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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 8:58:41 AM

FTMaster

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< Message edited by FTMaster -- 11/16/2005 8:33:21 PM >

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Post #: 41

RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 9:09:42 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
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quote:

the BS I was put through. She wasn't HONEST with me!

Most of us have had this experience. Some people are cowards and can't/won't confront things. Let it go.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 10:08:02 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
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Greetings FT

If it was me, of course I would have said that meeting later wasn't going to happen.
However, something to consider is that she may have felt unable to let you down. There are some very bold submissives, but equally, there are some submissives who just don't feel able to say no to a dominant, no matter if you had been the nicest, gentlest man in town.

Thing is, she didn't tell you and now its over. I can see that its the not telling that upset you. But truth is, people aren't always honest so BDSM isn't going to be any different.
All to be suggested is you forget, live and move on.

Something I would suggest, You said you have been on the site 2 months and had half a dozen similar episodes. Working out how long it takes to meet someone localish and arrange a date, thats an awful lot of people in a short space of time. You may find that the rush is causing you bad choices? Deep breath and slowly... or maybe try a swingers site or just pick a local club if its just a one night spank you want? I have been online here for over a year and the people I am meeting and will meet are few. OK, so I am not looking for more than friends, but Demon and I simply take our time, even with friendship.

Peace and Rapture

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 11:10:45 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: FTMaster

Well, she showed up (a very plain looking woman, not ugly, but not even close to a head turner), so I thought....hmmmm....ok this one may be serious. We had a nice lunch, I payed for lunch....no biggie the restaurant sucked, she picked it, so it was cheap...anyway....we decided that we would get together in the evening for our first session. I was to call her "cell phone"...I think it was just voice mail...at 7:00pm to confirm that she was coming to the hotel I am staying at.

I called her multiple times and always got the answering service. I then sent her messages on Yahoo Messenger and on collarme.com and asked her to let me know what happened, and why she had to cancel our plans. Talk about rude and crude and awful. I am sitting in the hotel, having been completely duped by this human piece of crap, and she doesn't even have the curtesy to send a message to say something to the effect of "sorry...couldn't make it....not interested anymore....etc...."

She just wasn't into you.

You are so into judging her-- yet she didn't find you good enough. This bothers you a lot apparently. It's not game playing -- she just didn't find herself attracted to you. Maybe you aren't "all that."

Akasha

Yes, the OP is judging but I'd say this woman he met was rude.

If she wasn't into him, she should not have 1) made plans for later that evening and 2) called and told him she changed her mind. This doesn't have anything to do with BDSM roles just common politeness.

I, personally, never ever even consider scening with someone when I first meet them in real life. I think having that as an option may create pressures on that first meeting that frankly don't need to be there.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 11:20:00 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
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There is never any excuse for rudeness in my opinion.

Being Submissive doesnt mean you are weak, so why not say " this is just not what Im looking for" and walk away as a strong individual who chooses to submit.

I do not however agree that this person was a piece of crap, as a dominant I think we more than ever need to remember that just because she was rude doesnt mean we should be. I feel we are supposed to be about honor and to not perpetuate negative behaviour just because someone else does.

Just my opinion, for what its worth

Miss Harlet

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 11:26:52 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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i did not mean to exuse her behavior, mearly to explain it, as i have ended up in the same situation myself, i have Aspergers syndrome and sosial things are often dificult for me, and yes both she and me should ahve been brave enough to say what we meant, but that curage falter do not make us worthless pepole, it makes us pepole that have made a mistake, and everyone makes mistakes, if not i this erea, then in another.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 12:20:31 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

I bought lunches, dinners, hotel rooms. But generally, I had a different attitude than you. I had FUN during the process. I went into the meeting with the idea that I wouldn't find my "one" but would maybe find a friend, see a different part of CA, discover a new restaurant or bar or club. I got to play with a few, and as far as I know, never had anyone I met feel I insulted them or did them wrong. If we just weren't compatible I said so. If they didn't show up, I never sent another email or called wondering what happened. Why bother? Would anything said between you change anything?

Sounds like a very healthy outlook to have! Definitely no bitching, moaning or complaining about how you paid for a date, how she wasn't model material, and how everything she did/said was average or crappy.

Dear FTMaster, I for one definitely agree that a little kindness and a little courtesy would go a long way in improving each and all of us, and the state of the world. My disapproval was in your delivery which I understand was done in anger, but I bet you will find a better way to express your disappointement in the future...
Those who've been doing this a lot longer will tell you that fakes and liars are not limited to online encounters. People who are dishonorable are everywhere, and some of them do their preying off the computer.
Wish you better luck next time, and hopefully you can get a better sense of common views/ethics/needs/desires before meeting and planning play next time. M

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 12:25:06 PM

candystripper

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

I have at least a half dozen other episodes similar to this one, and I have only been a member for two months.

Damn I am tired of the BS and most likely giving up on "BDSM"...it is just not worth it...

FTMaster

i have Dom and Master friends who are searching, and have had similiar experiences. Before investing time and money in arranging a first meeting/session, You might want to sit in the hotel lobby, to see whether she shows up. You might also offer her a graceful "out" during lunch, in case she's nervous and cannot face saying anything. i find it hard to believe that EVERY woman You've contacted has been a fake, but i know Men experience disappointment just as women do, and searching online is sometimes hard.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/16/2005 2:22:19 PM >

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 12:29:04 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

She should have been adult enough (she is in her 30's, she isn't a sullen college girl) to advise me of that....even later in an e-mail. Interestingly enough, she STILL hasn't contacted me with any kind of apology or explanation.

We agree that making plans and neither showing up or calling to cancel is a spineless asshole move. We're just saying sort through and get a better feel for whom you're dealing with next time.
Is casual play allowed, I would think so... To me anything and everything is allowed between capable consenting adults... But I do wonder if most women like to just meet a hotels and play, or whether they'd still like to meet for dinner/drinks, sit and talk, and than get down? This is simply me wondering now, because I couldn't just meet and do the deed (unless it were with someone who already had me going because he was hot and a great humanitarian, lol). M

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 12:34:33 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wipmebeetme100:
The point i was trying to make is that you said you have had similiar experiences at least half a dozen times. Looking at your profile you have been a member approximately 1 month. Were it me....i am going to start questioning myself...."Could it be something that i am doing?"

This is a good point. Your date is not here to defend herself and this is of course only one side of the story so I won't comment on her. The reality is all I can change is myself. And if I were having this happen to me so often in such a short period of time I would be trying to figure out what approach might work better. And maybe ask the board for advice on that.

As an aside, this has not happened to me. But I'm not into casual so my dance steps are different.

sunshine

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 12:46:13 PM

swtnsparkling

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Excellently put ! LadyH

i don't wish to throw the OP off. but if i may interrupt a moment - please welcome Ladyharlet to the boards. She is my dearest friend, former Domme, and very very Real!
Thank You all.

Now back to our regular scheduling opinions

A simple email- 10 seconds- i do not wish to meet later would of been enough IMO.
short-easy- and at least good manners

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:01:14 PM

angaothsi

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Master IronBear,
LOL you know what Sir, i am really starting to like you, i can't say i always agree with you, but i am really starting to like you.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:14:39 PM

angaothsi

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We really only have his word of the way things went, perhaps *PERHAPS* and I am not saying this is the case, something in his demenor or mannerisums in someway frightened her and the easiest way for her was to agree to anything to get away, should or could she have sent an IM or some sort of message, yes she should have. But then maybe it was a case of she found him to be rude and not worthy of that consideration.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:18:29 PM

Kyami

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
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While I agree that manners are important, it's also important to know that sometimes fear acts on its own. Maybe she just got downright terrified?

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:28:46 PM

MstrHellsFury

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if you don't mind my little 2 cents worth here...if you presented yourself to her as you have to me...well no wonder she ran for the hills...what I see...(and this is just my opinion)...is a needy...quick to please..(dinner and the check...no question as to her paying at least her share)...dreamy eyed man whating to be her Dom...well since you've already had dinner...how about some cheese with your whine....now if you'd really like to be a dominant person...check the attitude at the door and show the power in just your presence...

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:44:52 PM

FTMaster

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< Message edited by FTMaster -- 11/17/2005 6:09:57 AM >

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:48:48 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
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i'm sorry for your experience.
But i have to say that while i've made few reallife connections thru this or other alt lifestyle site, the ones that i have met in person have turned out to be wonderful men/Doms.
Both are exactly what they profess to be, in every way, and i am continuing to get to know them both, as i seek the right Dom for me.
I hope my good fortune continues, and that i am able to meet other good Doms/Masters from these sites.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:49:48 PM

ErosPsyche

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FTMaster

I must say, I much more appreciative of the responses and comments I am seeing concerning my posts about the rude and irresponsible behaviour of a submissive I interacted with the other day.

Oh, I bet you are.

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 2:50:35 PM

justatoy2

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just because someone does something that is wrong doesn't make them a fake, or a wannabe. I think we all agree that the way this girl handled it was wrong. She should have contacted you and said she couldn't make it..but she didn't. Does that make her a vile piece of crap? No it makes her human. She did it for whatever reason. I am not excusing her behaviour in my earlier post, but just to try to offer a reason. Now how you choose to handle your response to that is the only thing you do have control over. To make a blanket statement that all submissives here are fakes is insulting. Because of what a few do, you are going to dismiss the rest? Thats totally illogical. I do wish you luck in your searching and yes there are some that only want "play" but then what do you offer them?

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RE: Fakers and game players - 11/16/2005 3:05:45 PM

FTMaster

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Ok, point taken on me calling her a fake and a liar. Would dishonest be a better description? It is a somewhat softer description. Since she just disappeared completely and refuses to even read my inquiry as to why she didn't show, after weeks of correspondence with nternet chat, phone conversations, exchanged messages on many different forums, then a lunch meeting that seemed to go well, what am I to think? She is just a dishonest person. If she was scared, what is so tough about sending me an e-mail saying..."Sorry about last night...I just couldn't go through with it..."

I am not saying that all of the people on here are fakes. In fact, those of you who are participating in this particular thread are probably the most genuine of all. Those looking for jerk off material surely won't find it in this thread....at least I don't think they would....hmmmm....one never knows.....what turns another on...

FTMaster

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