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Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 2:06:55 PM   
liveforchocolate


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Hi everyone. i didn't make an introduction message in the right place. i hope that's ok to just come in here and ask a question.

i have been talking to a few Doms, and some of their wishes confuse me a little. i don't want to out anyone or anything like that. or get too specific with what he wanted. i don't want to cause anyone any embarassment.

One Dom has wants to do things that don't sound Dominant at all. In fact they sound like the kind of things that a submale would want to do. So i amquite confused by this.

i know its vague and i can't expect much wisdom from this - but i hope someone can help a little.

Thanks.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 2:16:57 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		You might want to be more clear about what activities you're talking about...

being dominant is not about certain activities, but rather about having and making the choices about what you do -- among other things

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to liveforchocolate)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 3:06:45 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		Any activity can be dominant or submissive, it's all in the frame of mind.
If mine picks the restaurant because he wants to, that's dominance. If he tells me to pick the restaurant because he doesn't care, that's dominance as well.

(in reply to Madame4a)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 3:43:36 PM   
StrongSpirit


Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline 		I once met a dominant woman that forced her submissive men to whip her. 

People don't always fit into cute little boxes.  We are complex.

If you don't like how a dominant plays, you don't have to do play with them.   But that does not mean they are submissive.

(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 3:45:10 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Top and dominant are not equivalent terms. Neither are masochist and submissives. If we view a taste for sensation play to be equal to a taste for hot sauce on food, then obviously you can see that you can't decide if a person is dominant or not by whether or not he likes five alarm chili.

Beyond that, if you don't like topping, and a lot of us subs don't (including me), then that's fine too. Just tell them you aren't compatible but good luck on their search. If they ask why you decided that, you could say that you don't top but be prepared for them to keep writing, trying to talk you into doing it anyway.

You might want to add a line to your profile saying you don't top ever. No guarantee it would help, but it couldn't hurt.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to mbes)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 6:45:51 PM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good evening!
My former Master made me fill out a list of things I want to do, things I would consider trying(with more info and questions) and absolute no-no's. I found this rather enlightening for me. Made me think about what I would be able to handle. But my Daddy-now-made me re-do my list since I was with him and I can tell you that it changed dramatically. And now I know why. Here comes my pearl of wisdom ::laughs::
  My former Master and I (I felt) did not share the same closeness and trust and intimate connection that Daddy and I have. We finish each other's sentences, we laugh and joke around, it goes beyond D/s. Thus it makes me trust more and open more and some of my hard limits have turned into "Yeah I can try it if Daddy wants it as well." If He does not want that thing/activity..then it is forgotten. But hopefully this is what you mean. It is just what I went thru myself.
              P.S. Country music is still a hrd limit for me-lol-no matter how much I love Him.

Love,
Zechriel
          Daddy/Master Lawrence's Baby Girl 

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 8:24:57 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		one mans trash is anothers treasure...what does it matter unless it makes one or another unhappy?

(in reply to Zechriel)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/29/2008 9:02:09 PM   
HutchGarahl


Posts: 562
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline 		Well..i'm an oddball of sorts...and most Doms would disagree with me...but sometimes...being dom means doing things to please your sub. If you don't have a happy sub, then there's not much to the relationship as far as I am concerned. That doesn't make a person less of a dom...just means they are human.

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 5:00:28 PM   
liveforchocolate


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		It is a thing that would please him not me, at all.

The activity he wants to do is extremely undomly (if that is a word). It is the kind of thing that a submale would do for his Domme i think.

The idea doesn't creep me out or anything like that. But it does not get my sub juices flowing at all. In fact it does just the opposite. But sadly it seems extremely important to him.

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 5:03:55 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Yanno, if you say what it is, I promise not to freak out tooooooo much.  It's true, I've never heard anything about kinky sexual acts before, but I will try to restrain my freakage.

The more precise the question you ask, the better (I hope) the answers you will get.  Don't identify the guy, of course.  You are collecting snonymous information.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to liveforchocolate)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 5:06:22 PM   
smartalex


Posts: 50
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline 		Go back and read the part about it's not any specific action or activity. Being a Dom isn't about strutting his stuff, it's about imposing his will on you. You've just met a Dom who would require something out of your comfort zone. Is he able to exert his will over yours and get you to do it? Sounds like a no. Tell him thanks and move on. 

(in reply to liveforchocolate)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 6:08:10 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Isn't this a brand new relationship -- or pre-relationship?  Figuring out whether something will work is a process of negotiation, not just falling at the Dom's feet (or not).  That might happen, too, but it's not the only thing to take into account.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to smartalex)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 6:15:52 PM   
smartalex


Posts: 50
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline 		You're right, I'm just betting from her reaction (that it isn't Domly, and that no Twuu Dom would ever ask it) that this isn't the guy for her. My take was this wasn't even a pre-relationship, just getting to know someone conversation, maybe even emails here. This is something that's completely outside of her picture of a Dom, whatever it is, but it's important enough to him to bring up now. That said, if he's a great guy, loves long walks on the beach, romantic candlelight dinners and tying her up for hours of sex, and that's what she wants as well, then they could probably make it past this one thing.

Of course, I don't know him or her or what this is, so my comments are complete guesses.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 8:39:05 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Hello!
I love your screen name by the way.
I read your journal, I am guessing it is the #2 activity?
IF that is the case, and he wants it, why not?

IF it is not activity #2 in your journal.....PLEASE
tell us what it is?
We need to know the activity in order to give better advice.  

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/30/2008 8:45:56 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to liveforchocolate)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/30/2008 10:30:15 PM   
CommittedVanDom


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/23/2008
Status: offline 		funny.

< Message edited by CommittedVanDom -- 7/30/2008 10:33:44 PM >

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/31/2008 5:26:03 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liveforchocolate
but i hope someone can help a little.


While it is possible that this guy is a dominant who likes to do things that usually fall on the "subs do that list", it is also possible that he is a "do-me-sub" who has given up on finding a domme and is trying to covertly create his own from a submissive.

The demand for dominant women is incredibly high...the supply incredibly low...it is only natural for submissive men to come up with "creative" ways to get their needs met.

Or, it could just be a dominant guy who likes to do things that submissives like to do as well...

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to liveforchocolate)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/31/2008 6:07:37 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HutchGarahl

Well..i'm an oddball of sorts...and most Doms would disagree with me...but sometimes...being dom means doing things to please your sub. If you don't have a happy sub, then there's not much to the relationship as far as I am concerned. That doesn't make a person less of a dom...just means they are human.


Hurrah!  Nice to know there is at least ONE who is not a "Hear Me Roar" Dom.  Nice to meet'cha Hutch.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to HutchGarahl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/31/2008 8:07:15 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liveforchocolate

Hi everyone. i didn't make an introduction message in the right place. i hope that's ok to just come in here and ask a question.

i have been talking to a few Doms, and some of their wishes confuse me a little. i don't want to out anyone or anything like that. or get too specific with what he wanted. i don't want to cause anyone any embarassment.

One Dom has wants to do things that don't sound Dominant at all. In fact they sound like the kind of things that a submale would want to do. So i amquite confused by this.

i know its vague and i can't expect much wisdom from this - but i hope someone can help a little.

Thanks.


If he wants to be flogged or fucked in the ass with a strap on-that just might be about sensation play.

On the other hand, if he wants you to dress him as a sissy and march him down main street at noon-I'd wonder a bit too.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to liveforchocolate)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/31/2008 8:27:54 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: liveforchocolate
but i hope someone can help a little.


While it is possible that this guy is a dominant who likes to do things that usually fall on the "subs do that list", it is also possible that he is a "do-me-sub" who has given up on finding a domme and is trying to covertly create his own from a submissive.

The demand for dominant women is incredibly high...the supply incredibly low...it is only natural for submissive men to come up with "creative" ways to get their needs met.

Or, it could just be a dominant guy who likes to do things that submissives like to do as well...

Taggard



I've also seen quite a few sub guys playing "bait and switch" games because they won't offer the sort of submission a Domme demands too. So they do tend to gravitate towards those they think might be naive enough to be manipulated into meeting those fetish desires-especially when they are seen as young and gullible.

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 7/31/2008 8:28:27 AM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dominant wishes. - 7/31/2008 9:58:19 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist
So they do tend to gravitate towards those they think might be naive enough to be manipulated into meeting those fetish desires-especially when they are seen as young and gullible.


Yup yup...it is very interesting to observe the Fem Domme/male sub courting process.  My alpha slave is a switch and pro Domme, so I have been able to watch her interactions with the men who pursue her first hand.  The men tend to be much more aggressive in stating their demands than most of the female submissives I have dealt with...they also are much more willing to take the lead in the courtship, even when they are supposed to be the ones following.  On top of that, they are soooo much less likely to actually show up for first time meetings than submissive women, at least in my experience.

Basically, men are crap and I have no idea how you ladies put up with us...

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 20
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