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RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/20/2005 9:38:14 PM

HouseofBear

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline

Doormat,....think Stepford Wives.

A doormat is someone who never has an opinion, has no initiative, thinks little of himself/herself, will not voice their needs, has to be micromanaged, will take any kind of abuse just to keep a a so-called dom. Quite frankly, if someone thinks so little of themselves, why would anyone want to own them?

(in reply to testlimit)

Post #: 21

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/20/2005 9:57:34 PM

SirButchTX

Posts: 29
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

There it is in a nutshell. The "typical" doormat is basically a desperate person who will settle for anyone who will pay them any attention whether that attention is good, bad, or indifferent. Yes, I have seen these around, and have had more than my fill of their type begging for any attention from anyone. I sometimes believe that they are not actually interested in the lifestyle, but it seems to be the only place they can find any attention at all. Eventually, I see them go elsewhere once their motives have been discovered and spread throughout the community. This is a small community generally speaking, anything(negative) you do will be known within a very short time. Attention junkies and Drama Queens find themselves either not taken seriously, or "snubbed". As much as I love this lifestyle, I dislike the dishonesty I've seen in the years I've been involved. Can anyone be honest and say...I can't find a partner anywhere else, so I come here?...

SirButch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

i dont get the whole "im not a doormat" thing really. Ive seen it online a lot too. Its never been an issue for me or one that i needed to express, so its very difficult for me to understand what people are meaning by that.

Do they mean ...im not looking for an abusive relationship?

Do they mean....ive got a whole bunch of things i wont do..or expectations of my own for a potential relationship?

Do they mean... i wanna be a slave/submissive but only to a certain level?

Do they mean...im expressing that i dont want to be seen as weak minded? (if in that case..the need to express that..its actually showing some defense of them self..so in fact is a weakness in itself)

Ive got no clue...

Maybe some people see me as a doormat, how i love to do everything Master says...

cluless. lol

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 22

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/20/2005 10:54:48 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

oh my this is an easy one does not take a rocket person to figure this out forsure
its simple very simple a doormat is someone who basicly when things go bad will take abuse mentally and physically and will give credit to bad people just to be in a relationship when it is bad their mind interprets bad behavoir as being normal and get locked into a bad cycle of depression and ocd behavior just to belong usely have low selfesteem my advice if you come across one as a dom or sub or domme encurage them to be whole independent and well sounded in famly finacale and health. depression is one of the ones you should look for long term depression unkept appernce house bad at responsibilty on day to day things job etc

namaste
ps respect to me is earned not given

(in reply to HouseofBear)

Post #: 23

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/21/2005 7:36:28 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

But, by some assumptions, that probably makes me doormat material.

Peace and Rapture

And the minute I find a male version of a doormat like you, I'm chasing him down and collaring him!

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 24

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/21/2005 3:40:30 PM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

i was a doormat to my Last Master, until i finally realized i lost myself and my sanity trying to please someone that could never be pleased. In another post about predator doms , i described the same man. Sometimes when we try to make it work out of love you become what you hate , trying to please the unpleasable.

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 25

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/21/2005 3:43:23 PM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

Not everyone that becomes a Doormat is out for attention. I will stay uncollared until the right Master approaches and wins my heart. Its not all about Drama. Maybe you might be a tad off.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirButchTX

There it is in a nutshell. The "typical" doormat is basically a desperate person who will settle for anyone who will pay them any attention whether that attention is good, bad, or indifferent. Yes, I have seen these around, and have had more than my fill of their type begging for any attention from anyone. I sometimes believe that they are not actually interested in the lifestyle, but it seems to be the only place they can find any attention at all. Eventually, I see them go elsewhere once their motives have been discovered and spread throughout the community. This is a small community generally speaking, anything(negative) you do will be known within a very short time. Attention junkies and Drama Queens find themselves either not taken seriously, or "snubbed". As much as I love this lifestyle, I dislike the dishonesty I've seen in the years I've been involved. Can anyone be honest and say...I can't find a partner anywhere else, so I come here?...

SirButch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

i dont get the whole "im not a doormat" thing really. Ive seen it online a lot too. Its never been an issue for me or one that i needed to express, so its very difficult for me to understand what people are meaning by that.

Do they mean ...im not looking for an abusive relationship?

Do they mean....ive got a whole bunch of things i wont do..or expectations of my own for a potential relationship?

Do they mean... i wanna be a slave/submissive but only to a certain level?

Do they mean...im expressing that i dont want to be seen as weak minded? (if in that case..the need to express that..its actually showing some defense of them self..so in fact is a weakness in itself)

Ive got no clue...

Maybe some people see me as a doormat, how i love to do everything Master says...

cluless. lol

(in reply to SirButchTX)

Post #: 26

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/21/2005 11:54:02 PM

SirButchTX

Posts: 29
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Jenny, you may not have noticed I said "typical" doormat. I do agree with and undersand your perspective as well. I could have expounded on the perfect potential submissives who were "beaten down" into quivering doormats when that was not how they began their journey. I believe you fall into this category, and I do feel for you. Please do not mistake my empathy for pity. I do not feel sorry for you, but I am sorry you had to go through an ordeal such as that. A bit of thought at a tangent to the current thread...pity is not a positive tool for the development of anyone. If someone is "pitied" enough, eventually they will see themselves as pitiful and at that point, you may have another doormat on your hands.....hope I did not offend jenny, and if I did, I sincerely apologize.

SirButchTX

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

Not everyone that becomes a Doormat is out for attention. I will stay uncollared until the right Master approaches and wins my heart. Its not all about Drama. Maybe you might be a tad off.

quote:

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 27

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/22/2005 12:08:09 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

I haven't met a doormat yet, but than again I haven't met the right sub/slave for me either. Maybe I should try and seek a doormat, see how that goes, perhaps they'll have shorter "do me " lists.
I have on several occasions heard the "I'm not a doormat" from vanilla boys who are curious and say they are sub, and want to be dominated, with the "slave" I went out with, and at one point when I was chatting with a guy who says he is new to BDSM, but definitely isn't a doormat...

I personally find the phrase irritating and indicative of someone who isn't comfortable in his submission/ability to verbalize his limits, but that is only my perception and opinion, and lawd knows, I could be wrong.

Anyway, a lot of smart people opined on the matter when I brought it up, so wanted to add the link here. M
http://www.collarchat.com/m_66572/mpage_1/key_doormat/tm.htm

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 28

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/22/2005 11:18:29 AM

luvdragonx

Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

(snip)... A bit of thought at a tangent to the current thread...pity is not a positive tool for the development of anyone. If someone is "pitied" enough, eventually they will see themselves as pitiful and at that point, you may have another doormat on your hands....(snip)
SirButchTX

SirButchTX, I think that is a really good point you made. There are some who are strong and secure enough in themselves to avoid settling for just anything. Those people are likewise less impressionable in that they probably don't soak up external emotion like a sponge. To others who haven't reached that point of self assurance - self-actualization I believe it is - other peoples opinions and feelings can literally become what others think of them. So if you tell a sub 'You're a doormat' enough times, that sub may begin to believe it.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to SirButchTX)

Post #: 29

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/22/2005 11:40:57 AM

anopheles

Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

I don't think doormats are born, I think they are made.

Constant negative reinforcement in a relationship will eventually cause that person to become a "doormat", because eventually, the lack of satisfaction or positive interaction will lead a person to accept anything, just so they can get ANY attention at all, whether it be good or bad. Once a relationship crosses that line from, "I like doing this for you" to "I'm just doing this so you'll pay attention to me", then it turns into a one-sided, and arguably abusive relationship.

--Anopheles

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to luvdragonx)

Post #: 30

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/22/2005 11:51:40 AM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned
Real encounters of what you thought was a doomat sub/slave would be appreciated as the online theory of opinions of them are rampent already.

My girl is a doormat -

The reason I know is she has shoe sole scuff marks on her back and the front is imprinted with "Welcome"...

Thank goodness she has a wear guard rear end, though.

~J

(in reply to starshineowned)

Post #: 31

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/22/2005 11:26:16 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

I would like to add to this excellent description that a "doormat" wallows in self-pity and despair. S/he has NO DESIRE to improve the situation by treating the underlying trauma or making necessary life changes. S/he is ONLY comfortable in the role of a victim.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 32

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/23/2005 9:31:03 AM

MastersBabieGirl

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: courtice ontario
Status: offline

i would have to agree on this comment its what i would perceive as a door mat in this lifestyle

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

No matter what the circumstances, or what she was doing she always had the saddest look in her eyes, and the saddest expressions on her face.
. That meets our definition of "doormat" in a real time setting.

_____________________________

owned and obeying my Master at all times

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 33

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/26/2005 8:25:10 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

well said Miss Vendaval and to the point.

(in reply to MastersBabieGirl)

Post #: 34

RE: Doormat sub/slaves..what are their identifiers - 11/26/2005 8:31:48 PM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

My girl is a doormat -

The reason I know is she has shoe sole scuff marks on her back and the front is imprinted with "Welcome"...

Thank goodness she has a wear guard rear end, though.

Lol..thankyou for that great description and bit of humor LordODiscipline.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
quote]ORIGINAL: Vendaval

I would like to add to this excellent description that a "doormat" wallows in self-pity and despair. S/he has NO DESIRE to improve the situation by treating the underlying trauma or making necessary life changes. S/he is ONLY comfortable in the role of a victim.

Sounds like a good analogy or atleast a piece of the puzzle. I would tend to say though that if she/he is Unhappy..it's not a good thing..if they are Happy..while it will differ much on the whole to most others..it is acceptable.

Thankyou All that have posted on this. The range of existence, to doesn't exist, to varying thoughts of are very informative.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

Post #: 35

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