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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 5:26:50 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

The only way to truly find a BDSM partner is to attend local groups and meetings.


local groups and meetings are definitely a great place to get involved and meet people, however, it is far from the "one true way"...Master and His slave found each other over the internet(not this site, another BDSM personals site) and took it to real life within 2 weeks. In March, it will be 3 blissfull years!!!

the internet in no way corners the market on fakers and game players~they exist in "real" life as well, even at those local groups and meetings that you speak of.

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 5:27:27 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		My sugestio would be to go slower, i mean when i get to meet a potential play partner online that get angry if i can not write long letter to him every singel day, that want me to cansel all my plans to meet him after having known him for two days, that can not acept that becouse of aspergers syndrome i ahve special needs and need to get to know pepole slowly, it is easy to get scared and run.

(in reply to MasterRobert1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 5:35:46 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello All,
I agree it's a terrible law of numbers game here on the web as far as actually meeting people you are compatible enough to play with. I also agree she should have been woman enough to say she was not planning on meeting him later.
At the same time I also agree with those here that overall say to cry sour grapes is not a very becoming trait I like to see in the Doms I play with overall.
I know at times we all need to blow off a little steam. I say get over it and value the thoughts you had enter your mind in kinky ways you'd have not thought if you were not interacting here on the web. Think of it as honing your skills and keeping your training going till you meet your Mrs Right.
I see you travel. If you're ever in DC you should visit the dungeon the Crucible. There are lots of real time people playing there on a regular basis.

CONGRATULATIONS Sir Six & Bella. I hope your new slave brings both of you great pleasure, service and devotion.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:30:01 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

"You have been tried; You have been tested and you have been found wanting."



Sure, you and someone else said so to the OP too. But hey, if you agree to meet someone in a restaurant and you find that person to be not what you are looking for, you should just say that straight out instead of agreeing to a hotel-room play session and then not showing up. Well, at least if you're an adult, I think you should, and if you're not mature enough to be that honest you shouldn't be out there making bdsm dates in the first place.

Roel

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:35:38 AM   
FTMaster


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Closed

< Message edited by FTMaster -- 11/16/2005 8:33:50 PM >

(in reply to MasterRobert1)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:37:49 AM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTMaster

Well well, when I first started using collarme.com I thought that most of the members were real honest people, seeking out partners for BDSM relationships and play.

WOW was I wrong. Just about every single one I have corresponded with has been an absolute FAKE!

I will give you an example: I had been corresponding with a female sub (so she says...) for about two months. We decided it was finally time for a vanilla meeting at a restaurant to see how we got along in person and to see if we should move forward.

Well, she showed up (a very plain looking woman, not ugly, but not even close to a head turner), so I thought....hmmmm....ok this one may be serious. We had a nice lunch, I payed for lunch....no biggie the restaurant sucked, she picked it, so it was cheap...anyway....we decided that we would get together in the evening for our first session. I was to call her "cell phone"...I think it was just voice mail...at 7:00pm to confirm that she was coming to the hotel I am staying at.

I called her multiple times and always got the answering service. I then sent her messages on Yahoo Messenger and on collarme.com and asked her to let me know what happened, and why she had to cancel our plans. Talk about rude and crude and awful. I am sitting in the hotel, having been completely duped by this human piece of crap, and she doesn't even have the curtesy to send a message to say something to the effect of "sorry...couldn't make it....not interested anymore....etc...."

Needless to say, more energy and effort wasted. This BDSM stuff is fun...(not everyone wants to be a "lifestyle" BDSM afficianado)....but for most it is just some kind of mental fantasy....I caution all of you to not waste alot of time here. Most are just game players and fakers. The only way to truly find a BDSM partner is to attend local groups and meetings. This online stuff is mostly trashy people. The problem is, is that not all of us can attend meetings, or even have active groups in our local area.

I have at least a half dozen other episodes similar to this one, and I have only been a member for two months.

Damn I am tired of the BS and most likely giving up on "BDSM"...it is just not worth it...

FTMaster

PS. I am not a fat, ugly, toothless, moron...so...don't think she took one look at me and said "ok....a free lunch...but then get me clear of this creep"





In the words of another, FT Master;

"You have been tried; You have been tested and you have been found wanting."
Try another approach next attempt.



{Applauding wildly and bowing to IB}

Beautiful!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:42:32 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Yes Roel, that is correct. the Op made, in my opinion, far too many mistakes and, again in my opinion and from what he posted, far to many assumptions. This may have been due to inexperience and if so, my comment still applies. It is a comment that most of us could have have made about us at some stage or another. The important issue is how you deal with it. So you get stood up? Great the only comment you need make, as I see it, is: NEXT! We live, we make mistakes, we learn and we progress from there. There is no value in comming into any forum, on line or not, and crying about it. That smacks of immaturity and even more so when you start to decry the others in that group.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Cloudz)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:47:10 AM   
slavedesires


Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

She just wasn't into you.

You are so into judging her-- yet she didn't find you good enough. This bothers you a lot apparently. It's not game playing -- she just didn't find herself attracted to you. Maybe you aren't "all that."

Akasha


But were is the politeness of a reply ???

Something simple...sir, i am not interested.

People turn off common courtesy, and their own self respect when they simply ignore.

_____________________________

i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:50:41 AM   
Guilty1974


Posts: 467
Joined: 11/2/2005
From: Den Haag
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Great the only comment you need make, as I see it, is: NEXT! We live, we make mistakes, we learn and we progress from there. There is no value in comming into any forum, on line or not, and crying about it..


I quite agree with the first, but I'm not so sure about the latter part. Sometimes people do need a bit help from others to reflect on their behaviour and that of others, and not everyone gets such feedback in real life (esp. when bdsm is concerned). Comments like on this board can provide a function in such a case, I think.

In this case the OP may have made mistakes and improve himself, but I find the actions of the woman quite immature as well.

Roel

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 6:57:12 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Guilty1974


I quite agree with the first, but I'm not so sure about the latter part. Sometimes people do need a bit help from others to reflect on their behaviour and that of others, and not everyone gets such feedback in real life (esp. when bdsm is concerned). Comments like on this board can provide a function in such a case, I think.

In this case the OP may have made mistakes and improve himself, but I find the actions of the woman quite immature as well.

Roel


I'd say that it was a comedy of errors. However, judging by the OP's last post I would think that lessons are already being learned and hopefully his next foray into meeting some one from here will be a success. I wish him the best of luck, and look forward to reading his posts on other matters.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Guilty1974)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 7:02:52 AM   
ErosPsyche


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
the internet in no way corners the market on fakers and game players~they exist in "real" life as well, even at those local groups and meetings that you speak of.


Unpleasant, immoral, frustrating, dishonest people - sure, they are to be found everywhere, online or RL. But as for actual "fakes," the internet is different than RL, due to the low barrier for entry and the nature of the medium.

It was certainly predictable and more than justified to watch everyone take a whack at the OP after he so completely indicted himself (I loved his apologia at the end - comic genius), but when I saw the thread title I couldn't help but think how true it was.

In RL, if you are a man who wants masturbatory material in the form of pictures of text, you can't show up at a social event appearing to be a gorgeous woman. A certain percentage, a fairly high percentage I deem, of the profiles here at CM are fake - the person behind the profile bears no resemblance to the pictures and description in the profile. The handsome, 30 year old Master So-and-So is actually a balding, corpulent 50 year old - HotYoung Slave4U is actually a 50 year old married woman, etc etc ad infinitum.

CM has no barrier to entry. At a pay site, you have to be reasonably motivated to make up a fake profile; here, the idel desire to masturbate is sufficient, because there is no "cost" to making as many, serial fake profiles as you desire. Add to this the medium: any pics you can get your paws on, any text that sounds good, and you your true fake.

Not the "fake" who didn't like me back, do what I want, please me, but the fake internet persona. I think this comes with the territory. The interent is a wonderful communication medium, but fakes in that sense are part of the deal. The wide net makes it worthwhile ot me in the end.


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 7:25:19 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

This BDSM stuff is fun...(not everyone wants to be a "lifestyle" BDSM afficianado)....but for most it is just some kind of mental fantasy....I caution all of you to not waste alot of time here.


FT,
My pet beth spoke to the specific regarding the likely chance of finding the same proportion of fakes and frauds in real life as you do on-line. You'll also find jealousy, pettiness, back stabbing, and cliques; basically all the same things you'll find in any group under any circumstance. The proportions are the same as on-line. People are people. You'll encounter all the flaws and failures in WIIWD that you will if you went to a Catholic singles encounter group.

When we see rants like yours we don't discount your feelings. You feel them therefore they are legitimate. Your option to quit wouldn't be my option, because I couldn't do that. I didn't do that. Instead, during my search, I had a different attitude. I ASSUMED everyone would be a fake or fraud. I ASSUMED they wouldn't look like the picture they sent. Hell, I wasn't even convinced they'd be the same sex as their profile. But I went out there. I met people almost every weekend from the site. I'd say that about 60% showed up. Those that I met ran the gamut. Some just weren't compatible, some had different relationship goals than I, some were just not interested in me or me in them.

I bought lunches, dinners, hotel rooms. But generally, I had a different attitude than you. I had FUN during the process. I went into the meeting with the idea that I wouldn't find my "one" but would maybe find a friend, see a different part of CA, discover a new restaurant or bar or club. I got to play with a few, and as far as I know, never had anyone I met feel I insulted them or did them wrong. If we just weren't compatible I said so. If they didn't show up, I never sent another email or called wondering what happened. Why bother? Would anything said between you change anything?

Every meeting I scheduled was great. It accomplished something. I learned something. I went somewhere I enjoyed. I met people. I had fun! I used on-line sites, munches, club demos to meet as many people as possible, to give myself the greatest chance of success. Finally, I met beth. My skepticism was still in attendance at the meeting. Even after three years I still don't believe I found someone so compatible.

Are the odds against you? Maybe. Being in a place like LA or NYC does have the advantage of a bigger pool of opportunity. If this is just an attempt to fulfill a fantasy then quiting may be an option, but if it is a core aspect of who/what you are keep trying. Adjust your attitude. Realize that every attempt is a step closer to your goal. Cast a wider net. If beth limited herself to men within 10 years of her age - I would not have been in her sampling. Stop the on-line posers by not playing on line, I never have and never will "cyber". We exchanged information, talked about our backgrounds, discussed what kind of things we liked to do. I had a two week rule; if a meeting couldn't be scheduled in two weeks, I moved on.

It worked.

quote:

Master Robert1: Unfortunately, I don't see things changing online anytime soon. Suggestions, anyone?


Robert,
See above, but more succinctly put - Use on-line as a tool NOT a goal.

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 7:33:17 AM   
FTMaster


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/19/2005
Status: offline 		Closed


< Message edited by FTMaster -- 11/17/2005 6:10:49 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 7:50:53 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		All i realy ahve to say is that even if she acted wrong i can understand the girl, it can be dificult to be brave and tell somone you did not want their company, to be hoest and say things as it are and not run away, it takes curage, and somtimes curage falters.

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 7:56:25 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

If the submissive didn't care for me, THEN SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID SO!

Have you considered the possibility that a submissive may not be able to "just say so", or may avoid confrontation by agreeing to meet and then ignore you later? Perhaps she just found you to be a superficial pig and simply agreed to meet make her escape. That doesn't make her a fake or a game player -- just makes her a little bit picky about whom she spends time with.

_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 7:57:15 AM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline 		It's fun to jump and blame. As with some fakes you'll find here, there's lots of people on the boards who love drama.

What I got from the tone of your orignal post was just good, plain old frustration and anger. Should you have curbed some of your nasties? I don't know, most people do the same exact thing when they are angry.

Not everyone on here are fakes, a few do find a relationship here. I don't think tons of people do, but there are some for whom it works out fine.

Should she have just disappeared? No, but then there is an appalling lack of manners, with a lot of people, especially online. But not just online. However, that point is made by the fact that she did this to you, after you met her in person.

I don't think shooting the messanger is right, but it is much more fun some to do that. They don't have the person who wronged you, they did ask for her, here to treat this way. But I guarantee that if they did, they'd have done the same to her. It's just a matter of having something to have a good dose od drama with for the morning.

Tempest's pet
jennifer

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 8:08:11 AM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Status: online I appreciate everyone's thoughts concerning my post. I realize that most of you find fault with me, which is typical, blame the messenger. Whipmebeetme100, and others who side with her, must think it is ok for someone to appear to be interested, enjoy a nice lunch...AGREE to meet later...then just disappear..somehow that is MY fault. Who raised you? Where did that become curtesy? I address my negative comments later in this post. Whipmebeetme100, I am angry because she DID NOT let me know she changed her mind....she just DISAPEARED! But again, typical, the person wronged somehow "deserved" the treatment.


Had i been the one you had lunch with....i would have told you that i was not going to get together with you later that evening. Because i think that is the right way to handle something. Not everyone else thinks that way. The point i was trying to make is that you said you have had similiar experiences at least half a dozen times. Looking at your profile you have been a member approximately 1 month. Were it me....i am going to start questioning myself...."Could it be something that i am doing?"
And to call someone a "human piece of crap". Short of a negotiated humiliation scene...i see no reason an adult should talk about another in such a manner. A lot of people read these message boards, is this truly the way you wish to come across to such a large segment of the CM community?
Don't get me wrong....i do understand your frustration, i just believe that there is a better way of dealing with it.


Peace,
cathy

_____________________________

Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~Unknown

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 8:08:47 AM   
SirSix72


Posts: 347
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		Greeting FTMaster,

I know how you must feel and I have been in your place several times in the last decade. Just always try and not let the experience in what happend make you sour to all others that may or may not approach you. There are a great many out there to find and play with. Keep your options open untill you discover one or two in my case that meet the needs that you have. It is time consuming but those that are serious will act in a respectable manner I would like to think. We will always be plauged by the few that make mistakes or speak or act in an in-proper manner. Chalk it up to experience and start looking again with a new found goal of finding someone to play with.

Master Six

< Message edited by SirSix72 -- 11/16/2005 8:10:56 AM >

_____________________________

I wish you well

(in reply to FTMaster)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 8:26:39 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I have always said, at the end of the day, when the latex meets the road and the whips are hung away, there is still basic human interaction and humans are imperfect beings---as My fellow CMsiters have said here--take a deep breath, rethink your approach, state your profile clearly and have patience---I think this may have been suggested already, but if you are seeking scenes or play sessions only, you might narrow your scope to your locale, state or bistate area---but we all have stories of trollers, fakes, wannabes, pretenders, but then that's life isnt it? And I can assure you, if a sub asked Me from a mentoring perspective--should I play the same day I meet someone, My answer would be a resounding no, as it breaks the S in SSC---you may be a really good guy, but there are 20 who aren't---patience is indeed in this life a virtue---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to MasterRobert1)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 8:58:23 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: happypervert

quote:

If the submissive didn't care for me, THEN SHE SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID SO!

Have you considered the possibility that a submissive may not be able to "just say so", or may avoid confrontation by agreeing to meet and then ignore you later? Perhaps she just found you to be a superficial pig and simply agreed to meet make her escape. That doesn't make her a fake or a game player -- just makes her a little bit picky about whom she spends time with.


I think she probably thought he was arrogant and not worth the time, and fed his ego only to blow him off and maybe make him think about his approach.

Maybe his ego and over confidence made her *afraid* to tell him "I'm not into you" because -- after all -- there are some weirdos on the net. Maybe she thought he would blow a fuse and say "Why NOT!? Why wouldn't you want to submit to me!? What is your PROBLEM? Don't you see what you are missing?"

Maybe she felt safer just disappearing.

Regardless -- she didn't want to see the guy again.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 40
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