quote:

ORIGINAL: fredrik21

I'll start by saying that I've tried phrasing this post right, but it doesn't come out in a way I'm totally happy with. English is my second language.

Usually when this question is asked, the responses pretty much all mention honesty, trustworthiness, respect and things like that. But other aspects of a person are important as well, and some of them seem to be bigger factors than I knew.

I've been on the site for a while, and haven't had much luck. I've approached several Domme's, and tried to write good letters. In many ways, they do sound similar. (Because I don't see much point in describing myself in new words each time. I hope that's not what is meant by copy-pasted emails.) Anyway, the most common response I get is silence. Some have replied, and told me why they would not be interested in me. Many of the problems were expected, "too much distance", "age gap", "inexperience". What did surprise me, however, was how many started exchanging emails only to dissapear suddenly (That's internet for you I guess.). Appearance also seems to be a much bigger factor than I had expected too. I've been told more than once that 'men should not be pretty'. That confused me at first, because it sounded like a compliment. But I realized everyone has different taste.

Everyone has a right to their own opinion, of course. This thread is not to question anyone's judgement or whatever. I'm trying to find out which factors are ultimately deciding for you? Something that may not be that high on your importance ladder, but can still end up standing in the way of pursuing contact?

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
A woman will want to connect with you on all levels, not just kink. So in addition to having some compatible ideas about female domination, you also have to arouse her interest on a personal level. That means sense of humor, compassion, intellect, common interests, etc.

Think of it as "normal dating" with another aspect added on top. How successful are you in normal dating? Have you gotten a variety of women interested in you, have you dated and learned to get to know women? Do you know how to be romantic? Do you know the appropriate time to be coy vs. to be clear? Are you able to pursue a woman and show interest, or do you back off and hope that she does all the work?

Subs often make contact, there's some initial back and forth and then the sub sits there and behaves as if he is waiting for the woman to make the move. He presents himself as "available" and thinks "come and get me" and wonders why the woman just loses interest. You can't engage interest by standing in the corner with a sign that says "available.

And I don't know about the women you were talking to, but I think "pretty" is a GREAT thing in a man...

Akasha

quote:

Some have replied, and told me why they would not be interested in me. Many of the problems were expected, "too much distance", "age gap", "inexperience". What did surprise me, however, was how many started exchanging emails only to dissapear suddenly (That's internet for you I guess.).

quote:

ORIGINAL: fredrik21

Everyone has a right to their own opinion, of course. This thread is not to question anyone's judgement or whatever. I'm trying to find out which factors are ultimately deciding for you? Something that may not be that high on your importance ladder, but can still end up standing in the way of pursuing contact?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
Narrow your search down to those local enough that a day trip is doable, within a few years of your age, and whose critieria you feel you meet.

I'd also suggest getting out and about in your local BDSM scene whatever that may be to get some exposure and experience.

quote:

This is a point I hadn't considered. I'm moderately experienced at dating. I have no problems striking up conversations with women, and I believe I am fairly good at picking up and sending signals out in real life. It's different from girl to girl how strongly I pursue her though.

I do treat it differently online. Everything is in text, so there is no real bodylanguage except for smileys. I am a lot more direct, since it's all writing, I tend to leave as little room for misunderstandings as possible. Most of it is because the internet is a much more sterile way of contact. But the fact that I have no experience with bdsm probably plays in as well, I've kept it separate from normal dating in my head. Basically treating it like something completely new to me, and therefor acting in an entirely different way.

quote:

I'm trying to find out which factors are ultimately deciding for you?