RE: I really don't care

RE: I really don't care (Full Version)

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DesFIP -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 4:15:46 PM)
I think trying to pick where to eat, or what to get for dinner, is one of everybody's pet peeves. If he wants a drink, then he's picky. Because most of the places around here serve Sam Adams seasonal lager on tap, not the Boston. Beyond that he doesn't care. But nobody says he has to micromanage to be dominant. It's perfectly legit for him to give me the choice which mainly he does because I'm more of a foodie than he is. He decides when he wants to make the decision and when he doesn't.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 4:40:58 PM)
I actually agree with Treasures perspective- it seems if a dom says "I don't care, whatever you want" then it's them exercising their domly authority If a sub says "I don't care, whatever you want" it's being a sheep Now, I also understand the copout answer that really means "I'm terrified to make the wrong choice/real subs can't make any choices/it's all about what she wants" But to equate the two together is the wrong part- and to use it as a "test" just shows the dom is being not only uncaring, but lazy.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 4:50:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TreasureKY lol... I would imagine quite a few dominants would agree with you. But it's the ones who make arbitrary changes in the rules to suit their ego... to include ignoring previous promises and agreements... and who lack any consistency of application, that drive submissives up the wall. [;)] Trust me... they drive dominant individuals up the wall, too! (Especially if you're the dominant individual who is this person's section chief and they NEVER manage to complete a commitment ... but you can't fire the person, because they have already threatened -your- boss with the "discrimination" card. [sm=discipline.gif] CF

lusciouslips19 -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 5:05:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I think trying to pick where to eat, or what to get for dinner, is one of everybody's pet peeves. If he wants a drink, then he's picky. Because most of the places around here serve Sam Adams seasonal lager on tap, not the Boston. Beyond that he doesn't care. But nobody says he has to micromanage to be dominant. It's perfectly legit for him to give me the choice which mainly he does because I'm more of a foodie than he is. He decides when he wants to make the decision and when he doesn't. I agree with this but on the other hand I like when the Dominant will take these decisions on. When I was married my ex would say,"I'd be more than happy to do" Blah blah, blah. But we never did anything unless I made it happen. With my previous Sir, everything was last minute. Now my new Sir has made the decisions and plans and everything has been a total delightful surprise. I don't know what plans we will have until he tells me and usually its all been arranged and I don't have to be the one breathing life into everything. Ahhh, what a relief. However, a strong sub knows when to step in and take care of things. When its time to make a decision because someone has to and he is not available. You still need to be capable but also capable of letting go.

petdave -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 5:12:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Yes, male subs oftend don't understand that they are supposed to be decisive! When they are allowed to make decisions. [8D] Too many of the "rules" for male subs are just counter-intuitive... i mean, really, if you told the average vanilla person that some of the most important traits for a "submissive" are being assertive and decisive, they'd think you were pulling their leg [sm=pullit.gif]

LadyPact -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 5:24:33 PM)
Yes, I can see the point of those who said that it might be seen differently once a dynamic is established. Personally, I will pick the restaurant the first few times around, but that's because of two factors. The one I mentioned earlier (being allergic to onions) and the other is that it usually takes someone knew a while to get accustomed to serving Me in public, rather than just at home. As cheap as it sounds, buffet places are great for this. It's an in practice lesson on My preferences. Once those things are learned, and like I said in the original, that My sub knows I'm probably going to order chicken, he has the ability to know My tastes. I'm predictable in what I want most of the time. To Me, which restaurant I get My chicken from isn't a big deal.

TreasureKY -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 5:30:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19 ... I like when the Dominant will take these decisions on. When I was married my ex would say,"I'd be more than happy to do" Blah blah, blah. But we never did anything unless I made it happen. I've been there, as well. In my opinion, there's nothing more damning to a relationship than when only one partner is proactive in it. I spent 22 years dragging dead weight along and by the time I called it quits, I was very tired.

kallisto -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 5:39:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse If any slave thinks that me, making every single decision in our daily lives, is what makes me a dominant then they are not my slave. That statement says a lot. I wouldn't expect nor want my Dom to make every decision every day in our daily lives. However, if He chose the resturant, fine. If He tells me to choose it, then fine.

masterofdrkness2 -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 5:50:58 PM)
o.k I noticed this statement from the same thread as well ..I allways ask .... it just gives me the name of the place we wont be going to ( joking).. personally.. I dont really care where we eat.. I can find some thing at allmost any place.. but with that being said... in the end I do make the final call .... now some one is going to tell me that because I ask I am less of a dominant ? if this all you can find wrong with some one maybe you need to be looking at yourself as to where the problem lies.(just my 2 cents worth)

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 6:51:29 PM)
We usually decide together what each other is in the mood for. Master is the micromanaging type.

littlesarbonn -> RE: I really don't care (7/24/2008 6:54:02 PM)
It's not always a dominant or a submissive thing with me. I have a very close female friend of mine who pretty much chooses where we go, what movies we see, and makes very significant decisions between and for the two of us. She understands that's how I am, and it doesn't even have to enter into a submissive/dominant relationship for this to take place. She knows I'm happy to spend time with her, and she likes choosing how we spend our time. So it works out for everyone.

julietsierra -> RE: I really don't care (7/25/2008 12:42:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TreasureKY quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra I'm not sure how deciding when you don't want to make a choice - if you're in the driver's seat is akin to professions of "I'm the dominant and I'm always right." However, I consider statements along the lines of, "because I said so and I am the dominant," are. Not that there is anything particularly flawed with that premise... just that, to me, it feels like a weak excuse to bolster authority. wow... I guess I just don't have that ... um... history. A comment like that from my Master will have me laughing my head off saying "oh.. in other words, you're not sure. Right?" Which in turn, will have him laughing HIS head off saying "right! I thought you knew that!" And me saying sagely, "oh, I DID... I just wanted to be sure." So I guess we do play on that whole "the dominant is always right" thing with "the good submissive will always correctly anticipate" thing. And both of those "things" are immensely hilarious to us. juliet

Stusmobile -> RE: I really don't care (7/25/2008 3:13:52 AM)
Honestly this is just the minutiae of real life to me ........ If I feel strongly enough about something then generally that is the direction we head, if I have no opinion then we can work it out between us. Ideas and suggestions aren't the domain of just the D type and frankly there are times when we need inspiration as well. If I suggest going out to eat then I'll probably have a couple of places I'm in the mood for, if she suggests it then she better be prepared to come up with a couple of spots she's in the mood for too. The same goes for lots of discussions, I really don't care what colour the living room is painted within certain parameters and I sure as heck don't want to spend the day walking around picking a colour out. I decide to let her come to me with a few different ideas and then I'll make my wishes known on what I prefer. For us I tend to define broadly where we are, where we are heading and where we should end up, it's certainly not a one way street but overall I make the (to us) important choices. The smaller things are joint choices albeit with me tending not to get caught up in a lot because they really aren't that important to me.

eyesopened -> RE: I really don't care (7/25/2008 4:25:39 AM)
One thing i noticed from that original thread is that when options were suggested (Italian, Japanese, Mexican) and the Dominant said "no" to those, the OP of that thread then went on to choose one of those rejected choices. To me, making a decision on where not to go is still a decision and should be respected. If my Master has a preference for a restaurant, He will say so. If He doesn't have a preference, that hardly makes Him less a Dominant man, just means He doesn't have a preference. Having been a person who actively sought out reasons (excuses) to reject a possible relationship (albeit subconsciously) i had to wonder if that wasn't what was going on in that thread.

StrangerThan -> RE: I really don't care (7/25/2008 5:20:59 AM)
I don't see micromanagement as Dominant. I see it as obssessive. The bottom line in any relationship is that you have at least two minds. To assume one always makes the best choice simply because that mind has a dominant twist isn't just arrogant. It's idiotic. To assume a Dominant's need always encompasses that of a submissive is probably why you see so many relationships fail and so many people sitting around on message boards whining about it. There's a point in my mind where the need to assert one's position crosses the line from Dominant to asshole, and usually that line occurs somewhere around the spot where the realization is lost that we all submit to something in life regardless of whether we classify ourselves as Dom or sub. If you want to argue that fact, try driving to work at 100 miles an hour every day. Sooner or later, you'll be in front of a judge who doesn't give one damn about the fact that you wear black leather and have a dungeon in your house. Having said that, some people need every little decision in life made for them. I've always been happy when those people belonged to someone else.

TreasureKY -> RE: I really don't care (7/25/2008 6:25:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra wow... I guess I just don't have that ... um... history. With regard to D/s, I've only run across it in dominants who didn't... erm... make the cut. [;)] But I have run across that same kind of attitude elsewhere in life and it irritates me just as much. "Because I'm your mother and I said so" never sat with me very well, the same as, "because it's company policy (or procedure)." While those kinds of statements may be valid, to me they most often indicate closemindedness or an inability to provide reasonable justification. lol... Perhaps I'm just a poor submissive in that I have a problem blindly following authority.

CreativeDominant -> RE: I really don't care (7/25/2008 7:34:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit I often don't care about where we eat. But I have found that in general, other people would rather some one else pick the place. So I do. I am fine letting someone else make the choice, but I hate the following conversation: "I don't know, where do you want to go?" Repeat. So I generally make a choice, but am willing to change it. Been there, done that. At this point, I am not quite so willing to make a change...if I have asked you where you want to go eat and you say "I don't care" but then, when I get you there, you say "but not here", there had better be a DAMN good reason for us not staying there anyway...like allergies to the food they serve or the materials used in the restaurant or something along those lines.

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