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subtlebutterfly -> What a woman needs (7/27/2008 5:55:23 AM)
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I bumped into this post by someone on another site and it made me wonder if you agree with this, disagree with this, what you think of this and if you agree with this what would you like to add?[:)]
"Freedom
I would love to hear what other people think about what women need. There is a huge mountain of nonsense out there about what women allegedly want (a man with a list of certain attributes, usually). But what is it that a woman needs to become a mature, fulfilled woman - independent of family, partners and children? I ask that particular question not with any feminist intent, but to try and get to the very heart of this issue. After all, there have been, and will be, many mature, fulfilled women who never raised a family.
And before you stop reading because you have no interest in "mature" women, bear with me for just one more paragraph. Our culture is obsessed with youth and there is little value placed on maturity, especially in women. So let me rephrase - this is not about "mature" women, it is about how to become everything you've ever dreamed possible; how to love to beyond love, how to triumph over fear and hurt, how to feel truly free; how to be the greatest daughter friend, lover, wife, mother, creator, discoverer, pioneer, leader; how have to the happiest and most joyful life you could dream of. That is the meaning of maturity in women, not what the media would have you believe. Being young in years is no barrier to maturity for women, and it is well known that most females mature much earlier than most males.
What, then, might be the path to wisdom and maturity for women? Here are a few of my thoughts, although I'm not certain how true they ring for actual women. I'm very willing to admit I am absolutely wrong on this topic! :P Apologies in advance.
~//~
1. The Discovery of Innermost Strength, The Birth of Courage
If there is one hallmark of a fully grown woman, it is her strength. It, without a doubt, a particularly feminine strength; unconquerable but not conquering; as strong as steel but never rigid. It radiates - people know a strong woman when they meet one - but it does not dominate, it welcomes.
From what I can tell, there is no set path to this strength. In some ways it is the natural birthright of girls that have been raised well; for others it seems that the trials of life as a young woman are enough to instill it. Ultimately, I suspect it is a matter of coming to believe in yourself - that you, your most tightly held self, will be fine, no matter what. That none of the brutality of the world can touch your inner core, that fronting up to your deepest anxieties, being hurt by them and surviving - that is trial one must go through to gain access to the strength that is the core of true femininity, although it is trial that almost nobody will ever fail. It is the understanding that everything will work out, no matter what. It is the death of fear's previously iron grip upon you.
Without this knowledge, a woman can be destined to remain needy, dependent and fearful. It can cost her fulfilment of whatever role she wishes to play in life.
2. It is finding the eye of the storm.
Thanks to the cycle of hormones that exist in a woman, there is an unavoidable lesson to be had. And this is that life, and the universe is not controllable, that one is wrenched off balance, beset by problems that range from the inconvenient to the incapacitating; the world can change, and that no matter how much one wants, reasserting your normal self is not possible.
Whilst this is frequently more of a bloody inconvenience than a profound existential experience, it gives women insight that men lack initially - we are not in control of life, and that life's flows are not for fighting. The flip-side of this is learning to find your feet again. Matured women are grounded, centred. They have learned first to accept the storm... and then find their way to stand tall, beacons of safety in the eye of hurricane.
I can not say how to get there. But it seems to me that grounding comes from deep connection and understanding - to the natural world, to the people whom matter to a woman, to her family. To truly understand the value of the fundamental stuff of life is to become a woman not ruled by superficialities, appearance, weight, pointless trivialities and gossip. (Which is not to say that one doesn't enjoy indulging such things, just that their place is understood).
3. Understanding That the Order of Things is Inwards Out
If the masculine is about purpose that must stand alone at times, then the feminine is about connectedness. What matters here is realising that our ties to the world should not invade into ourselves, but that focus begins within and then spreads out.
It all starts from our purest core, and only then flows outward, seeking others.
This is the root of the nurturing and loving qualities that people have traditionally and mistakenly called the hallmarks of femininity. But it is really about the way that one connects to the world. Women who believe the world connects into them, presses against their boundaries have a need to try to control it - they manipulate, they connive, they scheme, they b*tch, they can not find tolerance and patience.
But the matured women connects from the inside, outwards. She starts with the love and strength that is in the core of life, and from there connects to the world. There is no need for bad behaviour. Instead she is a source of strength and love to family, friends and completely strangers - not by providing and tending to them, but simply from within herself.
4. The Phases of Fertility.
No woman is defined by her capacity (or lack of it) to be a mother alone, but it remains an indelible biological fact of womanhood, regardless of culture, and is burned deep into all life.
Whether or not a woman is remotely interested in bearing children does not change the fact that there is an in-built program designed around this. In the modern, emancipated world, the equivalent of men fulfilling their masculine archetypes is for a woman to reconcile the various stages of mating behaviour with her own wants, desires and values as a person. To realise the gap between fantasy, expectation, reality, values, beliefs and ones own life, and bring these into harmony.
The key is not to find a mate, be fertile and conceive, then raise and rear a family.
The key is to find harmony between those broad phases and what the person who is also a woman seeks. Knowing and being comfortable with one's position in relation to this brings integrity, harmony and balance to a woman's life. Otherwise there is anxiety over boyfriends, husbands and biological clocks. And as with the male archetypes, how adequately a woman feels she fulfils any of these roles is vital to her sense of self-esteem and her maturity.
Girly girls: Some Thoughts on the Unhelpful Contraption That is Traditional "femininity".
I do not believe that traditional "girliness" is at all related to the true core of femininity. One can have none of that behaviour, and be possessed of pure feminine strength, grounding and wisdom. I do not mean to disparage "girliness" - it is as delightful and enlivening a part of culture as the traditional "manly" activities. Neither of these are barriers to maturity, nor do they ever need to be put aside - they are the province of the mature as much as the immature. But just like allegedly grown men who are fixated on sport, beer and p0rn at the expense of life's more vital things, women without access to the proper meaning of womanhood are also bound to unhappiness and a lack of fulfilment.
I think that these notions that femininity is about loving, caring, understanding, softness, gentleness and so forth are horribly destructive and limiting. And the perpetuation of these notions is very damaging to men, women and society alike.
Strength, connectedness, centredness, the wisdom of womanhood - this is the real essence of femininity. Claiming it will set you free; loving it will raise up each and every one of us."
http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=38551
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