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advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 9:30:27 PM   
jezzabelle19


Posts: 24
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		alright question for the subs with older Dom/mes. im not talking a few years im talking more than 10 years. im 19 and i know that if i brought a Dom home that was in his 30s, 40s or older my friends and family would freak. my question is this how do you handle your friends and family concerns? can you mix your relationship with friends and family or do you just keep the two completely seperate? 
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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 9:37:53 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I am 31, Fox just turned 21. 10 years for us. My family has yet to take us very seriously, but his family did not seem to have much of a problem with it. Everyone knows us as Girlfriend/boyfriend, and aside from the cracks about his affinity for older women, we havent had any real opposition.
I had the same situation with Angel, who was 8 years my junior. We catch a bit of flak from friends, but thats about it. Age differences arent necessarily an issue if you dont flaunt them. If they are seriously concerned, just tell them the man you are with makes you happy. That should be enough for them, friendswise. It is not their place to judge. You're family might put up a bit more of a hassle, but they have to be convinced to get to know someone before they judge them. Fox is coming to meet my parents for this very reason, we are spending 4 days with my family so they can get to know him and see we are serious about one another and that he isnt just a fling I am having with a younger man to amuse myself.
\Overall, if you are happy, they will get over it. They always do.

DV


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(in reply to jezzabelle19)
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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 10:48:27 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		my Master is 20 years older than i am...we'll see how it goes when my family meets him but i'm sure it will all be fine.  if they have a problem with it, it will remain just that, THEIR problem.   when i was younger i worried to death what my family thought about everything, i dont' have time for that anymore.  i have time for my happiness and he is what makes me happy.

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 11:14:03 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		Christine, you rock!
I so hope that things go well for you, you deserve it!!!!!


To the OP...  obviously I am not going to find someone that  much younger for me for quite some time lol...  However one of my girls is 17 years older than me, I dont worry about it, it is more important to be attracted and compatible then to have been born around the same time IMNSHO



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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 11:22:01 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		17?  honey, I'm older than that ;)

*smooch*

lmao!

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 11:46:18 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I do look younger though.. *grin*

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 11:52:18 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		yeah you do :)

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/28/2008 11:58:46 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jezzabelle19

alright question for the subs with older Dom/mes. im not talking a few years im talking more than 10 years. im 19 and i know that if i brought a Dom home that was in his 30s, 40s or older my friends and family would freak. my question is this how do you handle your friends and family concerns? can you mix your relationship with friends and family or do you just keep the two completely seperate? 


I'm 49, she's 24. 

I have no interest in meeting her family.  No interest in being her boyfriend, no interest in being her husband.  I'm her owner.  She can explain her relationship with me in any way she likes to her family, she's a grown woman.  No one is going to say stuff about me I haven't heard before or worse.  She needs to be able to take responsibility for the choices she's making, and live with the impact of them.

It's my job not to make that harder than it needs to be.

(in reply to jezzabelle19)
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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 12:04:40 AM   
khantengri


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sure my parents would find be miffed and/ or concerned if my partner was closer to their age than mine.

Personally I would tell my parents eventually, but probably not until the relationship had lasted for about a year. If it's a short term affair, I don't think it would be worth going to the effort to tell them.

Irregardless, I like to keep my relationship and family relatively separate.

(in reply to jezzabelle19)
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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 2:54:59 AM   
simpleplan2


Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what's been said.  If the two of you are happy, age is irrevelant.  I am sure your family will get over it.

(in reply to jezzabelle19)
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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 4:21:02 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		My favoritist author on gender differences, whose name escapes me because I'm horrible with names says something along these lines:

Regardless of societal pressure, the best match for young women is older men. They are capable of providing financial and emotional support during this young lady's "educational" and "reproductive" years. His sexual knowledge, experience, and stamina will also provide a foil for her physical needs.

The best match for a young man is an older woman. Her higher income will offset his starter's income. Also, he understanding of the world will be educational for him. Young men are more eager to please, and can be better appreciated by a woman who knows what she likes. A younger mans lower stamina is offset by an older woman's knowledge of her body.

Now, before anyone gets the wrong idea, she takes great care to avoid the generalities I just made. I did so only to save time.

Younger women with older men get less societal flack than the inverse (of genders). Still, it's palpable. Just like with any other quirk or aspect of your life, "Fuck em."

If these people would scoff at your 40 year old man (who's better than some druggie teenager with no job) imagine how they would treat you if they knew you loved gags and spankings?

Most will have the good taste to keep their feelings to themselves. If they'd don't, you can either justify your reasons (and you should have reasons to be with anyone) or use the expression "It's interesting that you ask" and change the subject.




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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 5:23:22 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		I have heard many a time that she is young enough to be your daughter. Thats when dating the 50 year old women. When I get down to the 40 year olds Im a dirty old man. They say the 30 year olds will kill me sexauly. The 20 year olds will bring a no fucking way. When Im with twins it will bring a O My God. My fear in all of this is that one day Im going to need viagra.  

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 5:30:26 AM   
housesub4you


Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm 48 and my wife is 29, my Domme is 38.

My wifes family was not to concerned about the age thing, her friends where assholes at first.  Her family only cared that I loved her, as for her friends will she found out who her true friends where and now we are very happy together.

We have been together for about 7 years, 4 married, and life could not be any better.

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 5:38:21 AM   
MySweetSubmssive


Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		When I was 22, I met my future husband.  I told my mother that he was in his 40's -- as it happened, that was a week or two before his 50th birthday.  *chortling*  It was tricky at first with my mother because he was older than she was, but she got to see who he was as a person, and that we really cared for each other.  It was less of an issue with my friends, and became a non-issue very quickly.

Mss

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 9:39:25 AM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		Some will accept it readily, some it will take time, some they never will.  Most in the long run will only care that you are happy.  For those that never come to grips with it, all you can do is let them know that you are an adult, making your own decisions, and that you are responsible for your own happiness, not theirs. As long as it isn't their place, you are welcome to move about the cabin as you see fit.  No reason to avoid anyone for any reason, it is them that have the issue, not you. Can it be a strain? Sure it can, you don't want to lose family and friends.  But that's part of life, sometimes those that we care about don't always agree with our decisions, and you have to decide if what you want is more important than what they want.  I'd rather be firmly grounded in what I want, and not trying to pull off some delicate balancing act trying to gain everyone's approval.  If I'm not welcome at their abode, fine, but I'll always let them know how much they mean to me, and my door is always open to them.

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 9:51:06 AM   
sillyslaveboy


Posts: 169
Joined: 7/28/2008
Status: offline 		So far, the age difference between me my ex-Mistress was 12 years. i had no problem with that although i would certainly get unpleasant mumbling if my family knew anything about it. As for limits, I will give an example: Although i haven't had opportunity to try it yet, i can clearly speak of a stereotype of an older Lady that needs a slave for carrying out all the household work. Strict control, merciless discipline, no sexual contacts or life. So yes, i would like to engage myself in something like that with an 30 or 40 years older Lady.

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)
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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 11:20:04 AM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Age has rarely been a problem for either me or any potential partner. I think it might be more of a problem if one of us was still living with family, but that's been rare. Although not too long ago, I started dating 19-21 year old women (don't know why but it just kept happening), and I'll never forget explaining to a colleague that my girlfriend and I couldn't go to dinner with he and his wife because my girlfriend at the time was grounded. Yeah, that raised a few eyebrows.

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 11:51:36 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

I have no interest in meeting her family. 



That not exactly true Sir .... you expressed a great deal of interest in meeting my sisters ... and in certain lights ... even my mother!

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 12:32:56 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory

I have no interest in meeting her family. 



That not exactly true Sir .... you expressed a great deal of interest in meeting my sisters ... and in certain lights ... even my mother!


True enough.  But does sodomy count as a formal introduction?

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RE: advice about age..... - 7/29/2008 1:24:08 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

my Master is 20 years older than i am...we'll see how it goes when my family meets him but i'm sure it will all be fine. if they have a problem with it, it will remain just that, THEIR problem. when i was younger i worried to death what my family thought about everything, i dont' have time for that anymore. i have time for my happiness and he is what makes me happy.


christine,

A big hoot and hollar for you girl for recognizing the value of an older than I Dominant. Good fortune.

CP

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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