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Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:27:26 AM

lovingpet

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This is primarily focused toward dominants. All replies will be appreciated. Have you ever willfully crossed one of your own limits for any reason? Under what circumstances? Was it a good thing or did it turn out to be a place you were not really able or ready to go? How has a submissive/slave's needs affected your limits?

A lot of talk is given to a submissive's growth under the guidance of the dominant. I would like to hear how submissives/slave can likewise affect a dominant. Perhaps I have asked too many questions or not the right ones to get what I seek. Please address the theme of this thread, if not the questions specifically asked.

Well Wishes,
lovingpet

Post #: 1

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:31:33 AM

Leatherist

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I've dismissed girls who broke my deal breakers. Yes, they were made quite clear from the beginning. It's one of the few things I am absolutely rigid on.

One strike in those, and you are out..

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 2

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:43:44 AM

boytoy4female

Posts: 103
Joined: 8/10/2006
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I believe there are 2 kinds of limits. There are those that are profoundly cliff edges. Then there are those that are lines in the sand. A good dom can cause those lines in the sand to shift or take you down a path and have you standing and looking back to find you are on the other side of that line. In the beginning, I thought submitting was a line. Then I thought being humiliated was a line. Now I stand here, looking back at what looks like a football field full of lines. And, I wonder what goal post is mine to defend.

I know its vague, but giving examples would be humiliating.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 3

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:44:27 AM

lovingpet

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I am not talking about the submissive trying to adjust your boundaries for you. I am talking about choosing to make a change, perhap because of or in spite of the influence of a submissive. No, I would not endure manipulation either. I am talking about a conscious choice of your own will.

Thanks,
lovingpet

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 4

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:44:53 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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My Master has pushed his own boundaries or "limits" in the last few years. We were just talking about this last night, in fact. He considers himself having grown as a Master by doing so, and by re-evaluating where his lines were drawn and why. Some lines have not and will not ever move. Some have, for reasons that are personal to him. At this point, he has no regrets over moving those lines, and is glad that he has.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 5

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:48:19 AM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I am not talking about the submissive trying to adjust your boundaries for you. I am talking about choosing to make a change, perhap because of or in spite of the influence of a submissive. No, I would not endure manipulation either. I am talking about a conscious choice of your own will.

Thanks,
lovingpet

How much I am willing to change my mindset is going to depend a lot on the practicality of not doing harm-and trusting that a girl can actually take what she asks for-and not be harmed.

I've had quite a few with alligator mouths over the years, and mosquito asses to back those up.

It dsoes make one a little gunshy.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 6

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:53:39 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I am not talking about the submissive trying to adjust your boundaries for you. I am talking about choosing to make a change, perhap because of or in spite of the influence of a submissive. No, I would not endure manipulation either. I am talking about a conscious choice of your own will.

Thanks,
lovingpet

How much I am willing to change my mindset is going to depend a lot on the practicality of not doing harm-and trusting that a girl can actually take what she asks for-and not be harmed.

I've had quite a few with alligator mouths over the years, and mosquito asses to back those up.

It dsoes make one a little gunshy.

Hehe A case of be careful what you ask for, eh? And what of that getting back on the horse thing? As is the case with the one on his/her knees, with the right person, perhaps the time will come again to try something new and one day succeed! Wishing you lots of new kinky fun!

lovingpet

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 7

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 11:58:54 AM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
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Shrugs...I'm a pretty perverted and uninhibited creature. But at the same time,not a sociopathic one. There has to be a reasonable balance for me to walk away from some of the things I am capable of doing-and still feel secure in a relationship.

Does that make any sense?

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 7/25/2008 11:59:37 AM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 8

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 12:12:57 PM

lovingpet

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Makes perfect sense to me on both sides of the whip. If one goes too far there is the risk of harm in whatever form. If one does not pursue as deeply as they want or need, there is a sliver of doubt as to whether the other person is truly accepting the whole person. Would rejection set in "if they really knew me." Trying with safety nets of many kinds in place seems a balance, but it is certainlly no guarantee. Then again, are there any guarantees in life?

lovingpet

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 9

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 1:15:24 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

This is primarily focused toward dominants. All replies will be appreciated. Have you ever willfully crossed one of your own limits for any reason? Under what circumstances? Was it a good thing or did it turn out to be a place you were not really able or ready to go? How has a submissive/slave's needs affected your limits?

A lot of talk is given to a submissive's growth under the guidance of the dominant. I would like to hear how submissives/slave can likewise affect a dominant. Perhaps I have asked too many questions or not the right ones to get what I seek. Please address the theme of this thread, if not the questions specifically asked.

Well Wishes,
lovingpet

Yes.. I cross my current "lines" often -- sometimes without thought, and sometimes with careful planning. Being a Queen of Chaos, I tend to feel compelled to push myself beyond my limits, until I encounter new ones. Sometimes it's a good thing -- sometimes I need to slam on the brakes and rethink the whole process, and sometimes I know I need to move forward and I procrastinate to beat the band.

Typically, I draw the line at crossing someone -else's- hard limit. I don't have a lot of limits myself -- at least, I consider most of my own limits 'flexible depending on circumstance', so many times it isn't my desire to stop or modify -- it is based on the realization that my only absolute limit is mutual consent -- so if it is hard limit for a servant, I won't do it (with that person) no matter how much I might want to. This is also a reason that it works better for me to have a couple of people around as servants and play-toys... different boundaries for others doesn't necessarily mean that -I- don't want to explore down that road. I am brutally honest about this -- It is actually the first act of consent that must be passed for me to even consider taking things further -- that agreement that a given servant won't be the only one, either committed or casual.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 10

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 1:37:53 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

This is primarily focused toward dominants. All replies will be appreciated. Have you ever willfully crossed one of your own limits for any reason? Under what circumstances? Was it a good thing or did it turn out to be a place you were not really able or ready to go? How has a submissive/slave's needs affected your limits?

A lot of talk is given to a submissive's growth under the guidance of the dominant. I would like to hear how submissives/slave can likewise affect a dominant. Perhaps I have asked too many questions or not the right ones to get what I seek. Please address the theme of this thread, if not the questions specifically asked.

pet,

My limits are few, but firm as hell. About 15 years ago I damn near lost a sub that kept wanting to go futher. Thus the edge sessions of S/M are out of bounds for me.

CP

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 11

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 1:43:18 PM

ShiftedJewel

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Joined: 12/2/2004
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Yes, I have crossed my own line, it was something small, trivial and silly but had a lasting effect and not a good one. Yeah, it was just bad choices in a partner but it left a nasty taste in my mouth and the only thing I accomplished is reinforcing my limit in that area. Thankfully I did learn that that particular kink is something I just plain refuse to indulge in so it was a learning experience and those are always a good thing.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 12

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 3:15:56 PM

lovingpet

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If I may ask very directly, what is it, besides your own curiosity, that has compelled you to finally step over the line?

lovingpet

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 13

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 3:18:23 PM

lovingpet

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Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Could you address what made it bad? No specifics of course, unless you are comfortable, rather the emotions, reactions, or outcomes that made it not set well with you? Will you ever consider doing it again, perhaps not on this issue, but another? Have you determined to be unmovable?

lovingpet

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)

Post #: 14

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 4:09:15 PM

Evility

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Needle play was a hard limit for me for a long time - even though I was not the one on the receiving end. I hate them and still do when I have to deal with them in any clinical sense. My ex was way into needle play but I just would not go there. One day a couple of years ago something spoke to me and I decided to investigate. I learned all I needed to about needle play online (imagine that) and sprung it on my submissive with no prior warning other than telling her I had a surprise for her. That was a fun weekend. I can't think of any other things that I consider to be limits that I would ever want to explore.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 15

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 4:54:03 PM

Leatherist

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Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

Needle play was a hard limit for me for a long time - even though I was not the one on the receiving end. I hate them and still do when I have to deal with them in any clinical sense. My ex was way into needle play but I just would not go there. One day a couple of years ago something spoke to me and I decided to investigate. I learned all I needed to about needle play online (imagine that) and sprung it on my submissive with no prior warning other than telling her I had a surprise for her. That was a fun weekend. I can't think of any other things that I consider to be limits that I would ever want to explore.

I had the same thing happen to me. But I practiced on my own flesh first. About 100 needles over a period of time. I'm not a masochist, I have no endorphin response to speak of.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 16

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 6:16:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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He hasn't ever broken a hard limit, of either his or mine. But he's reconsidered things, took a second look and learned more.

When I asked about breath play he shot it down. But somewhere in the next six months he began researching it to a point where he felt safe doing light breath play. But break a hard limit? Not unless he was totally out of control and vengeful. And he isn't that sort of person.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 17

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 6:30:41 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

If I may ask very directly, what is it, besides your own curiosity, that has compelled you to finally step over the line?

lovingpet

Oh, see, now you've done it... you've pulled out a dissertation. *chuckles* It's kind of complex, because really, crossing my own boundaries is just a normal state of affairs for me. I am a Queen of Chaos. Boundaries are pretty much fluid. I occasionally 'backtrack', and re-create a boundary after having messed with something and discovering that it is not worth the risks -- but usually, when asked if I'll try X that I've never done before, I'll give it a tentative Yes, mess with it, and see what happens. What's more interesting on -my- part is when I -won't- cross a boundary... when I let the box hold me, even though a spate of "dervish" would set me free.

Interestingly, as far as crossing my own boundaries, the last 'line' I crossed that I had drawn for myself had nothing to do with BDSM -- well... maybe self-inflicted masochism... when I closed my graphics design company and took a "corporate" job. I'd love to backpedal on that one -- the 'draws' (stable income, high learning curve, necessity to develop a greater measure of discretion than I was accustomed to, learning to deal with bureaucracy, insurance, and a retirement plan, companion who was more comfortable knowing that the check for the salary would be deposited like clockwork) have not managed to supersede the things things that I -hate- about being a corporate clone. (Bureaucracy, work-to-the-least-common-denominator, no discretion over projects/assignments, unmotivated co-workers, living on a fixed income at a young age).

In the end, though, I made a commitment to hang tough 'till retirement or disability took me out of the workforce... so either I keep the promise I made (honestly, it didn't seem so long when contemplating the idea), or I walk away from my companion, because I don't make promises lightly, so when I do make them, I keep them -- it is the only thing that keeps my companion from losing her marbles around the reality of living with a Chaos magnet.

Why did I promise her, you ask? Well -- that's the whole "crossing the line" thing... See, I don't make promises, normally. I believe that if you can't control the outcome, you shouldn't promise something you may not be able to fulfill... but see, I made a promise before this to someone else -- a promise that I honestly believed I'd never have difficulty keeping... but circumstances mess with the best laid plans. The person I made the initial promise to was the man who had been my master and mentor while I was in service to earn my crop, and who was our companion, lover, and my Chaos King. His job was high-risk... we attract people who live under high-intensity conditions (can't imagine). He asked me, when I first committed to him, to promise that, if anything ever happened to him, I'd make sure that Darling never had to worry... jump forward a little over 6 years, and the odds finally run out and his job finally -does- kill him. It was the 2nd death in less than a year. Another mate had died unexpectedly of an aneurysm -- he was Darling's sweetheart and soul-mate, so she was already reeling. Then we lost B. She sunk into this abyss -- and to keep her afloat, I crossed my line... I closed my business. with its unsteady paychecks and chaotic hours and absent insurance and retirement plan, and gave her something stable to hold on to. She dipped into this extended depression a few months into my starting the job, when it became clear that I was really not well suited to corporate clonehood, and she was pretty sure I was preparing to quit (not uncommon for me, you have to understand... I had no problem walking away from something that didn't interest me any more, or where the problems outweighed the benefits, provided I hadn't made a promise to see it through.). She didn't ask me to stay, or to promise, but I value her, and her sanity, and her healing more than I value not having to be a corporate clone, and I owe B so much that keeping my promise to him weighs on my spirit, and it was pretty clear that Darling was scared and unhappy and foundering -- so I promised her that I'd keep the job and benefits until either my body gave out or I made it to retirement... and here I am.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/25/2008 6:33:41 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 18

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 7:16:24 PM

ShiftedJewel

Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Could you address what made it bad? No specifics of course, unless you are comfortable, rather the emotions, reactions, or outcomes that made it not set well with you? Will you ever consider doing it again, perhaps not on this issue, but another? Have you determined to be unmovable?

lovingpet

Well, like I said, it was trivial and silly... One of my "limits" is crossdressing.. it does nothing for me... well, ok, it does something but not in a good way. Anyway, I had a male sub here that was into that so I relented and told him I could deal with him wearing female under garments... and that was fine for a while, he got his kink and I didn't have to see it. Sorry, that's just how I feel... but that inch wasn't enough for him, there was always wanting more.... like I said, bad choice in partners but it left a nasty taste in my mouth when it comes to stepping over my line.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 19

RE: Crossing the Line in the Sand - 7/25/2008 7:29:29 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

This is primarily focused toward dominants. All replies will be appreciated. Have you ever willfully crossed one of your own limits for any reason? Under what circumstances? Was it a good thing or did it turn out to be a place you were not really able or ready to go? How has a submissive/slave's needs affected your limits?

A lot of talk is given to a submissive's growth under the guidance of the dominant. I would like to hear how submissives/slave can likewise affect a dominant. Perhaps I have asked too many questions or not the right ones to get what I seek. Please address the theme of this thread, if not the questions specifically asked.

Well Wishes,
lovingpet

One of them, through simply being who she was and coming into my life at a certain point, helped me to get in touch with my own emotions and allow myself to experience them again. Even though her own issues determined that it would not work out, the change in me has made my current relationship successful and positive and I have no doubts the rest of my life will go a different course because of it.

Their admiration of me has provided the drive to constantly challenge myself and keep moving forward with climbing my own mountains to achieving success in my own financial and professional life, as well as constantly adding to the growth of my own confidence.

The simple fact that it is okay for me to be me has contributed to the growth of how I express my dominance, allowing me to be "okay" with doing certain things and acting in certain ways that society has conditioned me to think is "not okay".

I've learned about new books, movies, music, facts, ways of thinking about things, perspectives, and opinions from everyone who has come into my life in some way.

People only talk about the growth of a submissive, because A) it's the favored stereotype that feeds off people's desires and fantasies and B) there is a marginal degree of dominant ego that would rather not talk about how they need to learn new things, have made mistakes, and have a lot of growth to do to continue to be a better and stronger person.

People want to feed to stereotype of dominants being strong, experienced, confidant, knowledgeable, and always knowing what's best.

Well, guess what? It takes an entire lifetime, birth to death, to achieve such a lofty ideal.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 20

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