out so that no one takes advantage of me either in the lifestyle or my vanilla life.  He allows me to request "lap time" at any point, during which I can talk and/or touch Him freely.  He gives guidance, watches out for my needs, keeps my preferences in mind, and the harder I try to please Him the more He "rewards" me.  He wants the relationship to be as fulfilling for me as it is for Him.

A good Dom/me actually tends to work harder than the sub.  They will keep things from getting boring, work with their sub's desires, sometimes specifically work against them in order to help the sub grow, and will care deeply about how their sub is doing both mentally and emotionally.  It should be very rare for a sub to walk away from a session feeling that they got little or nothing from it. 

I am also a Domme, and I make sure that each session ends on a high note for the sub allowing something that I know is more for their own pleasure than for mine.  I get enjoyment from the fact that they have done it because I told them to.  If a Dom/me is selfish they will quickly lose their sub.  Some people truly enjoy cleaning, or serving, or being humiliated.  The trick is in working with their natural inclinations.  My Master may ask me to get ice for His drink, but after He takes a sip He gives me one.  It all takes balance.



Diphon -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 2:09:21 PM)

 
It depends on the relationship dynamic. But the quick answer in my opinion is Health, Happiness, and Safety. And those are high level responsibilities with many sub categories and ways of meeting them

It's my duty to make sure she eats right, stays fit and to make sure any medical issues that may come up are taken care of.
It's very important that she be happy. If she isn't than what is she getting out of the relationship with me? Besides I like seeing her smile. she has a pretty smile.
Safety is really a no brainer but still a very big responsibility, and something that is always at the forefront of my mind. not just in play but also in day to day activity. I would readily give my life to protect her.
her love and submission are something I value more than any thing else. It's not easy being a dominant. It a lot of work, and something that most of us take very seriously.




faerytattoodgirl -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 2:16:52 PM)

to provide me with lots of pizza, diet pepsi, and of course...chocolate...



Diphon -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 2:32:53 PM)

Heh, I was going to mention chocolate specifically but decided it was just naturaly included under happiness, because what is happiness without chocolate.



softness -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 2:34:34 PM)

for him not to be a fucktard

unless that is what they agreed to



leadership527 -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 3:00:53 PM)

Well, I see it as pretty simple.  I have declared our relationship Master/slave and, subsequently, demanded everything of my wife.  If I am asking her to give 100% of herself to me, there's only one possible offering I have in return... 100% of myself.  Along with that is accepting 100% of responsibility for EVERYTHING with her.  Her needs, wants, desires, dreams, problems.... All of those are my needs, wants and desires now.  It is my job to ensure that she blossoms and grows and reaches fulfillment as a human as well as a slave.  Some of these are simple things.  Others are quite a bit more complex, involving moves across the country, job changes, buying houses, and the like.  Some are cheap.  Some are expensive like sending her off to art school so that side of her can be nurtured.  Easy or hard, cheap or expensive, it doesn't matter.  I must demand the same standards of excellence from myself as I would from her.

OK, so call me old school.  But I always learned that responsibility and authority go hand in hand.  So if I want 100% of the authority, then really, I must have 100% of the responsibility too.  Note that I'd have a very different feeling about my responsibilities if her submission were as a sub, not a slave.  If I had less than 100% of the authority, I'd have less than 100% of the responsibility also.



mbes -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 3:21:40 PM)

I expect my other half to accept me, and to love me. Anything else is gravy. [:D]
I've noticed a huge variety of things that s-types expect from d-types, so I can't imagine a one-size-fits-all list of expectations. Seems to me that's something that needs to be worked out on an individual level.



BKSir -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 3:30:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Diphon


It depends on the relationship dynamic. But the quick answer in my opinion is Health, Happiness, and Safety. And those are high level responsibilities with many sub categories and ways of meeting them

It's my duty to make sure she eats right, stays fit and to make sure any medical issues that may come up are taken care of.
It's very important that she be happy. If she isn't than what is she getting out of the relationship with me? Besides I like seeing her smile. she has a pretty smile.
Safety is really a no brainer but still a very big responsibility, and something that is always at the forefront of my mind. not just in play but also in day to day activity. I would readily give my life to protect her.
her love and submission are something I value more than any thing else. It's not easy being a dominant. It a lot of work, and something that most of us take very seriously.





Very well put Diphon.  Thusfar, what I've seen of your posts, it's a pleasure to see you here.  I believe I fully agree with you on this.  You and a couple others.

No, it's not easy, nor is it always fun.  I am there for my pet, not only to provide him the control he needs, emotionally and psychologically, but also for when he wakes in the middle of the night from a bad dream and needs to cry and be held, for when he is sad, for when he is curious and wondering, for when he wishes to grow as a person and a pet and needs a hand, and for when he has been hurt and someone must exact retribution for it.

In many ways it's like having a child, a pet and servant all rolled into one.

Edit for spelling. [:@]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 3:57:04 PM)

Whatever it is you decide in your relationship.

For me it is that he is true to himself and honest to me about it.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 6:42:20 PM)

What do you want in a Dom/Master? How do you want him to behave and such toward you. THAT is what the responsiblity is...for you.

Master Fire



Leatherist -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 6:45:14 PM)

Facillitation.



HeavansKeeper -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 6:53:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lostkitten2

I have heard a lot about what is expected of a sub, what is expected of a slave, but not so much of what is expected of a Dom. Surely it is not just to sit back and have a beer while his responsibilities are taken care of by others? Or ignored? What does a sub or slave get to expect from a Dom? Before, and then after being collared?




I once told My Pet something soft and poetic, but I did mean it.

I will stand before you when you're afraid. Behind you when you're brave, but I will always stand beside you. When you are the river, rushing and chaotic, I will be the stone, unmoving, and safe. I will teach you, you will learn to be taught.

While this is just our relationship, where I see myself as a counterpoint in life more than her owner, that is what she can expect of me, as a dominant. I'll listen when she wants to talk, I'll answer for her when she cannot. I'll try to show her the wonders of the world, both in terms of deep and meaningful power exchange and the coarseness of a cow's tongue when it licks you. That's the sappy side. Those are my promises to her.

Kitten, your profile doesn't say much to guess about you, so I won't. Keep in mind this, the more you give, the more you are entitled to. If you give your very essence to someone to keep, you shouldn't feel guilty about expecting something back. Training, support, love, attention, sex..

Unless, of course, you want to give without getting. Nothing wrong with that.




sambamanslilgirl -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 7:06:37 PM)

i expected Daddy to be honest and true about Himself and be a man of His word by not breaking His promises before ever earning my trust and submission.  i also expect Him to guide and advise me as i try to accomplish my goals for myself as well as be my coach and cheerleader when i want to give up. He's more than just my Daddy ...He's also my best friend and confidant.

so far, He hasn't disappointed me yet after 2yrs of togetherness.



SweetNika -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 8:23:41 PM)


I expect him to be dedicated, honest and loyal. I hope he would be my friend, my lover, and my owner. I don’t expect him to be perfect but comfortable with his flaws. He should be open minded and able to communicate with me. I want him to desire to know my secrets as he tells me his. He should know how to push me while protecting me. The moment he stops protecting me he has broken our contract and our relationship is over.



RedMagic1 -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 9:43:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
What do you want in a Dom/Master? How do you want him to behave and such toward you. THAT is what the responsiblity is...for you.

I really want to emphasize this, because there's a tendency among many submissives -- especially when new -- to look for a Dom who will sweep them off their feet, and mold them into the perfect 2009 model Supersub.  It is a total abdication of responsibility.  The sub needs to be clear on "What do I offer?", "What do I want?" and "What do I need?"

If you don't know the answers to those questions, the only way to find out is to find out -- but don't be surprised if that relationship doesn't last forever, because you might realize you didn't really want what you thought you did.



lostkitten2 -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 10:05:28 PM)

I was really hoping to hear from Doms on this because a lot of them (present company excluded) seem to want to play, but when a responsibility enters the conversation, they start running. Yes, it is the negotiation between the two parties involved, but surely playing and dumping isn't on any subs list of things they want from a Dom.



aggressiveblkdom -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 10:11:34 PM)

I firmly believe that any Dom should be the Yang to the subs Yin. They should be that aspect that both compliments the sub but also facilitates growth in the sub. Likewise this would go for the sub as well because a Dom can't truly be a Dom without a sub and can't grow without a sub. This being said, each relationship would differ in what the partners need of course, so there is no real blanket answer for that part.



aggressiveblkdom -> RE: What is Dom's responsibility to a sub or slave? (7/23/2008 10:14:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostkitten2

I was really hoping to hear from Doms on this because a lot of them (present company excluded) seem to want to play, but when a responsibility enters the conversation, they start running. Yes, it is the negotiation between the two parties involved, but surely playing and dumping isn't on any subs list of things they want from a Dom.


It sounds moreso to me that you've had a few bad experiences. Take heart that what you may have experienced doesnt cover all Doms and that in time you will find that one who compliments and completes you. Just don't give up



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