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How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 10:05:56 AM   
MissSweet


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		I have been topping my husband for about a year now. He is obedient most of the time, but does need to be corrected from time to time. My question is what are some non standard punishments/humiliations (other than spanking, CBT, bondage) that will leave a lasting impression in his mind. Normal punishments work for a while, but I think I need to find some more intense punishments that do nont need to be repeated as often.

Thanks
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 10:12:57 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Well, the one that worked best for me was to forbid me from eating sugar for a week.

I've heared that taking away hot water (in any form) for a specified time works very well too. I know from this hair-dye experience that cold showers suck.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 10:48:17 AM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
Discipline and punishment are often confused. What is the purpose of making him suffer?

My policy: Never punish if a sincere attempt is made. In that case, corrective actions, not punishments, are warranted. Also, if a sincere attempt is made, I endorse using rewards to shape progressively closer paths to success. It may just be that the sub needs more practice to get the behavior correct.

I would only punish as a last resort -- in the event the sub was overtly disobedient by intentionally not attempting to do whatever it was that was assigned.

Can you give us examples of problems you're trying to solve? Also, what activities does your husband dislike? I'm NOT referring to activities that he defines as hard limits; rather what does he view as a soft limit or something he simply dislikes, but which isn't a limit?

Also, depending on what he views as enjoyable, the behavior can be withheld -- up to and including loss of your attention. For example, if there's a special time where you share coffee or tea each morning, he can be told to bring your cuppa Joe, and then go drink his alone in another room of your choice. If you sleep together in the buff, he could be forced to wear clothing or pajamas to bed, or (if it's not too drafty) sleep on the floor, rather than in the bed with you. If he doesn't enjoy chastity, there are endless tease/taunt/no orgasm options. To let the sub grasp why intentionally blowing off a task or not taking it seriously is inappropriate, I'm a huge advocate of assigning essays where he analyzes why his actions let me down.

The severity and motivation behind the transgression would shape the consequences. Corporal punishment is not always a "punishment," especially when dealing with a pain slut. In such circumstances, care must be taken to not unintentionally reinforce behaviors that don't suit your needs.

Keep in mind that when corrective discipline (e.g., an essay) or punishment (hard hairbrush spanking for someone who's not a pain slut) is necessary, the dominant becomes a victim of actions that are analogous to friendly fire. For example, if there’s a loss of a special shared moment, the dominant loses that special time, too.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 11:37:11 AM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Well i could surly think up some painful things in my sick little mind, but i thik that perhaps non coporal punishments might work better. Here is some sugestions:

Make him sell his beloved stamp colection, magazine colection (or whatever he may have.) and use the money on you to say he is sorry.

Dont speak whit him for a week.

Make him eat only the things he hates for a week.

Sit him down and tell him that you are disapointed and sad that he had not done as you wish.

Try a reward for good behavior system instead of punishment ofr bad and see if that works better.

(in reply to TiNeedsHouseboy)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 12:32:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Why are you consistently punishing? Disobedience is supposed to decrease over time, not stabilize or increase. If you aren't getting to the source of the problem, then you're just repeating the cycle of attention.

Frankly I'd make him sit and read every single thread on people complaining about emails.

(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 1:09:15 PM   
dommemagnet


Posts: 134
Joined: 10/6/2004
Status: offline 		Or better yet, make him read all the threads concerning fakes and phonies, then work through all the complaints about money Dommes. If that doesn't correct his behavior nothing will, consider a lobotomy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 2:26:54 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Why are you consistently punishing? Disobedience is supposed to decrease over time, not stabilize or increase. If you aren't getting to the source of the problem, then you're just repeating the cycle of attention.


I agree with LuckyA. I'd also add that we are all adults here and so we need to promote the idea of self-discipline.

I prefer using things like "time outs" where we can both diffuse and talk about it rather then "punishing". If I was with a boy that I had to punish, it wouldn't last very long. I prefer bi-directional communication rather then lecturing. My boy knows that I have the last word, but not until I've heard his.

The other thing that I believe to be true is that you'll be much more successful in encouraging the behaviour that you want then to punish. It also avoids a lot of drama. Attention is attention. Would you rather be giving positive or negative attention?

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 4:47:33 PM   
MissSweet


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the advise so far. I should have been more clear. I have a good grasp on all the concepts, discipline vs punishment, my role as a top and his a bottom. I just have trouble comming up with new ideas. I got him a chasity device a few months ago and that has been very effective( he was always playing with himself) I am looking for other ideas/experiences that are a good way to push him as a sub and really show him that I have the control.

(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 5:31:42 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

LuckyAlbatross
Frankly I'd make him sit and read every single thread on people complaining about emails.


Now that is cruel!!

I love it

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MstrssPassion


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 5:37:57 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		MissSweet
quote:

I just have trouble comming up with new ideas.


New ideas.... hmmm

Consistency is always the best policy.

The most severe punishment some submissives may ever endure would be a time-out. Place them on a real time ignore. If this sub likes having time to himself, then of course, this wouldn't be very effective. He might just act up so that he would have some free time. A lot like grounding kids to their room when they have a stereo, tv, phone... pointless. If he cherishes his time with you & it would crush him to not have you for a specified period of time... that would get his attention.

Maybe expressing to him that by his failure that you in effect have failed. Often when a submissive is aware that their dominant is upset with their failing, it tears their heart out.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/16/2005 5:48:03 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		You could always make him sit at the computer and type out 100 lines of "I promise to serve you better next time", and have him make each letter a different color, so he can't cut and paste.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to MissSweet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/18/2005 2:11:34 PM   
Greatcornbow


Posts: 46
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		On a puter there's a particular program called FOW (Fond Of Writing) which I can send yoeu the details if you're interested. Basically it requires subbie to do repetitive typing (there are all sorts of ooptions here like typing backewars and adding distractions and penalties for mistakes etc) and will then generate and send you a report. You can put him in chastity, give him a heavy task and he gets no release till its done. Or you can do the same with household/other duties.

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/18/2005 3:57:55 PM   
BlueAngelSub


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline 		make him wear an adult diaper going out to dinner, ask if there's a bib because he gets messy and don't let him talk, and if he need to urinate so be it.

(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/18/2005 4:54:32 PM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		If humiliation is needed instead maybe have your husband dress in your clothes both undewear and outer to do the house work.
Only if they fit LOL.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to MissSweet)
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RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/18/2005 8:12:20 PM   
RealmOfSenses


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		Buy the latest Ashlee SImpson CD and strap headphones to his head and make sure it's electricity powered so the batteries don't run out and lock him in a dark room for 4 hours.

(in reply to MissDiandSirHugh)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/18/2005 9:07:35 PM   
vital99


Posts: 10
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		From a submissive some suggestions.
He has to sit everytime he goes to the toilet, wearing panties and pantyhose, and after asking permission to go to the toilet, has to pull them both down to his ankles each time he goes. Washing and ironing your panties, lingere and hoisery is a another good punishmnet. For more extreme punishment, wearing a bra, or even a corset, and having to go out and buy his own panties and pantyhose and bras too.
Being made to wear panties and pantyhose without socks to work for a week or more can be very effective to. For more extreme occassions, make him also wear a skirt around the house to.
Panyhose worn without any panties is effective too, and pantyhose without any other clothing worn all day at home in front of u will work well, specially with shaved legs. STW pantyhsoe are even better.
Other lesser ideas are gaining permission to speak, corner punishment, and having to wait naked for you to arrive and administer a spanking or similar. A ball gag to is very effective and humiliating.
A butt plug worn all day is good to.
Of course, if you don't already have him trained for it, eating you out is great and pleasurable for you too.
One very extreme thing is to make him wear a chastity device around the house completly naked or only wearing Sheer to waist pantyhose over it.
Do you like these ideas??

(in reply to MissSweet)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/23/2005 7:36:30 AM   
TiNeedsHouseboy


Posts: 145
Joined: 4/24/2005
From: Big Apple blossom blown to The Windy City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSweet
I just have trouble comming up with new ideas. <snip> I am looking for other ideas/experiences that are a good way to push him as a sub and really show him that I have the control.

I remain confused about your goals. Your thread theme was to make him suffer, but in retrospect, you misstated that; your actual goal is to push him as a sub to demonstrate your control. Is that correct?

Solutions to your dilemma would become more readily apparent if you pose the question from within its total picture. To that end, IMO you need to frame your question within the following perspectives, primarily addressing the issues of LIFE-style vs. SEX-style:
  • relationship based on TPE (not a viable choice for all BDSM practitioners)
  • limited to bedroom play only
  • structured as vanilla during the work week -- converting it to weekend domination
  • involvement of other couples or dom/mes, if any
  • any cyber aspects (e.g., his job makes him a road warrior)

Etc. How your D/s relationship fits is but one puzzle piece in the complex puzzle of your lives. How that piece fits in shapes your unique training goals.

Once you have a handle on how and where D/s fits into your lives, then you need to compare and contrast what rocks your husband's libidinal world, what he tolerates, and where he draws the line as a hard vs. soft limit. You then must compare and contrast what rocks your world, and what you tolerate, and your hard and soft limits. That may well create a conundrum of information, where you have to figure out happy mediums that shape what you can and can't do to be effective. That's why "one size of BDSM" does not fit all.

Have you both filled out comprehensive questionnaires about BDSM activities? Have you both had extensive discussions about the patterns that emerged from your questionnaires? What trends/conclusions/surprises popped up from that information?

If you don't have an excellent grasp on these critical factors, it's impossible to figure out what melds with your training goals.... and without that information, it's impossible to give you value-added ideas.

~ Ti ~

(in reply to MissSweet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/24/2005 12:06:21 AM   
MsHoney2you


Posts: 42
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSweet

I have been topping my husband for about a year now. He is obedient most of the time, but does need to be corrected from time to time. My question is what are some non standard punishments/humiliations (other than spanking, CBT, bondage) that will leave a lasting impression in his mind. Normal punishments work for a while, but I think I need to find some more intense punishments that do nont need to be repeated as often.

Thanks


Do you have other Dominant friends? Suggest you make arrangements with a friend, define boundaries of allowable play, then tease him with the possibility he may be sent to serve another since he chooses to act out against your wishes. My g/f did this with her S.O. and he was scared to death of me and what I may or may not do to him. His fear of the unknown was much more fun to play with than my actual actions. We all had a great time... well, she and I did that's for sure. He still gets a little nervous when she mentions my name. I find the unknown works wonders with the mind. Good luck and please do not forget to have fun!
Ms Honey

(in reply to MissSweet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/24/2005 2:39:12 PM   
addcted2it


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSweet

I have been topping my husband for about a year now. He is obedient most of the time, but does need to be corrected from time to time. My question is what are some non standard punishments/humiliations (other than spanking, CBT, bondage) that will leave a lasting impression in his mind. Normal punishments work for a while, but I think I need to find some more intense punishments that do nont need to be repeated as often.

Thanks


MissSweet,

Every submissive has their own special buttons which can be pressed, and no two people are alike. Suggestions from others may or may not have the desired effect that you want. Therefore, I would recommend that you try to do some digging into his psyche to find out what it is that he likes and does not like. (I am assuming that you both have a healthy relationship and know each other quite well by now.)

Good luck!




_____________________________

Submission is not an excuse to abuse.
Life is short! Live it to the fullest!

(in reply to MissSweet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: How to make him suffer? - 11/25/2005 8:28:17 PM   
MundaneEgg


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/19/2005
Status: offline 		I find that my Mistress may use coporal punishment when I have disobeyed. The tone of the spanking is quite different and more about pain than any sensuality or build up. Actually She uses a time out / sensory deprivation to punish me or gives me tasks to complete.

To me a Mistress trains Her submissive to please Her. It is my duty to serve Her...and to fail to so makes me sad and has more of an impact than any pain....

(in reply to addcted2it)
Profile   Post #: 20
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