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I really don't care - 7/23/2008 7:48:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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In another thread, something stood out to Me that some others might identify with.

As a Dominant, I don't always care about every little detail. Minor things don't hold a huge importance to Me. For example, on any given day, if I'm going out to eat at a restaurant, I really might not give two winds about where we actually go. Sure, there might be times that I want a particular dish, and if I do, as a Dominant, I will say so. However, the majority of the time, I really just don't care. To paraphrase what I said in the other thread, there are a hundred restaurants here that serve chicken, which is probably what I want most of the time anyway. I don't give a hoot if I get it from a steakhouse or a Mexican place, or somewhere that serves primarily Italian.

As a Dominant, do you really make such an investment in displaying your Dominance that you care about such trivial things? As a submissive, does it really matter to you if the Dom always picks the restaurant?

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Post #: 1

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 7:56:58 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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if i take you to mcd's...we'll both get free mccafe latte's!

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Post #: 2

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:00:21 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
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From: Chicago, IL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As a submissive, does it really matter to you if the Dom always picks the restaurant?

my bf is dominant and he enjoys the fun choices that i pick for us from dining out to planning what we're doing on date night. this doesn't mean he doesn't come up with ideas on his own - he merely likes mine better.

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RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:06:37 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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I have never been one who could tolerate micromanagement. I pick the place, or he did, neither of us saw it as a ploy to gain control. But I am comfy in my skin. Perhaps the newer people need to see outward signs of control.
Kyst

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Post #: 4

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:07:45 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
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I often don't care about where we eat.
But I have found that in general, other people would rather some one else pick the place. So I do.

I am fine letting someone else make the choice, but I hate the following conversation: "I don't know, where do you want to go?" Repeat.

So I generally make a choice, but am willing to change it.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:14:19 PM

Monkeyontuesday

Posts: 357
Joined: 2/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

if i take you to mcd's...we'll both get free mccafe latte's!

o0o0o! Take me! Take me!

As far as restaurants go... For someone that's not preggers, I get cravings quite a bit. Usually when the hunnie and I go out, I'll say, "Hey, I'm hungry... Kinda feeling like _____." If he feels like he can find something there to munch on, cool. If he's not feeling whatever I put out there, we talk a bit more and figure something out.

But yeah, I'd get tired of someone else ALWAYS picking where we went.

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Post #: 6

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:15:21 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
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quote:

o0o0o! Take me! Take me!

okay...but not to mcd's...

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Post #: 7

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:16:29 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Me, I make the choices and decisions I want to make when I want to make them -and that includes the decisions to leave the details up to the sub.

Sometimes I want something done just so. Sometimes I want something just done.

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Post #: 8

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:16:50 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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No, I don't care who picks as long as someone will without dragging it out all night long. That goes for any decision. When he does take charge like that it gives me a little flutter, but it's no big deal either way.

On the other side, I rarely care about eating in the first place, for myself that is, so I could care less if subbie wants to pick. I will go wherever and make a good meal of it. For the most part, I only care we are both having a good time and are fulfilled in the relationship.

My two cents,
lovingpet

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:20:55 PM

Lashra

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I usually pick the restaurant because I will have a taste for a particular dish. Plus my sub hates picking the restaurant, he just can never decide. But with that said, there are small things I let him do/decide because I am just too busy in RL to deal with them. Micromanagement just is NOT my thing.

~Lashra

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Post #: 10

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:23:50 PM

RedMagic1

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If you honestly don't care about things that don't matter, people are more likely to follow your lead in the things that do matter.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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Post #: 11

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:33:34 PM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
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Oh goodness, this gave me a laugh, as Daddy and I had a similar restaurant conversation last week. For the most part he lets me pick where we eat. If he's not in the mood for what I choose, he says so. That's not how he shows his dominance. Though he does tend to choose the hotels we stay at. He's a bit of a hotel snob....

Daddy's Ballerina "e"

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 12

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:54:49 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

As a submissive, does it really matter to you if the Dom always picks the restaurant?

Hmmm...

Yes, and no.

I see being decisive as an integral part of being dominant... being decisive alone doesn't make someone a dominant, but I think it's necessary quality to being one. If a dominant were to predominantly abstain from choosing, expressing a preference, making demands, exerting control... I might begin to wonder.

Note that I emphasize the word "predominantly". By that I mean if he makes a habit of it most of the time, or even a greater percentage of the time.

If a dominant was to require me to take the lead in specific areas because that is his preference, I can do that. If, however, he simply cedes most decision making to me out of ambivalence, I might question whether he really has a dominant nature... or at least whether he might just not be interested in dominating me.

Heck... I'm a submissive and I have no problems occasionally choosing, expressing a preference, making demands, exerting control. I'm human, after all, and I have my own preferences and ability to assert them. But if a dominant has little or no more desire to control by making decisions than I, then what is the point? Why transfer authority, exchange power, or whatever you want to call it with a dominant who has no particular desire to exercise it?

I feel pretty safe in saying that most submissives rather like a dominant who dominates. I would even hazard a guess that it's one of the reasons that a submissive seeks out a dominant... to be dominated by them and have the opportunity to submit. It gives us this yummy submissive feeling.

Of course, everyone has their own preference when it comes to just how much D/s they want in their relationship, but if we're equally making decisions and equally assuming control, then it's pretty much an equal relationship, is it not? Seems to me that kind of nullifies the idea of a D/s relationship.

Edited to add:

lol... I realize my answer is much broader in scope than just picking where to eat out. I gather from the op that the question really applies more to all the little details that might come up in life and a relationship.

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 7/23/2008 9:01:29 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 8:55:52 PM

WhisperSupremacy

Posts: 74
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In another thread, something stood out to Me that some others might identify with.

As a Dominant, I don't always care about every little detail. Minor things don't hold a huge importance to Me. For example, on any given day, if I'm going out to eat at a restaurant, I really might not give two winds about where we actually go. Sure, there might be times that I want a particular dish, and if I do, as a Dominant, I will say so. However, the majority of the time, I really just don't care. To paraphrase what I said in the other thread, there are a hundred restaurants here that serve chicken, which is probably what I want most of the time anyway. I don't give a hoot if I get it from a steakhouse or a Mexican place, or somewhere that serves primarily Italian.

As a Dominant, do you really make such an investment in displaying your Dominance that you care about such trivial things? As a submissive, does it really matter to you if the Dom always picks the restaurant?

Excellent point and my thoughts exactly.

I can't stand dealing with a person who is so over-the-top about every single possible detail that regards to the basics of everyday life. I don't care how serious a person takes this lifestyle,....some people really just make it a point to make someone else's life miserable and it's NOT because it benefit's them as a dom in any way,....they just do it because they know they can and I can't stand people like that.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 9:01:32 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

No, I don't care who picks as long as someone will without dragging it out all night long.

OMG, my adult sons are the worst at this! Their method for picking a restaraunt for us to all eat at is, each of them has 'veto' power! We can be there all night while they debate!
Since I like to let them pick if I am taking them out, (and since the veto thing applies to my suggestions as well, by their little system), Mom finally had to step in and ad a rule. You start the friggin debate with ONE veto, and you get an additional one for each actual SUGGESTION you make! otherwise known as, GOOD LORD, Can we just go eat now!!!!

( my Oldest son is CRON, a very fussy particular damn 'diet' of serious athletes, so that does not help! I'm WW, which I can go 90% of places happily, but some places are really bad. My other two sons are just as friggin opinionated)

I have strong opinions about restaraunts, but usually let whomever I am with pick, anyway. Master doesn't even usually tell me WHERE. Once a month, we drive two hours to our monthly munch, and he doesn't like the restaraunt. I never know till we get there - are we leaving early to get in some shopping in town, and eating there, or are we eating before we go there and sticking to just a coke when we get to the munch? Master says He does not like spontinaty - i tell him, maybe not, but he is a carrier.

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Post #: 15

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 9:01:38 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
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Sometimes there's so much foo-fooing about the prims and propers of
what it is we do or don't do, I wonder how we ever get anything done.

chia* (the pet)

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Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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Post #: 16

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 9:14:17 PM

CruelDesires

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Joined: 11/20/2004
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I dont mind where we go to eat... as long as it is Chinese food.

CD

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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Post #: 17

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 9:29:33 PM

Monkeyontuesday

Posts: 357
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline

Faery --

But that's the only place I know where I can get, like, 50 chicken nuggets for $5... I'm poor..

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Make no little plans. There is no magic in them to stir men's blood.

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Post #: 18

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 9:56:59 PM

LordDarkPleasure

Posts: 91
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

Such details are only as important as the importance the person gives to it. If the person wants to choose the restaurant just to be Dominant, well that's about as silly as wondering how you can brush your teeth Dominantly. Its like an argument I heard once, over if a Dom should be driving of in the passenger seat. What's being more Dominant, Being in control of the vehicule, of having the sub bring you where you want to go? Its just a matter of preference, and if both really love driving, a good Dominant would still let the sub drive every now and then just to be nice.

As for restaurants, I do prefer going to places I like. I like being certain of the quality of what I eat, and I became an expert at making people think they chose the restaurant I wanted to go to :)

(in reply to Monkeyontuesday)

Post #: 19

RE: I really don't care - 7/23/2008 10:02:36 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Trivial is in the eye of the beholder. Yes, sometimes I care, no sometimes I don't. It's always me being me.

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Post #: 20

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