What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme, Sub, Slave or Swithch?

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme, Sub, Slave or Swithch?

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What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme, Su... - 7/27/2008 6:36:52 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

If you are on CM to find a partner, Dom, Domme, Sub, Slave, Switch or whatever:
What is it about someone's profile page that causes you to contact them.
Is it the picture? The headline?
Do you read their profile introduction? Look at their picture? Do you read everything both interests and limits? Do you read their profile to see if the person would provide the right "kink"? Do you read their journal and what about if they post on the forums?
What is the most important to you. Picture, writings, interest or how they respond to you in your first email.
What turns you on: Just their attitude and sexual/kink interests? Do you get a feel from their profile page?
Are you attracted to the whole person or are you just interested in a couple of things in the profile? ... do you read all about them and try to understand them before you contact them first or do you go with first quick impression?

I'm interested in what makes you contact someone else in this lifestyle?

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

Post #: 1

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 6:50:02 PM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

Not the picture as I often contact those without a picture. I read the profile, journal and forum posts. I don't pay a lot of attention to their kinks, except if the person is interested in poly or wants a bi sub, because I pretty much think that if you get along as people first, the kink will (most of the time) take care of itself.

Although I tend to read as much as I can about the person I am interested in, I usually go with the quick first impression. LOL! It doesn't always work tho.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 2

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 6:58:04 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

i dont contact anyone anymore...little point to it in my position.

i view profiles from users on the forums though..many of those users that i view from the forums contact me first.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to simpleplan2)

Post #: 3

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 6:59:39 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Basically if she's female and owns a vagina, 99% of the males will contact her.

And the oher 1% sent undeliverable mail because they misspelled her screen name.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I'm interested in what makes you contact someone else in this lifestyle?

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 4

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:16:27 PM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

I have contacted people based on a pic, a tagline and interesting profile or even an interesting journal.

Sir contacted me bcause he liked my pic profile and journal

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 5

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:26:38 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Truthfully, what catches My eye more than anything else is the content of a person's forum posts. That will lead Me to contact a person much more often than what it in their profile. For Me, there has to be something that leads Me to a person's profile in the first place. I don't spend a lot of time on the other side of CM without a reason to check someone out.

And, faery, you're full of it.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/27/2008 7:27:46 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 6

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:32:38 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

Nowadays I contact only people that have interests in common with me. I try to read boards postings, but a lot of people don't have them.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:33:39 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

And, faery, you're full of it.

not so. if i contact someone from the forum its usually in a joking manner. has nothing to do with the profile. often times its about a post they made.

the question was asked if we are on here to find a partner. most people on here are in the usa or overseas. many of them are straight and want sex in the relationship. the few here in canada are gay men or already partnered with someone. thus no need for me to contact in regards of being a partner.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:37:04 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

I look at everything. Most of the people that I contact first are people from the forums, and I'm writing to comment on one of their posts -- so there are worse things than to be articulate and active here (and be able to state your case in a way that is compelling -- so whether we agree or not, it draws my response.)

As far as the profiles, yes, I look at the pictures. However, what is more important to me is the profile description, the blog (if they blog), and especially the interests list. I look for a couple of things in particular. Because I have fetishes that are not common, I look to make sure that my preferences are not on the "hates" or "dislikes" or "hard limits" lists. Then I look to see if they are anywhere on the "interested" sections (Lives for, loves, likes, curious about).

If they've contacted me, most of the time I'll answer. Many times, though, if they clearly haven't read my profile, or there is nothing on their list of interests (or especially if they have one of my key fetishes in their "hates" or "dislikes" list), I write back with a strong recommendation that they at least read before spamming the Mistresses.

I don't routinely block "one liners". Sometimes, they really just don't know what to say, so if they're nice and polite (just generally polite, not necessarily "Mistress" "Ma'am", etc.) I've started a couple of nice conversations with some 'one liners' who share some of my interests, or who I think might be a good fit for my Darling.

If someone posts me and is clearly a 'wanker', most of the time I sort of 'forget' he posted me. Sometimes I forget to respond to posts of people that I'm interested in -- like, I know I wanted to respond, but I don't have time to write the post I want, so I put it on 'hold'... and then a slew of mail comes in and their note moves down so far that I forget to post back... but I try not to let that happen too often.

In general, the online stuff is a 'teaser'. I like meeting sooner rather than later. Sometimes circumstances intervene, but in general, a month or so is a long time to wait for that first meeting, for us, so when we're approached online, we look in the profile (all of it) for a fit that would incline us to meet sooner rather than later.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 9

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:42:45 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW
In general, the online stuff is a 'teaser'. I like meeting sooner rather than later. Sometimes circumstances intervene, but in general, a month or so is a long time to wait for that first meeting,

I strongly agree.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 10

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:43:04 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

No one thing is "most important". A lot of things have to line up, and any one being off could blow the whole thing.

- physical attraction (photo is helpful here, physical description can suffice temporarily)
- well-written profile and/or forum posts that show some intelligence and reasonableness, as well as a sense of humor
- compatible attitude/orientation
- compatible interests
- location, location, location (a constraint in the short-term , but not long-term)

After contact, there are two additional factors:
- my perceptions of the chemistry between us
- her excellent taste in partners (meaning she likes me!)

As you might imagine, I don't directly contact many women on CM. Even when everything looks great, I usually don't contact them unless I'm confident that I'll really be able to devote the time and effort to follow up. Unfortunately, work and other life events make those times seem few and far between these days.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 7/27/2008 8:07:06 PM >

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 11

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:49:04 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
Basically if she's female and owns a vagina, 99% of the males will contact her.

I'm going to give one percent of the men the benifit of the doubt. I know there are a few good men out there (I'd like to think I'm one of them, but I could be full of shit)

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Post #: 12

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 7:49:33 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

I do enjoy reading profiles, in fact I love reading profiles.
Collar Me is my online free BDSM magazine for me in that regard.

I don't "pick" anyone based on a profile, it takes a lot more for me to "pick" someone.

I do see many attractive pictures, but I am seeking so much more than that.

I tend to NOT be attracted to "submissive's" {really bottoms},
that I consider "Do me's" with a list
of what they want done to them in their profile.

Usually, the profiles that I give a second glance to, show me a side other than sex,
BDSM, and fetish activities.
The type of profile that makes me look twice, are witty, interesting, maybe funny, and
give me a "glimpse" of a real person, with a rich and balanced life.
The mere fact that they are on Collar Me is enough for me to realize they are interested in kink.
I always figure that is a "given".

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/27/2008 8:33:00 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 13

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 8:21:58 PM

awakenednj

Posts: 657
Joined: 2/10/2008
Status: offline

He was, maybe, the third person I actually met from the site. There were a LOT of messages I just passed over as trolls. The first I met sounded normal at first than when we met the first time told me all about his poly family (his actual mother and father) that I would be expected to immediately to begin serving. Don't know if I was outta the driveway of Starbucks before the dust settled on the chair I'd been in... but that was certainly way too much for me! The second I think was a really great guy... but something just wasn't right. Both of them had very interesting and well written profiles and that turned out to mean squat.

Than Master. His profile was all but blank. He contacted me and we chatted a bit. Thought he was interesting.. at first it was just a couple of things he said that showed thought. Made me interested enough to meet him. He held his hand close to mine. Not exactly out, but near mine. Than stood next to me and talked. I knew exactly what he wanted.. for me to take it. After about a minute I did. Couldn't even help myself. Why him? he was compelling, gentle, and showed that he would guide me, not force me, to his will. I spook pretty easy, so that meant a lot. At first i just wanted to see where it would go. Now I'm so glad I took his hand :)

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 14

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 8:22:48 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

I do look at pictures (when available). I'm a man and so I am visual (

)
But, I spend a lot of time looking at profiles, journals and forum posts. I'm believe that a person does reveal themselves through their words. I'm one of those who believes that words are a reflection on a person. They show their intellect and their personality.

In the real "old" west, book learning was respected. There was many a cowboy who rode with some special words stashed in his saddlebags. I'm of the same feeling about a person's words. I do believe they show a lot about a person. In todays instant gratification age, too many people don't take the time to explore other's thoughts and ideas. We look for shortcuts. I'm past that. I want the richness of a person's thoughts and feelings. In turn, I'm willing to share mine.

Wow, a lot of stuff for an old barbarian to say.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 15

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 8:38:36 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

I do look at pictures (when available). I'm a man and so I am visual ( )
But, I spend a lot of time looking at profiles, journals and forum posts. I'm believe that a person does reveal themselves through their words. I'm one of those who believes that words are a reflection on a person. They show their intellect and their personality.

In the real "old" west, book learning was respected. There was many a cowboy who rode with some special words stashed in his saddlebags. I'm of the same feeling about a person's words. I do believe they show a lot about a person. In todays instant gratification age, too many people don't take the time to explore other's thoughts and ideas. We look for shortcuts. I'm past that. I want the richness of a person's thoughts and feelings. In turn, I'm willing to share mine.

Wow, a lot of stuff for an old barbarian to say.

Years ago...before the computer...people had pen-pals, and many fell in love based
on long letters and similar types of courtships.
Really, Mich if you have been around the block for a few years, and have common sense, you
can tell a lot about someone through what they write {say} and don't write {say}, I think
many people enjoy being mislead.
If your eyes are open, you will normally SEE.
Words and actions/ really DO mean a lot.

You, Mich seem to have a big heart, I think you are a softy!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 16

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 8:46:50 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

You, Mich seem to have a big heart, I think you are a softy!

Damn it, I thought I was a "twue" dom

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 17

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 8:53:10 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidMichCowboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

You, Mich seem to have a big heart, I think you are a softy!

Damn it, I thought I was a "twue" dom

.......listen many of us think that the BEST Dominants around have some of the biggest hearts.....

Many of us really do not want to spend the rest of our lives, living with a mean, evil, cruel person.
A few do, but not that many.

You can be a twisted and sadistic bastard and still have a big heart.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/27/2008 9:01:20 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 18

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 9:02:49 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

MzMia, I think you have him pegged!

I don't spend a lot of time reading profiles, I would rather get to know people through their posts. I do look at pictures, of course, and I will not meet someone until I have seen one, but I am more attracted to a person's intellect than anything else. A beautiful package without a good mind just doesn't interest me.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 19

RE: What causes you to pick "that" Dom, Domme... - 7/27/2008 9:10:22 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

You, Mich seem to have a big heart, I think you are a softy!

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

MzMia, I think you have him pegged!

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you

Ladies, I think you need to be "ravished" (when intellectual debate fails, turn it over to the barbarian)

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 20

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