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pixelslave -> RE: Are you looking for a relationship, or just a sub? (7/25/2008 10:47:34 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pinnipedster
So...is this something it's really feasible to search for? Here, or anywhere? Or is it just something you have to find by sheer luck?
Yes, in my experience here and elsewhere it is genuinely feasible to search for an LTR both here and elsewhere. Being open to possibilities and not rigid in your expectations is probably one of the keys. I think Ms. Lockit was very adept at explaining much of the process. Since you want a relationship that's based more on the overall package than kink, you really need to focus on getting to know the woman as a person before you go there. I've found that once the commonality is established, the kink usually seems to have a way of working itself out on it's own.
Being willing to be flexible is essential. Know what you Must have, what you'd Like to have, and what you'd consider a Bonus if you found it. Also know what you Can't have or won't tolerate. That allows you to really know what's most important to you in a relationship; thus opening many doors and possibilities for you that you may not have previously seen before. You'll then begin to see far more opportunities than you ever realized existed. [:D]
Having read your profile, personally, I think it could use some work and that may be some of what might be causing you some difficulties in finding the woman you seek. First, it's unclear to me what you feel you have to offer the woman you'd like to meet. If you know that, I suggest you state it up front. Remember, you're promoting yourself and trying to advertise what you have to offer in the most appealing manner. You seem to do a good job of sharing your interests and revealing something of your personality. Where I think you're biggest difficulty is going to exist is that you're a crossdresser, which is clearly something that's important to you as I read your profile, although it's apparently not a daily or perhaps even a weekly need. Crossdressers have a reputation among many dommes for things needing to be "all about the crossdresser" and not the domme, which creates an inherent conflict within a typical D/s dynamic. Strike one against you so to speak. That said, there are many dommes who also enjoy that kind of play in moderation. In that sense, you'd clearly fit the bill. [&:]
Where things really seemed to fall apart for me though, was that your profile got very "wishy washy" near the end as to what you were actually looking for. On one hand you're here posting that you want an LTR, yet in your profile you mention your openess to trying spending time with a switch, dominant couples, or even single men! I strongly suspect, that's going to be a turn-off to the vast majority of dommes who are also looking for a LTR! So, in posting that as part of you're profile, you've just put off perhaps 75% of your potential audience. As such, it doesn't seem to me as though you're being clear on exactly what it is that you really want! If I were a domme and I read your profile, I'd likely walk away and say "this guy seems rather confused and I don't know that I'd want to get involved!"
There are many threads if you use the search function that have been written with suggestions on how to write a good profile. You may want to spend some time reading some of them. It's generally clear to me that the majority of women here, are indeed looking for a compatible partner for an LTR! They all just seem to approach it in different ways.
Although you didn't ask for a profile review, I hope you find this feedback helpful to you. [8|]
- pixel
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