julietsierra
Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004 Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP We're in more of a Daddy/pet situation than julietsierra is. So here he doesn't sit back and watch me not cope telling me that my suffering will be good for me. Here if I can't deal with something, he does step in. And because he does and I know he will if necessary, I cope better than I did before him. It's important for me to know he has my back and will help if I need. Oh and he deals with house repairs and heavy stuff because he's stronger than I am, and because he doesn't want me covered with grease, but instead doing girly stuff and ready to fuss about him all sweet smelling when he gets back in. I guess I didn't express myself well enough with that one. It's not about letting someone suffer because it's good for them. It's about knowing which situations need stepping in to help and which ones don't. I've met sooo many people (submissives) who seem to think that all their troubles will come to an end with the addition of a dominant to their lives. Those folks seem to never take responsibility for their actions, never learn to grow beyond where they are at that given moment. I've also met so many dominants who feel is is their responsibility to step in and solve every single difficult situation that comes down the pike for that submissive. And what they do is often quite welcome - of course. The problem is that while they're solving all those situations, the submissive is never learning how to overcome difficulties in her life. I guess it's my premise that if someone is helping someone grow, it's also about growning in the ability to care for one's self and handle those things on their own. Domination and submission then becomes - to me - something both people are entering into willingly - not because one can't handle the day to day workings of her life. I really hate it when people attempt to explain the things we do using the analogy of parents and their children, but it so works here. When our family members are learning tough lessons, we're there to support them while they learn, but I'd venture to say we're not doing the work of learning for them. We're letting them fall, then helping them up as they learn to cope with whatever difficulties they are encountering. I see D/s in that same manner. A dominant shouldn't be so quick to step in and solve things. It doesn't mean he doesn't have the back of his submissive. It means he's making some decisions as to what is important to fall on and what is important to help solve - and then, acting responsibly to do what's right for that submissive. Then again, I like that submission should be a choice knowing that life isn't really about to get easier, but a bit more difficult as you face things you may never have faced in your life. And I like that dominance should be less about taking over than by precisely having someone's back. That way, at least speaking for myself, when I submit, I know I'm doing so even though life's not going to be a walk in the park. In another thread, someone asked what people's favorite submissive is in fictional works. Now, I don't know about whether it's fiction or fact, but I agreed that the person I felt was the most submissive was Jesus. He didn't sit back and wait for his father to get him out of his situation. He knew full well what was coming and even while praying he might be "let off" he knew it wouldn't happen and he went forward and did what he had to do. Someone once pointed out to me that submission isn't really submission if everything you do is something you'd always wanted to do in the first place. I mean, if we only submitting to what gave us a thrill, that's not actually "submission." That's just getting what you wanted in the first place. So... sometimes, submission takes on a more difficult role. We know we're going to be asked,told, ordered (you choose the verb) to do things that are difficult. If we never have experience dealing with the difficult, we don't grow. And that's what I meant about letting the submissive solve some of her own problems. juliet
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